Chapter 37
Imoved like I was in a dream. Wyatt stayed with me through my shower to start the day, tender caresses moving the soap over my skin. I spent more time simply standing in his arms beneath the warm spray than I did actually cleaning myself, but I needed the beat of his heart in my ear to steady me.
Each new step I took felt like a clean slate, my foundations washed out from under me, and I had to find my footing again.
Wyatt held me while I recalibrated, helped me dress for the day in simple leggings and a tank top with fluffy socks and one of his cozy flannels that hung to my knees. It was one he’d worn yesterday so his scent was still woven into the fabric.
Bryan met me at the bottom of the stairs, folding me instantly into his arms. Had the bond told him how much I needed that comfort?
He sent me into the living room where Nora was building a block tower.
Cody was working on filling out a map when I passed by them, pausing to kiss the top of his head then Paisley’s, where she was bent over a worksheet practicing her penmanship.
Wyatt gathered me into his arms on the couch, letting me sit on his lap where I slowly sipped the coffee Bryan brought over for me. Carter settled in next to me, purring away until I felt solid again.
“Where’s Colt?”
“Tiring out the dogs,” Carter replied.
I twisted to look out the window behind us where Colt was busy launching tennis balls with a racket, the dogs taking off like little rockets, one after another.
“They don’t ever fully get tired out,” Wyatt added, “but it keeps them from getting into too much trouble.”
Nora tripped into her block tower, instantly wailing. Carter was on the floor next to her before I could even start climbing out of Wyatt’s lap.
“Hey there, sweet girl. Are you playing Godzilla?” He helped her to her feet, giving her a quick check over. “No grievous injuries, but I’ll give you an A+ for your demolition skills.”
She looked absolutely baffled by the statement, but she stopped crying so I counted it as a win.
“Should we rebuild?” Carter passed her one of the big foundation blocks. “I bet we can make it even higher this time.”
I was practically vibrating with delight when Nora shoved a block to the floor, reaching out for Carter to pass her another block. The two of them were so cute I could hardly stand it.
Bryan brought me a steaming bowl of oatmeal with stewed cinnamon apples, chopped almonds, and a drizzle of maple syrup.
He accepted a quick thank-you kiss before returning to Paisley and Cody in case they had questions.
I ate while I watched Carter and Nora construct a tower until it was taller than him.
She knocked it over again, but this time instead of crying, she laughed in response to Carter laughing first and holding out his hand for a high five.
The door opened with a rush of cold November air.
Paisley shrieked with laughter as Tango jumped, planting his paws on the table to lick Paisley’s cheek.
Foxtrot flopped over for a belly rub in front of Nora, and Whiskey barked until Cody paused his work to give him a belly rub, too.
Once Colt had taken off his boots he came over to us, greeting Wyatt, Carter, and I with a kiss.
“Had to come in or my arm was going to fall off,” Colt said with a laugh.
“We need one of those tennis ball launchers.” Carter grinned. “Should I order one?”
“Not just yet.” Colt stripped off his winter coat and settled on the floor between Nora and I. “Give me another few years and I’m sure I’ll change my mind.”
“You could always get some sheep,” I suggested. “They would keep the dogs occupied.”
“A decorative sheep herd sounds like a lot more work than a decorative bison herd.”
“I suppose you’re right. Sheep aren’t particularly low maintenance if you have to deal with sheering and lambing.”
“Teaching the dogs helps,” Colt explained. “They need their brains exercised as much as their bodies. For example: Foxy, sit.”
The dog rolled out of her flop, popping up to sit in front of him.
“Good girl. Spin.”
She twirled adorably and sat down again.
Colt laughed, kissing her forehead. “Good girl. Go get Bryan.”
She took off and Bryan squawked as Foxtrot herded him into the living room.
“Does she know all our names?” I asked, smiling as Bryan navigated the blocks while keeping ahead of the dog.
“Most of them,” Colt replied. “Let’s check. Foxy, find Maisie.”
I squeaked when she threw herself at me, paws planting on my leg, her nose pressing against my cheek.
“I’d say she knows who you are.” Colt smiled and made a clicking sound, Foxtrot going to sit in his lap. “The boys are better at basic tricks. Foxy has the most brain cells of the trio, but they’re all smart cookies.”
“Can we teach them tricks?” Cody asked.
“Sure you can. They know a lot of them, but it’s always good for them to practice.”
I smiled over at him. “After you finish your map, though.”
Bryan checked to make sure Foxtrot wasn’t going to herd him right back into the living room before rejoining the kids at the table.
“Do you want to hang out in the studio with me today?” Colt asked. “The clouds are supposed to clear up and we’ll get some good sunshine through the windows.”
“Yeah, I’d love that.”
The rest of the morning passed in a sort of bliss I wasn’t used to. My alphas kept careful watch over me, touching me at every opportunity, making sure I ate and that the kids were happy working away or playing so I could relax.
“What would you like to work on today?” Colt asked as we ascended the stairs after lunch.
“I’m not sure.”
“I’ve got a few blank canvases. I think we uncovered an unused sketchbook, and there’s a stack of watercolor paper in one of the boxes.”
“I miss painting the most, but I would hate to waste materials.”
“It’s not a waste,” he insisted. “Practice is an important part of the process and no one said that everything we make has to be museum ready. Make something that makes you happy.”
“Okay. I’ll start with the watercolors until I get a feel for all of it again. Maybe I have some muscle memory that will come back.”
The studio was awash with sunlight when we stepped through the door. The clouds still covered the sky in the distance, but the sunlight turned the grasslands to gold.
Colt set up his easel and oil paints while I fetched a cup of water from the bathroom for my watercolors.
We spent the late afternoon hours working quietly. My art skills were painfully rusty, but I was happy to practice. The sunny view out the window showed off the stunning grasslands I was both trying and failing to capture.
“What are you painting?” I asked Colt.
He turned the easel, showing me a nearly complete portrait of…me? “I don’t have enough layers yet, but it’s not too bad, I think.”
The sunlight slanted over my face in oil paint, a dozen shades of brown, red, and gold teasing out the texture in my painted hair.
Affection filled my chest to bursting. I had never been someone’s muse before.
“Colt—” I choked off. “I love it.”
His gaze darted over my face for a moment before his smile widened and he pulled me into a hug. “I’m glad. It’s not finished quite yet, but it’s coming along. Now, what are you painting?”
“Grass is shockingly hard.” I turned my latest paper to him.
“It’s not bad, though. A couple more layers with the skinnier brushes will bring out more of the definition. I like it.”
“You don’t have to compliment it. I know it’s not good.”
“First off, art is subjective, and I like it so I’m going to compliment it. Second, you’re getting back into the swing of things, but I can already see your style. Is it the best work you’ll ever do? No, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worthy of praise.”
My cheeks warmed. “I used to be so much better.”
“And this is your first day back at it. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself.”
“I know you’re right. Convincing my brain of that is a different story.”
“I’ll remind you as often as you need. I’m pretty sure it won’t take long for you to get back to where you were. You knew all of it once, it’s just a matter of waking it all up again. It makes sense it would take time, since this was a piece of you that you had to lock away, right?”
“Even when I was doing it before, I had to keep it confined to school. I snuck a few pieces at home, though.”
“Yeah?”
“Sometimes I would steal birch bark from the logs cut up for the fire pits, and charcoal from old fires. It was my small rebellion before Cody was born.”
“And after that?”
“Once I had the kids, it was too much. I think it went from rebellion to a sort of grief ritual, and the further I got from the life I had before, the more depressed I got trying to maintain any parts of it.”
“And do you think this is healing or hurting now?”
“Both? It feels good that I can do it, but it still hurts to think about everything, and to struggle because I wasn’t allowed to keep doing something I loved.”
Colt scooped me out of my chair, sitting back down with me on his lap. “This is all for you now. You never have to hold back again. If you want to create something, you only have to let us know. We’ll watch the kids, we’ll buy whatever materials you need, anything to keep this path open to you.”
I leaned into him, curling up and hooking one of my hands behind his neck. “I always wanted my own studio. I never thought I would actually get one.”
“If you imagine anything out loud next to Carter, it’s probably going to show up,” he said with a gentle laugh. “That man is not afraid to spend money to show his love.”
I heaved a sigh, running my nose over the line of buttons on Colt’s shirt, breathing in his sandalwood and honey.
“Thank you for all this. Not just the studio. Everything, really. I’m a little sad I didn’t get to meet you before.
You never got to be in my wild fantasies of a perfect life with Carter and Wyatt. ”
He threaded his fingers through my hair. “Do I make the cut now that we’ve met?”
“Absolutely you do.” I rotated until we were facing each other, doing my best not to accidentally knee him in the stomach or the balls. “I couldn’t imagine a future without you in it now.”
His eyes misted up.
“What’s wrong? What did I do?”
“Nothing, I promise. Wasn’t expecting that to punch me in the chest quite so hard. In a good way,” he added. “Got me right in the heart.”
His kiss was sweet, tentative. My purr rumbled, his body warming me as much as the sunlight streaming through the windows.
“I’m really glad you got out of that hell hole.
” Colt planted his forehead against mine, boosting me up so my torso was flat against his.
“I was happy before, obviously. I love Carter and Wyatt, but I think it took you and the kids and Bryan rocking up to show me what we were missing. I just tried to imagine a life where you left and it felt like color drained out of everything.”
“A fun coincidence that I was relegated to scraps and charcoal, and now I have a whole studio of rainbow colors to paint with because of you.” I snuggled closer, wrapping my arms around his neck to kiss his cheek.
“If I would take the color away by leaving, then I want you to know that all the color I have is because I came here, because I stayed, and because you opened your home, your lives to me.”
“So, it’s agreed, then? No one is taking their color away and we get to keep each other?”
Contentment thrummed in my chest. “It’s agreed.”