Chapter 3
THREE
Cathal
I didn’t expect to feel anything walking into this damn wedding. I was here because it was expected, because I had to be. A wedding, the kind where everyone pretends everything is perfect, where the smiles are sharp and the conversations are shallow. But the moment I stepped into the reception hall, I felt a shift – something in the air that made my skin feel tight and my chest heavier.
I barely notice the chatter of people I haven’t seen in years – old school friends, colleagues of the bride and groom. My mind is elsewhere, somewhere dark and uncomfortable, when I hear a voice cut through the crowd, sharp and insistent.
“Cathal!”
I turn, almost groaning at the sight of Lucy. The same Lucy who always made sure she had the spotlight, who thought her looks could cover up everything else. Her perfect little act hasn’t changed since school, and it hasn’t aged well. She’s grinning like she’s entitled to everything, holding a glass of champagne in her hand, waving me over like I’m supposed to care.
I don’t.
She pulls me into a hug, and I can’t help but stiffen, her too-sweet perfume and tight, clingy dress setting my teeth on edge. I don’t know why I ever thought I could tolerate her in school. She was loud, needy, always throwing herself at the alphas who could give her the status she so desperately craved. She was the most popular girl in school, and she had to remind everyone of that, but it never seemed like enough for her. Always vying for something she couldn’t quite get.
I let her pull away, but there’s no smile on my face as she appraises me, running her gaze up and down like she’s sizing me up for something. I can almost feel the desperation coming off of her in waves.
“You scrub up nicely! Wedding vibes agree with you, eh?” she says, her voice that same irritatingly high-pitched tone.
I force a grin, only half-listening, but when she starts talking about Devlin, it hits me like a dagger to the heart.
“Sorry, what did you just say?”
“I asked, have you seen Devlin yet?” she asks, her eyes sharp.
I feel my insides clench at the sound of her name. I didn’t know she was here. I didn’t want her to be here.
“No,” I reply, my voice a little rougher than I want it to be. “Haven’t seen her yet.”
Lucy narrows her eyes, clearly trying to figure me out. She always was too perceptive for her own good, and now she’s the kind of woman who can’t help but pry. I don’t have the patience for it, not today. Not with everything going on in my head.
“I’m sure you will,” she says with a smirk, tossing her hair back. “She’s here somewhere. She’s been on my mind too, you know. We’ve all missed her.”
That last bit is almost too much to handle, and I suppress a snarl. Missed her? Lucy’s missed Devlin? How? Why? Where has Devlin been?
Or is Lucy just hoping to get a rise out of me? Because I can’t think of any other reason she’d say that. But it doesn’t matter.
I don’t want to talk about her with Lucy. I don’t want to talk to Lucy at all.
I nod stiffly, my jaw clenching. “I should grab a drink, mingle,” I mutter, backing away from her, needing distance. She’s too much. Always has been. The desperate little knot-whore wannabe. She’ll do anything to bag an alpha, even if she’s just a beta with no real understanding of what that means.
Her voice follows me, but I don’t turn back. I don’t need to hear her whiny giggle or her pointless chatter.
As I move through the crowd, my mind drifts back to her . Devlin. She’s here, somewhere, and I didn’t expect it. Didn’t want it. But the knot in my chest keeps tightening, and I know – fuck, I know – I’m not going to leave until I see her. Until I at least try to fix what I broke.
If she’ll let me.
I move through the crowd, every laugh, every conversation a distant buzz in my ears. I’m searching for her like a goddamn idiot. I don’t even know where to start, but I can’t stop myself. I need to see her. To know if she’s here, if she’s somehow managed to slip into the background and keep out of sight – just like I’ve been doing for the past few years.
I shouldn’t want to see her.
I shouldn’t want to feel this stupid, desperate need to apologize. But I do. Fuck, I do. And the longer I stand here, the more restless I get, my hands curling into fists at my sides, my jaw tight with frustration.
I spot a few familiar faces, people I used to know, but none of them are her. None of them are Devlin. The room feels too large, the space too open, like everything is closing in around me. I feel like I’m suffocating, like I’ve stepped into a room full of mirrors that all reflect the same failure – the same mistake I made when I walked away from her all those years ago.
“Cathal.”
I freeze, my shoulders stiffening.
Tadhg. My fucking twin and packmate.
Of course, he’d find me. We share more than just genetics – we share everything, it feels like sometimes, and he can read me better than anyone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, least of all him. I’m too wound up, too fucking tense. But I can’t avoid him.
I turn to face him, trying to force a smile. It’s a half-assed attempt, the edges of my lips twitching upward just enough to mask the irritation clawing at me.
“What’s up?” I mutter, my voice clipped, though I know damn well he can tell there’s something off. He always knows.
Tadhg’s gaze sharpens, his eyes narrowing just slightly as he takes in the way I’m practically vibrating with tension. He doesn’t move, doesn’t push, but I can feel the question hanging in the air.
“Something’s bothering you,” he observes, his tone soft, but there’s no mistaking the underlying concern.
I force a shrug, trying to brush it off. “It’s nothing, just wedding stuff.”
He raises an eyebrow, unconvinced. “Wedding stuff, huh?” His lips curl into a small grin, but there’s no humour in it, just a quiet understanding that tells me he knows there’s more to it.
“Yeah, nothing big,” I say, a little too quickly. I can feel my own nerves getting the best of me. I need to get away from this conversation, but somehow I don’t want to lie to him, not when he can see right through me.
Tadhg takes a step closer, his brow furrowing slightly. “You sure? You’ve been searching for something – someone. I can see it in your eyes, Cath. What’s going on?” His voice is low, like he’s trying to keep the conversation private, like he knows how much this something is eating away at me.
I hesitate, my eyes darting to the side before I finally meet his gaze, torn between telling him the truth or keeping it to myself. But I can’t hold it in any longer.
“Devlin’s here,” I say, my voice quiet, almost like I’m ashamed of the words. As soon as they leave my mouth, I feel the weight of the confession.
Tadhg doesn’t react immediately, just stares at me with a knowing look. “And?”
I swallow hard. “I fucked up, Tadhg. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking, walking away from her. And now she’s here, and I can’t find her. I need to talk to her...I need to fix it.” I pause, my throat tightening with the words. “I know she probably hates me, and I deserve it. But I can’t stop thinking about her, and I don’t know what to do about it.”
Tadhg’s expression softens, his eyes steady and calm. He doesn’t rush to judge, doesn’t push me. He’s always been the one who just knows . Knows when to let me talk, and when to let me shut the hell up.
He finally steps closer, placing a hand on my shoulder, a silent gesture of understanding.
“You need to find her, man. If you really want to fix it, you’ve gotta start somewhere,” he says, his voice low but firm. “You can’t keep running from this.”
I nod, the lump in my throat growing larger, but I don’t say anything else. What else is there to say? Tadhg’s right. I do need to find her. And I need to apologise. Whether she’ll let me or not, whether she even wants to see me again – none of that matters anymore. I’ve fucked up enough to know that I don’t get to control what happens next.
“Thanks,” I mutter, the words sounding weak, but they’re the truth. I don’t know how I’d keep moving through this night without him.
Tadhg nods once, his eyes softening. “Just don’t wait too long. She won’t be here forever.”
And with that, he’s gone, leaving me to search the room again, my heart hammering in my chest.
I can’t lose her again. Not this time.
But it’s not just me. I can feel Tadhg’s eyes on me sometimes, especially back then, when Devlin was still part of our lives. We both wanted her, but I was the bastard lucky enough to date her. We both knew what we felt for her – the pull that was impossible to ignore. Hell, we both dreamed of sharing her, of being with her in ways that weren’t supposed to be possible, but that couldn’t happen unless she was an omega and we were a pack.
But when we came into our alpha designations, everything changed. Devlin didn’t present as an omega. That was the truth we had to face. We didn’t get to choose what we felt, but it wasn’t enough. She wasn’t the omega we’d always hoped for. And I think – I know – it broke both of us. The dream of having her wasn’t something we could hold onto anymore.
So we let her go. We left to mend our broken hearts, seeking a new location, free of bittersweet memories of moments shared with her.
We had to.
Tadhg and I never spoke about it, never even acknowledged it out loud. But the truth was clear: once we realised she wasn’t our omega, we had to let her slip from our grasp. Even though we both felt like she was the one, we had to walk away from that dream, and pretend we’d moved on.
But I never really did. I never stopped thinking about her. Never stopped loving her either.
Now, with her here, so close I can almost taste her, I’m reminded of what I let slip through my fingers all those years ago. It hurts more than I ever expected. Especially because we never found our omega anyway. Six years thrown away in the pursuit of happiness, when we could have stayed and been happy with Devlin. Even if she never presented as an omega, it wouldn’t have mattered to me. Being home is making it hard to remember why I left. Why my arguments felt so strong and right back then, not when all I want to do now is see her again and try to put things right.
Tadhg’s advice runs through my head as I search the crowd again. I need to find her, but I can’t keep running from the truth, either. It was never just about wanting her. It was about knowing, deep down, that if we could’ve made it work, we would’ve. But fate had other plans.
Now it’s just me. And her. And I can’t stand the thought of letting her go again.
I move through the crowd, barely noticing the faces around me. My eyes are scanning for her, even though I don’t want to admit how desperate I am. The last time I saw her, I let her slip through my fingers, and now…now she’s here, and I can’t let that happen again.
It feels like everyone’s watching me, but they’re not. It’s just the way the crowd parts, the way my head spins, making it feel like every step is a battle. I catch glimpses of old faces, some of them I don’t even remember, but none of them are her. The knot in my stomach grows tighter with every second.
I’m almost to the door when I see a flash of auburn hair. My heart kicks up a notch, and I freeze. But then they turn and I realise it’s not her and disappointment stabs me in the gut.
I’m still scanning the crowd, trying to keep my focus, when Josh, the groom, suddenly appears in front of me.
“Cathal,” he says, clapping me on the shoulder. “Have you seen Lorcan? I need him for the best man speech, but he’s disappeared off somewhere.”
I pause, swallowing back the frustration. Josh has no idea what’s going on inside me, but I don’t want to snap at him. He’s just trying to sort things out for his big day.
“Uh, no,” I mutter, shaking my head. “Haven’t seen him since the photos.”
Truth is, I don’t care about Lorcan’s speech right now. My mind is still stuck on her.
“Right,” Josh nods, clearly thinking it’s not a big deal. “Well, if you do see him, tell him he’s needed. I’m sure he’s somewhere causing trouble as usual.”
I force a smile, nodding, but my thoughts drift straight back to Devlin. I have to see her. She’s here somewhere, I know it. I can’t let her slip away again.
The last time we spoke, I wasn’t brave enough to fight for us. I was stupid, thinking I needed to follow the plan, the one everyone expected. But every day since, all I’ve thought about is what I threw away. And now...she’s here. Right in front of me, somewhere, and I can’t find her.
My hand tightens around the glass of whisky in my hand, the warmth from the alcohol doing nothing to settle the storm brewing in my gut.
I make a beeline for the bar, hoping that maybe – just maybe – she’ll be there, but my heart sinks when I don’t see her. I push through the crowd, looking desperately for any sign of her.
But nothing. She’s gone. Again.
I pull my phone from my pocket and shoot Lorcan a quick text. Where the hell are you? I’m running out of options here.
The response comes quickly: Taking care of something. Stall the speeches for a bit.
I frown at the screen, trying to make sense of his cryptic reply. Taking care of something? What the hell could that mean? I know Lorcan’s a man of few words, but this is pushing it.
Frustration bubbles up inside me, and I clench my jaw. What’s more important than being here? The whole thing is supposed to be wrapping up soon, and I still haven’t found her. I can’t just stand here waiting while she – God, why can’t I focus?!
I glance over at Tadhg, my twin, who’s standing at the other end of the bar chatting with some of the guests. He’s a calming presence, and right now, I need that more than anything.
I walk over to him, trying to mask the urgency clawing at my insides.
“Tadhg,” I say, cutting through the chatter, my tone sharper than I intend. “Lorcan’s gone off to deal with something, and he told me to stall the speeches. I don’t know what the hell he’s doing, but I need help.”
He raises an eyebrow, sensing the tension in my voice. “What’s going on, Cathal? You look like you’re about to lose it.”
“I can’t find her,” I admit, my frustration pouring out. “She’s here somewhere, and I...I need to talk to her.”
Tadhg doesn’t need any more explanation. He knows. He’s always known how much Devlin meant to me. Hell, he’s the one who watched me fall apart when we walked away.
“You’re not the only one looking for her,” he says, his voice calm but laced with something I can’t quite pinpoint. “But if Lorcan’s dealing with something, we’ll have to hold tight a bit longer.”
I glance around the room again, helpless. “I’ve already waited too long. What if she leaves before I get the chance to fix things?”
Tadhg sighs and places a hand on my shoulder. “You won’t get another shot unless you calm down and figure out how to handle it. Running around like this isn’t helping anyone, least of all you. You need a plan in place for when you do see her anyway, so take a breath and have a moment.”
He’s right, of course. But the thought of losing her again...it tightens my chest.
I nod, pushing away the panic, trying to hold it together. “I’ll wait. Just...keep an eye out for me.”
He gives me a reassuring smile. “You got it.”
As he turns to speak to someone else, I grab my phone again, checking the time. Lorcan’s still nowhere to be found. I just need a damn break – and her.