19. Chad
CHAPTER 19
Chad
For the better part of the next two days, my thoughts stay fixated on Lakelyn. Her busy schedule keeps us apart, and I don’t want to keep bothering her at work. But the distance is starting to feel like a physical ache, gnawing at me from the inside.
I need to see her.
She said I could stop by the shop she’s setting up, but something holds me back. It’s this craving, the fear that I’m in too deep to save myself from the hurt if she changes her mind about us.
We’re past that. She likes the real you .
Straightening my shoulders, I head for the front door, determined to push through the uncertainty. But before I can reach for the handle, my father’s voice slices through the air like a harpoon.
“Chadwick, come here.”
I swallow hard, my hand hovering in mid-air as I turn slowly back toward the sound of his voice. My heart thuds dully in my chest, a hollow rhythm that matches the heaviness in my legs as I comply. He sounds disappointed just in those few words.
He stands there, the disappointment I heard in his tone etched into his features, arms crossed like a barrier. “If you’re going to be useless, you might as well find somewhere else to be useless. I won’t have you under my roof, wasting space.”
His words hit me like a punch to the gut, the sting sharp and relentless. Useless . The word echoes in my mind, twisting into something raw and ugly. “You think I’m useless?” I manage to say, trying to keep my voice steady, but the tremor betrays me. I know he does. He has always treated me with disdain; I will never be enough for him. I thought it stopped hurting a long time ago. I was wrong.
“Look at you,” he snaps, gesturing dismissively. “Hiding away, doing nothing of value. If you can’t bring any honor to this family, then what’s the point?”
I feel the weight of his disgust pressing down, suffocating. My breath quickens, and anger flares in my chest, but it’s mingled with a deep, gnawing fear. “I’m trying to figure things out,” I protest, but the words feel feeble against his contempt.
“Trying? That’s all you do, isn’t it? Pathetic.” He steps closer, his presence looming like a storm. “If you’re not going to pull your weight, then you can’t stay here. Don’t come back until you’re ready to be someone worth having around.”
With that, he turns away, leaving me standing there, the silence ringing in my ears, his words cutting deeper than I want to admit. The urge to flee to Lakelyn burns in my chest, but doubt claws at me, whispering that I’ll never be good enough.
Turning slowly back around, I move back to the front door. It doesn’t feel real. But I know he’s not joking, he doesn’t want me to come back to the house.
So much for my mother’s whispered words when Omega in Paradise hometown visits happened. If this doesn’t work out, you always have a place here. I snort. It was the most mom-like she had ever sounded. Guess my father didn't get the memo.
Striding down the long driveway, I don't pause to look back. You can never get to where you're going if you're looking back. There's nothing for me in that mausoleum anyway.
Once on the narrow mountain road, I inhale then release a breath, pushing away the cruel words he said. It wasn't new. In fact, almost those exact words pushed me all the way to New York City after I graduated. To a City that I could disappear and just be one of the crowd.
It worked. For a while.
I pull out my phone, hesitation slowing my movements as I scroll through the contacts and bring up Lilah’s smiling face. The sun’s starting to dip behind the trees, casting long shadows over the road as I hit call. My feet drag along the gravel shoulder, kicking loose pebbles into the weeds. The phone rings once, twice, and then her face pops onto the screen—hair mussed, cheeks pink.
“Chad! Did you find what you were looking for down there?” Her eyes settle on me, really seeing me, and I suck in a breath.
“You look like you just fucked all three of them. It was good, wasn’t it?” I say, trying to distract her from whatever she’s bound to notice.
Lilah rolls her eyes, pushing herself up against what can only be a headboard. “You didn’t call to talk about my sex life.”
“It was amazing, though,” Rafe calls from the background, and I catch a glimpse of Miles leaning into the frame, giving a lazy wave.
A slow smile tugs at my lips. Her alphas may not have been for me, but they were always fun to flirt with. Safe. “So, did you ever figure out whose knot was bigger?”
Lilah huffs out a laugh, shaking her head. “You’re deflecting. Are you okay?” She squints, her eyes narrowing at the background behind me. “Are you in the woods?”
I angle the phone around, showing her the narrow strip of trees running parallel to the road, their branches hanging heavy and still, not a breeze to stir them. The only sound is the crunch of my sneakers on the gravel. “Not the woods, exactly. I’m on my way to town. My father kicked me out.”
The words sink in as they leave my mouth. Her face shifts, the laughter draining from her eyes as my smile slips a little.
“Why on earth would he do that?”
I shrug, scuffing the toe of my shoe against a loose stone. Cars rumble by on the road, but the sound feels distant, muffled by the silence pressing in around me. Do I tell her the real reason or brush it off? She’s one of the few people who actually gives a damn. Maybe my best friend, even.
“He said I’m useless,” I mutter, eyes fixed on the path ahead. A pebble skitters down the hill as I nudge it with my foot.
Lilah gasps, loud enough to pull my gaze back to her. Her face is a mix of shock and fury.
“Excuse me? What kind of parent says that to their kid? Do I need to come down there and have a talk with him?”
I hear Elliott’s voice call out, full of threat. “We’ll do more than talk to him.”
“Yeah, we can take care of him,” Miles adds, leaning into the frame again, his grin dangerous.
A smile wobbles on my lips, somewhere between amusement and sadness. The wind picks up just a little, rustling the branches overhead. “You guys sound like you’ve decided you’re in the mafia.”
“Rafe can always play the part,” Miles says with a wink. “We’ll just be the muscle.”
I laugh, kicking another rock into the brush. A little of the weight lifts off my chest. I guess my circle of friends is bigger than I thought. “He’s not worth it.”
Lilah softens, her voice gentle. “Are you coming home?”
Lakelyn’s smile flashes in my mind, bright and golden, and before I can stop myself, I’m shaking my head. “No. I think I’ve found someone here. Someone important.”
Lilah’s eyes light up. “Who is he?”
“She,” I correct, my chest tightening with the memory of Lakelyn’s laugh. “Her name’s Lakelyn.”
Her brows shoot up, and she grins wide. “An alpha?”
I shake my head again, the words slipping from my mouth like a prayer. “Beta. A perfect sunshine beta.”
“Sounds like a safe choice,” Lilah says, her tone teasing but gentle.
I huff out a laugh, shaking my head as I kick at another stray pebble. “Not safe at all, actually.” My voice comes out rougher than I intended, and I feel the truth pressing down on me. “She’s… she’s not like anyone I’ve ever met. When I’m around her, it’s like… nothing’s in my control. And all I can think about is her happiness.”
Lilah raises an eyebrow. “That bad, huh?”
“Worse,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck, trying to find the right words. "She makes me feel things I didn’t know I could still feel. It’s—” I pause, swallowing hard. “It’s terrifying. The way she pulls me in, without even trying. I can't think straight when she's around. It's like everything else fades and there’s just her."
Lilah is about to respond when headlights sweep over me, growing brighter as a car slows down on the road. I squint as the driver’s side window rolls down. Jenny leans out, her blonde hair spilling over her shoulders, lips painted a little too bright for someone casually driving by. Her eyes linger on me, too much interest in the way she says my name.
“Chad, honey, need a ride?” Her voice is sweet, but there’s a little something extra behind it, like she’s been waiting for an excuse to catch me alone. “I was just thinking about you earlier.”
I stiffen. Jenny’s been doing this more often lately—popping up in convenient moments, asking too many personal questions. She’s my mom’s friend, but the way she looks at me makes my skin crawl. I can feel her eyes raking over me, and it takes everything in me not to visibly shudder.
“No, I’m good. Just out for some air,” I reply, my voice polite but cold, waving her off with a forced smile. The last thing I want is to be stuck in a car with her, and the invitation hanging in her words is obvious.
Her eyes narrow a bit, but she doesn’t push it. “Well, alright, honey. But you know where to find me if you change your mind.” She flashes a too-sweet smile, and it lingers as she drives away slowly, like she’s giving me one last chance.
I breathe out once she’s gone, feeling her gaze finally lift. Lilah’s face is still on the screen, and she’s giving me a knowing look.
“Jenny,” I say with an eye roll. “My mom’s friend… I mistakenly flirted with her the first time I met her.”
Lilah laughs, shaking her head. “She’s got a thing for you, huh?”
“Yeah. It’s… uncomfortable,” I admit, rubbing my temples. “She’s relentless. I’ve tried shutting it down, but she keeps ‘checking in’ like that.”
“She’s just thirsty,” Lilah says with a grin, trying to lighten the mood. “But seriously, be careful. Older women can be... persistent.”
I huff out a laugh, though it comes out strained. “Don’t worry. She’s not my type.”
“Anyways…what were we talking about? Oh yeah,” Lilah drawls, her teasing dropping to a murmur, “are you telling me you're in love?”
I flinch at the word, an uncomfortable twinge settling in my gut. Instinct has me wanting to deny it. “No… yes… I don’t know.” I exhale sharply, dragging a hand through my hair. My mind effortlessly conjures Dean and Mason, adding them to the picture of what my life could be. "It's not just her, Lilah. I don’t know how to explain it, but… there are others, too. People who mess with my head. There’s Dean and Mason—" The names slip out, and I stop myself just before saying more, heart pounding in my chest.
Lilah is silent on the other end for a beat, her lips quirking up as though she can read between the lines. “Oh, Chad… looks like you’ve got yourself into quite the mess.”
“Yeah,” I breathe, eyes on the road ahead, the darkening sky casting everything in soft, muted tones. “More than you know.”
“I think this mess is going to be good for you. Don’t fight it.”
I flick my eyes back to her. “No promises.”