Chapter 16 – Zale
Chapter Sixteen
Zale
A s carefully and gently as I can slide out from underneath Shiloh, gently removing his arm from around my waist and detangling our intertwined legs. My mouth feels dry, like I’ve been licking sand as I try to sit up without disturbing him. What on earth happened last night? Why did I let myself get like this?
The room spins a little before I can focus, I knew drinking the whiskey had been an awful idea. I wasn’t the best drinker since I always had to moderate myself. I may be a large alpha male, but that clearly didn’t mean shit if the pounding in my head was anything to go by. Adding in the weed certainly didn’t help. Goddess, my parents would be so disappointed in me if they could see me now. I was normally so careful, but last night I’d thrown caution to the wind.
A cute snuffling noise has me turning back to the man sleeping by my side in a nest of quilts and cushions. There’s a part of me that thinks I should be panicking right now.
I did something unthinkable, something messed up even by my standards. I had sex with my girlfriend's brother. While I knew that our relationship was at the end of its life, she didn’t, and that wasn’t fair. Cheating on her while she was away with our friends and I was trapped in her family cabin wasn’t something I’d planned.
There's another part of me, screaming louder that Shiloh Vox was always supposed to be waking up next to me. He was meant to be mine.
His dark curls cover his face, his hair tie lost sometime during the night, so I carefully reach out and brush them away so I can take a better look. His cheeks are pink and rosy, flushed with sleep and his eyelashes flutter as he dreams.
As gently as I can, I brush my thumb over his swollen bottom lip. We kissed. No, that wasn’t enough to describe what we had done. We had consumed one another, bitten, scratched and clawed at each other chasing more. Last night had been a mix of lust and instinct.
This wasn’t just sexual attraction, it couldn’t be. It felt deeper. Yesterday, I shared with him things I hadn’t ever told anyone else. I tore myself open and exposed a part of me that I kept hidden away, including from myself most days, not ready to face them.
Shiloh was under my skin, and if I could, I would merge myself with him to keep him with me forever. He was mine. That’s what the alpha voice in the back of my head growling over and over, getting louder the more time I spent with him. Mine. He was meant to be mine.
I pause. But what if he didn’t want me? What if I had fucked everything up last night? Now that I’d had a taste, I wasn’t sure that I could go back to pretending he was nothing to me. We could never be strangers again.
It had never been like this with Millie. She was sweet, soft and welcoming, but last night had been on an entirely different level. I wanted to memorize every inch of him with my mouth, map out every freckle and scar, burning it into my brain. Swallow every sound, every pant, every moan. They were mine to consume.
I was obsessed.
I wanted to be with him but how did I make him understand that without chasing him away?
Letting my fingers follow the curve of his body down until my hand rests on his hip, I silently beg that he understands where I’m coming from. He must feel the warmth in his sleep because he makes a soft purring noise, pulling some of the pillows closer.
The dawn's early light trickles in through the windows, it’s too faded and weak for it to disturb him yet but soon enough, we’d have to deal with the fallout of our night. Would he pretend it never happened just like everything else that had gone before? I was going to have to convince him that I was serious about pursuing a relationship with him, especially with the complications from my relationship with Millie.
Opening my phone to the PikSnap app, I start flicking through the snaps from the last two days. With the power outage and wanting to spend time with Shiloh, I haven’t been able to check it.
To be honest, I had also been kind of avoiding it since I felt guilty on one level for not going, a little jealous on another, because I felt like I was missing out while everyone else was together and then I was also relieved because I wasn’t there. I didn’t know how to deal with the conflicting emotions and the pressures that came with each one, so avoiding the app just seemed easier.
Millie’s grin is wide and bright in almost every photo. I’m glad she had a good time. The others look like they’ve enjoyed themselves too, and even though I may not know their names, I recognize familiar faces from college and from the social events my parents always make me attend.
There’s one photo that makes me pause, it’s not even of Millie but rather Sadie and Evans kissing, but in the background, I recognize the familiar shape of my girlfriend looking cozy and intimate with someone I don’t know. Someone tall, dark and handsome.
I wait for that possessive alpha feeling to kick in, for me to feel angry or jealous, but I don’t. I know it’s not normal. And it just reiterates what I’ve known for a while, something was never quite right between us but until my run-ins with Shiloh forced me to face it, I hadn’t been ready to. If I had seen a photo of him on the other hand…well, I can already feel the jealousy seeping into my mind and the rage bubbling away just at the thought. Heck, I was already jealous of his best friend Bell even though Shiloh had repeatedly said they were only friends.
It might have been the whiskey or the weed messing with my mind, but I could have sworn that last night in my arms, Shiloh almost felt like an omega. I’ve never shared a heat with a partner, but what happened last night – that felt very much like how I imagined a pre-heat haze to be. Full of desperation and need and base instincts that took over until there was nothing sane or rational left.
When I had pushed inside his tight body, I’d almost been out of my goddamn mind, but I could’ve sworn that he was slick and wet for me. As a beta was that even possible? Had he been fucking himself with that toy of his? When would he have had time, because yesterday we were only apart when he went to get the quilts and came back with the weed? That wasn’t enough time, surely, to lube himself up and make himself come even if he was horny as hell. Something wasn’t quite right.
Shiloh mumbles in his sleep, and because I’m not ready for him to wake just yet and my fidgeting might disturb him, I carefully get to my feet and slip outside onto the cabin patio.
I don’t really know why, but I open my phone and call my parents. I’d thought about talking to Blake, but there were a million things running through my mind and I needed some perspective. If there’s one thing I could always count on my parents for, it was their honesty.
“Zale? Is everything okay?” My papa asks, sounding sleepy. Panic and concern tinge his words as they come down the line. Glancing at the time, I wince when I realize it’s five thirty am.
“Do you think Fated Mates always have to be an alpha and omega pairing?” I blurt, as I look out across the mountain range in front of me. There’s fresh snow making everything crisp and white and new. The sky is a clear blanket of soft violet and pink hues as the sun rises. The storm must have passed already, as there’s barely even a breeze but the air feels crisp and sharp against my skin.
“What?” Father asks in the background, sounding perplexed. My papa must have me on speaker phone.
Placing a hand on the patio railing, I look down at the drop into the valley below. “Well, we talk about Fated Mates and destiny and unbreakable bonds but did anyone ever say explicitly that it had to be an alpha and omega pairing?”
What if…No, that was just wishful thinking. It has to be.
I hadn’t planned what I was going to say, I just needed to pluck a thread out from my loud brain and start pulling. Clearly, Fated Mates was the first thing I’d landed on.
There’s a heavy pause, before I hear my papa’s voice. Gentler this time. “Are you sure you’re quite alright?”
Pausing, I sigh, sweeping back my hair with my free hand. Something about Shiloh’s questions yesterday had been haunting me, playing over and over again in my head. Was I planning to be miserable for the rest of my life? Would I ever have the courage to go after the life I wanted? I may not be ready to start denouncing my position as Blackwood heir, but I could start being more honest. At least with myself and my parents.
“No, I don’t think I have been for a while.” I admit with a small chuckle as I close my eyes and inhale deeply.
“Do you need us to make you an appointment with Dr. Chambers?” Papa asks, his voice soft. Dr. Chambers was our family therapist, but I’d stopped visiting him a while ago, when I realized that my parents were never going to change.
“No, I need you to tell me could it ever be a beta and an alpha?”
There’s some whispering, and the rustling of fabric down the line. I think I hear the click of a light being turned on and the tapping of keys on a phone.
“I’m not really sure what’s going on here, Zale, but true Fated Mates are rare. They’re an anomaly.” My father says, as if he’s trying to summarize something. “There’s not enough information to say definitively what pairings are more or less likely. Data shows that less than 16% of the population find a Fated Mate, while a study in Europe found that 3.2% experience?—”
“Papa….” I interrupt, seeking support from my omega parent. I wasn’t entirely sure how long Shiloh would stay asleep for, but I didn’t want to risk him waking while I was out here and sneaking back to his bedroom.
“Yes, Zale,” Papa sighs but I can hear the fond smile in his voice. He loved it when my father went off on one of his number-based rants. I’m not sure why, but he found that side of my father endearing. What was endearing about statistics? “What your father means is that Fated Mates could, in theory, be an alpha and beta pairing. But biologically, it doesn't seem likely, as alpha and omega are optimum for reproducing.”
There’s another drawn-out pause.
Shiloh could be my Mate.
How would I know for sure? What was the difference between infatuation and finding your destined partner? Would I need to Claim him for the bond to happen? Would he let me? I would need to show patience…but my alpha was already restless, already demanding I crawl back into the sheets with Shiloh.
My papa is more hesitant this time, as he lowers his voice ever so slightly. “I thought your girlfriend was an omega? Has something happened?”
My father is less considerate. “Have you been drinking? Is it drugs? Do we need to come and collect you?”
Tossing back my head, I laugh. The two of them were alike in so many ways, and different in many more. It was funny that my alpha parent, the one who was supposedly calm and cool and always in control, was the one panicking. While my omega parent seemed to understand there was something else going on.
“I’m fine. I don’t need you to come and get me. I’ll be home for the holidays in a few days like usual.”
Each holiday season I went back to Hartshaw so I could be paraded around endless parties and shown off like an expensive trinket. When I was younger, we used to spend Christmas Eve watching movies and making popcorn garlands. It was the only holiday tradition we’ve ever really had, but as soon as I was old enough to join them at their fancy soirées and parties, that all stopped.
“Well, if you’re sure. Clarice is home over the holidays too, hopefully you can catch up. I know it’s been a few years since you’ve seen each other.”
Slamming my hand down on the patio rail, I watch as some of the snow drops off and lands on the floor with a soft splat.
“Stop. Papa, it’s not going to happen.” I don’t know what this thing between Shiloh and I was, but I was even more determined than before to let it play out. Last night had just cemented what my instincts were telling me. There was something between us. Something tangible.
He huffs quietly, “You never know.”
“I think I do.” Even if he wasn’t my Mate, I was going to see this through. I wanted to know what this was, who he was to me because every fiber of my being thought he was mine.
“What’s that mean?” Confusion is clear in his words and for a moment I feel guilty for worrying them both. For waking them this early to ramble for the entire conversation and not clarify anything.
“I’ll explain it later.”
“Zale…I don’t know what’s going on, but we’re glad you called us.” There’s a tenderness there, and for a moment, I’m glad they picked up.
My father grumbles quietly, “Can I go back to bed now?”
After ending the conversation, I sneak back into the living room where Shiloh is still asleep. The room smells like us now, lingering hints of smoky sweetness, with weed thrown in clinging to the quilts. Crawling back besides him, I try not to jostle or wake him. Was this what an omega nest was like? He’s surrounded himself with all the pillows and blankets, and enclosed by the coffee table and sofa, it’s almost like a cozy little pocket of space.
As if he can tell I’m near, he pulls me closer to him, mumbling against my neck, sending shivers through my body. My cock twitches as he plants a lazy kiss near my collarbone. His skin isn’t just flushed from sleep anymore, it’s burning up as his hands wander under my vest and his fingers drag over my skin. Was he sick?
Shifting, I try to get a better look at him. His brows are furrowed as he squirms, hooking a leg over mine. There’s a low whining noise, and I realize he’s hard, pressing against me in his sleep.
Was he always like this? Who else had seen him soft and sleepy? I ignore the twinge of jealousy unfurling in the back of my mind.
“Shhhh, baby. I’m here,” I whisper against his forehead, before placing a kiss there.
“Zale,” he breathes with his eyes barely cracked open. He rocks his hip against my leg, seeking release with a whimper.
I never thought someone whispering my name could be my undoing, but I was wrong. With my forefinger and my thumb, I tilt his chin upwards and press my lips lightly over his.
As I pull away, I’m not expecting the hand in my hair, yanking me back to his mouth. Shiloh kisses me like a man possessed, his tongue unrelenting and uncompromising as he takes what he wants from me. The taste of caramel on his tongue makes me moan. Shiloh gives himself entirely to the kiss, making my toes curl as he keeps me held in place, taking what he needs.
Another whimper, makes the alpha in me need to take back control and take care of what’s mine.
“Let me take care of you,” I begged against his lips. Let me love you.
Shiloh nods, looking at me with hooded eyes. Rolling him gently onto his back, I kick off my sweatpants and slide his shorts down his legs.
For a moment I just drink in the sight of him, laying in his little nest of quilts with his legs open and his T-shirt rucked up until I can see a nipple peeking out. His body is lithe and smooth, with what feels like miles of soft skin. His cock is slick, and dripping, with a flushed pink tip that’s begging to be touched.
Reaching out, I wrap my hand around him, giving him a slow tug. He whines, thrusting his hips upwards. He’s gorgeous. How had I not seen it sooner?
Placing a kiss on his knee, I slot myself between his spread legs, loving the way his arms come around my neck, pulling me in for another kiss. I wanted to live here, between his legs, pressed up against his warmth.
Careful not to put my weight on his smaller frame, I rest on my forearms, rolling my hips downwards with just enough friction to make us both groan and my cock glides against his.
Sex had always been something I could take or leave, and there were occasions where it would take me a while to orgasm, if I even did. But with Shiloh, a few minutes of intense eye contact and a little frotting had me ready to spill everything. Goddess, what was wrong with me? It was like his gaze went straight to my cock. Silent. Stubborn. Desperate. Possessive. Heated. Mine.
Fuck, he was perfection beneath me. Tilting his head back, he exposes the long, smooth column of his neck to me and without thinking I place my teeth over his creamy flesh. I barely apply any pressure, but the promise of it is enough to have him covering us both in hot cum. Another thrust and I’m right behind him.
As I try to pull away, and get us cleaned up, he tightens his grip.
“No, stay.”
“Let me clean you.”
“No.” He reaches down between us to swipe his fingers through the mess, collecting it on his before sucking off our combined cum, just like last night.
Did the angry little beta have a cum fetish? I could work with that.
When he’s satisfied, he pushes me onto my back, and practically climbs on top of me, resting his head on my chest. Letting my fingers stroke lazily down his back, we fall back asleep, spent.