Sixty-Two
SIXTY-TWO
Luca
IT WAS STRANGE HOW five days could drag on and on, yet also seem to go by in a flash. With everything else happening around me, I’d mostly managed to avoid hyper-focusing on what I’d agreed to do with Emiel.
Nat and Mia were getting all the legalities organized for selling the restaurant. Meanwhile, it was all hands on deck at the Hope Project as we scrambled to secure funding and start jumping through all the hoops involved in building an accredited culinary program from the ground up.
It was just possible that I’d been using those distractions as a way to keep from thinking about today. It was just possible that Emiel had been doing exactly the same thing.
But ‘today’ had still come, as inevitable as the tide. Here I was... and there was no option to ignore what was happening any longer.
“Maybe it’s too soon.” My voice sounded high-pitched and faintly hysterical to my own ears.
I was pacing around the sterile medical room, rubbing at my upper arms with both hands as though fighting off a chill. Mia was with me, sitting on the edge of the impersonal bed in the center of the room.
“Luca, you know you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” She sounded way more put-together than I felt, but then again, she wasn’t the one about to let an alpha put his teeth around her gland and tie her to him psychically.
Even so, I could smell the growing worry beneath her summery scent.
“No,” I said, still pacing. “No, I have to do this. I agreed to do this.”
“Hey.” She rose and intercepted me, her hands closing on my shoulders to keep me in place. “Luca, look at me.”
Jitters shook my body, urging me to break free and resume my attempts to outrun my nerves with movement. I had to force myself to meet her huge brown eyes and hold that worried gaze.
“Take a deep breath,” she said, “and let it out slowly. Now, tell me what you’re afraid of.”
I dragged in a shaky breath and held it for a count of three before it escaped explosively.
“What if it goes wrong?” I whispered.
She knew exactly what I meant by that. We’d had the conversation before. In fact, it felt like I’d had the conversation endlessly —with her, with Emiel, with our therapist.
“Okay.” I could tell she was holding her emotions in check for me, and it only added to my nagging guilt.
This should be her mating day. Or... maybe not today, but she should be the center of the pack. Emiel and I shouldn’t be hogging the spotlight like this, making what should be a natural and joyful part of life into our own personal trauma-fest.
She moved her hands from my shoulders to my face, cupping my jaw. Her palms weren’t smooth and soft like mine. They were callused and strong from wielding a chef’s knife for hours every day.
Held in place, I continued to meet her gaze as she examined my expression with a furrowed brow.
“Sorry,” I murmured, humiliation flooding through me. “I know I shouldn’t be like this.”
Her frown deepened. “Like what? Nervous ? Of course you’re nervous, Luca! So, tell me again what’s going to happen if it does go wrong.”
We’d had this conversation before, as well. Apparently, I needed to have it again.
“The medical staff will administer mild sedatives,” I said by rote. “And if that’s not enough to break the negative emotional feedback loop within an hour or two, I’ve pre-filled the consent forms for a glandectomy. I’ll be taken to surgery and have my mating gland removed.”
This doesn’t have to be permanent , I reminded myself firmly. If it goes wrong, Emiel won’t be stuck living in my nightmares for the rest of our lives .
“And you’re still okay with that decision?” Mia asked.
I hesitated, then nodded within the gentle cage of her hands. She let out a breath and shifted her grip, pulling me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around her tightly.
“I know you’re doing this to protect the rest of us,” she said against my ear. “And I hate the fact that you think you need to. But I also love you for doing it. Both of you.”
I made a small noise that absolutely wasn’t a whimper.
“Love you, too,” I rasped.
A soft knock sounded at the door. I flinched, unable to stifle the instinctive startle response. With sudden, desperate urgency, I wished that we were back in my familiar, comfortable nest, surrounded by pillows and blankets imbued with the scents of the people I loved.
But my nest didn’t have a team of medical professionals on standby, ready to leap into action in the event of catastrophic mating trauma.
The door creaked open just as Mia and I broke apart, her hand still gripping my shoulder in unspoken support.
“Hi.” Emiel’s complexion had a grayish cast beneath his dark skin. He hesitated on the threshold, as though unsure of his welcome.
“Hi,” I breathed.
All at once, his scent hit me, and I was transported back to the night of the New Year’s Eve party, when I’d handcuffed him to the bed and ridden him to completion, drunk on champagne and my own horniness. I’d practically dared him to bite me as we both lay shuddering in the aftermath.
I knew what had changed since then, though. Well... besides me not being drunk. I’d had too much time to think this last week, even as I’d been trying to avoid it. But this was the same alpha who’d tied himself in knots—and handcuffs—to keep me safe; who’d refused to give into his own instincts because he wasn’t sure how many drinks I’d had that night.
“Come in,” I said, my mouth dry as dust.
Emiel came in.
Behind him followed a beta nurse wheeling a tray full of medical equipment. She smiled disarmingly as she parked the rolling table near the bed.
“Good morning,” she said. “If you’re ready to proceed, I’ll need to hook you up with some remote sensors that the doctor will monitor from her station. Now, you’ve both signed forms stating that you are entering this mating of your own free will. But I’m required to inform you that consent may be withdrawn at any time until the act is complete. Do you both wish to continue?”
“Yes,” Emiel said, seemingly without hesitation.
“Yes,” I croaked.
“And you are comfortable with Ms. Dimitriadis being present as a witness?” the nurse added.
“Yes,” I said, with much more certainty this time.
“Yeah,” Emiel agreed, managing a wan smile for Mia. “’Course.”
The rest of the preparation was every bit as clinical as the room itself. At least until Emiel frowned and said, “Wait. Why’s Luca the only one who has to take his shirt off?”
The nurse smiled her professional smile again as she hooked wires to a monitor. “That’s only because most omegas prefer not to risk getting blood on their clothing. Nothing to do with gender designation.”
“Doesn’t seem right, though,” Emiel said, and stripped off his shirt to reveal broad muscles.
“Yeah, it really doesn’t,” Mia agreed, pulling her blouse off as well, and popping her bra clasp for good measure. “There. Now we’re all equally exposed.” She sent me a cheeky wink, and a tension I hadn’t even realized I’d been carrying eased.
“It’s however you’re most comfortable,” said the nurse, not batting an eyelash at them. “We’re just here for your safety, but I’ve got a feeling you two are going to be absolutely fine.” She bustled around, checking switches and connections, then headed for the door. “Now, take as long as you need. There’s a call button right here by the bed. If any of you have any concerns whatsoever, please don’t hesitate to use it.”
“Thank you,” Mia said for us.
The nurse’s smile this time seemed more genuine. “You’re more than welcome. And congratulations in advance on your mating.”
With that, she left us alone.
My uncertainty flowed back in as the door clicked shut. I shot Emiel what was probably a slightly panicked look. He, too, seemed to be at something of a loss, now that the nurse was gone. Why had this felt so much easier when I’d been half-drunk and clamped around his knot on New Year’s Eve?
“Can I kiss you both?” Mia asked, into the increasingly thick silence.
I nearly fell forward into her arms at the promise of the sweet distraction of her lips. She made a startled sound, her bare breasts pressing against my chest. For the ten thousandth time, I wondered why I couldn’t have been born an alpha—strong enough to stand up for myself and not be a victim.
Somehow, I found myself falling sideways onto the bed, still with Mia’s tongue in my mouth. The mattress dipped behind me as a heavier weight settled onto it, a large body pressing up behind me. With a jolt, I remembered that being an alpha hadn’t saved Emiel. He was as much a victim as I was... it was why we were here now, together.
Mia hummed and broke the kiss with me in favor of pressing her lips to Emiel’s, trapping me in the warm space between them. When she switched back, Emiel’s soft mouth brushed tentatively along the side of my neck. His warm breath sent goosebumps along my skin as he explored lower.
“Do it,” I demanded into the bare space between Mia’s lips and mine. “Please, Emiel... please just do it now!”
Emiel stilled behind me, his big body thrumming with tension. Then, without any further warning, blunt teeth closed around the juncture of my neck and shoulder, clamping down with a terrible force. I felt my skin give way... felt the shock of pain, and the sharp sting of alpha saliva entering my bloodstream. I could only imagine what the heart monitors in the doctor’s office were showing as I cried out in surprise.
And then, all thoughts of the outside world fled as a rushing sound filled my ears, my awareness whooshing inward.
I was in a place so dark that I couldn’t see my own hand in front of my face. It was endless, echoing, a sucking void of nothingness... and I was not alone here . That horrible awareness prickled at my nerves like tiny jolts of electricity. There was an alpha here with me.
I was trapped with an alpha .
An overwhelming sense of danger sent adrenaline crashing through my veins. How could I get away when I couldn’t even see ? I flailed and stumbled backward, my body feeling small and weak and wrong . My arms and legs were too short; thin from hunger and shaky from drugs.
The limbs of a malnourished teenager, barely out of childhood.
I cried out in terror as my back thumped against flesh and bone, and there was an answering cry of fear in return. Spinning around, I came face to face with a scrawny, dark-skinned boy of perhaps seven or eight. He was even shorter than me, and he had the same starved, scared look that I instinctively knew I was wearing.
My mind struggled to make sense of what I was seeing. The boy stared at me with wide brown eyes.
“Y-you’re an omega,” he stammered. “You gotta run—it’s not safe here! He’s gonna come. He always comes at night!”
Something about the utter terror in his eyes jolted me partway out of my panic. “You need to run, too,” I told him, reaching out to take hold of a skinny arm. A surge of unexpected protectiveness rose in my chest. “Come on, I’ll get you out of here. I’ll get you someplace safe!”
It was a stupid thing to say. I had no idea which direction we should run in this dark and featureless place.
The boy balked, refusing to move, even as I tugged at him. “No! You’re an omega ! I have t’protect you. You gotta go—I’ll keep him from coming after you!”
Some spark of recognition flared to life inside me, but it was crowded out by fresh terror as the shadows around us coalesced into a towering silhouette. It was as pitch-black as the rest of the void around us—an unseen impression of broad shoulders, immense height, and the ugly, choking scent of blood and sandalwood.
A hand like the cold depths of hell itself reached for the boy in front of me.
“ No !” I screamed in rage, at the same instant the boy snarled, “ Don’t you hurt him !”
It was suddenly the most important thing in the world that the looming figure not be allowed to place a single finger on the scrawny child who had whirled and flung his arms out in front of me, as though he would use his own small body as a barrier between me and the threat that terrified him.
Acting on pure instinct, I let out a growl and leapt past him, my fingers hooked like claws to rip and tear. A high-pitched shriek of fury to my left signaled the boy doing the same thing—punching and kicking and snapping his teeth at the darkness. As though it had been an illusion all along, the nightmare figure dispelled into wisps of oily vapor beneath our combined attack.
Our screams of rage echoed in my ears. I realized, abruptly, that I was flailing and clawing at nothing. Exhaustion overcame me as my too small, too young muscles finally gave out. I collapsed in a heap, the boy following me down a minute later. His small chest rose and fell like a bellows.
Those big brown eyes searched my face, a new kind of fear in them. “Are... are you okay?” he panted. “Did he hurt you?”
His small fists were clenched, the knuckles bloody. A flash of memory assailed me—a massive alpha, standing over my old gang members with bruised and bleeding hands; Mia and me tucked protectively behind the bulk of his body.
“No,” I said in something like awe, as understanding dawned. “You saved me, Emiel.”
But the boy was still watching me in consternation. “You saved me. You’re an omega, and you still fought him.”
“We both fought him,” I replied, with wonder creeping into my voice. “He came to hurt us, and we fought him off together.”
“L-Luca?” Emiel asked, his voice unsure and so, so painfully young.
“Yeah. It’s me. We...” My chest hitched. I was crying, and I hadn’t even noticed until now. “ Emiel . We don’t have to fight alone anymore.”
Emiel blinked. “We... don’t?” He looked around at the darkness, which now seemed to be lightening like a dense forest just before dawn. “Oh. We don’t .”
Without quite knowing how I got there, I ended up with my arms wrapped around a skinny boy who would have thrown himself into the devil’s embrace to spare me from harm. Emiel went stiff for only a moment before collapsing against me and clinging with fierce intensity.
Then, he burst into tears.
I was still crying as well... but for the first time in forever, those tears felt like setting down a burden. Straightening my shoulders without the aching press of a heavy, invisible weight pushing them down.
“Don’t leave me?” Emiel’s words were small and hopeful, pressed against my neck.
I hiccupped a wet laugh. “Don’t think you have to worry about that, squirt. I’m pretty sure we’re stuck with each other forever.”