Chapter 9
W hen Maverick fell asleep, Kit approached me again. “Little fox, we need to have a discussion.”
I closed my eyes, pretending to sleep as if I could forestall everything rushing toward me.
“Morgan, I know you’re awake. The sooner we talk, the better.”
“I was enjoying blissful ignorance.”
Kit kneeled by my head and carefully extracted me from Maverick’s grip. “Come on. I’ll give you a proper tour so you can pick out a nest and we’ll discuss your care while you’re staying with us.”
I wiggled my way to standing and Kit joined me, lacing his fingers with mine. I shivered as we stepped away from the fire, the floor like ice beneath my feet.
“We can stop in my room and you can borrow some socks,” Kit said. “Do you mind if I carry you until then?”
My family would never let me hear the end of it if they found out I’d agreed, but luckily they would never know. Now that I had missed a few doses of suppressants, my body and my omega side were making their stance on the alphas very clear. Getting carried around like a princess might not be something I was used to, but curiosity won out over potential shame.
“Just until your bedroom,” I replied.
He passed me the little flashlight attached to his belt and scooped me up like I weighed nothing. “You’re in charge of light.”
I turned the flashlight on and shone it ahead of us so we could navigate through the dark lodge. He took me first to the bunk room that held about twenty beds.
“I know it doesn’t look ideal, but I think we could make it work by pushing a bunch of the bunkbeds together and turning them into a fort. There’s a woodstove or fireplace in every room so even with the power out you don’t have to worry about heat and light.”
“That’s handy.”
“We thought ahead to all the potential complications of living out here. We don’t have power when we’re out in the woods hunting, but sometimes clients get a little uppity about not having it here when they expect to. We’ve tried to make sure every inch of the lodge is as comfortable as possible with the unreliability of services.”
I moved the light along the walls, checking out the gorgeous prints of wildlife everywhere: owls in flight, deer among trees, bison with clouds of breath surrounded by snow. “I think even with a fort I wouldn’t be very comfortable in here.”
“Fair enough,” Kit replied.
In truth, I had no idea how I would handle a heat. I hadn’t had one in so long and I was relying on long-buried instincts to guide me toward what would help me feel safe.
We ventured upstairs, the air cooling with every step. I tucked closer to Kit, curling a hand against his shirt and getting subtle sniffs of his spruce resin and beeswax scent. More photographs lined the main stairwell.
“These are so good. Where did you buy them?”
“Ryder took them. He’s our resident photographer.”
My heart clenched, knowing my own camera was probably long gone. “Really?”
“He’s been studying photography for ages. Is that something you’re interested in?”
“I love photography. That’s another reason I like going winter camping. I’m willing to bet my camera is either buried under the snow or Brandon walked out with it.”
Kit’s grip on me tightened. “Ryder has multiple cameras. If you asked, he would probably take you out.”
“I’ll definitely ask.”
The first room Kit took me to upstairs was a study. Shelves filled with books lined the walls with a gorgeous central stone fireplace and all around it sat four desks with computer setups.
“Not this space either. Vibes are wrong for a nest.”
Kit chuckled. “Can’t have incorrect vibes for a nest.”
Next was Ryder’s bedroom. I looked at Kit suspiciously. “Are you saving your room for last to delay giving me socks so you can carry me longer?”
“ Maybe . I can get you the socks right now if you would rather.”
My grip on his shirt tightened and I tucked closer. “I can wait.”
His purr caught me off guard and I nuzzled his chest on impulse. Omega instincts were weird. I barely knew Kit but I felt safe in his arms. If my heat was going to arrive while I was stuck here, it would be better for my own well-being to get as comfortable as I could with these alphas as quickly as possible. Maybe more than that…I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had sex outside of a heat. Probably during college when I’d been trying to fit in. If I did go into heat here, would it be better to know what to expect, to get some experience with these alphas?
“Do Ryder and Maverick have their scents anywhere in their rooms?”
“It’s possible, though it’s probably very faded,” Kit replied. He set me down on Ryder’s bed. “Let me see if I can find something.”
I pulled Ryder’s top blanket around myself now that I no longer had the warmth of Kit’s body next to me. He navigated Ryder’s space, trying to hunt down something to let me experience one of the elusive scents, pausing briefly to get a fire going when he noticed me bundled up.
“Do you think Ryder and Maverick are my scent matches?”
“That’s usually how it works with packs. Fate has a funny way of bringing together the people an omega needs, but I suppose it’s a possibility they’re not.” He sighed. “Ry is way too diligent with his blockers. I don’t think there’s anything in here.”
I hid my pout beneath the blanket.
“We probably won’t have much luck with Maverick either since they go in for their appointments together.” Kit plucked a pair of wool socks out of Ryder’s drawer and passed them to me. We stared at each other for a long moment. If I put them on I didn’t have a reason to get back in his arms beyond wanting to. The compulsion to reach for him again wove through me. Pride wanted me to stand on my own two feet, but my emerging instincts wanted me to plaster myself against him and not let go.
I debated, brushing the tips of my toes against the floor. Practicality butted up against my pride. I should get used to touching him, just in case. It was a convenient lie I could tell myself. Wanting alphas was new to me. It wouldn’t have been hard for me to find heat partners. Half the young alphas in our damn town volunteered every time one came up for a local omega, but I could never bring myself to accept.
My first heat had come when I was away for college, thank goodness. I’d used a heat service on the campus and after that I started my suppressants, switching doctors every so often when they tried to caution me against long-term use. There had never been a single person I wanted to touch me during my heat. The service had done fine, making the whole experience relatively neutral, and I had convinced myself that was the best case scenario.
Now I wasn’t so sure.
I had no choice but to contemplate what the experience might be like with these alphas, and if my initial reactions were anything to go by, neutral wasn’t even going to enter the picture.
“Could you help me put them on?” I thought about adding on a lie, maybe that my dexterity wasn’t back to one hundred percent yet or that it hurt to bend into that position, but I’d always preferred honesty even when it made people uncomfortable, myself included.
Kit sank down in front of me and unfolded the socks from their bundle before lifting my foot to rest on his knee. I held my breath as he pulled the sock up my calf, knuckles grazing along my skin. When he scooped up the next foot, his amber gaze caught mine, not letting me free for a moment as he put on the second sock.
He was far too beautiful. His scent surrounded me and I swayed closer, knees parting a fraction.
“Do you want to face this heat alone, little fox? If you do, we can make sure you have food and water, and we’d disturb you as infrequently as possible.”
“I don’t really want to. I’ve never done one by myself so I don’t know how bad it would be.”
“Have you had a heat with alphas?”
“Only one a long time ago.”
“How do you want us to take care of you?”
“How do you want to take care of me?” I evaded.
“I think that’s a dangerous question to answer if you don’t know what you want.”
The problem was that I was very quickly learning what I wanted and I had no idea how to ask for it. Too many men had made my skin crawl over the years. I had never asked them for anything, but now I was faced with this gorgeous alpha who smelled like heaven, and I wanted more than I knew what to do with.
“That’s unfair.”
Kit tilted his head. “Is it? How so?”
“I don’t know how to do this. In fact, I’ve spent a good deal of my life avoiding this.”
“Avoiding what specifically?” His gaze was entirely too intense, making my blood simmer and my pussy clench.
“Alphas,” I replied honestly. “Heats. Intimacy. The alphas I grew up with weren’t good people, not really. Most of them haven’t updated their way of thinking to match this century. They’d have probably had me bonded and bred by twenty to keep me in line if I’d ever invited them to be part of my heats.”
Kit growled low. “Being with an omega is a privilege. Having one to care for is an honor I would never take for granted. I’d feed the others to the wolves if they even thought about it.” His gaze softened and he took both of my hands in his. “I’m sorry that your experiences with alphas have been negative. I have no interest in keeping you in line, and frankly the line in question shouldn’t even exist.”
I tipped forward, letting my forehead rest against his and he stilled, his scent growing stronger. “I’ve been afraid of my instincts my whole life. I always thought they would force me into a life I didn’t want with people who didn’t respect me, so I buried them. I don’t know you, so it’s probably stupid of me to feel safe here, but it’s literally the first time being surrounded by alphas that hasn’t made me want to disappear into the night.”
He swept his thumbs over my wrists, brushing the scent glands there and triggering a rush of maple syrup and black tea.
“I don’t know what to ask for,” I continued. “Show me how you would take care of me if you were part of my heat.”
“ Show you, not tell you?”
I swallowed hard, breath turning shallow. I needed to know how he would touch me, even if it was just first embraces. Would I be able to trust him with my body as the heat claimed my mind? My instincts screamed at me to simply tip my head and claim his mouth, but I held still, waiting for him to cross that bridge.
“Kiss me,” I whispered.
He shifted instantly, lips against mine, his fingers threading into my hair. A needy omega whine rushed out of me, desire spiraling all the way down to my toes. I curled my fingers into his shirt and almost died on the spot when he pulled my hips closer, spreading them open so he could properly kneel between them.
I melted, wrapping my arms around him, focusing on matching the pace of his mouth so he didn’t leave me in the dust. Every cell in my body tingled under his touch and my instincts crashed against the floodgates, demanding to take over, urging me to lie back and let him take everything I craved to give.
When he gently tugged my head to the side and dropped his lips against my throat, I arched closer with a whimper. Worries dripped away with each swell of slick between my thighs. Relief that his touch didn’t repulse me would have taken me out at the knees if I weren’t already sitting on Ryder’s bed.
The only problem now was that I had let go of some modicum of control and I didn’t know how to grab on again.