Chapter 30
Colt and I slipped in the back door. Carter and Wyatt went in the front and I heard them telling everyone we were still taking care of the horses.
I felt like I was standing on a tilting platform and I couldn’t find my balance.
It wasn’t anyone moving the platform, either, it was just myself.
I was still learning how to navigate my built-in fear response when it crashed against my growing desire.
Before coming to this ranch, desire wasn’t really something I’d had to contend with.
Brief flickers when I would cross paths with Wyatt in town couldn’t compare to actually being around these men in an environment that was actively rebuilding my broken nervous system.
So many omega facets of myself had never had a chance to manifest. Things that had been buried from almost a decade kept pushing to the surface, made both easier and more difficult by the fact that these men were my scent matches.
Craving them felt natural but it bucked against everything I had been taught.
Colt took me all the way up to the nest. The air here was saturated with the entire pack in a way the lower levels weren’t.
On top of their presence hanging in the air and embedded into the fabrics, their love was, too.
Desire was baked into the nest as much as their contentment.
I hadn’t been up here since the children had moved into their own rooms, and each breath was like a gentle stroke against my skin.
I traced my fingers over the edge of the nest. I loved the room they had designed for me, that small secure space where I could keep an eye on my kids, but it wasn’t this. It wasn’t where the pack existed freely, where alpha and omega came together.
It was better that I didn’t have a nest back on the compound. That meant there was nothing for Paul to desecrate, no memories to associate with the gift this pack had given me.
“You okay?” Colt asked, moving silently to stand at my side.
“Just untangling.”
“Take as long as you need.”
I shook my head, shedding my outer layers. The only things I had removed at the door was my boots and coat. I stripped out of my snow pants and my layered shirts until I was down to my leggings and a tank top.
Colt was quick to join me, stripping down until he was bare except for his black boxer briefs.
I watched him with a shiver as he went into the bathroom and got the shower running.
I wasn’t especially cold anymore, but goose bumps danced over my skin at the thought of stepping under the warm water with him.
A twinge of guilt settled in my stomach that I hadn’t invited any of the others.
My progression with the pack felt like stops and starts, as if I couldn’t decide on a particular path, racing ahead, backtracking, changing lanes, but I didn’t know how to do it any other way.
I had lived with such a tight hold on everything I did and now I was letting what felt right in the moment lead me.
Maybe it wasn’t correct, but no one was telling me not to.
He peeked out of the bathroom at me. “Ready? It’s okay if you’ve changed your mind.”
I slipped inside, laying my palms against his stomach. He seemed content to hold still, watching as I traced the planes of his body. A thin stripe of dark curls led from his belly button to the waistband of his underwear. He shivered when I teased up to that barrier.
Intimate touch was a dangerous game. It was something else I hadn’t engaged with before moving here. Nothing except being delirious during my heat could make me reach for Paul. This pack was a different story.
I stood on my toes, reaching for Colt’s shoulders, and he leaned down to meet me. At least a kiss was no longer a barrier between me and anyone else in this pack. I had crossed that bridge with all of them and their reactions made me a little less afraid of crossing the ones still to come.
My breath froze in my lungs as he traced his hands down my body.
When his fingers hit the hem of my shirt, I laid my hands over his, prompting him to peel it off me.
He lifted it over my head and dropped it to the floor behind me, dipping for another kiss.
His scent helped. Sandalwood and honey was thick in my nose; even with my eyes closed, it was a reminder of who I was with, and more importantly, who I wasn’t with.
I let myself fall into it. The gentleness of his movements didn’t disguise his eagerness, nor the reverence with which he touched me.
Bryan glowed in the bond, a quiet reassurance brushing against me, my sweet alpha still holding himself between me and the one I was running from.
Could he feel my gratitude? I hoped so. He made this possible, building me a shelter out of his own soul so I didn’t have to fight a battle while trying to find my footing.
Colt was warm against my lips. When he laid his hands over the waistband of my leggings, I did the same as with my shirt, guiding his thumbs to hook into it and lifting on my toes to lower the first few inches in case my quiet instruction hadn’t been clear enough.
Nerves tumbled through me, but not enough to stop me.
“We can go in like this,” he suggested. “If you would feel more secure with a couple of layers, I don’t mind.”
At my nod, he drew me into the bathroom and we stepped beneath the warm spray, him in his boxer briefs and me in my bra and panties. I climbed onto the shower bench, bringing me a little higher than eye level with him.
He grinned, adjusting the showerhead so the steaming water could sluice over our skin, but more than the warmth of the water, I wanted the warmth of him. I drew Colt into another kiss, standing close enough that every inch of us that could do so was touching.
His hands settled on my waist. It wasn’t what my body craved, so I nudged them lower, delighting in the zing of anticipation that snapped through me when he cupped my ass.
Our kiss grew more fervent. Colt dropped his mouth to my throat and the moan he coaxed out of me echoed on the tile.
“The perfect sound,” he murmured against my skin.
I shuddered as he set about making it happen again.
Lips, teeth, and tongue danced over me, nipping and sucking, like he was determined to learn every secret about this particular spot.
I squirmed under his touch. My fingers shook as I pressed one hand against the back of his head, the other draping over his shoulder so I could brace myself closer.
Colt didn’t give me a chance to catch my breath before switching to the other side, discovering new secrets.
My knees almost went out from under me when he angled his head to scrape his teeth closer to the back of my neck.
His grip tightened, keeping me right where I was until my panties were as wet from my slick as they were from the shower.
I was so distracted from the sensations that I couldn’t work up an ounce of fear. Not from the press of his cock against me, or when I found myself leaning harder into it. His groan in my ear left me as breathless as his mouth on my throat.
The rock of my hips betrayed my sensibilities. I wasn’t ready to take an alpha, but it didn’t stop the wild fantasy of it happening right here.
“Please.” I whispered the word, but I wasn’t even sure what I was asking for.
He lifted his gaze to meet mine, slowly teasing down one bra strap while watching me carefully.
Part of me wanted to rip the garment right off but the other part of me held onto the shield.
I pulled his mouth back to mine, tugging him closer until my back was against the tile and he braced one knee on the bench.
Frantic energy burned beneath my skin. I hated that I carried any hesitation, that I couldn’t simply throw myself into this experience without a single care. I didn’t want fear to rule my actions. Why couldn’t I be a free woman with a soft past and no responsibilities?
I reached behind myself and unclasped the bra. Colt noticed.
“Set the pace,” he said gently, though he was no less breathless than I was.
I pushed past the wall of nerves and threw the bra aside, drawing him close again. It was hardly more contact than before, but feeling the brush of his sparse, curly chest hair against my nipples was electrifying.
The air was thick with sweet peach blossoms and sandalwood. I quite liked the way they twined together. My scent with each member of the pack was like an expensive perfume, each one different and all something I wanted on my skin.
“Please,” I said again, still unsure what I actually wanted him to give me, only that I wanted him.
He kissed the curve of my shoulder. “You’re going to have to be more specific.
We’re a ways past existing, but I’m happy to take any potential for fucking off the table.
You’re not ready, so you don’t have to worry about me expecting it, or any pressure to push yourself toward it.
Tell me what you want if you’re not worrying about any of that. ”
“I don’t know. This feels like a test I didn’t study for, but in a fun way.”
“I didn’t know there could be a fun version of that,” he said with a quiet laugh. “Tell me what you like.”
“That’s a pretty bold assumption that I have any answer for that. I like what I’ve done with Carter and Bryan, but beyond that I have no idea.”
“And what have you done with them?”
I wasn’t sure how it was possible for my cheeks to get even hotter, but they managed. “Just the usual. With Carter, anyway. Bryan was, um, fingers while he was in Carter.”
“So no one has ever gotten their mouth between these beautiful thighs before?”
I swallowed hard, desire curling in my belly. “Uh…no? Is that a common thing?”
“It should be.” His eyes smoldered. “I could show you what it’s like?”
I nodded slowly.
Colt shut off the water, gathering me up and carrying me out to the nest. Apparently he was too eager to worry about drying off. I didn’t mind so much when he laid me out on the blankets and dropped to his knees.
Anticipation burned through me, goose bumps decorating my skin. I struggled to catch my breath when Colt curled his fingers over the waistband of my panties.
“Lift.”
I raised my hips, letting him pull down the fabric. When they fell to the floor, he leaned in, spreading my thighs open so I was exposed to his gaze. He planted a kiss on my inner thigh. My pussy clenched, need making my toes curl.
“We’re experimenting,” he told me. “If you don’t like it, we can stop. Ready?”
I nodded, but I wasn’t prepared for the sensation of his hot tongue licking up my center. I didn’t even recognize the feral sound that flew out of me.
“I changed my mind. That is the perfect sound.” He chuckled, nuzzling my thigh. “Doing okay?”
Glancing down at him it was another thing I wasn’t prepared for. The view of him watching me between my thighs while I still reeled from his first touches was overwhelming in the best way.
“Yep.”
Colt dove back in. Every sweep of his tongue unravelled me. The sheer newness of the act itself coupled with a new partner had my nerves sparking. Pleasure was a shockwave, crashing over me, through me.
“Please,” I whimpered out between stuttered breaths and broken moans. This time I did know what I was asking for. I wanted him to make me shatter.
I writhed under him. Bracing my toes on his shoulders, I lifted myself higher, pressing closer to his face even though he was already buried in me. My whole body shook with desperation. Craving for the pleasure he could give me melded with the reality of what was already in motion.
He teased me with one finger. I thought I might perish from the surge of sensation, but then he added another.
I dug my fingers into his scalp, need overriding everything else.
I rocked against his mouth until he pinned me down with one hand on my belly so he could start up a rhythm of fucking me with his other hand.
All the while his tongue never faltered.
I let out another broken sound and choked out his name.
Holding on to his head was my only anchor as he sucked hard, driving his fingers in and shoving me to the precipice.
My head flung back with the same feral cry as the beginning of our experiment.
Pleasure crashed like a tsunami and I was swept away into the drowning deep.