Chapter 19
H ow the hell was I supposed to go back to real life after this? Being at the lodge with these alphas was a fever dream. My hormones were slowly bringing my rational mind in line with the whole situation. Every time I surrendered to an instinctual compulsion, I was rewarded with pleasure and safety.
I was practically Pavlov’s dog at this point. Whenever one of them looked at me, my body lit up like Fourth of July fireworks. They didn’t even have to touch me to provoke a response.
I burrowed into my nest, well fed and sleepy, surrounded by alphas. After dinner I had ordered them all into the nest with me, no clothes allowed. My purr had been buzzing so strongly I worried it would get worn out. Was that possible?
I couldn’t help it either way. Being at the center of an alpha pile, with all of them purring, demanded that response.
If anyone from before could see me now, they would probably think I was body snatched. Hell, I would think I was body snatched too. I didn’t even care, though. Being this comfortable and feeling this safe made my brain sluggish.
Bear was plastered against my back, his cock still inside me, though his knot had long since gone down. Kit lay in front of me, his chin on top of my head, and Maverick and Ryder sprawled on each side of them.
I’d spent so many years dreading my heat to the point I had unsafely medicated myself against them, but it was so hard to worry about it right now. These men took care of me at every turn, showed me what my body was capable of and how to receive pleasure, and pushed me toward being at peace with my instincts. However temporary all of this was, it seemed silly to do anything but embrace it.
I drifted in and out. The whole nest smelled like us, minus Ryder and Maverick, who were still frustratingly scentless. Maple and black tea, cedar and woodsmoke, spruce resin and beeswax infused every breath and saturated the fabrics around us.
I woke properly to Kit kissing my forehead. I grumbled, blinking open my eyes. “Hmm?”
“It snowed again. I’m going to get a start on clearing it.”
I pouted, as if that would be enough to get him to stay. I did get a kiss out of it, but he still left the nest. Ryder and Maverick followed shortly after, leaving me with Bear and my own petulance that they would dare have chores to contend with when I needed to be cuddled.
“Sleep, angel,” Bear grumbled in my ear.
“I can’t sleep now. My instincts are getting screamy that everyone abandoned me.”
I felt the tears sneaking up, the tightness in my chest over the alphas being literally anywhere that wasn’t with me at this moment, and I hated it. They should be here . Not doing chores . Instincts were ridiculous. Who the fuck designed omegas to feel like the world was ending because an alpha wandered away when we were hormonal? Straight to cosmic jail for them.
Bear shifted behind me, woefully extracting his cock so he could roll me onto my back and lean over me. His mouth was warm and his body even warmer as I locked my limbs around him to force his weight down.
Being surrounded by Bear was an excellent distraction from the fact that most of my pack had walked away.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
My pack was not an allowed thought. They were a pack, but not mine. These men had a life here, and I had been eager to start my own before the whole Brandon mess.
Bear growled, nipping my earlobe. He whispered, “What’s wrong?”
“Just overthinking.”
He adjusted, his cock gliding right back into its home inside me. I arched off the blankets, already whining as he kissed his way down my throat and over the curve of my shoulder. “Stop thinking.”
Easier said than done, but the slow drive of Bear between my thighs was exactly what I needed to make it happen. I had made four alphas come in the span of the day. Who even was I? I was pretty sure I had come more times this week than I had the entire rest of my life combined.
I sighed against Bear’s mouth when he returned to kiss me. “You feel so good, Bear. Never stop.”
My instincts reared up from all sides, focused on the alpha in my arms. He had saved my life, brought me to safety, built me a nest, and poured pleasure over me without any regard for his own. I couldn’t possibly have done enough good deeds to deserve him.
My chest ached over how much I wanted to keep him…all of them. I was never going to find anyone like them again even if I searched the entire planet. Staying here and giving up the whole plan was a temptation. Sometimes I forgot the plan existed, but reality was cold and liked to surge in no matter how much I’d like to ignore it.
Bear deserved more than I could give him. I had to try, though. Returning even a fraction of everything he had given me was only fair.
I cupped his face, greedily consuming his kisses. His beard had gotten fluffier over the past few days and I liked the texture of it against my fingers. Apparently Bear liked it too since his purr got louder the more I stroked it. I could get drunk on him so easily. With nowhere to go, that was exactly what I set out to do.
My alpha.
Temporarily, but mine all the same.
Every movement between us was soft and slow, with none of the frantic energy from my other joinings. Bear was here to experience me with no rush to get either of us off.
I hummed, closing my eyes and letting my hands wander, learning the expanse of his body. He was the slightest bit ticklish on his side, and he bucked hard into me when I brushed over his nipples, which, of course, prompted me to play with them until he finally grabbed my wrists and pinned them overhead.
“You’re ruining my fun.” I grinned up at him, taking in his flushed cheeks.
“Too much,” he whispered.
“As in they’re too sensitive or you’re worried you’ll come too fast if I keep playing with them?”
Bear’s shoulders shook with silent laughter, and he signed, “Both.” He watched me for a few long moments, my nerves tingling at his focused attention. “Are you happy?”
“I need a bigger word than that right now. If happy is all I am right now, then I must’ve been miserable before coming here.” I wriggled beneath him, reveling in the grip he had on my wrists. “Actually, that’s probably not wrong. I hoped I would be happy when I finally got to Missoula, but I don’t think I was before.”
Bear dipped down, lifting my body into an arch so he could suck on one of my nipples while I was helplessly suspended. Why hadn’t humans figured out telepathy? It looked like Bear had a thousand things he wanted to say, but he couldn’t touch me and sign at the same time.
My pussy clenched down on him with every sweep of his tongue until I was delirious and clinging to his head. “Fuck, Bear, you make it so hard to think.”
He quickly signed, “Good,” with a smirk on his lips before returning to his task.
This man was going to make me feral for him. I didn’t need any words to feel how much he wanted me, how willing he was to protect me and give me anything I needed.
It would be so easy to love you .
Bear froze for an instant and laid me back out on the blankets, staring down at me with innumerable emotions warring behind his eyes.
“Did I say that out loud?”
He nodded, still staring at me like I was some priceless treasure.
My cheeks warmed. Instead of speaking, I pulled his mouth down to mine again, hooking my elbow behind his neck to hold him close. Bear’s touch had turned even more reverent than before. I didn’t know what to say to him, but I definitely wouldn’t be saying my statement wasn’t true. Even with all the chaos that had brought me here, I felt like I had poured into an empty space that was just waiting for me.
Home had never felt the way most people described when I was growing up. It wasn’t a safe place for me, and I had never gotten homesick.
But this place?
I was going to miss it so much when I had to leave.
Getting attached was stupid. It didn’t stop me from feeling it growing with every brush of Bear’s mouth against mine. I had to appreciate this time for what it was: a pocket of bliss I didn’t deserve to keep.
Bear took me apart so slowly, my pleasure rising like one grain of it was added to the pile at a time until I was shaking at the peak and desperate to pull him over the edge with me.
“Knot me.”
He filled his hands with my ass, bringing our hips together sharply, the heat of his cum blooming deep inside me as his knot sealed me shut, keeping every drop inside. The orgasm from the knot was more akin to being springboarded into the stratosphere than the slow rise he had treated me to before.
“Fuck, Bear!” I cried out, digging my nails into his shoulders, arching up sharply before collapsing back into the blankets.
Bear nuzzled my head, scent marking my hair a dozen times while I twitched and squeaked, each shift of his hips sending a fresh ripple of sensation through me.
“Stay,” he whispered roughly.
Yes.
“I can’t stay forever.”
“ Stay ,” he insisted again. His teeth ghosted over the curve of my neck and he bit down just enough to trigger my omega whine, sending my instincts soaring.
I clung to him, unable to give him the answer he wanted, and unwilling to hear myself say no again. If we needed to surround ourselves in a fantasy to get through this, then that was what we would do. I could push back the fact that I had a job and an apartment waiting for me, a whole new life hours from here. I could melt into the bliss he offered.
Was it more cruel to live a lie or to force reality? Maybe it would be better to indulge? No sense in making both of us miserable focusing on the future when the present was so impossibly sweet.
Did I deserve it? Maybe not.
Was I going to take what was offered anyway?
Bear’s purr rumbled through me.
I didn’t have the strength or the desire to push him away. Fuck it. I couldn’t see how deep the water was, but I was going to dive in anyway. Whether that was a safe landing in the end or crashing onto the rocks, only time would tell.