30. Lucas
I don’t enjoy nightclubs, and considering I play hockey in stadiums with up to twenty thousand seats, I don’t like enormous crowds. There’s something comforting about spending time by myself. I’m used to it now … being alone.
Stanton is concerned about the fact that I drink alone and he thinks it’s unhealthy. I don’t give a shit. His childhood was filled with hardships, and he thinks mine was blessed.
He hasn’t got a fucking clue.
Tonight is harder than most.
My head is fuzzy. I’ve lost count of how many bourbons I’ve had as I try to get the vision out of my mind of her wearing his shirt … his name… his number. And then at the press conference afterwards, hearing him gush about finding the love of his life.
And telling the world he was about to be a father.
Stanton drinks with the rest of the team after most of our games. Tonight, I know he’s with her.
When I gave them my blessing, I never expected for them to get together so quickly. I hate it, and deep down, I secretly wished she’d proposed an alternative solution.
What the fuck, Lucas?
A stabbing sensation cuts through my abdomen.
Why does it hurt so fucking much?
I knock back the tumbler, gulping more of the amber liquid inside. Feeling the burn as it glides down my throat.
“Fuck!”
Having a custom-made jersey made with his name over where my baby is growing doesn’t make it his. And I want to strangle him, before I remind her the baby inside her is mine, not his.
I take another gulp of the burning liquid before I spin the tumbler in my hand.
“Where the fuck is he?”
A vision of the two of them together is blowing my mind.
When the apartment door opens, I twist in my seat, waiting for Stanton to come inside, but I groan when my father is the one who strides toward me.
He shakes his head when he sees me drinking again. “You’re pathetic.”
“Cheers.” I lift the crystal glass and tilt it to him. “To shit lives.”
He doesn’t remove the look of the disgust plastered on his face. “Your life isn’t shit. You are.”
“Why the fuck are you here?” I grunt, slamming the glass on the table to my right and standing.
He hums as he walks closer to me. “We had a deal.”
“The only deal was taking your friend’s daughter to the charity evening. And I did that.”
He sneers. “You could be as happy as Stanton when you stop drinking and marry Raine.”
“Get it into your fucking head. I am not marrying Raine. I’m going to choose my own omega.”
“You disappoint me.”
“I’ve always disappointed you. Your family is one colossal disappointment to you.” I dig my index finger into his chest. “And one after the other, you lose them. And now it’s my turn.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m leaving this apartment.”
He smirks. “To move into a dive downtown?”
“It’s not about the fancy apartment, or cars. I’m leaving New York. I can’t stay here beholden to you any longer.”
As he stares, a gust of air escapes from his nostrils, creating a faint, audible sigh. Surprisingly quietly, he says, “I’ve got an election to win...”
His focus remains solely on himself, as always. He has zero interest in knowing where I might choose to go.
“Fuck you and fuck your election. You should be able to win on your own merits. If you need my help, you’re…”
I flinch as his hand rears back, bracing myself for the sting of his slap.
Whack!
At least, a slap doesn’t break bones or skin.
Laughing, I run my palm over my cheek, still feeling a slight sting. But the numbing effects of my alcohol have provided relief from the pain. Or perhaps it’s because I’ve felt it too many times.
My eyes flick to his intense gaze. “Did that make you feel better?”
With a sigh, he shakes his head in disbelief. “No.”
As his tongue moves across his teeth, his eyes remain fixed on me, studying my every move. “Who is she?”
“Nobody,” I declare, seizing the tumbler from the table and raising it triumphantly. “Cheers.”
His lips press into a tight, angry line.
A smirk spreads across my face. No matter how hard he tries, I can never bring myself to share anything about her with him. “It’s just easier to be fucking drunk. It hurts too much to be sober.”
He nods. “It’s somebody. I know. The last time I got this drunk was when your mother left me.”
I rear back, my mirth echoing through the room. “Nobody hurts you. Least of all, my mother.”
And for the first time in my life, my father’s eyes shimmer with tears. “She wasn’t my scent match, Lucas, but I still loved her. She gave me three children.” He sighs as he turns to the window.
I don’t know how long we stand in silence before my father turns back to me. “I thought I smelled her once.” He chews on the inside of his cheek as he goes to a different place. “My scent match…” He swallows and stops talking.
I narrow my eyes as I think about that. My father claims he doesn’t believe in scent matches or omegas being our equal.
“Her perfume. It was the first time my body sang, but it was fleeting, and I’d already married your mother. Regardless of what you think about me, I couldn’t pursue the smell.”
My head tilts to one side as I study him, and realize maybe, just maybe, he’s not as bad as I always thought.
“How did it make you feel?”
“Depressed. I felt like my soul had died.”
I nod.
“Who is she?” he asks again.
“Nobody.” Despite whatever moment I’m sharing with him, I know this man will do or say anything to get what he wants.
“When did you smell her?” I ask. “The omega you think is your scent match.”
“Not long after your sister was born. It was in the hospital.”
“So chances are your scent match was having another alpha’s baby?” My voice is gravelly as I think about Stanton being the one with Grace when my baby is born.
“Yeah. I suppose so.” He still looks lost in a world where he is still trying to work out what is going on in his head.
“Don’t leave New York. I promise I’ll try to be a better man.” His voice is softer than I’ve ever heard him speak to me before. “A better father.”
I narrow my eyes. “Why?”
His watery eyes meet mine. “You’ve already told me. I’m a shit father, and I want to make your life better.” Tears run down his cheeks and I have to swallow to hold my back. “What’s the point of anything if all your children hate you?”
“Will you care about us when you’re the next president?” My tone is full of bitter fury.
His eyes meet mine. “I’ve been thinking a lot since our fight before the charity night. How embroiled I’ve become in that world. How my life interferes with yours. And I’m sorry. I pushed your brother away, and your sister is studying on the other side of the country…” He pauses for a beat. “I know it was to get away from me.”
“Is this a trap? Are you trying to make me feel sorry for you?”
“I’m trying to tell you I’m sorry.” And for the first time in my life, I believe him. “I saw the way you looked at her.” He blows out a breath. “I saw the pain in your eyes when Stanton talked about their baby. I only just got it now. I thought it was because he had what you wanted, but it’s because it’s her. You’re in love with her.”
I swallow as tears roll down my face as I sob. “I had to protect her and the baby from you.”
“The baby is yours? Oh, fuck!” he says, scrubbing his hand over his perfectly shaven jawline. “What the fuck have I done to you?”
I can’t breathe, my lungs have seized.
My shoulders sag and I gasp. “I love her Dad. Not just because she’s my omega and carrying my baby. I love her. I’ve loved her since the first day I saw her when I thought she was a beta.” I press my hand on my chest. “It hurts so much that I can’t have her.”
“You can.”
I shake my head. “No. I can’t. You’ll use her and the baby for your political gains.”
He growls, “Why is she with Stanton?” Like he’s only just realized.
“He thinks we’re pack mates.” His eyebrows furrow and a deep crease shows in the center of his forehead. “We took her through her heat together.”
“Oh.” My father’s chin lifts as he considers me. “And you? Do you feel like he’s your pack mate?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I’m not letting you hurt anyone, including Stanton.”
“I don’t know what to say for you to believe me, but I’ll make it better.”
“But why? You wanted me to marry Raine. What’s changed in the last five minutes? You said it yourself. Money and power are more important than scent matches.”
He sighs. “I also forgot how much it hurts, because my alpha was clawing to get out that day in the hospital. And I beat it back because I’d already made my choice.” His eyes drop to the floor and he stares at it for a while. I assume he’s remembering back to the night that his alpha smelled his scent match. “And I decided from that day forward that I would never think about scent matches again. I just never expected your mother to leave me for hers.”
Silence fills the air as I consider everything.
“Where the fuck is Stanton?” my father growls.
“I told them they should forget about me.”