Twenty
TWENTY
Mia
“WHO DID THIS to you?” There was a tremor behind Nat’s words, although I couldn’t tell for sure if it was down to fear or anger on my behalf. “Was it that alpha you’re seeing? Give me a name. We’ll go to the police. I’ll back you up.”
He reached a hand toward me, as though he might touch my chin to tilt my head so he could see the bruising better. Then he seemed to catch himself, his fingers clenching into a fist as he lowered it to hang at his side.
“ Mia .”
The pain in his voice was unmistakable. I hated myself just a little bit for how much that one word made me want to tumble forward into his arms and confess everything. We’d loved each other once. He’d had my back, and I’d had his. We’d been partners in more than a restaurant.
What the hell had happened to us?
I choked down the unhealthy urge and took a step back. “It’s not what you’re thinking. I went out for the evening with a friend. An omega.” The memory of Luca’s cock sliding into me, of his lips on mine, threatened to flood my cheeks with red. “Some guys tried to mug us. I had pepper spray, and then a Good Samaritan waded in to help. We got away. It’s fine.”
From his expression, I couldn’t tell if Nat believed me or not. That was probably fair since it was partly truth and partly lies. How guilty should I be feeling right now?
“Did you go to the police afterward?” Nat asked cautiously.
I wondered if he was feeling me out. If I’d filed a police report, that would lend weight to my story, I supposed.
“No,” I said, exhaustion creeping into my tone. “I couldn’t even give a decent description of them, it all happened so fast. And Lu—” I caught myself. “And my friend was nearly catatonic once reaction set in. We went back to his place. I stayed with him until he recovered a bit, and I was sure he’d be okay.”
All technically true.
“You could still file a report,” Nat said. “I can drive you to the nearest station right now. Where did this happen?”
“I’m not filing a report, Nat.” I went to rub my eyes and stopped myself just in time. I’d made that mistake earlier, and it fucking hurt . “We were stupid. We ended up in a bad area and nearly paid the price for it. Lesson learned.”
Had it been learned, though? I wasn’t so sure, in Luca and Emiel’s case.
I got the distinct sense that all I’d accomplished with my denial was to make Nat even more convinced that I was screwing Zalen, and that he’d gone all ‘alpha caveman’ on me and punched me in the face. The irony was palpable, since I’d never even gotten a hint that Zalen had the first bit of interest in me. Or, at least, the first bit of sexual interest in me.
There was no doubt I was on his radar. Especially now that Luca had called me in to act as backup at Emiel’s fight, rather than going to Zalen himself.
Nat looked like a ship lost at sea. As much as it pained me to admit it, I knew exactly what this must sound like from his perspective. The cliché about domestic violence victims bending over backward to protect their abusers was a cliché for a reason. Of course he thought my mugging story was bullshit.
A good chunk of it actually was bullshit.
I’d put him in a difficult position, and despite my best efforts, I felt bad about it. Should he call me a liar to my face if that’s what it took—in his mind, at least—to keep me safe? Or should he let my paper-thin story slide, while believing I might go back to someone who was hurting me?
I hated the position we’d put each other in with a sudden, sick intensity. From his expression, so did he. His face had gone paler than I could ever remember seeing it.
“Mia,” he began, pasty and grim. “This... this is my fault. Our marriage... hasn’t been good, these last couple of years. But it was never my intention to drive you to a place where you feel like you have to put yourself in dangerous situations.”
He paused and swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing.
“I know you probably won’t believe this,” he continued, “but I honestly thought we could both get what we wanted. I was angry and resentful, yes. But I thought, okay, I’ll get my needs met with casual hookups, and you won’t be pressured into sex that you obviously didn’t want.”
If I hadn’t been so exhausted, I might have choked on a bitter laugh.
“Right,” I said. “So, how’s that whole thing been working out?”
He hesitated.
“I... don’t know. Because we don’t actually communicate about anything except gross customer receipts and asparagus shipments.”
A breath of tired laughter did manage to escape this time. “And whose fault is that?”
His dark brows furrowed. “Mine, to start with. But at this point, I’m pretty sure the highway is closed in both directions.” He swallowed again. “Maybe all of this was a terrible mistake. If I stop seeing other people, will you stop putting yourself in danger?”
There was a haunted look behind his deep-set brown eyes, and for the first time, I really stopped to wonder if there was another person out there who’d become important to him for more than just sex. What—or who—would he be giving up by making me this offer?
This is it , whispered a voice in the back of my head. This is what you wanted, right? To turn back the clock? Pretend none of this open marriage stuff ever happene d?
It was so tempting.
So. Very. Tempting.
And it would be an even worse mistake than the one Nat had made when he’d first sprung all this on me. It was too late now for backtracking.
I drew breath, choosing my words with care. “I appreciate what you’re offering. I truly do. But, Nat, pretending this never happened won’t fix the underlying issues in our marriage.”
“I won’t stand by and see you hurt,” Nat said hoarsely.
I closed the space between us and cupped Nat’s jaw, trying to remember the last time we’d touched each other skin to skin.
“I know you don’t believe me about the mugging,” I said, overcoming my omega instincts in order to meet his gaze and hold it without blinking. “But I give you my solemn word that no one I’m seeing is hitting me. I really was with another omega, and we really were attacked by a group of strangers.”
Strangers to me, at any rate .
I could see Nat struggling with his own instincts over whether or not to believe me—and maybe that shouldn’t have hurt. Yet, somehow, it still did.
After a few moments, his expression cleared, and he nodded. “All right. Just so you know that no matter what else happens between us, you can always come to me if you’re in trouble.”
And, despite everything else happening in our lives, I knew that much was true. That knowledge curled in my stomach—uncomfortable, yet also strangely warming.
“I know,” I whispered.
Something that looked like grief lurked behind his eyes, and I could tell he’d felt the same shift between us that I had. I also knew that I would have to be the one to say it aloud.
“Nat... I... think we should do a trial separation.” The words burned more than I expected them to. I licked my lips, trying to moisten them. “Maybe it would be best if we focused on running the restaurant together. We’re good at that—at least when we’re not bringing our marriage problems to work with us.”
Nat looked like a man who’d seen this coming. He also looked like someone who’d been slammed upside the head with a two-by-four.
“I’ll move out,” he said quietly. “Give me a week or two to find a cheap studio apartment or something. You know what the household finances are like these days.”
I placed a hand on his arm. “No. Don’t do that. Stay here. I might have a place I could crash for a bit. And if not, I can always go live with my parents until you and I figure out what we’re doing. Which is something that’s one hundred and ten percent not an option for you.”
“Oh god, no,” he agreed, a small shudder running through him at the thought of returning to his Bible-thumping fundie adoptive parents. He straightened his shoulders and looked down at me. “Will you at least let me take you to urgent care for that eye?”
But I shook my head. “I think it’s okay. I just need to slap enough makeup over it to keep every person I meet from demanding to know what happened.”
With an internal cringe, I realized that if I didn’t do a good enough job, a certain percentage of those people would assume the bruise had been Nat’s doing. Our marriage troubles weren’t exactly well-hidden these days.
I couldn’t do that to him. I couldn’t .
“It’ll be fine,” I said gamely, swallowing down my queasiness.
“If you’re sure,” Nat replied after a moment. “If you change your mind, just say so.”
I forced a wan smile and nodded my agreement. Then I resumed my trek to retrieve my makeup case so I could hole up in the bathroom. I managed to get the bathroom door closed behind me and cross the small room to the vanity before the tears came.