8. Lorcan
CHAPTER 8
LORCAN
I sat on the bar, splitting my attention between my mother with Tadgh and Alice and the smoking area door. Darragh slid a pint my way, and I dipped my chin in thanks. My hands closed over the cold glass, and I tried to get my shit together.
I was almost fifty years old. I should be the one to help them through the transition when we finally got our omega, but instead, I was falling apart.
I took a sip from the bitter drink, grimacing at my racing thoughts. I needed to do better for Gabriela. I had to talk to her without always barking something that made her jump out of her skin.
She trusted Alice with Tadgh, and we all listened to what Oisin had to say. Right before my eyes, they were building a relationship, and I was terrified of being left behind.
I couldn’t be the one she hated.
The idea left a bitter taste in my mouth. I already could tell she liked the other two and looked scared every time I approached her.
All she ever asked me for was a kiss, and I said no.
Less than that. If I had said no, at least I could explain I was nervous, that I wanted was to kiss her but something unraveled inside me when we got close and I couldn’t do it.
Instead, I just left. I left her there and never even tried to use my words.
“Your mate looks great.”
Even if it was a day of celebration, people knew better than to start a conversation with me. But those rules never applied to my dad. He sat beside me, sticking his finger up to order another pint.
“She’s gorgeous,” I agreed.
“So why are you doing here alone? You look like you belong with the other pack. Poor fuckers…”
I sighed, not wanting to have this conversation with him. Today wasn't the day to try to put words in my mouth.
“I was always scared for you, Lorcan,” he confessed, making me turn his way.
“Scared why?”
He smiled, his age showing by the thin lines around his eyes. “Since you were a little boy, I told the pack your heart is too big. He can’t make out the words.”
I huffed. Yeah, I couldn’t make out the words, but I doubted it was my heart’s fault.
“It’s true,” Dad continued. “You are a protector. You care too much. You suffered all these years without an omega not just for you, but for your pack too. I understand that. More than just feeling responsible for your mother, I always felt responsible for your dads too. That’s what families do.”
His words felt like tiny daggers prickling my skin. I preferred everyone to think I was an old grump than to have the truth so easily displayed.
“But the thing is, son, the pack worries about you back. It’s not just you. Oisin and Tadgh are right now thinking about you. Your girl? I bet she is too.”
I snorted, and he patted by back.
“Once, you told me your dreams. You were a twenty year old lad, no pack, no omega. You said to me all you ever wanted was to have a family.” Dad looked around the bar, right to Tadgh and Alice, to Gabriela and Oisin, who just entered the room once again. “It looks like all your dreams came true, and yet you refuse living them.”
My eyes fell closed for a second, and I took a deep breath. I remained quiet, but this time, it was because I didn't trust myself to talk without my voice faltering.
“Live your dreams, son. They are waiting for you.”
With a last tap on my back, Dad went to my mother, and I watched him tenderly kiss her hair. The weight in my chest pulsed, taking up space until it was over my throat, wanting out. All the words I wanted to say begged to be left out, and I snapped my teeth together, as if I could keep them in.
After too long for my taste, I was glad when Oisin told me Gabriela was ready to go. She was a liar; she wanted to go from the start, but she was too much of a people pleaser to say a word.
I wasn’t judging her. Some people took on the role of peacemaker, and if anything, it was the people around her who were to blame, the ones who couldn’t see when she was uncomfortable.
I could. I saw right through her.
I dipped my chin toward Darragh, thanking him for the pints he was feeding me for free because it was my mating day, even if I doubted Gabriela was ready for that.
She wasn’t ready to let go of Alice for a second, and I could understand that. They only had each other for so long, and now, they were brand new in a strange place.
Tension kept my shoulders up, even as I told myself everything was okay. It should be. She was here, beautiful and healthy. I should only be thankful, yet I found myself cracking my neck before it got too stiff.
“Ready?” I asked when I met them at the front.
Gabriela just nodded, and Oisin led her out with a hand on her back while Tadgh brought Alice to the car. I shouldn’t be so jealous of my pack, but I couldn’t pretend. They were so natural with her.
I wanted that. I needed that .
I took the wheel once again and turned right after the pub, my heart squeezing when our home became visible at the top of the hill. Away from most people, we wanted a place overlooking the sea. The view was breathtaking, and I knew it was the nicest house this side of Ireland.
“Olha, mam?e!” Alice gasped as we went further down the road.
My chest swelled in pride, feeling on top of my game since we picked them up in Dublin.
When I parked the car, Gabriela jumped first, her expression unreadable. About a hundred yards from our front door was a cliff, the sea at the bottom.
“Isn’t that dangerous?” she asked, eyeing Alice.
“We can fence it if you’d like,” Oisin offered.
“We can move,” I added.
Yes, I loved our house, but whatever she liked, she could have.
Her eyes found me quickly, and she shook her head. “No. I don’t want that.” She looked away from the cliff and back to the house. “It’s beautiful.”
“We’ll make it sure it’s safe for Alice, then,” I told her.
And her mouth curved a little, just a little, but enough to have my heart hammering inside my chest. “Thank you.”
“Let’s go inside,” Tadgh said.
I lowered my head and followed them to the house, Oisin at the front.
“Oh God.”
Her face was awestruck, and I smiled unabashedly.
Right at the front room, the ceiling was so tall, you had to crane your neck back to find the big chandelier. One of Tadgh’s fathers was a painter, so we had beautiful artwork on the walls, most of them the wild Atlantic. Our furniture was large and comfortable, our rooms always warm.
“Let me show you your room.” Tadgh took Gabriela’s hand and rushed her up the wooden stairs. She giggled but let him take her. Alice ran to join them, leaving Oisin and me behind.
“She’s going to love it.” He was certain.
Good. Good.
I ran upstairs, not caring that my steps were loud and clumsy. I was showing more emotion than I ever had my whole life. Showing your house to your omega was a big deal.
“And here, maybe we can add more cushions? Do you like that? We have a furniture catalogue. You can choose whatever you like.”
Tadgh was talking fast when we found them over in her room, Gabriela laughing at his enthusiasm.
“Tadgh,” Oisin chuckled. “Let her breathe.”
Gabriela twirled to face us all. “Is it all for me?”
This was nothing. Her bedroom was simple compared to the nest we prepared, but it wasn't time to show her that yet. Her eyes were full of tears, her hand clutching the fabric to her chest. It hurt me that she was never taken care of. It made me want to kill every bastard crossing my path knowing she was so emotional when we got her a room.
Her hand found the bedsheets, carefully feeling the fabric between her fingertips. A tear slipped down her full cheeks, and I stepped close, as did the rest of the pack.
“What's wrong? Oisin asked before I could.
She chuckled and wiped her tears away. “Everything is so pretty.”
I wish she would tell us what was going through her mind.
“A gente dorme aqui?” Alice asked. We all turned to Gabriela, waiting for a translation.
She licked her lips. “She’s asking if we sleep here.” A small smile. “We’ve never slept apart.”
“You can take your time,” Oisin said. “But we have a bedroom for Alice.”
Tadgh didn’t wait for the translation. He grabbed Alice and lifted her up in his arms, racing to the other side of the hall. Her bedroom was closest to mine, enough so I could hear her if she needed me.
A bedroom I hoped I’d never sleep in ever again. I didn’t say that out loud, though. I said nothing as we heard Alice giggling as Tadgh showed off her room.
It was pink, excessively so, but we were three fishermen who had never been around children. We travelled to a kid’s store in Dingle for her stuff, and we took everything the saleswoman told us was essential.
We were obviously suckers.
“Oh my God!” Gabriela gasped.
Alice now had what was described by the saleswoman as a loft. In pink, of course, the single bed was on top like a bunk bed but instead of another bed at the bottom, it had a desk with a computer, books, and a bunch of pens with glitter.
We also got a lot of toys, so many toys. We weren’t sure what Alice liked, so we grabbed everything. Dolls, cars, balls, books. She had one of everything.
I learned quickly what that olha meant look. Alice twirled around the bedroom, pointing to new things and gasping for her mom to look.
She was happy. Fuck, that kid was happy. I breathed out easily, and my heart twisted in a knot when I caught Gabriela’s eyes welling with tears once again.
Was all the crying a good sign? I never met someone with so many emotions as our Gabriela.
“We never had much,” she said in a low voice. “I could never afford that many toys.”
My hands fisted, trying to control myself. I hated that they struggled so much in life. I knew so little about Gabriela, and yet what I knew was enough to understand she was neglected. It was stamped all over her careful eyes.
“If the weather is mild, we can go out with the boat this evening,” I said suddenly. “Bring something to eat.”
She glanced at me, confused as to why I changed the subject so quickly.
“They’re probably tired,” Oisin argued.
I winced and nodded. Of course, they were traveling for so long, and now I wanted to take them on a boat. I was stupid.
“We can go for a nap now and we go later?” Gabriela asked.
I nodded.
“So we’ll do that.”