21. Stanton
The sidewalk is crispy underfoot as the last of the recent icy weather begins its slow thaw to Spring, but despite the chilly weather, Grace is determined to take a walk in order to quell the waves of nausea threatening to turn into a full-blown tsunami of vomit.
“How do you know Lucas?” I ask, taking her hand and stroking my thumb over her palm, trying to soothe her as we walk in the cold.
“You don’t have to pretend out here. He isn’t following us,” she says, her voice shaky, like she’s holding back a sob.
I refuse to drop it, and she doesn’t know it yet, but I’m never letting go.
She soon will.
“Are you going to tell me about you and Lucas?”
“I’m surprised it’s not locker room talk,” she quips.
I shake my head. “He’s a closed book. He never picks up puck bunnies, hardly ever drinks with us after a game. He keeps to himself.”
“Really?” One word, but it means so much more to her. She turns and looks at me. “He was my number one subscriber on BetaFans. He gave the most generous tips.” She hesitates for a moment before saying, “He’s the only fan I felt a connection to.” She shrugs her shoulders. “I just liked him from the beginning.”
“When you thought you were a beta?”
She nods. “Yeah.” She exhales. Her warm breath creates a visible cloud that blends with the briskness of the street.
She shivers, dragging my suit jacket tighter around her body.
“You’re cold. Are you sure we can’t get a cab?” I ask, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and holding her against my side. A wave of longing surges through my body, a sharp reminder of how much time has passed since her heat. It’s been seven long weeks since I’ve touched her, and I’m not letting her go ever again.
“I need the fresh air,” she says.
I laugh. “This is New York. The air is far from fresh.”
Grace looks up at me, a soft smile lifting on her lips. “I’m enjoying the walk and the company.”
“Me too. Come closer. Lean on me and I’ll keep you warm,” I say as I breathe her in.
We walk in silence until she sights her hotel up ahead. “Nearly there.”
With each beat, my heart reminds me of how imminent our farewell is. I can’t do it again. I need her close to me. I need to feel the heat of her skin against mine.
“What do you want from Lucas?” I ask. I also need to know she won’t change her mind about the arrangement we agreed on.
Like I just popped her world. Her shoulders sag and she lets out a tiny whine. “I don’t know.”
I step in front of her and stop her from going any further. “I promise I won’t turn into a crazed alpha if you promise to give me a chance to make it better for you.”
She smiles lightly. It’s beautiful and lands perfectly in her eyes. “You won’t make a fool out of me, will you?” she whispers and clears her throat. “I know it’s fake, but you’re… you know… you’re the big hockey player and I’m just me.”
It breaks my heart that she has such low self-esteem.
My heart thumps wildly just looking at her. I tilt her chin in the air so she is staring into my eyes. “You’re not ‘just me,’ you’re perfect and there’s no other woman, omega or not, I’d prefer to be with.” I swallow down the bile my next words cause. “Fake or not.”
“Well, that’s a good start. So you won’t mess around behind my back?” She laughs nervously as her face looks heavenward. “What on earth am I saying?” She clears her throat. “You know what I mean? All I ask is if we’re doing this, will you just be discreet about it if you do?”
I grit my teeth, but a low growl still escapes from my throat. She flinches and takes a step back, her eyes darting nervously around the street.
I steady my shaking hands, take a slow inhale, and force my expression into a calm smile. I don’t want to frighten her off when I’m so close.
“This needs to look real,” I say, pointing between us. “I want it to look real. So there won’t be anything for you to worry about.”
“But…”
“You’re mine. Everyone is going to know you’re mine.“ She thinks this is fake, but it is going to be very much real.
“You’re not a bad guy, are you?” She glances briefly at my lips before her eyes flicker back to meet mine. “Doing this for me.”
I lift my hand from her chin to her cheek, stroking over the soft skin and finally speak the words that have been lingering on the tip of my tongue. “I’ll do anything for you because…”
“Oh my God, I’m going to be sick,” she interrupts, turning away from me and running into the hotel lobby.
“Can you make it to your room?” I ask as she heads to the elevator.
She shrugs her shoulders.
I rush my left arm under her knees and my right around her waist and sweep her off her feet. “Hold on.”
Tears glisten in her eyes as she searches my face. “It’s a shame I never met you eight weeks ago.”
I smile.
Maybe I can make her fall in love with me before the night of her heat is revealed. And before she ends up with Lucas forever and excludes me from their pack. I know he wants her. Luckily for me, his father stands in his way at the moment.
But how will she react? Knowing I was there on the night of her heat, too?
I hate she agreed, but remembers nothing about me. And my heart feels like it’s going through the shredder again.
I hate I’m too scared to tell her.
The elevator stops on the floor of where she is staying. I glance at the panel on the wall showing the directions of the rooms.
“What’s your room number?”
“Five, one, two,” she says, staring at the keycard in her hand.
I don’t hesitate, turn left and stride to her room.
She flashes the card across the scanner; the door opens with a snick, and a moment later I place her on the bed and hope her nausea has disappeared.
Her eyes follow me as I walk around the suite. I check everywhere. The windows, the bathroom, the closet. I check every damn thing to make sure I’m not leaving her alone with any weirdos.
When I turn back to her, she is holding her stomach with one hand and her throat with her other as she tries to shimmy off the bed.
“I need to vomit,” she groans. “I shouldn’t have eaten the dessert. It was too rich for my stomach.”
“Let me.” I rush to her, take hold of her hand, and lead her to the bathroom.
“Oh my God, don’t watch me puke my guts up. Just because we’re… whatever we are, doesn’t mean I’m not embarrassed.”
Her words catch me off guard. “You’re being ridiculous.” My voice is rougher than I’d like. “Regardless of what we are, I’m an alpha and if you think I’m going to let my omega go through this alone, you are very much mistaken.”
“But I’m notyour omega,“ she says quietly.
“You are. This agreement means you’re mine.” I growl out. “Now, for God’s sake, let me look after you.”
She eyes me warily. “It won’t be pretty.”
I tug a hand through my hair and smile. “I can cope with a little vomit.”
She presses her hand on her tummy. “It’s gone now,” she fires back.
“We’ll wait five minutes.” I step back and lean against the counter.
She tilts her head to one side. “And then you’re going home?” Her voice stammers.
Does she not want me?
“Nope. I’ll sleep here tonight. That will get Lucas really jealous.”
Her chin lifts in the air defiantly, she squeaks, “You can’t sleep here.”
“I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“You’re used to getting your way, aren’t you?”
I shake my head. “If only that was true.”
“Well, up to now, you’ve gotten your own way each time.”
There’s a moment of silence as we stare at each other.
“Why are you really doing this for me?” she asks, suspicion coating her words.
Our eyes stay locked in a tense standoff, neither of us daring to break the unspoken connection. Then I move closer, my feet shuffling on the ground as I narrow the space between us.
“Because I don’t want to walk away and regret it in the morning like Lucas does.”
Her eyes widen, lips parting. And I want nothing more than to feel her lips on mine.
“Does he?” Her voice is barely a whisper. She shakes her head. “He can’t. He never gave me a second thought.” She sighs. “I thought he wanted me. I should’ve known. He wore that stupid mask and refused to take it off. I just thought…”
“What?”
She shakes her head. “Nothing.”
“Tell me?”
“I just thought he liked me enough that when we woke up together out of my heat, we’d be like two people who wanted to be with each other and not an alpha who wasn’t interested once the omega was normal again.”
“Sorry,” I say. “Do you remember much about your heat?”
I’ve heard both omegas and alphas can go to another place when the heat takes hold. Lucas wasn’t so far gone. I think because of her threats to go to a heat room.
For me, it was my first time with an omega. First time feeling a connection I never expected to feel, and I wanted to remember every single damn moment of it.
“I remember Lucas turning up. I remember trying to take off his mask. He kissed me. Then…” She shakes her head. “It’s a bit of a blur.” She exhales deeply. “But I felt him, and I’m sure I must have bitten him because sometimes I still feel him.”
“You do?”
She nods sadly. “I feel his anger.”
I blow out a breath as I look around her neckline for a bite mark. “He never claimed you?”
She shakes her head sadly. “I should’ve known. If he wanted me and knew I was his, he would have.”
“Did you set boundaries beforehand? Before your heat got out of control?”
“Yeah,” she mutters.
“I know you don’t think so right now, but Lucas is an honorable guy. If you asked him not to bite you, he wouldn’t.”
Her hand slaps on her chest. “And I did it to him. I feel so bad. Maybe that’s why he left me on the last morning. Maybe that’s why I felt his anger through the bond.”
Her shoulders sag, and her head drops until she is looking at the floor.
I wrap my arms around her and pull her close. “Shush, I’m here for you.”
I wish she’d bite me, and then I could send good thoughts her way.
“Thank you,” she murmurs.