51. Lilah
51
Lilah
I squeezed my mother’s hand tightly, my stomach swooping as I looked at her.
She’d gotten even worse in the week since I’d seen her last. Five of those days had been the days I’d been in heat, though, so I couldn’t feel too bad about not coming to see her...
That was a lie—I felt like shit about it, especially because my mother looked like she was on the very edge of death’s door in front of me.
Mom smiled weakly as she looked up at me, her hand squeezing mine back weakly. “You’re looking good, baby,” she rasped out.
I winced at the sound of her voice, feeling the urge to tell her not to speak—to conserve her strength. But I bit back the words; who knew how many more opportunities I would have to hear her speak to me?
“I’m feeling pretty good,” I said instead, offering her a smile. I leaned a little closer, lowering my voice conspiratorially, though we were the only two in the room. “I had my first heat cycle.”
Her eyes widened a little, and the smile pulled even wider on her lips. “How did it go?”
I squirmed at the question, but I couldn’t stop smiling. “It was good,” I finally said. “And I’m not going to give you any more details than that, so don’t you dare ask.”
Mom laughed, the sound raspy and strained. The monitor attached to her blood pressure spiked for a moment, letting out an irritating wail until she settled.
Her eyes twinkled at me when she looked at me again. “I’m glad, you know. I’m so glad you found a pack that seems to care about you so much and is so willing to make amends after making such a spectacular mistake. Killian especially seems to be something special.”
I smiled and lay my head on the pillow next to her, the way I had done so many times as a kid. “He is. They all are.” I paused and then said, my voice trembling the tiniest bit, “Oliver has asked me formally if I’ll bond with the pack.”
I had vague recollections of him telling me the same while I was in the midst of my heat—my memories of those five days were fuzzy at best—but when I had finally come to, Oliver had sat me down with the other two to formally offer me the pack bond.
His eyes had been shining when he’d done so, getting on his knees in front of me and sitting on his heels with his hands on the tops of his knees, palm up.
“I know that things have been challenging, Lilah, especially between the two of us,” he said, his voice low and steady. “I take full responsibility for my part in all of it. And I want you to know how deeply, sincerely sorry I am for everything I have done to you, and the harm I have caused.”
My stomach swooped, and I swallowed against the sudden sting of tears as I nodded. “I know that, Ollie,” I said softly.
He nodded and glanced at Killian and Emmett, who were sitting on either side of him on the couch facing me. They were all looking at me with expressions of mingled hope and trepidation, and even though I knew what was coming, I still felt the weight of the moment.
“I would like to offer my bond to you formally, Lilah Jackson. You are the world’s most perfect omega, meant for us by scent-match and more.” Oliver’s eyes sparkled a little with unshed tears, and his voice was a little wobbly when he continued. “It would be my honor if you would accept our bond during your next heat cycle.”
Oliver was a little weepy, and admittedly, I’d gotten a little overwhelmed, too. My breath caught, and I reached out to take his hand, pulling it up until it was planted firmly against my heart.
“This?” I said, my voice soft. “It’s yours. All of yours.” I looked at Killian and Emmett, who were watching me with warm, intense eyes, and then I looked back at Oliver. “I accept the offer of your bond, Oliver. And I love you.”
The kiss he gave me after that was so sweet that I swore I walked out of the room with new cavities, but I couldn’t be too bothered when everything felt like I was floating on air.
“That’s wonderful, sweetheart.” Mom’s voice pulled me out of my memory, and I grimaced when she had to pause so to let out a couple of hacking coughs. I squeezed her hand again, and she offered me a weak smile. “I’m glad to know that...you’ll be taken care of when...”
Whatever she had been planning on saying was disrupted, though, by a gentle knock on the door. A moment later, a tall woman with dark hair in a neat bun and pale blue scrubs walked in. Behind her, Mom’s nurse hovered, her expression nothing but cool professionalism as she looked in—presumably to ensure that everything was just as it had been when she’d left me and my mother to have a moment alone.
“Oh, hello. You must be Lilah. I’m Dr. Rosenthal.” The doctor stepped forward, shook my hand firmly, and then picked up the clipboard on the bedside table beside Mom’s many machines. She flipped through the pages for a moment before she set it down again and turned to my mom. “How are you feeling today, Katrina?”
Mom offered her a weak smile, lifting her free hand to give a sardonic thumbs up. “Living the dream, doc.”
She hacked out another few coughs, and despite the neutrality on the doctor’s face, I saw a mild flinch and then a hint of sorrow. Her eyes flicked over to mine, and she nodded before she turned and retrieved a chair from the desk on the other side of the room.
“Yes, well. Lilah, I’m actually rather glad you’re here. It’ll make it easier to give a full update without requiring a call and a second visit.”
My stomach dropped at the seriousness of her tone, and I swallowed. “Okay. What is the update?”
The doctor regarded me for another moment, her eyes flicking over to my mother, who just looked...resigned. That made alarm bells ring in my head, and I waited, my heart rate slowly ticking up, as the doctor hesitated.
Finally, she sighed. “As I’m sure you’re aware, Lilah, your mother’s condition has been getting steadily worse over the past weeks. While we initially diagnosed her cancer as stage three and treatable with aggressive action, now...”
My stomach dropped further. “Now?” I whispered.
The doctor shook her head. “Unfortunately...now that’s not the case. Your mother’s most recent scans show that the cancer has spread to nearly every major organ in her body, and they’re all slowly shutting down, one at a time. That’s the explanation behind her rapid deterioration, which I’m sure you’ve noticed.”
I looked at Mom, her sallow skin and the sickening hollows of her cheeks. Her eyes, normally so sparkling and vivid, were dull and unsurprised at the doctor’s words, and it was clear that this was not the first conversation they’d had about this topic.
“So...what, then? She’s stage four, obviously.” I swallowed. “But...there has to be something you can keep doing, right? I mean...”
The pity in the doctor’s eyes stole the words away from me, and I looked down at my lap, swallowing back the sudden sting of tears. “Right. I’m sure...you’ve explored all the options.”
Mom squeezed my hand again, and I looked at her with a wobbly smile despite the grief threatening to tear me apart from the inside out.
“Unfortunately, at this advanced stage, there’s nothing more we can do,” the doctor said gently. Though I’d been expecting them, the words still crippled me, and I had to just sit there as the doctor continued, “Your mother has decided to discontinue any treatment beyond that which will make her most comfortable. As her next of kin, you’re privy to her medical information as well as her end-of-life decree, which does include a Do Not Resuscitate order.”
When I looked at her again, Mom nodded once, and though it was breaking my heart to sit here and listen to this, I whispered, “I understand.”
Because no matter how much it hurt me, I would never go against my mother’s wishes if her only desire was not to suffer anymore. I was too young to be losing my mother in such a horrific way, but life wasn’t fucking fair sometimes.
“Is there...” I swallowed. “Anything else I should be aware of?”
The doctor glanced at Mom, who rasped, “I have all the paperwork arranged with the lawyer for when the time comes. Your pack can help you with anything else.”
And now it made sense why she was so grateful that Ollie and I had patched things up. She wasn’t going to be around for much longer, and she wanted to be able to go, knowing that I would be taken care of.
“Fuck.” Several unruly tears streaked down my cheeks despite my best efforts to keep them under control, and I reached up to swipe my hand over my skin with the heel of my palm. “Didn’t take you for such a bitch, Mom, leaving me just when things were starting to go well with my pack,” I said, managing a slightly teasing tone despite the teary wobble of my voice.
Mom let out a humorless little laugh. “Not my first choice, baby, I promise,” she managed. Her eyelids looked heavy, and I could hear her pulse slowing as whatever medication they were giving her to help dull the pain started doing its work again.
The doctor stood up, clearly sensing that Mom needed to sleep. “We’re going to work to make sure that she’s comfortable, Lilah,” she said gently, addressing me again. “But unfortunately...that’s all we can do now.”
I wanted to stand up and rage at her, to bark and growl and tell her that she needed to do more for my mother, to keep her from dying...but I just didn’t have the energy. So, instead, I just nodded and whispered, “Thanks for trying your best.”
The doctor took that as her cue, and she walked out, leaving the door open so that Mom’s nurse could hover.
Mom’s eyes blinked slowly, staying closed for longer each time, and she squeezed my hand one more time. “I love you, baby,” she whispered. “Come back soon?”
In my head, I vowed right then and there that I would be at my mother’s side every single day for the rest of however much time she had left. I wasn’t going to miss a second, and I knew for a fact that my pack would support me in that decision.
“Yeah, Mom, of course,” I said, not wanting to irritate my mother with my intensity. I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, which was somehow fevered and damp but scaly and dry at the same time. I squeezed her hand once more before gently laying it down, and I stopped by her nurse on the way out of her room to let her sleep.
“If anything changes, please call me so I can be here,” I said quietly.
The nurse nodded, her expression soft with sympathy. “Of course, Lilah,” she said equally quietly.
I sighed and then nodded again.
***
It took a while of sitting outside on my mom’s porch before the tears stopped streaking down my cheeks, and I was able to pull my phone out to call Killian and let him know what the doctor had said.
“I’m sorry, baby girl,” he said gently and sincerely. “I wish there was something that any of us could do.”
His sweetness, as always, soothed something inside of me, and I sighed. “I know. Thank you. I’m going to head back to the packhouse now, okay? When will you be home?”
“I’m actually already on my way, so I should be getting home right around the same time you do,” he said. “See you soon?”
A smile tugged at my lips, even as my eyes were swollen and felt too fucking dry from crying. “Yeah, see you soon. Love you.”
I hung up, and with one more glance over my shoulder at the closed front door of Mom’s house, I sighed and forced myself to my feet, digging into my pocket for the keys to my car.
This was just life. It sucked. And Mom was right—at least I had the pack to help me get through this entirely bullshit twist of fate. At least I wouldn’t be alone...once my mother was gone.
The thought sent another lance of pain through my chest, and I reached up to rub the painful spot absently. A slight breeze ruffled my hair around my shoulders, and an odd scent—something almost familiar—was in the air.
That was the only warning I got.
Someone slammed into me from behind and to the side, and I didn’t even have the time to let out a yelp of surprise before a large hand holding a damp cloth pressed over my nose and mouth.
“Finally.” The voice was male and unfamiliar, filled with sharp rage and jagged like glass. “You were in there fucking forever.”
The hand pressed harder against my nose, the fabric practically stuffing up my nostrils, making it impossible for me to get away despite how I squirmed...until I couldn’t anymore.
“What the fuck...” I managed, the words already muffled and hazy from the drug that soaked the cloth, and my knees slowly gave out from underneath me.
I didn’t see the person who had attacked me before my vision went black, and I knew nothing else.