40. Ashlyn
CHAPTER 40
Ashlyn
My fingers trace the edges of the bracelet, the charm cool against my skin as I lean back against the door. The music note glints faintly in the low light, catching my eye every time I shift. A smile tugs at my lips, unbidden but welcome.
I sigh, letting my head rest against the doorframe, the quiet of the room settling over me. I’m doing this. I’m letting them in again, not because my life was empty without them—but because I want them to be part of it now. Because I still love them.
It’s not an easy choice, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about it. Letting them back in means risking everything: the calm I’ve built for myself, the carefully constructed boundaries I’ve relied on for years. But seeing this bracelet on my wrist, the simple charm, it reminds me that they’re trying too.
And not for the cameras. Not because Shelley cooked up a great story for the media.
For real.
The way Todd sang to me tonight, the raw honesty in his voice, wasn’t for show. West’s steady presence, Jake’s quiet strength, Xayden’s mix of playfulness and sincerity—they’ve all been trying in their own ways to show me they care.
It’s messy, and I don’t have any guarantees. But I can’t deny how much hope has started creeping in, little by little, as if their words and actions are slowly dismantling the walls I built so long ago.
I glance at the bracelet again, my thumb brushing over the charm, and I can’t help but laugh under my breath. West probably didn’t realize how much this small gesture would mean. Or maybe he did. Maybe they’ve all been paying attention in ways I haven’t let myself notice until now.
I push off the door, crossing back to the bed before sinking down onto the edge of it. My fingers ghost over the spot West had just been, the warmth of his presence lingering in a way that sends a shiver down my spine. My body’s still humming with tension, a low, insistent buzz made worse by the unmistakable signs of my oncoming heat.
I should take the medicine I picked up from the doctor, ensure it doesn’t come. That’s the smart move, the one that keeps me in control. But there’s a part of me—a selfish, reckless part—that doesn’t want to stop it. I want to lose myself in them, in this feeling, for days.
The thought sends a flush through me, and I press my hands against the edge of the mattress to steady myself. I don’t even know if they want me like that. Well, no—that’s a lie. I know they do. Even if some of the kisses have been in public, I can feel it all the way to my soul.
It’s not a matter of whether they want me. It’s whether I’m brave enough to let myself want them back.
The air feels different today.
It’s warm but not stifling, the kind of day that makes you want to be outside, where the sun feels like a gentle embrace rather than a scalding glare. The tour has brought us to some small southern city I hadn’t heard of before now, and the slower pace here feels almost like a reset.
We don’t have soundcheck until later, and for once, there’s no Shelley, no cameras, and no crew buzzing around me. It’s just quiet.
The guys are somewhere nearby—I saw Jake heading off to scout for coffee earlier, and West disappeared with his guitar not long after—but I find myself wandering down the quiet streets, letting the stillness guide me. My fingers play idly with the bracelet on my wrist, the charm a small comfort, a reminder of everything that’s changed.
I follow the narrow streets until I stumble onto a small park tucked between rows of old brick buildings. It’s nothing fancy—just a stretch of grass, a few benches, and a fountain that’s seen better days—but it’s peaceful.
I pause at the edge of the park, soaking in the moment, when I hear a familiar voice behind me.
“Figured I’d find you here.”
I turn to see Xayden walking toward me, his hands shoved casually into the pockets of his jeans. He’s wearing a loose T-shirt, the fabric clinging to him in the slight humidity, and his ever-present grin is firmly in place.
I laugh, shaking my head. There’s no way he could have guessed where I’d wander to. “I highly doubt that,” I say, crossing my arms but unable to hide the smile tugging at my lips.
He shrugs, stopping a few feet away. “You wound me. I know you better than you think.”
“Funny. How’d you know where I’d end up if I didn’t even know?” I ask, my tone teasing.
“Lucky guess,” he replies, his grin tilting into something more mischievous. “Or maybe I followed you and used keeping you safe as an excuse to get away from the others for a bit.”
I arch a brow, pretending to be unimpressed. “So I’m your excuse now?”
“More like my reward,” he shoots back without missing a beat.
The words catch me off guard, a little flutter stirring in my chest despite my best efforts to ignore it. I roll my eyes to mask the effect he has on me. “You’re unbelievable.”
“Thank you,” he says, as if it’s a compliment. He gestures toward the fountain with a tilt of his head. “You mind if I join you, or is this a no-drummer zone?”
I laugh lightly, nodding toward the bench closest to the fountain. “I guess I can make an exception.”
We walk side by side, the sounds of the city fading as we settle onto the bench. Xayden leans back, one arm slung over the backrest, his posture relaxed in that effortlessly confident way that only he can pull off.
“This place is nice,” he says after a moment. “Quiet.”
“Exactly why I stopped here,” I admit, my gaze drifting to the fountain. The sunlight glints off the trickling water, and I let myself relax.
Xayden watches me for a moment, his grin fading into something more thoughtful. “You needed a break, huh?”
I nod. “Don’t we all?”
“Fair,” he says, twirling a small twig he must’ve picked up on the way here. “Tour life isn’t exactly a spa retreat.”
I laugh again, the sound surprising me with how easy it feels. “No, it’s not. But it has its moments.”
“Like this one?” he asks, tilting his head toward me, his eyes warm and unreadable.
I glance at him, caught by the sincerity in his tone. “Yeah,” I whisper. “Like this one.”
For a moment, we sit in silence, the kind that feels comfortable instead of awkward. The faint breeze carries his scent—leather and spice—and it wraps around me, grounding me in the moment.
“You know,” he says, breaking the quiet, “I wasn’t lying about following you.”
I raise an eyebrow, smirking. “Oh? Should I be concerned?”
“Not unless you hate the idea of me looking out for you,” he says, his grin returning but softer this time. “I figured you’d need some time to yourself, but I didn’t want you to be alone for too long.”
The honesty in his voice catches me off guard, and I look down, fiddling with the bracelet on my wrist. “Thanks,” I murmur, my fingers brushing over the charm. “I mean it.”
His grin widens slightly, but his eyes stay on me, thoughtful and unguarded. “Anytime, Ash.”
Before I can respond, he shifts, leaning closer, his arm brushing against mine. “And just so we’re clear,” he adds, his voice lower now, “you’re not just an excuse. Or a reward. You’re…” he trails off, his gaze flicking to my lips for a brief second before meeting my eyes again.
“I’m what?” I whisper, the words barely audible.
“You’re everything,” he says, his voice steady and sincere.
The air feels charged, heavy with something I can’t quite name, and when he leans in, I don’t stop him. His lips meet mine in a kiss that starts soft, testing, but quickly deepens. My stomach does a happy flip and my hands find their way to his shirt, curling into the fabric as I lose myself in him.
When we finally pull back, he watches me, both of us catching our breath. His hand comes up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, his touch lingering.
“Just so you know, in case I haven’t made myself clear,” he murmurs, his grin returning, “I’m not letting you escape again.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “You’re impossible.”
“Yeah,” he says, brushing his thumb over my cheek. “But you like me anyway.”
I don’t bother denying it.