Chapter 46
chapter
forty-six
If it were just the pain or the desire, I could manage them.
If it were just the daze or the fear, I’d find a way to fight through both.
But all four at once prove the exact recipe for my undoing.
Maybe I should have known this was inevitable.
The face of some other alpha—one with glasses and concerned expression—flashes to mind. Did he warn me about this? Why didn’t I listen?
Now, I’m barreling toward the omega who has my entire world on a string . Or maybe she is my entire world, the one thing tying me to existence.
It feels that way, right now, when every thought and instinct and need begins and ends with her .
I stagger forward, fighting myself on every step. I’m in a rut, but I’m more aware than I ever have been while in this haze before. Probably from those shots I take.
What do those do, again? Weren’t they supposed to help this somehow?
I suppose the fact that I can think at all is a help.
At this point, I’d take anything— anything —to stop myself from rutting this omega. With one last desperate attempt to gain control, I fling my gaze over to her face. Looking for shock or horror. Fear. Pain. Disgust.
God, please, anything to make me stop?—
But she’s already looking at me.
In another alpha’s arms, letting him tear clothes off her and pull her into his waiting lap.
But looking at me .
When the alpha under her nuzzles his face between her bare tits, a feral sound rips out of my lungs. The omega shakes, turning her green gaze to one of the others. I can’t remember anyone’s name, but I recognize him as my brother.
“He can’t help himself,” he mutters to the omega. “His Alpha must be going crazy. Letting another alpha rut you while your bond is incomplete would probably cause him extreme pain and?—”
Her dark brows crease. “P-pain?”
My brother’s face softens. “Yes, omega. The half-bond can be very painful for the one who’s been rejected. Especially when there’s no physical or emotional intimacy and the bond sits empty.”
There’s a reason I don’t want her to know all of that. Something important that I can’t see the edges of, like this. But it’s too late, anyhow .
The way she’s looking at me is full of confusion and sadness and maybe even betrayal. She blinks, and I see that her lashes look wet. “Is that true, Alpha?” she asks, turning to me. “Do you—does it hurt ?”
Her hand smooths over the burly alpha’s long hair, gentling him while he kisses her skin. Tasting her. Tasting my omega, and goddamn it, I’ll kill him .
Another growl rends the air, and he pauses, but only until the omega starts to pet his head again. The look she slants at me goes from wary to angry.
“None of that,” she orders, the words echoing through the fog filling my head. “If you need me, you’ll have to work with us, not against us.”
If I ? —
Before I can wrap my mind around her words, my brother steps behind the couch, coming to stand next to the inked one. “Are you sure, darling? You don’t have to let Tristan touch you. Avery and I will make him leave if you want us to.”
Fuck. No. Please.
But it’s too late. The familiar pain hits, goring into the place just above my stomach, below my diaphragm.
I usually know her rejection is coming. I can normally brace for it. But this time all I can do is clutch my clawed hands over my abdomen, doing my best not to roar again, holding onto the beast lunging inside of me by my aching fucking fingernails?—
Until, suddenly, I’m not.
And the pain is gone ?
I open my eyes and find the omega’s hand stretched over my stomach, lightly tracing the muscles bulging there. When her perfume gets even sweeter, I swear I might die.
Instead, she traces lower, skimming whatever scratchy fabric covers my lower half, while her free hand continues lavishing the other alpha with similar affection.
Fuck. I hold back the urge to fight, ignoring my Alpha’s hisses .
It would be so easy. He hasn’t even noticed we’re here yet .
The fingertips lingering between my hips still. “Alpha,” the omega whispers, her eyes big and nervous. “Can you share or not?”
For her? I can do anything . As long as she lets me touch her. Lets me have her.
“Yes, omega,” I answer, not recognizing my own voice. It’s gravel and smoke, but she seems to like it. Her spine arches on a shiver as more perfume spins into the air.
The alpha at her breast groans as I rip my pants off, growling. The sound finally brings me to his attention, his black eyes snapping up, brows crouching low.
But the omega murmurs to him sweetly, guiding his gaze back to hers. “Shh, it’s okay. I want him, too. Is that okay, Alpha? Can I have you both? I promise not to let him knot me.”
My instincts rage against that, but the small, sane part of me is relieved to have some boundaries. And even more relieved that these rut-blockers are working well enough for me to understand them.
The tattooed alpha, who already has his dick out, gathers the omega’s chin in his long fingers, turning her head to him. “Why don’t you kiss Jonah and work your clit against his big cock, kitten? Tristan can take you from behind. Get you ready to take both of these cocks at the same time.”
Oh fuck .
But the omega listens, sinking her mouth against the alpha under her while repositioning herself. Her arms stretch up around his neck while she pushes her bare, rounded hips back.
I don’t even think before my hands land there, feeling the plush curves.
The room is holding its breath. And a sense of awe swoops through me.
Is this the first time I’ve ever done this?
Dear God— why?
There was a reason. I can’t remember it right now, though, so I l et myself feel her body, molding my palms along the outsides of her thighs, skimming them inward.
Paradise perfume expands between us, the scent making my mouth water and my cock jerk. But then I feel it, under my hands.
She’s shaking .
And somewhere under all the fog floating through me, there’s sadness.
Have I made her sad ?
I start to back away, bracing myself for the pain that will hit me the second I remove my hands from her perfect body. But the omega looks at me over her shoulder, her eyes pleading.
“Please,” she says. “I know you don’t want to, but I don’t want you to hurt, Alpha.”
I do, though. I do . Because the way she’s looking at me is enough to stop whatever’s left of my heart.
She wiggles her hips a little, pressing back far enough for my weeping cock to brush between her legs. My vision blurs, air heaving out of me on a pained grunt.
And then I’m in her.
There isn’t a moment where I can stop myself. Or pause to remember why I need to stop myself. There’s just?—
Her .