Chapter Four
Victoria
F ollowing our date with Remington, my pack and I head back to our suite on the second floor. We have to meet Bree for our interview in about an hour, but for now, we can relax together.
“I had such a good time,” Milo sighs as he throws himself on the couch, staring up at the ceiling with his hands sitting on his chest. “I think I’m in love.”
I roll my eyes, flicking him on the forehead as I pass him. “Knock it off. We don’t know if Remington will choose us for his pack. We can’t get too attached.”
He sits up with a frown. “What do you mean, we can’t get too attached? How are we supposed to get to know him and win him over without getting attached?”
“I don’t know,” I admit, voice cold.
As the pack alpha, Eric and Milo look to me to have the answers. It requires me to think more objectively than they do—or at least more than Milo. He feels everything so deeply. It’s something I love about him and maybe a little jealous of.
I’ve never been able to wear my emotions for all to see. No, in the Hawthorne family, we must always be stoic. Allowing others to know what we’re feeling means they can use it against us. It’s burrowed so deep into my parents, I’m not even sure they can feel anything anymore.
As if being a female alpha isn’t hard enough, my parents raised me to seem cold and dispassionate. Let’s just say my winning personality has never won anyone over. I’m damn lucky Milo and Eric could see past my veneer and love me, regardless.
Since meeting them, I’ve been trying to be better. So far, Remy hasn’t complained, so maybe I’m doing better.
Shaking away those thoughts, I focus on the problem at hand as Eric sits beside me, threading our fingers together. Neither of them says anything, knowing I need to work through my thoughts before we can talk about it.
I had almost given up hope that we’d ever find an omega. Because I’m only interested in men, female omegas were off the table—which is fine considering there are more male omegas than female omegas—but most of them couldn’t look past the facade I put up for the world to see. They all thought I was too cold and uncaring when I’m anything but that.
Finding out there was going to be a male omega on Heated had my pack jumping at the chance to come on the show. My family hadn’t been happy about it—surprise, surprise—but they already think I’ve ruined my reputation.
I like Remington. Hell, even my family would approve of him, and that’s saying a lot. I think he’d be a good match for my pack, but I can’t allow myself to want it too badly. Because what happens if he decides we’re not for him? I’ll need to be there to pick up the pieces for Milo and Eric. I can’t be falling apart myself.
Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea.
“I’m afraid that if we get our hopes up, we’ll get our hearts broken,” I finally say.
Eric hums. “That’s always a possibility—whether it’s on Heated or out in the real world. The same could’ve been said about us when we were forming our pack. Any one of us could’ve changed our minds and walked away, breaking at least two hearts.”
“When it comes to love,” Milo adds, dropping to his knees before me, “you have to take a chance. You have to open yourself up to the possibility of heartache. It’s just a chance you have to take. Big risk, big reward.”
I nod, knowing they’re right. “I don’t like it.”
Milo snorts. “Of course not. Your analytical mind is running through all the possible outcomes and likely focusing on the worst possible ones.”
“If I could make it stop, I would. You know that.” I throw my hands in the air, expelling a puff of hot air.
“We know, Vic. You’re doing a great job, I promise,” Eric assures me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me against his chest.
Even if I’m the head alpha, sometimes I just need to be held by one of my pack mates—or both of them.
Realizing that’s what I need, I scoot closer to Eric before patting the seat beside me. “Come cuddle with us, Milo.”
He scrambles onto the couch as Eric pulls me into his lap, the three of us getting as close to one another as we can.
As their scents and arms wrap around me, I finally relax. There’s just nothing like being surrounded by my pack. It allows me to let go of my worries and stress—even if it’s just for a short period of time. This is what being a pack is all about.
If Remington doesn’t choose us, we’ll still have each other, and that’s what I need to remember.
I don’t know how long we sit like this, but I know our time has to be drawing to a close, so I wiggle out from between the two of them. A glance at the clock tells me we have less than ten minutes until we’re meant to meet Bree in the living room area.
“I’m going to freshen up real quick. It shouldn’t take me more than about five minutes and then we head out, okay?”
Eric and Milo nod, cuddling together even without me in between them.
Gods, I love them.
As promised, five minutes later, we’re walking out our door and into the living room. I hate being late, so we usually end up arriving very early wherever we go. Since we’re just walking down a hallway, I figure five minutes is plenty early. I can’t help smiling when I see Daniel is already waiting for us. I guess I’m not the only one who likes to be early.
Unlike my pack, who would be late for everything if it wasn’t for me. I don’t even think Milo knew what a clock was before we met. He showed up for our first date almost an hour late and never even apologized. He just carried on as if he’d been on time. That’s probably at least part of the reason I fell for him. He likes to dance to his own beat.
Eric falls somewhere between the two of us. He’s the one who just goes with the flow. He doesn’t care for confrontation and has been known to walk out on me and Milo when we’re fighting—something we do from time to time. He’ll tell us to figure it out on our own.
I can’t even blame him because if there’s one time I’m passionate—besides in the bedroom—it’s when I think I’m right about something. Yes, that’s another way of saying I’m stubborn, but so is Milo which is why we fight so hard sometimes. But I can’t complain about the sex afterward.
Snorting to myself, I nod to Daniel as Milo saunters over to him.
“Should we worry about that?” Eric asks evenly.
I glance at my alpha lover in disbelief. “About Milo talking to Daniel? What kind of question is that?”
He shrugs. “What if it’s not just Remington he falls for?”
“Do you really think our beta would start something with someone else without at least discussing it with us?” I lift an eyebrow, wondering where this is coming from. This isn’t like my stoic lover. I’ve never heard him doubt Milo like this.
“I guess not. It’s just…a lot. He’s such a social person, while the two of us just…aren’t. What if he decides we’re not what he wants?”
Turning around to face him fully, I cup his cheek. “What’s going on, Eric?”
Another shrug. “I don’t know. I…I want an omega, and I think Remy would be a good fit for us, but I don’t want Milo to think he’s not enough.”
“Oh, baby.” I pull him down for a kiss, breaking away just far enough that he can rest his forehead on mine. “Milo is so excited to be here and about Remy. I don’t think the idea ever crossed his mind. He knows how much we love him.”
Eric takes in a calming breath before nodding. “Yeah, he does. I don’t know why I’m suddenly stressing over this.”
“You can blame me. It’s my stress seeping into you and making you go crazy.” I shoot him a grin, and he throws his head back as he laughs with his whole body.
“Yeah, okay. I’ll let you take the blame for this one.”
I nod decisively. “As you should.”
“Sorry, I’m late,” Bree says as she breezes in. She’s holding a baby with a blanket over its head and over her shoulder.
Oh, she’s nursing.
Bree grimaces as she glances down at the baby before returning her gaze to us. “He’s almost done. I wish my mates could breastfeed him. It would make it so much easier on me.”
She gives us her back and when she turns back around, the baby is on her shoulder as she burps him.
He’s so stinking cute.
A pang of longing rushes through me. I’ve always wanted children, but try as we might, I haven’t been able to get pregnant in the five years since we formed our pack. I’m sure it’s at least in part because of my age, but part of me feels like some higher being doesn’t think I deserve to be a mom.
Eric’s hand comes down on my shoulder and squeezes. Milo glances back at me with a sad smile, and for a moment, we grieve together for what we haven’t been able to have yet.
“Emmett should be here soon. He’s trying to wrangle our two-year-old, Emmy. When they call it the terrible twos, they’re not lying. I love her very much, but that child of mine is a terror.” Bree shakes her head as we laugh. “I really am sorry, but at least you get a sneak peek at what it’s like to be a working omega. I’m just lucky Emmett wanted to step back and care for our kids when I’m on set. It’ll be easier when I’m no longer breastfeeding.”
She flushes. “Fates, why am I telling you this? Where the hell is he?”
“I can hold him for a minute if you want to call Emmett or whatever,” Milo offers, holding his arms out.
Relief slips over her face. “Yeah? Are you sure? I know that’s not why you’re here.”
Milo waves off her words. “I love babies. I don’t mind one bit.”
“His name is Everest.” She passes him to Milo, smiling at my beta as she pulls out her phone. “Thank you.”
“It’s my pleasure.” Milo smiles down at the baby, speaking so softly to him, I can’t make out the words.
Watching him with Everest pulls at my heartstrings. He looks good with a baby in his arms, and I hate that I can’t give that to him—to them.
No.
To us.
“Em, where are you? I need to get these interviews done.” Bree sighs. “Okay, yeah. We’ll be here.”
“Everything okay?” I ask, my feet moving me closer and closer to Milo and Everest.
She runs a hand through her hair. “Yes. Emmy’s going through a phase where she doesn’t want to wear clothes at all, and she throws a tantrum whenever we force her to. She started stripping her clothes off as he was walking up here from our cabin. She’s going to go hang out with her Uncle Tyler so Emmett can get Everest. Then we’ll get the interview going.”
I run my finger down Everest’s tiny foot, loving just how soft his skin is.
“You can hold him if you want,” Bree offers, and I jerk my head up. She gives me a soft smile as Milo hands me the baby.
I stand frozen, afraid to move. I can’t remember ever holding a baby before, and I’m a little afraid I’m going to hurt him.
“Relax, alpha,” Milo whispers into my ear as Everest begins to fuss. “Babies can tell when you’re upset.”
Looking down at that tiny face, I melt. He blinks his eyes up at me, grabbing my finger when I offer it to him.
“He’s beautiful,” I murmur.
Eric hums as he presses to my back. “He really is.”
“Thank you. He’s a wonderful baby but so was Emmy. Hopefully, his terrible twos won’t be as bad as hers.”
My entire focus is on Everest as I ignore the world around me, the others’ voices fading out. This is what I want—a beautiful baby of my own. I just don’t know how to make it happen.
“I’m here! I’m here!” I lift my head to find Bree’s mate, Emmett, rushing up the stairs. He looks much like he did on his season, neither he nor Bree having aged at all in the three years since the first season. “I’ll take him.”
As much as I don’t want to let him go, he’s not mine, so I relinquish my hold. I bite my lip as I watch how Emmett is with him. It’s obvious how much he loves his son.
“Sorry again, gongjunim .“ Emmett kisses the side of Bree’s head with an apologetic smile. “She’s in rare form tonight, but I’ve got this. I’m Emmett, by the way.”
Milo snorts. “We’re aware. I’m Milo and this is my pack mates, Eric and Victoria. And this is Daniel.”
Emmett gives us a quick wave before ducking back down the stairs, and Bree lets out a sigh. “Now, where the hell are my cameramen?”
Ten minutes later, Daniel, Eric, Milo, and I are sitting on a couch facing the cameras. The questions aren’t anything unexpected, especially since I studied the first three seasons in preparation for appearing on the show myself.
Did I really need to do that? Probably not, but it made me feel better.
It’s less than ten minutes later when Bree wraps it up with a smile. “Thank you, everyone. As you know, the next set of suitors will arrive shortly. We ask that you remain on the second or third floor tonight and in the morning. Both dinner and breakfast will be served in your room or wherever you want to eat on the second or third floor. You can call down to the kitchen whenever you’re hungry and place an order. It doesn’t just need to be at dinnertime, either. While the suitors are still arriving, someone will be in the kitchen 24-7. We don’t want anyone to go hungry.
“Tomorrow, you’ll have free rein of the house from eleven to four tomorrow so you can make use of the pool either outside or in the basement. Then you’ll be asked to return to the top floors. We just want to allow Remington as much time with his new suitors as possible. This will continue for each day until all suitors have arrived. On Saturday, once Remington is back from his date, you’ll no longer be under any restrictions, and the first rose ceremony will be held that night at eight.”
Four more days before we can see Remington again. Hopefully, we can keep one another entertained during that time. At least we’ll get to meet the next four suitors either tonight or tomorrow. It’ll be interesting once all twenty suitors arrive to see how we all get along.
There were more than a few people who butted heads during the first three seasons, so I’m sure there will be much of the same for us.
“Thank you, Bree.” Forcing a smile, I push to my feet. “Daniel, would you like to hang out with us? Unless you want to be alone—which I can completely understand.”
“That sounds much better than being by myself,” he admits. “We could order dinner and watch a movie or two?”
Milo claps his hands with a smile. “That sounds like the perfect way to decompress.”
Which is how I find myself in the theater, sitting between my mates with a pile of food surrounding us and Daniel. It turns out Milo was right—it’s exactly what I need to unwind after the stress of meeting Remington and our first date.
I can’t wait until Saturday when we’ll see him again, even if it’s just to prove to myself that we have a connection.