38. Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Ursula
A sh and Ronan did such a thorough job of distracting me, that I didn’t really begin to feel the crushing pressure of the upcoming dinner until I was halfway through my makeup, continuously changing my mind on how to present myself for the first time to the most important people in my pack members lives.
I agonized over what to wear.
Julian had, of course, packed something for the occasion—but the dress felt far too glamorous, too sensual for this meeting. My parents and my brothers would be there along with the other families and friends—and it would be my first time at Mavren’s restaurant, on display to his coworkers...not to mention all of this mess still being captured on camera.
I take a deep breath and shuffle the heavy garment bag to the back of the wardrobe, shuffling through the other things I’ve unpacked until I hear a soft rapping on the doorframe.
“It’s me,” Lysander calls through the door.
“Come in, darling,” I welcome him, still in the silk velvet dressing gown.
“Sorry we took off while you were napping,” he murmurs against my cheek as he drifts into my arms.
“You’re all being very secretive,” I pout, opening one half of our embrace so that we stand facing my wardrobe—my arm around his waist, his arm draped over my shoulder.
“I promise the surprise will be worth it.” He smiles, the circles beneath his eyes faded slightly after his own snooze earlier.
“You’d think we would have already had our fill of surprises,” I laugh weakly—and I can see something flash in Lysander’s eyes. It wasn’t meant to be a dig at him for the dramatic reveal, my heat inexperience, the revelation of interpack relationships and chemistry, or even the drama with Anton and Teddy on the beach—rather a commentary on the experience as a whole, preposterous as it was.
“I’m just trying to get through tonight—it’s a lot of pressure, you know?” I rush in to fill the space, worried I’ve hurt his feelings, but Lysander’s face softens again.
“I know, there’re a few more around the bend.” He kisses the apple of my cheek, then my lips before drawing back—his brown eyes fixed softly on my face. “Here, I’ll help—I may not be Julian St. James, but I do have a doctorate in aesthetics and art theory.” Lysander begins filing through the hangers in the closet.
I know I’m supposed to be agreeable, to take the easy guiding hand toward dinner, but a needling fear runs prickling down my spine.
“Where’s Teddy?” I ask, watching Lysander pull a pair of pleated linen palazzo pants from the closet, laying them over his arm carefully before he answers me.
“He’s still got some real last minute things to deal with before the dinner. The boys and I told him we had his back, that we’d make sure we got you to Pomme Verte on time as long gets his ass there on time,” Lysander answers flatly—his hands waffling back and forth over a few hangers before he ultimately decides on a blousy washed silk button down the color of a rock dove’s wing.
“Beige bag is the aesthetic of the evening?” I snicker, incredulous at his selection.
“Just put them on,” he instructs—handing me the garments before disappearing back into the wardrobe.
“Tonight is important, if everything goes well—we’ll be announcing our intention to become Pack Gold at tomorrow night’s mixer, then it’s right into the trial heat, and after that…” I trail off, standing dumbly in front of the elaborate gold framed cheval mirror beside the wardrobe—the blousy shirt flowing over my waist and down the decorative front pleats of the pants.
I look like a frumpy cloud of fog.
“Tonight is important,” Lysander echoes me in agreement, emerging from the wardrobe with a pair of rich red brown leather suspenders and a red silk scarf printed with the Ewing rose; the same pattern on my ring. “You are going to do beautifully,” he assures me, French tucking my shirt before he fixes the leather braces to my linen pants—tying the scarf jauntily at my neck.
“You think so?” I blink, stepping into the heels Lysander pulled for me, pulling a tube of vermilion lipstick from the nearby vanity.
We stand side by side in the reflection of the mirror. I look almost like one of the boys, only with feminine accents and indecent roundness as Lysander whispers into my ear, “Everyone is going to love you. I know I do.”
Ronan, Lysander, Ash and I arrive at Pomme Verte just after sundown—the low twilight shining in pinky purples through the large panes of glass that make up the restaurant's greenhouse-like walls and ceilings.
Plants are everywhere, hanging from pots toward the ceiling, growing toward the light, from large mosaic tiled pots on the ground, and nestled into clever ledges, behind tables against the glass.
The restaurant is entirely empty. Except for one long table set with numerous places, a spirited conversation already bubbling up from the white linen dressed table.
Tears fill my eyes as I see at the very head of the table, with her long cherry chocolate curls bouncing around her shoulders—eyes crinkled at the edges and the corners with her smile. Miriam. My mama. Beside her, Poppy. My pops, my dad, my brothers, are eagerly engaged in an almost-shouting match with Cosmo Lamont and a very, very pregnant Daphne Dale—the other members of Pack Silver stuck with other obligations for the evening. They gab loudly over one another. An older couple both with white blonde hair and pale glassy blue eyes are all but cringing away from my loud, brassy family.
On the other side of the table are two men covered head to toe in tattoos, one with shoulder length hair and the other with a buzzcut, were having a lively discussion with a woman with a sleek, swept back bleach blonde hairdo; her partner practically toppling her wheelchair to show the man with the buzzcut an engraving on her phone. Beyond them, closer to my family, sit two women of middle age; one tall and broad with golden hair and grass green eyes, sits beside the other—petite and lithe with a tidy black bob and blunt bangs peppered with silvery gray, her dark almond eyes watching my mother curiously as Miriam squawks loudly at the head of the table, a small smile quirking the woman’s lips.
“Well, it looks like the table is nearly full…but I don't see Teddy.” I wring my hands nervously. I am wondering if it is not too late to back out of the door before anybody sees that we have arrived. I have just about convinced myself that it won't be too difficult to bust out of the big glass doors and hoof it back to Emily in the waiting limousine when my mother looks up and catches my eye.
“Ursula, darling, my little Shana Madel,” she calls across the room, her voice breaking with tears.
“Mama,” I sniffle—and then she's pushing back from the table, standing on her too short, stubby legs running toward me, her arms outstretched. The two of us come together in an embrace, my face buried in the crown of her hair, the tears flowing down my cheeks.
“Daphne!” I sob as Daphne brings up the rear—waddling toward me, a hand bracing the bottom of her huge belly.
“My little girl, I should have trusted you when you said you needed to wait. I knew you would find your pack someday, but I never imagined they’d all be so gorgeous!” Mama dabs at the corner of her eyes with her finger. Taking a step back from me to take in Ronan, Lysander, and Ash. Looking them over, up, and down.
“Ma, please! You’re embarrassing me,” I chuckle through my tears, rubbing at my eyes with the back of my hands.
“What did I tell you, La-la!? I knew you were going to find happiness,” Daphne exclaims happily through her tears as she scoots in beside my mother—the three of us making a small ring of hugging and crying.
“Come on, why don't we have a seat? I haven't met everybody yet. Why don't we do some introductions? You’ve been chatting a while—why don’t you start?” I put my arms over their shoulders, holding them close to me.
Mom, Daphne, and I walk down the long table hand in hand until we arrive at the end of the table where everyone is seated.
The lavender blonde couple are obviously Ash's parents. Still, I allow my mother to make the necessary formalities.
“Ursula, honey, this is Marta and Dieter Dressaliers.” Ash scurries quickly to my side. Making a few introductions of his own.
“Mom. Dad. This is Ursula and Ursula's mom, evidently.” He smiles. Reaching For my free hand and giving it a squeeze. I elbow him gently, unsure that my mother will appreciate Ash’s sense of humor.
“It is lovely to meet you Ursula. We've been chatting with your family for some time,” Marta offers sweetly, even though Dieter’s sour expression belies a more contentious conversation, or perhaps lack thereof. I doubt my boisterous family has allowed either of the Dressaliers’ to get a word in edgewise.
I look past my parents, my brothers, and the other guests to the rest of the empty table, several spaces still left unoccupied.
As if reading my expression, Lysander steps forward, taking my hand and guiding me to the next group of guests.
“We have a few other guests that will be joining us this evening. There's just been a slight delay. But no need to worry, I have heard that the chef's sister-in-law and house sommelier will be with us shortly to provide the first tasting of the evening,” he explains coolly. His eyes begging for me to play along without upset.
So I do.
“Won’t you continue to introduce me?” I give his forearm a squeeze, my eyes doing their best to reassure him that we’re on the same team. Tonight and always.
“Of course! This is my best friend and also my business partner Tasha and her wife Joanne,” he introduces me to the sleek-headed blonde woman and her wife.
“Thrilled to meet you,” Joanne almost squeals—while I can tell that Tasha is hyper-analyzing me behind her complimentary smile.
“So glad to see Lysander so happy.” Tasha reaches carefully for my hand, her grip firm as we shake.
All I can do is smile back, because Ronan is quick to jump in and take his chance, turning me toward the tattooed men on the other side of Lysander’s guests.
“This is Kal,” he gestures to the man with long dark hair and a body almost completely covered in tattoos.
I can’t help but blush a little when his wild green eyes skate over me. I’m not looking at him in that way—but sheesh. Maybe I could introduce him to Roxy!
“And this is Conny.” Ronan slaps the other, younger man with the buzz cut on the shoulder.
“Connor. C’mon man I’m not the shop apprentice anymore,” Connor corrects Ronan with a weak laugh, clearly embarrassed.
“Nice to meet you.” I smile politely, even though I’m fast approaching an overwhelmed state.
“How delightful!” my mother gushes. Her eyes. Wide as saucers as she takes in the sight of my mates. “And this—” she turns, guiding me in the direction of the two women seated on the other side of Ash's parents.
“This is Lindsay and Mei, Mrs. and Mrs Wong,” my mother introduces them jauntily.
I reach out my hand, doing my best to stay my gentle shaking.
Where is Teddy? My mind begs. His moms are here, but where is he? I squash down my panic and take Mei’s hand in my own, shaking it gently.
“Ursula, we've heard so many wonderful things about you,” she beams, but at this close distance—I can see that her eyes are slightly puffy, as if she’s only just recovered from a great deal of crying.
“Albeit only recently,” Lindsay grumbles under her breath, earning herself an under the table kick from Mei.
“I'm sorry?” I stammer.
“Ignore her. She's being difficult,” Mei snaps, giving her wife a dirty look. “If you’re going to give anyone attitude tonight, save it for Theodore,” she huffs, and Lindsay seems to nod in agreement before moving to re-introduce herself properly.
“Hi, I’m Lindsay, Teddy’s other mother.”
I'm about to ask Lindsay for further clarification, when I am unceremoniously interrupted by my own brother.
“You all look like you're cosplaying the hot librarian from ‘The Mummy’.” My brother David says deadpan, à propos of nothing —launching my older brother Joshua into a fit of hysterical laughter beside him as he does so.
Never have I been so grateful for my brothers’ playful insults.
“Why thank you, you noticed,” Ronan serves back, taking a seat beside David. His expression inscrutable as he rolls his linen sleeves displaying his brightly colored tattoos, much to my mother's chagrin.
“I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce these two. Ronan, Ash, Lysander, meet my brothers Joshua and David. Insufferable, as you can tell." I smile blithely, sticking my tongue out at both of my siblings before blowing them each a kiss.
Happy to be included, Joshua and David grin alongside my parents. Joshua takes a breath, and I'm worried that he's winding up to share an embarrassing story or something of the like when we are interrupted by the sound of voices at the door and the swinging of hinges.
Teddy appears in the doorway, three figures following close behind. I can tell nearly right away who they are. Meesh, Dom, and Pol, the three people Teddy swore that he would tell, that I would need to impress back home if things were to get really serious.
Some part of me is relieved that he's finally shown up, with or without his three friends. Another part of me can’t stop thinking about what his mom, Lindsay, said—how she and Mei are behaving.
“Sorry I'm late!” Teddy calls apologetically as he leads the three toward the table.
I know Meesh instantly by her tall and willowy ballerina’s body—her long brown hair tied into a high ponytail.
Dom, a compact beefcake, with her black hair short cropped and coily against her deep brown scalp, a silver fuckboy chain around her slender neck.
Last of all, Pol, a curious character; tall and lean—an impeccably styled patchwork vest in many jewel toned colors, buttoned over their narrow bare chest—the last of Teddy’s companions took their seats at the far end of the table.
Teddy, quick to make his way down to where I stand beside his moms to kiss me gently on the lips before helping me into my seat.
“Ursula, this is Meesh, Dom and Pol.” He sweeps his hand between us. “Meesh, Dom, Pol, this is Ursula. The three eye me with open surprise. Not a distaste or a disdain, from what I can tell, but genuine and complete shock.
Before anybody can say anything else though, Mavren's sister-in-law, Coral, shows up with two young servers in tow, all three of them holding chilled bottles of Vinho Verde ready to serve.
“Ursula, glad we've finally gotten to meet you—even if only in passing.” She winks at me as she serves me some of the pale, almost green, clear liquid. “We got to meet the boys earlier—and trust me, we'll have plenty of time for a girl's night later, but I wanted to sneak by and say hello before we got to the main course.” She winks one of those sage green eyes at me with a grin.
“Girls night sounds great to me. I'll make sure I get your number before we leave tonight!” I assure her before she collects her underlings and returns to the kitchen.
I'm about to make some sort of toast because I feel as if that's the sort of thing you do in this situation. However awkward it may be. I am unsure as to how these other parents feel about their children competing in this reality program, but I'm hell bent on making the best impression possible. Just as I'm about to raise my glass. There's the loud tinkling of Teddy striking a fork against the side of his crystal tumbler of water.
“All right, everybody, I hate to bother you. But there are a few things that I'd like to get out of the way before we start our absolutely beautiful dinner here tonight at Pomme Verte.” Teddy rubs his hands together, hopping from foot to foot with barely leashed energy.
I look to the trio of his closest friends, their expressions suspended in a state of anticipation. My stomach drops when I turn my gaze to Mei and Lindsay and find them both intently staring at me.
“I know that some of you are concerned about how we all met,” Teddy begins, his manner easy, his tone casual—though I can tell by his loaded posture—the bloodless grip of his knuckles as he wrings his hands, that he is performing a delicate operation, and it is costing him.
“While many of you met at school, or maybe at your first job, through a placement agency, or perhaps even at the bar.” He pauses, looking around at each of our families with a small smile. “We have met in a much less traditional manner; Good old reality programming.” Everybody around the table lets out a small, slightly stifled laugh.
“People come to the show for all sorts of reasons. To find love they couldn't find elsewhere. To find acceptance in a difficult dating world full of designation politics and complicated social dances.” Teddy turns down the table, his eyes falling on Lysander.
“Lysander was desperate to find somebody who would love him, not his money,” he proclaims flatly—some of the table guests squirming in their seats at the bluntness of the assertion.
“Ronan was looking for a family that wouldn’t slip through his fingers again—for someone who would see him before they saw his scars, to get to know him before they would assume they knew his story.”
“Ash was looking for someone who could appreciate Ash Dressaliers, not DJ KR3OSOTE,” Teddy continues his rotation, Ash nodding in solidarity.
“Mavren, a consummate workaholic. Decided to get out of his own way and to find somebody who loved him independently of his success; someone who would share in his vision—his dream, since he spends so much time bringing his passion to life; passions he wants to share with his packmates, with us.”
“Of course, Ursula—who had struggled to find somebody whom she deserves. Because so many of us have our heads so far up our own asses we don't know what's good for us—we don’t know what we want.” His eyes brim with tears as he looks pleadingly to the attendance of the table.
“I sure as hell didn't know what I wanted. I came on the show for all the wrong reasons. Well, not all wrong,” Teddy shoots a glance to his moms and sniffles—Mei crying softly again.
“I decided to go on the show to make some money, to get my name out there, to hope that this would translate into more roles at more auditions or even a temporary stint as a professional reality television show contestant,” Teddy admits, hanging his head.
“Work had started drying up for me. I hadn't gotten a part in months. I was doing daily stunt work, barely able to pay my rent. I had gotten used to my paychecks. To the safety they provided. The ability that they granted me to send money home to my moms who desperately needed the support financially.”
My ears start to ring slightly—a metallic taste spreading in the back of my mouth as if I’m about to faint as my brain struggles to catch up with what Teddy is saying.
Meesh covers her mouth with her hands, Dom half cups her hands over her ears as if she can block out his confession, Pol winces through their splayed fingers; hear no, see no, speak no evil.
“I thought I was going to show up and take this place by storm. Leave popular, with the next gig lined up, another payday. I went in not caring who I hurt or why.” He blinks his tears away and I sit—breathless—my hands clutching the edge of the table as if it might fall away—soft gasps issuing from others around the table—my brother Joshua moving, as if to stand from the table and fight.
“Cool it—he’d lay you out without straining a pinky,” David hisses at Joshua under his breath—keeping my elder brother from doing anything foolish…for now.
“And then I met Ursula. For the first time I couldn't rely on my good looks, and my charm seemed to have no effect on her. As a matter of fact, she tried to get rid of me almost as soon as we met. On our very first dates, she skewered me as shallow, self-involved, and completely unready for real, genuine companionship. My affections, which may have started as an act, very quickly became reality.”
Tears begin to run down my own face as Teddy continues speaking.
“Ursula saw my worth. Beyond my appearance, beyond my physical prowess. She looked past my shitty fuckboy attitude and my casual selfishness and cruelty. She brought me together with my packmates, in a way that I never thought possible.” Teddy draws close to me lifting my chin with his finger as if to ask permission before I close my eyes and purse my lips—allowing him a chaste kiss on the lips.
Teddy's voice cracks. And he turns his face to regard Lysander.
“When I say I didn't know what I wanted, I mean, I didn't have the slightest clue. It took Ursula bringing us all together for me to realize what love looks like—what pack means to me.”
He reaches across the table, taking Lysanders hand in his before pressing a kiss gently to Lysander’s lips.
Though Teddy’s trio of besties appear to have their souls leaving their bodies—-Teddy’s mothers are both smiling now—holding each other close, nodding encouragement with broad smiles to their son.
“That day when Anton tried to expose me on the beach—to shame me for having chosen Ursula and Lysander and the rest of my pack…I should have told you everything, but I was afraid that you wouldn’t believe me when I said that what I felt for you, for Pack Gold, was—is real.” Teddy gets down on his knees in front of me.
“I told the boys, I told my moms, I told Meesh, Dom, and Pol the truth. I asked them if they thought I should even try to ask for your forgiveness, to seek redemption and your love.” He grits against his steady tears.
“We told him life without love isn’t life at all,” Mei interjects, her slight frame held tightly against her wife’s as the two of them look at me expectantly.
“I beg for your forgiveness.” Teddy reaches up and places his palms on my knees, gently pressing his forehead to the backs of his hands. “All I want is to be by your side, to lead Pack Gold.”
“Yes, of course yes you stupid idiot,” I sob, pulling his hands from my kneecaps—not able to stand being outside his embrace a second longer.
Teddy sweeps me up into his arms and swings me around; Ronan, Ash and Lysander all rising from their seats to join him. Through the haze of tears, I can just barely see Mavren’s tall, lithe thorn making its way through the golden rectangle of light from the kitchen to join our tangled embrace.
We found it. No matter how difficult, no matter how complicated, we have found each other. We have found home.