Chapter 22
Hestia
The rest of our break passes much the same. Me, struggling not to hop on my bosses.
My bosses, seemingly just as interested, but likewise dancing around our feelings in order to remain professional.
Together, but not.
While I haven’t had any other close encounters, no more almost kisses, no more almost fingering, there’s a tension in the air. We all know something is going on between us, but no one can act on it.
So, instead of banging like crazy, we spent our break doing festive winter things, which were a decent distraction. It was fun, and I crossed a bunch of things off my FWTTDBID list.
We went into town a few more times, did a little shopping, tried all the holiday menus at restaurants. Here in the mountains, we went skating at a pond, sledding on the nearby slopes, and had a few more snowball fights.
We spent our time inside baking, listening to holiday music, and getting cozy on the couch, either watching movies or enjoying the warmth of the fire while reading, relaxing, or knitting in my case.
I thought about taking a few days away for myself, but when it came down to it, I couldn’t leave them. The only thing worse than hiding my feelings was the thought of not being near them.
The one time we were apart was during my doctor’s appointment. I told them I was due for my annual checkup, but really I had to make sure my suppressants are working. It turns out they are, they just can’t suppress my feelings.
The more time I’ve spent with Orion, Henri, Charm, Magnus, and Cato, learning their little habits and quirks, seeing the way they care for me and each other, has only made those feelings stronger. It’s not just physical attraction.
I already knew how amazing they were at work. I told myself I was lucky to have them as my teammates, but it’s more than that. I want us to be more than that.
I can’t lie to myself anymore.
I think if it was just the shift in mindset to include finding a pack in my life plan, I could have accepted it earlier. But because it’s my bosses that I want, I’ve been suppressing everything.
Even though I’ve accepted my feelings now, I still have to keep them hidden.
Once I finish my training period and get certified as a rescuer, we’ll be on the same level. There won’t be a power imbalance, and HR will be fine with us dating.
Just 701 days left until I can ask them out.
The only other concern is what I’ll do about my heats. I could hire temporary alphas like I used to—
The thought makes me physically ill.
I brace myself on the sink while I dry heave.
My hands shake as I splash cold water on my face, trying to wash away the revulsion.
I dab at my face and look in the mirror, where I meet my wide, worried eyes.
I’ll just have to prevent my heats until my training is done.
I’ve never tried going through a heat alone with only toys for company, but now that I’ve found my mates, I can’t imagine that would go well. My omega would be desperate to find them, making it extra painful.
I’ve heard stories about omegas who stop their heats even though it goes against medical advice. Doctors recommend at least two heats a year to maintain good health, but surely it would be fine to stop them for just two years. That’s only skipping four heats.
I’ve already been sterilized because I don’t want kids, so I’m not worried about affecting my fertility. I’m otherwise healthy, so a little extra chemical manipulation can’t be that bad.
I bet I can find online forums where omegas explain how to do it. Maybe even some talking points to get my doctor on board so I’ll have medical supervision.
I don’t have time to look into it now though, I have to finish getting ready for work.
It’s our first day back on call, and I’m excited to return to work. I actually missed it, even though we spent plenty of time playing around in the mountains.
Plus it will be a good distraction from my feelings. We always behave ourselves while we’re working, so I’ll have a reprieve from the lingering glances and subtle touches.
I make it downstairs only a little later than I intended, where breakfast is ready and waiting. My teammates are just loading up their plates, so I’m not too far behind.
Cato hands me my coffee and sticks a candy cane in it with a smirk. I roll my eyes, no longer flustered by his antics.
I don’t expect him to pull the candy cane back out and lick it seductively. My mouth drops open, and he winks at me before walking off with the candy cane stuck in the corner of his mouth.
I make eye contact with Orion, who is staring at the scene. I realize my mouth is still hanging open and close it with a snap, scurrying over to the table.
I huff after I sit down, realizing I forgot to get food.
A plate slides in front of me, piled high with a frittata, bacon, persimmon slices, and biscuits with cranberry jam. I thank Henri, who is always looking after me.
It’s a quiet breakfast, and I watch the snow falling outside the window. It’s been colder the past few weeks and the days are shorter as we approach deep winter.
I’ve entirely given up on trying to help clean, so I let Magnus take my plate. I remain at the table, sipping my coffee and watching the sky.
When they’re done washing up, we reconvene and Orion goes over our plan for the day.
“We’ll see if Nivem Notch, the northern pass, is still clear and check on the people who live around there. Depending on how long that takes, we’ll drive the other roads below the pass,” he says.
I straightened up automatically when he started talking. I’d forgotten how commanding Orion can be. He was much more casual and easygoing while on break.
“Now that the snowfall is getting heavier, we’ll be checking the roads more often.
We’ll clear what we can and report anything impassable to the Department of Transportation so they can update their live maps.
We’ll do that until and unless the weather gets too severe and travel is no longer advised.
Then we’ll only go out when we get emergency calls,” Orion tells me.
I tell him I understand, and we’re off.