41. Chapter Forty-One #2
There is no other way.
Shade steps in beside me, close enough that his sleeve brushes mine. He says nothing, but his support in the bond is solid and clear.
"I need you to stop protecting me from the battle you trained me to fight," I say firmly, raising my chin higher in what I hope looks like confidence. If I fake it, maybe my bravery will come back.
I keep my eyes on Knox.
"I need my Pack to trust me."
My plea hangs in the cold air between us.
For a few seconds, nobody answers.
The battlefield is only getting louder as the enemy comes closer, and another round of shots hit the cliff face above, showering debris over us.
I keep my fist locked in Knox’s vest, even when my fingers start to tremble.
'Please.'
The word never leaves my mouth, but it echoes through the bond as loud as the crack of a whip.
Then the pressure in the bond eases by a fraction.
Viper reaches for me. He tucks a stray hair behind my battle helmet strap and nods decisively. "I trust you, pretty girl. I'll fight by your side until my last breath."
Shade exhales and then nods firmly. "I trust you, baby girl, and I know you can do this."
Blaze is right behind him, hand squeezing over where his and Shade's interlocking claiming bites reside on the curve of my shoulder and neck. "I'm with you, Sparkles. You lead, I kill anything that gets in your way. That's our new plan."
Knox says nothing at first.
He just looks at me, and I feel the war inside him. The responsibilities of being a Prime Alpha, a mate, and a commander are all tearing him in different directions.
He cups my jaw in one gloved hand, and his blazing red eyes burn into mine.
"I trust you with my life," he says.
My eyes sting with the threat of tears.
The bond is torn wide open, all of our emotions mixing and tangling together in a beautiful, overwhelming mess. Knox’s fear, buried under command and iron will. Shade’s frantic need to get this right. Viper’s protective passion. Blaze’s wild, vicious devotion.
And amongst it is my love. So much love for my mates that I could break under the weight of it.
I nod because speaking would allow a sob to escape.
Knox strokes one finger along my jaw, then down to my mating gland beneath my combat fatigues, where his bite is hidden against my skin. He presses there, breathes me in as if my scent is gifting him strength, then pulls his hand away as his jaw sets in a determined line.
He turns toward the soldiers preparing for battle and whistles sharply.
"Prime Alpha Zero has taken command of Blackgate Fortress. I am Prime Alpha Knox and this is Pack Scorch. I am now your battle commander and you will obey my orders."
Some of the soldiers straighten. They know him from Dunefold Fortress, or from the long retreat across Fathim, or from the stories that followed Scorch Squad wherever they went. Others only know what they have seen of him in these last few frantic weeks at Blackgate.
"Sir, yes, sir!" A resounding chorus booms off the walls of the cliff.
"Get into formation. I want concentrated fire on the lower bend and the cliff-side approach." He points down the road where the Humans are.
The Alpha soldiers slam their fists against their chests in confirmation.
Something hot and possessive blooms in my chest.
My Alpha.
Knox's orders send everyone into motion.
Alpha soldiers move to the barricade, checking their rifles, and shifting positions.
Betas hurry between them with ammunition boxes braced against their chests.
Knox speaks into his radio, his voice low and controlled as he updates Prime Alpha Zero, but his eyes keep cutting back to me between orders.
Viper remains on my left, Blaze takes my right, and Shade stays close at my shoulder, his hand brushing mine once before his fingers close around my wrist.
Below us, the Humans are about to come around the bend.
It dawns on me that this is the last moment we'll have as a Pack before there is nothing left to do but fight until we either win or die.
I look at Knox, Viper, Blaze, and Shade, and panic claws at my throat because I have loved them with everything I have, trusted them with my body, my bond, my life, and there is still one piece of them I don’t know.
Their names.
Their real ones.
The ones they had before the army stripped them down to ranks, callsigns, and weapons.
I never asked because those names belong to them, and I wanted them to offer that part of themselves when they were ready, and I thought we would have time.
"I want to know…" The words catch before I can finish them.
Knox pauses, lowers the radio, and steps back into our huddle.
Shade tips his head, his mouth curving in that soft, patient way he always gets with me. "What is it, baby girl?"
My fingers twist together. "Will you tell me your real names?"
Frack, I feel stupid and needy for asking. This is such a terrible time to be doing this.
Heat rushes into my face, and I hurry to explain.
"You do not have to. I know that. I just…
" I swallow, but the panicked feeling of running out of time to know such a fundamental part of them doesn't lessen.
"If this really is the end and we are about to die here, then I want to know who I am mated to.
Not the names the army gave you. Yours."
Shade lowers his gaze for a moment, working his jaw. When he looks back at me, the smile he gives me is small and a little broken around the edges. His deep brown eyes don't glow like an Alpha’s, but they never need to. Shade has never once lacked presence.
"Yeah," he says quietly. "Yeah, sweetheart. You can know."
Relief loosens the tightness in my chest as he lets me lace our fingers together.
It suddenly feels unbearably intimate, learning the name he had before the army got its hands on him, because this is not just a name.
It's a piece of himself he's kept buried for years, and he is choosing to give it to me anyway. Just because I asked.
"My name is Sebastian," he says carefully, like the vowels feel unfamiliar on his tongue.
"Sebastian," I repeat, making sure I pronounce it with the same inflection that hints at a dialect or accent he's long buried. "It's a beautiful name."
His eyes flick back to mine. "You think so?"
"It suits you," I tell him, with a warm smile. "It really does."
A quiet laugh leaves him, though there is no real humor in it. "My little sister used to call me Bast."
The bond shifts again, heavy with old grief. I feel his ache for a life cut off so long ago that he barely remembers it. His sister, his parents, and the family he was stolen from before he was old enough to fight back.
I lift our joined hands and press a kiss to his knuckles. "Thank you for telling me."
His expression softens, the strained lines around his mouth easing, but when I ask, "Do you want me to call you Sebastian?" he shakes his head.
"No, baby girl," he says. "That boy is gone. I’m your Shade."
My Shade.
"Blaise reporting for duty, Sparkles," my wildcard Alpha says with a jaunty salute, nudging my shoulder with his own.
I'm certain that Blaze will slip right back into the driver's seat the moment this conversation is done, so I enjoy seeing him smile for what might be the last time.
"I bet you can't guess Knox or Viper's names. "
I glance between them, my own smile fading as I realize I might have pushed for too much this time. "You do not have to tell me just because Shade and Blaise did."
Viper steps forward a little, almost awkwardly, and gives me the smallest wave I have ever seen from a man his size. "Hi, I’m Eden."
The name catches me so off guard that I blink.
I stare up at this enormous Alpha built like a weapon, dressed for war, and my chest squeezes painfully at how soft his name is.
Eden.
It's sweet, gentle, and I can almost see the Alpha he might have been if the army had never forced him to bloody his hands. Maybe a florist or a baker. Someone who creates things with his hands instead of destroying them.
My expression must say all of that and more, because his ears turn slightly pink.
I smile and reach up to touch his face. "Hi, Eden."
Then I kiss him, light and grateful on his lips, and his whole body shudders under it.
Knox clears his throat.