Chapter 32
D espondent didn’t even begin to cover it. Everything I owned was on the chopping block. All the little treasures I had painstakingly collected over the years, the few surviving gifts I had from Mom that my brothers hadn’t broken, all the gear I hadn’t taken out with me, medication, toiletries, and photos.
I needed a pillow to scream into.
Bear’s purr wasn’t strong enough to combat my despair.
“I forgot to call the police about the report.”
“I’ll call them for you,” Kit promised.
I nodded, bottom lip wobbling. “All my things…”
“We’ll go tomorrow, little fox,” Kit said. “If they can’t be reasoned with, we can probably find out their donation partners, and grab as much as we can from the shelves before anyone else gets it.”
That was a possibility, but I had a lot of things that wouldn’t have been suitable for donation. Thinking about strangers picking their way through everything I owned made me want to throw up. I didn’t have much of a nest in my old apartment, but it was still my safe space and now it had been violated.
I leaned harder into Bear, trying to let my fury be stronger than the urge to start sobbing. I had the distinct notion that if I started crying I wouldn’t be able to stop. Holding myself together through sheer spite was unfortunately something I had plenty of experience with. Growing up in the Harris household had been an exercise in self-control every goddamn day. Breaking, even when they were deliberately trying to make it happen, usually ended up with me getting punished, not them.
Don’t be so emotional, Morgan. You’re such an embarrassment.
You shut up with your crying right now or I’ll give you something to cry about.
Once a baby, always a baby. Look at the little bitch cry.
I sucked in a sharp breath. Getting fucked over by the capitalist hellscape shouldn’t have come as a surprise. My whole family besides Mom and Cooper had drilled disappointment into me. Why expect good from the world when so much of it was only looking out for itself? Why expect a company who could easily handle a few days of lost rent to give a shit about a tenant who desperately needed their leniency?
By the time we got back to the lodge, I was ready to crawl out of my skin. Bear didn’t let me head inside, guiding me toward the wood pile and handing me the axe.
“Let it out,” he signed, his face so full of sympathy I couldn’t even bring myself to meet his gaze. He set a chunk of wood atop the stump they used for chopping and stepped back.
The first swing did nothing to help, but when the second sent the two halves of the log sailing outward, I saw Bear’s logic. He replaced one of the halves and let me obliterate that too, giving me one piece after another until my arms burned and my chest heaved, silent tears frozen on my cheeks. I screamed with each downswing, allowing my fury to flow out into that axe blade.
Bear’s pride as he watched me decimate each log flowed to me like a cool stream, soothing my emotions. I caught the warmth in his eyes and I soaked up his pride like a desperate sponge. I hadn’t experienced nearly enough of it growing up, and getting it in such a pure state through the bond was an even bigger high than hearing the words.
This was its own sort of therapy. A productive way to burn off grief and anger. Using my upset this way was helping the pack, taking work off their plate while letting me vent my aggression in a safe way.
I had other ideas about working some of that off.
“Bear.” I struggled to catch my breath. “I need you to take me upstairs.”
Heat flared in his eyes, rushing down the bond to electrify me. He carefully took the axe from me, replacing it safely to await its next use.
I grabbed his hand, pulling him along behind me, sparing only a quick glance for the others who had already gone inside while I was busy having my wood-chopping breakdown. “Going to shower. Be back later.”
None of them made a peep as Bear followed me up. I went straight for the study since it was the furthest point from where everyone was congregated. I closed the door behind us and shucked off all of my outer gear while Bear got a fire going, speeding it along with a little blowtorch.
He looked ready to devour me when he finally turned back. “You’re sure?”
“Yes. I want you to make me forget all the shit that popped up today. I know you can do that.”
Bear nodded his assent and I bounded toward him, tugging off his layers and letting him strip what remained of mine. Flashes of pleasure danced through the bond, his desire tumbling with mine, our needs tangling in a complex dance I struggled to follow even as he swept me away.
This was new territory for me. Wanting them close to a heat was one thing, but my heat was done and I still wanted Bear all over me. I didn’t care if that was because of the bond or not. I needed him.
His mouth was hot against mine and I poured myself into matching the passion he offered. Half-drunk on his scent, I dragged him to the leather couch so I could stand on it and be at eye level with him. Bear’s hands wandered, lifting one leg to prop my foot on the couch arm so he could tease between my thighs, fingers gliding on the slick that had already gathered. I moaned against his mouth, rocking my hips.
“Don’t let them hear me.”
Immediately on board with his mission, Bear closed his fingers over my lips and tilted my head, nipping along my throat as he drove his fingers into me.
My brain instantly filled with a lusty fog, drowning out everything except the alpha with me. I clung harder, legs shaking and skin sweating. Bear added another finger, his other hand muffling my answering groan.
Desire was still very much a foreign concept. Before coming to this lodge and meeting these alphas, I was pretty sure I had never felt it outside of a heat-induced craving. That wasn’t anywhere near the same thing as what I felt for Bear right now. I didn’t just want him close; I wanted him to obliterate me and put me back together on the mountain of shattered pieces.
Tension pulled tighter with each thrust of his fingers and I whimpered out a desperate omega song until it was all too much. I came with a cry that Bear did his best to silence. Slick dripped down his arm when he let me go so I could catch my breath.
I stole lazy, drugging kisses before whispering, “Fuck me.”
Bear lifted me off my feet and set my knees on the arm of a plush leather chair near the fire, carefully tilting me forward until my hands were braced on the other arm, leaving my hips exposed and at the perfect height. I almost lost it when his hand closed over my mouth again as his cock plunged into my cunt.
Nirvana was pretty close to how that first fuck felt. The slight sting, my body yielding as if it knew Bear belonged there, and the surge of pleasure that came from the pressure and glide along every nerve ending. Sensation crashed over me, flooding through the bond from Bear as I absorbed the barrage of his emotions on top of my own: affection, longing, lust, and a ferocious protectiveness that stole my breath.
Bear kept a firm grip on one hip so I didn’t go sailing off the chair each time he thrust in. My sweaty palms were doing a horrible job of keeping me upright, so I sank down to my forearms, taking over the job of covering my mouth so he could hold me better.
My body and mind were rarely in sync unless I got into the zone, but right now it was like music. My head wanted him as much as my pussy did. I reached between my thighs to brush my clit, losing it with a few quick strokes to send me over the edge he’d been pushing me toward.
Bear, alpha that he was, kept going. How long would it take before I was completely overwhelmed to the point my brain turned off or my body gave out?
I kept up an easy pace on my clit, surrendering to everything Bear gave me. Each rise left my throat a little more raw, my thighs dripping with slick, and my muscles trembling.
“P-please,” I gasped out.
His movements became erratic and I knew he was close. I needed his knot.
I started up a frantic pattern and as I spilled slick down my thighs, screaming into my own hand, Bear finally followed me over the edge, his knot blitzing all of my lingering capacities right out of existence.
I melted, shivering and panting. Bear gathered me up and maneuvered us so he sat on the chair, my weight resting back against him while his lips danced along my throat. He filled his hands with my breasts, teasing my nipples and making me squirm in his lap.
“Bear,” I gasped. I couldn’t move a damn inch off that knot.
“Yes, angel?” he whispered, the sound rough as he nipped my earlobe.
I didn’t have an answer for him, so he carried on, fingers gliding down my body to play with my clit while I bucked helplessly. He took care of keeping me quiet once more, drawing my mouth to his and setting about making sure I was entirely ruined.
His satisfaction blended with amusement each time I came for him. It almost bordered on smug, but when my pussy squeezed his knot, that particular sentiment was slam-dunked right into reverence.
Sweating and sated, I let him play however he wanted, too caught up in the high of the experience to work up an ounce of embarrassment. I had asked, and he had delivered.
I drifted in and out, lulled into relaxation by his rumbling purr and jolted out of it again when he decided I needed another orgasm. I came all over his knot, my nails digging into his arm and my back arched, breath heaving.
“Bear, please .”
“Please, what?” he whispered.
Please what indeed. What did I want? I shivered, settling on one thing we could both agree on. “Don’t stop touching me.”