Chapter 24 Raven
RAVEN
I’m still wearing Foster’s jacket when we get to our hotel in Cortina.
I swear I can smell faint traces of what must be his scent.
Coffee, I think, but something else, too.
I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it makes me feel warm, the notes reminiscent of something spiced.
Even though it calms something in me, it’s not enough to make me forget my epic failure.
Foster and I are silent as the door to our suite closes behind us with a resounding click.
We’re sharing a room again, but this time it’s a two-bedroom suite, so we’ll each have our own space.
It’s a step up from our apartment in Milan.
Since my competitions are over, and I’m not competing in Cortina, we can’t stay in the athletic housing, so Coach booked this place for us.
It’s nice. But right now it feels too small.
Foster opens his mouth like he’s going to say something.
I shake my head and silently hold up a hand.
I’m certain if he says anything to me right now, I’ll sink straight into the earth.
The area between my legs is wet and unsatisfied after our encounter on the train, and my cheeks still burn with the embarrassment of his rejection.
As if failing at the Olympics wasn’t enough.
Walking straight past him, I slip into one of the bedrooms and shut the door, sinking against the wood the moment it’s closed.
Head dropped, shoulders curled, the scent from Foster’s jacket surrounds me.
Even though it’s faint, it has me clenching my thighs.
I frantically strip off the garment. If I keep it on, I may do something stupid like rushing back out there, getting on my knees, and begging for his cock.
The coat lands in a heap on the bed, and I snag my phone before running into the bathroom, shutting that door, too, like it will help keep me from being a horny, desperate mess.
My fingers are dialing before I really know what I’m doing. I just know I need to talk to my best friend. Three rings later, the call connects, and Sadie’s face fills my screen.
“Bitch, it’s about time I heard from you.
” She’s outside, at the barn if the horse walking next to her is any indication.
“You’ve got great timing. I just got off Monticello and could use a distraction from my horrid training session.
You’ll never believe what my trainer did this time.
That man is—What’s wrong?” Sadie must have finally been able to see me on her screen when she walked into some shade.
My distress is probably written all over my face.
“Sadie!” I hiss, continuing in a whisper. “I think I like my bodyguard.”
She laughs. “Well yeah, duh. He’s pretty hot.”
Jealousy hits me, but I force it down. I know she doesn’t mean it like that. “No. I think I like him like him. Like, I want to sleep with him like him.”
That has my best friend perking up. She hands the bay gelding she was leading off to a groom and slips into a tack room, presumably to have some privacy. I hope so at least.
“Okay, so what’s stopping you?” she asks as she sits on something, leaning against the wood-paneled wall behind her.
“I can’t fuck my bodyguard!” I hiss again. “Also keep your voice down. I don't want him to hear me.”
She scoffs. “Why the fuck not? Is there some Olympic rule saying you can’t?”
“It doesn’t matter anymore even if there is,” I murmur under my breath.
Sadie's face softens. “I’m sorry, Raven. I saw the highlights from your program earlier. Do you want to talk about it?”
That is the very last thing I want to talk about. “He fingered me on the train!” I blurt out.
My best friend's eyes go wide and a wicked smile turns up her lips.
“Well, kinda,” I add, before she gets any crazy ideas. “I mean, his finger was, uh, under my panties but, uh, he didn’t like… put it in, if you know what I mean.”
“You mean he didn’t fingerblast you until you couldn’t see straight? Shame,” Sadie muses.
My cheeks flame with heat. “I wanted him to. But he pulled back when he heard people outside the train car and then ran away.”
“In the train car?! Ooh, I didn’t know you had an exhibitionist side, Raven.”
“Sadie!” Why did I call her again? This is not helping.
“Okay, okay,” Sadie concedes, getting her amusement under control.
“Did you come?” I shake my head. “Did you bring your vibrator?” Another shake.
She sighs. “Listen, I think you need to get laid. Or at least eaten out. You know there are crazy parties during the Olympics. Go find a hot alpha or three, even a sexy beta, and let off some steam.”
I shake my head yet again. “Foster would never let me go to a party.”
Her eyebrows shoot sky high, a look of incredulity on her face. “He wouldn’t let you? First of all, you’re a grown ass woman, and you aren’t gonna let him tell you what you can and can’t do. Second of all, ditch him.”
“What?”
“Ditch him. If he won’t give you what you need, find someone who will.
Sneak out. Go let loose. Have some alcohol.
You’ve had a hell of a day. Well, a hell of a few months really.
You deserve to experience the fun things, too, Raven.
Not just what your coach, or publicist, or Foster think you should do. ”
The squeak of the door opening on Sadie’s side precedes someone calling her name. “Shit. Rave, I gotta go. But think about what I said, okay?”
I nod. “Okay. Love you.”
“Love you too, babe,” Sadie says before she hangs up.
I stare at the blank screen for a few moments, before deciding to take a shower. Maybe if I wash off his scent and the mess of slick between my thighs, I’ll be able to think clearer.
I set my phone on the counter, then reach in the shower to get the water running. The bathroom is nice, nothing luxurious like the one Foster took me to in Milan, but nicer than the dorm showers. My mind races as I go through the motions of stripping down, then stepping under the hot spray.
As I’m shampooing my hair, I think about what Sadie said. I’ve never snuck out before, ever. Rigid Raven. The good girl who was a stickler for the rules. I’ve only been to one party in my life—the one where Tanner…
No. Not thinking about my past. I rinse the shampoo, then squeeze a large dollop of conditioner into my palm, working it into my dark strands.
How would I find one of these epic parties anyway? Sadie made it seem like you could throw a stone and hit one, but I’m not about to wander the streets of Cortina hoping to stumble upon something. That’s asking for trouble.
Stepping back under the spray, I wash the conditioner out, then grab the body wash. As my hands move down my body, I realize my nipples are still taut from arousal. Slipping a hand between my thighs just confirms I’m still dripping slick, my core throbbing from Foster’s almost-attention.
I didn’t tell him to stop, but he pulled away anyway.
Then he ran like his ass was on fire. I can’t pretend the rejection didn’t sting.
He could have stopped because it isn’t professionally appropriate.
But an insidious voice sneaks in, telling me he just didn’t want me.
With a body like his, he probably has his pick of omegas.
And he’s had to follow me around like a guard dog.
He probably thought I’d be a stage five clinger if he hooked up with me. He isn’t wrong.
But I’m sick of being the good girl. I’m sick of being a virgin. I’m sick of playing it safe. What has safe gotten me? A humiliating mistake on an international stage. Disappointment. Loneliness.
Maybe I need to get this out of my system with someone I won’t ever see again, that way I can’t get attached.
I channel my inner Sadie, a woman who takes charge of her own sexuality without shame or pause.
Determination fills me as I shut off the shower and step out, wrapping myself in a big fluffy towel.
I’m going out tonight. The other girls on the figure skating team mentioned parties, and I know there are a couple clubs around. I’m sure I can find out where to go from one of them. I just have to figure out how to sneak past Foster first.