Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Ilose track of time as I sit in front of the headstone that I haven’t visited in years.
I could say that I have been busy. That the Syndicate has taken up all of my time. That I have been busy trying to educate my sons, preparing for them to take over so that I can finally retire.
But they would all be lies. Ridiculous excuses that I use instead of admitting that I couldn’t come here.
The idea of seeing the place that my dead mate would rest for the rest of my life has haunted me.
At the start, I told myself that I would come and see her everyday. To remind her that I never would forget the love that we shared.
But after the first visit, I knew that I would break my promise. Because I haven’t been here since that day.
Her headstone still looks the same as it did all those years ago. Her flowers are fresh, no doubt having recently been changed out. The grass around her gravesite is kept short and tidy, something I demanded when we chose this particular cemetery.
It looks peaceful. A complete polar opposite to how I am currently feeling.
Because Valentina is an Omega.
The revelation has rocked me to my core to say the least.
I was none the wiser that she would lie to me like this.
Not that I have deserved any kind of heads up from her.
But fuck. I had let her into my life. Let her into my home. I had begun to show her the deepest and darkest past of not only my life, but myself.
Was it all just a lie?
Some kind of cruel ploy into getting us to protect her? To get us to fall in love with her just so her and her daughter can be protected?
What's worse is I wouldn’t have ever turned her away if she had come to me with the truth at the start.
I would have protected her and piccolo with my dying breath.
But now, it just feels like it was all a smoke screen.
It makes me think that maybe she just doesn’t want me because I am the wrong twin. It wouldn’t be the first time that Conall has been picked over me. I know he would see it the other way but that is only because I am feared. Not because I am actually liked.
I know that I am hard to love.
That was something that was always written in black and white to me when Gwen was still alive. She despised the side of me that demanded I be the Don. She could never accept that blood thirsty side of us. She would always shy away from that ruthlessness.
Is that what Valentina is doing right now?
I would have thought differently based on the way that she has handled the situation with the Omegas.
But I have been wrong before.
It also doesn’t escape me that the signs that point towards Valley being part of these murders somehow is far from being a coincidence.
At the time, I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. I was also under the belief that Valentina was a Beta.
But now the writing is on the wall.
The woman that I have been falling over my feet for is an Omega. An Alpha’s perfect match. She is designed just for me. From the inside out, she is everything I could want and more.
But she lied to me. Or omitted the full truth at least.
I guess some blame could be placed on me. Because not once did I ever question her designation. I just ran with what I had been told.
Do I have a right to be as upset as I am? Do I even have a leg to stand on if I was to reconfront her with my feelings?
Now that I am thinking about it, maybe I don’t. Because not once has she ever owed me anything. What have I done to deserve the full truth from her?
Fuck, she was abused from her previous pack.
They fucking abused her.
I grip the grass I have threaded my fingers through tighter.
No matter how I feel about any of this, the one feeling that comes through stronger than the rest is the immeasurable anger I feel towards the fucking Andrews pack.
Knowing that Valley disposed of them before she left is the only reason why I am not hunting them down as we speak.
Although, the thought of finding where they are buried, digging them out just to ensure that they are dead is powerful.
I continue to sit in front of the headstone, staring at the letters etched into the granite.
“I don’t know what to do, Gwen,” I whisper into the early morning air. “After you, I never thought there would be anyone that I could picture my life with. I had resigned myself to the fact that it would only ever be you. Yet with a single glance from this girl, I have turned to mush.”
I shake my head, before sighing.
“Even from the other side, I can feel you laughing at me. But fuck, I am just so torn up. It feels like she has lied to me. Like she has betrayed me. That she has kept this massive secret from me.”
I sigh yet again and look up at the slowly rising sun, “The worst part is, I don’t think it is her that I am even mad at anymore. It's me that I am mad at. I allowed myself to become the person that she has been running from.”
I sob escapes my throat before I can catch it.
“I fucking hurt her, Gwen. I have hurt the first person that has made me feel anything real since you were taken from us. I have fucked up. More than I ever thought I would be capable of. I was borderline feral, screaming at her!”
I brush a hand roughly over my face.
“I fucking questioned if her daughter was even hers.”
Tears begin to stream down my cheeks and I rip the grass I had been gripping from the roots, throwing them to the side with a roar.
“I fucking love her, Gwen and I have already fucked it all up.”
I grip my hair, pulling at the strands as I break down. I feel a part of me break as I all but collapse into myself. My pain feels inescapable as I allow it to pour from me.
“Sitting here wallowing in self pity isn’t going to do you any favors in winning her back.”
The voice of my son has me turning with surprise. I thought I was alone out here.
Theo’s hands are tucked into his pockets, looking down at me with a mixture of pity and disappointment.
Quickly, I wipe away the tear streaks, knowing it's futile. Eventually, I clear my throat before looking back up at him.
“No amount of apologizing will ever be enough for what I did to her,” I whisper, the emotion evident in my tone.
Theo sighs, the sound laced with disappointment.
“How will you ever know if you don’t at least try?”
I shrug my shoulders, looking up at my son again.
“I don’t know if I could handle being rejected by her for the last time. I have spent so much time and energy trying to get her to say yes to me that now it feels like if I push anymore, it will be too far this time.”
I drop my head, bringing my hands up to grip my hair. At least if it is just me inflicting pain on myself, maybe I won’t feel so fucking awful.
“I’ve already taken it a step too far.”
I hear rustling beside me, indicating that Theo has taken a seat beside me. I don’t look up. I can’t see that look again on his face. It is so much like his mother’s, it is terrifying.
“We all make mistakes, Dad. You know that better than anyone. But that doesn’t define you. It’s what you do after that matters.”
I shake my head. “Using my words against me.”
He chuckles, “Just calling it as I see it.” Theo remains silent for a moment before he speaks again. “What are you truly scared of, Dad?”
That question has me pausing as I lift my head to look at my son. Just over twenty years my junior and he is more intelligent than I ever was.
Theo has a way of seeing the world in a different light. It was impossible to not be proud of him, Jax and Ledger and the way they handled the start of their relationship with Kennedy.
I know at their age, I wasn’t thinking as far ahead as they had to. It took me years to be able to keep calm in particular situations—something that has clearly been forgotten in this circumstance. Yet they did it with a grace that was admirable. Even with the clean up bill at the end of it.
Right now, I feel as though I am the one that needs to be coached through this part of my life. While I don’t hate it—having to rely on my boys more now—it makes me see that my time in my current position is coming to an end.
Knowing that isn’t even remotely related to my problems tonight, I turn back to the unanswered.
What am I scared of?
I am terrified of not being loved in return. I am terrified of walking back into that house and being pushed out of my own pack. I am terrified of having to be the one to sit out on the sidelines, all because I am an irrational dickhead with no filter.
I tell Theo that and more, feeling as though I pour my entire heart out to him.
He is silent for a while before he breaks it.
“Well, I say, fuck that.”
I snap my head up in surprise, my eyes going round as I stare at him in shock.
“What?” I question, feeling dumbfounded.
He just shrugs his shoulders as he leans back on his hands. “I said, fuck that noise. You are Victor motherfucking Duran. You are the Don of the Mafia. You are an Alpha. I have never seen you as the kind of man that shies away when things get intense.”
He shakes his head before continuing, “When Kennedy was taken from us, you forced us to pull our heads out of our asses and think rationally.”
He smirks and I know I am already dreading what he has to say.
“So Dad, you need to harden the fuck up. Because your Omega is waiting for you. She needs you.”
He almost had me there but the idea that she needs me is what lost me.
“She doesn’t need me, son.”
It's Theo’s turn to scoff as he looks over at me.
“Tell me then, Dad. Who the fuck is meant to help Valley through her heat?”
I choke on nothing as I process his words. Straightening, I move into a low crouch as I get closer to Theo.
“Speak plainly. What do you mean?” I mutter with a growl. I feel my heart racing, the organ threatening to burst from my chest.
Theo’s lips tilt with a smirk. “Your Omega is in heat.”
Crashing through the front door, my eyes are laser-focused on the stairs I very quickly run up. There is only one thing running through my mind as I come to a stop at the closed door of Valentina’s nest.
My Omega is in heat.