29. Talya
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
TALYA
M y breath caught as Colby adjusted. His knot locked inside me, sending a shiver of pleasure dancing through my body. I shuddered in response.
Colby sighed. “Tell me how he asked you.”
It was late. The braids that had been in my hair were now barely holding together because of our activities—my head rubbing against the bed and being covered in sweat. My alpha was on top of me, my body refusing to release his hard knot even though we were both spent.
But what he’d been asking about was Emerald. The memory made me grin.
“We were sitting in the den. He was leaning against the back of the couch with me on the cushion between his legs as he braided my hair and we watched television.”
“He can braid, huh?”
I nodded. “He has sisters.”
“Ah.”
“We were watching something dumb, and I was laughing, commenting on it. It was one of those spoof shows that I never find amusing.”
“Why were you watching it?” he asked with a chuckle, knowing exactly which shows I meant.
I shrugged. “It was on when we walked in. Whoever was in there last must have been watching it. Or I guess it came on after whatever they were watching? I don’t know. Neither of us bothered to change the channel, and instead we made our own commentary. Only Emerald had gotten quiet.”
“He wasn’t watching anymore, was he?”
Grinning, I shrugged again. “I don’t know, but then he slid down the back of the couch and gripped my face like this.” I twisted us a little so I could take Colby’s chin and turn his face to mine. “His pretty brown eyes stared into mine, and he said, ‘Can I court you, Talya?’ Just like that.”
I grinned. Probably in the same dopey way I had when he asked me.
“He even had a growl in his voice. It was so sexy, Colby.”
Colby chuckled. “That man is fascinating. I’d never met a designation-fluid person before.”
“I’ve recently read that it’s more common in women. A chromosomal thing. I guess it must be on the X chromosome or something.”
“Hmm.”
We’d always been fascinated with biology. I remembered the lengthy discussions we’d have in high school as we learned about how our genes dictated our designation and other characteristics. Everyone knew which genes programmed your designation. That was why your designation was identifiable from birth. Along with different diseases and whatever that were tested for at birth, so was your designation.
Some things were more or less assumed, like an omega usually creating omega offspring. It was common to birth a combination of alphas and omegas, but if the omega was born first, generally speaking , only omegas were born by that omega. Betas almost always created beta offspring.
Alphas could create any offspring, though it was usually swayed one way or another by their partner’s genetics, depending on dominance. With a beta, they’d almost assuredly create alphas. With an omega, it depended on the genealogy of the omega and alpha.
Even more fascinating was learning which genes decided your designation and how some were more common in certain at-birth genders, such as omegas almost always being female and alphas almost always being male. But there was the odd occasion when the designation would pop up in the opposite gender, and that’s what was fascinating to me.
Now, I was even more obsessed with learning the intricacies of designation fluidity, a result that was almost exclusively found in female betas, just as being an omega was. You’d think that maybe the two were tied together, but the designation-fluid individual was still genetically a beta. But because everyone had the genes in them for all designations, with only certain ones being ‘switched on,’ it was hypothesized that the beta genes were fully on while the alpha and omega genes were only slightly on.
I was dying for someone to actually take a genuine interest in it and do some damn research.
“It’s not quite the same as when you growl. Like… I can’t explain it. I can feel yours as if it reaches inside me and grabs my gut. Emerald’s sounds almost the same, but it doesn’t reach as far. Does that make sense?”
Colby nodded. “Yes. Strangely enough.”
I breathed him in for a minute, tucking my nose under his ear. “How’s it going with your new alphas? Do you enjoy being courted?”
He chuckled. “It’s… strangely very satisfying. I suppose, if we’re talking along the lines of designation-fluid terms, it feels as if some parts of me that I innately act out with you and the rest of the world go dormant when I’m with them.” He paused. “Actually, not them. With Lohtus.”
“Do you think it’s because he’s the more dominant alpha?”
“Yes. I’m actually really surprised to find that he’s more dominant than Ronan, but I suppose for this conversation, that’s irrelevant.”
“It is, but I find that fascinating as well. By appearances—you know, judging books by their covers and all that—Ronan looks like he’s able to command the entire damn world, whereas Lohtus appears like he’s a soft, reserved, kind man who would certainly bow to Ronan.”
Colby snorted. “He doesn’t. I can almost feel myself… shutting down? No, I think that analogy makes it sound negative. It’s more like I’m completely relaxing, releasing my innate responses so that they’re neutral. Not a blank slate exactly, but… I’m going to need to think about how to verbalize this phenomenon.”
“As long as it’s a good feeling, I don’t know that you need to,” I said.
“It is. I love it.”
“What about with Blakely? By the way, they offered to teach me to cook!”
Colby laughed. “Oh no.”
“Hey!” I playfully slapped his shoulder.
His grin pressed into my bare shoulder. “I’m glad. I want you to spend time with them.”
“Do you spend time with Ainsley and Emerald and Ronan?”
“I think we both need to spend time with everyone. It’s important that we create equally strong bonds all around.”
“Me too. That’s why I’m going to pretend to let them teach me how to cook.”
He chuckled again. “To answer your question: as it turns out, Blakely is less dominant than I am, so our roles are reversed from what they are with me and Lohtus. It makes it kind of interesting when the three of us are together, then, when you add Kasen in, it’s even more chaotic.”
I could still feel his smile, so I knew it wasn’t a bad kind of chaos.
“I like this feeling,” he said quietly, “but in some ways, I feel like I’m being less faithful to you because I enjoy being the one in the softer role. I enjoy spending time with them, but there’s a part of me that feels guilty because I should be with you.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “That’s not how packs work.”
“I know. I remind myself of that all the time. I think we struggled to find a pack for so long that it redefined our relationship in my head. I’m not just your mate. I’m your only mate. I am your pack. It’s made my role plural more than singular, like I’ve filled multiple shoes.”
I hugged him tightly. “You can take some off now.”
Colby barked out laughter.
“But I understand,” I said, running my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. “I understand that guilt. It feels disloyal that I’m developing feelings for other alphas when I already have my alpha, which seems counterproductive since that’s exactly what was going to happen if we’d found a pack through Pack Listing.”
He snorted. “Tell me about it.”
“I’m glad this is happening this way, though. I’m glad that you have people you’re interested in. It’s weird that they’re not the same people I am, though. Isn’t it?”
Colby hiked himself up onto his forearms to look down at me. “Yes! I could maybe understand it if these guys were like you and yours were like me… but they’re so not.”
I grinned at the thought. “Remember when you took that psychology class in college and I used to read your textbooks to you at night?”
Colby smiled with amusement. “Yes. I think I dreamed about those words, which was how I was able to pass some of those classes.”
“Don’t discount yourself! But I remember reading that a pack works because there isn’t a single person that answers every single need inside you. One person might answer most , but it’s unheard of that they’d answer all of them. That’s why packs have always been the preferred way to live. It’s a more complete life, a more complete happiness.”
Colby kissed my nose. “You can make sense all you want, but I’m sure there was something in there about why we feel the way we do.”
“I think you already said why. When we couldn’t find a pack, you started filling all the roles instead of just yours.”
“I don’t regret it.”
I brushed his cheek with my thumb, feeling the soft hint of a day’s worth of facial hair there. “Neither do I. Even when we felt so defeated, I never regretted anything about us.”
“I really love that we grew up together. All the memories we share are ours .”
“Me too, alpha.”
“I think the only thing I’d add, not change but add, is that I never courted you. Not only do you deserve to be courted, but I really have no idea how to court Kasen.”
I tried to keep the humor from my face, but when Colby narrowed his eyes and nipped at my jaw, I laughed. “It’s so cute to see you courting someone, and the way he gets flustered and blushes is just… ugh! I can’t handle the cuteness.”
“Yes, cute,” he deadpanned. “But really. I feel like I’m barely treading water. I want to court him properly, but I’m at a loss.”
“This is going to sound corny, but it’s the thought that counts more than the action, Colby. Ronan brought me a crown made of wildflowers after he dropped his arrangements at the wedding he’d picked them for. We both knew that the flowers weren’t going to last long, but he knew it would make me smile. It was a sweet gesture, and I think that’s the important thing about courting.”
“I get that, but you love flowers.”
“Kasen also loves flowers. He was totally jealous of my flower crown.”
“I feel like copying Ronan is a cop-out.”
I laughed. “Maybe. But again, it’s the thought you put into the gesture, Colby. Think about what Kasen likes.”
“Maybe that’s why I’m struggling. I don’t feel like I know him very well.”
“That’s because you don’t. We don’t. The entire point of courting is to get to know the other person, right?”
“I think you should court him for me.”
I laughed and pulled his face down so I could kiss him. “Just think about it. Even if you have to think about how you’d court me then modify that plan to make it for Kasen.”
He hummed. “I think I can do that. That’s a good idea.”
“I’m super smart,” I said.
Colby chuckled. “You are, sweet omega. One of the many things you are.”
“Flattery is a good start,” I suggested. “Omegas like to be complimented, and I think Kasen does too. If you think about him as if he’s an omega, it might come more naturally. Alphas are innately programmed to treat omegas a certain way, and everyone is pretty adamant that betas hate omegas because alphas treat them the way they want to be treated.”
“I don’t…” He frowned as he stared into my eyes. “I understand what you’re saying, but I don’t want him to think I want him to be an omega, too.”
“I don’t think he will because he characteristically relates to an omega. We have a lot in common as far as likes and wants and stuff like that—far more than me and Fen had. The places where Fen and I differed were definitely designation-based wants and needs and expectations, which are the things that Kasen and I have the most in common.”
“I see.”
“He doesn’t want to be an omega. He just wants to feel he’s as special as one.”
“He is.”
I grinned. “I know. Now show him that.”
“It’s weird taking dating advice from my omega who has never dated any more than I have.”
“We’re playing off our strengths here. You always overthink because you hate making mistakes and letting people down. Namely me, and right now, Kasen. I always have to remind you that you’re far more amazing than you believe you are. Seriously, alpha, stop thinking about it so much and just do what your gut tells you to do.”
“Before I came into my matured alpha, it was just to make you happy. To protect you. After, it was to knot you and bite you and make sure you know you’re mine. I’m pretty sure that your needs were the same but opposite.”
He wasn’t wrong.
“So which of those instincts am I supposed to go with?”
“Honestly, I think he’d be happy with either. I’ll let you in on a little secret.” I pulled him down so I could press my lips to the shell of his ear. I could practically hear his eyes roll even though he was amused. “That beta is a horny little fucker, alpha. He’d definitely be happy with either.”
Colby snorted and pulled back to look at me with amusement. “Is that so?”
“Uh huh. I’m not going to tell you the things he confides in me because we’re growing a bond and stuff. Trust.” Knowing that was the truth made my chest warm. “But you’re going to like him. A lot.”
His eyes darkened, and I was sure that if his knot wasn’t already almost fully deflated, he’d be hardening again. I grinned proudly. Yes, I knew things.
Colby sat up, his knot having softened enough that he finally slipped out. I sighed and shivered, feeling the cool air against my warm skin. “Want to wash up tonight?”
I nodded.
He leaned down to kiss my lips before climbing out of bed. He pulled the blankets over me before disappearing into the bathroom. He’d be back once he’d gotten the shower hot or a bath run. I wasn’t sure which he had in mind.
While he was gone, I reflected on our conversation. I had always thought that there’d be some jealousy we’d have to work through when we found our pack, just because of how we met and how much time we’d spent together. It was always just the two of us in our relationship.
The absence of jealousy and the knowledge that he was happy with others was somewhat startling, but there was no mistaking it. I loved how happy Lohtus and Blakely made him. I loved how they doted on him and made him smile.
I equally loved how nervous he was about courting Kasen because it mattered to him, and he wanted to get it right. He wanted Kasen to know that he was just as important as me. As the alphas.
And I triple loved how much he loved to hear about Ronan, Ainsley, and Emerald. He was always asking questions and wanting to know it all. I’d seen jealousy and possessiveness in my alpha, but that was completely absent. Instead, he took comfort and happiness in my comfort and happiness.
This was what we’d looked for our entire lives. This was what a pack was. I felt like a broken record even thinking it, but we’d finally found our pack.