Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
“Get away from there, you idiot. What if she opens the door and you’re creeping on her? What would she think?” Derrick grabs me by the collar of my shirt and hauls me away from the door that’s separating me from my Omega.
“She’s crying!” I try, and fail, to wiggle from his grip. “And yelling.”
He pushes me onto the couch and frowns at me. “Do you trust our Beta to take care of her or not?”
“Of course I do! But that doesn’t mean she won’t need us. I want to be the one in there smoothing her hair and wiping her tears.”
Smoke starts to fill the space, and Derrick swears, running back to the stove. He’s on his third batch of eggs, each one more burnt than the last.
He’s a hopeless cook, always has been, but he’s trying. Normally, I’m the chef of the pack, but he wanted to do this. I know he wants to impress Onion, especially since we got off on the wrong foot - eh, feet, and all.
“This is a delicate situation. We knew that going into this. We knew that she’d be hurt, scared, and feel betrayed.” He tosses the eggs into the garbage can and starts rifling through the fridge.
“Which is why I said we shouldn’t do this. I said we should tell her over a video call so she could have a bit of time to come to terms with all of this.”
“And we agreed that she’d never speak to us again if we told her like that.
There would be nothing stopping her from blocking our number and forgetting we ever existed.
We didn’t even know her name. How would we have tracked her down if that happened?
This was the best option to get her to give us a chance to explain.
” Derrick has always been the most level-headed of the three of us, and it’s no surprise that he’s not rising to my challenge.
When we received the producers’ message saying Onion had applied and wanted to meet with us, it was a shock. We knew she watched the show, but the fact that she was willing to leave her home for this?
We couldn’t give up this opportunity when she had gathered the courage to put herself out there.
Before Derrick can snark something else, Grant appears in the doorway of the bedroom, looking worn out and devastated. His shoulders are slumped forward as he curls around himself.
“Alphas.” His voice is cracked and bleeding, and emotion seeps from every letter he speaks. “I messed up.”
Derrick has Grant in his arms faster than I can blink, whisking him to the living room and squeezing him onto the couch between us. I rub my hand down his arm to soothe his frayed nerves.
“What happened?” I don’t think I want to know, but I can’t stop myself from asking.
“What didn’t happen? She begged to end the show, she told me we’ve ruined her life, I kissed her, she locked herself in the bathroom…”
“Hold on.” Derrick cuts our Beta off. “You kissed her?”
“She asked me if I loved her! I wasn’t going to tell her yes and not kiss her.” Grant crosses his arms over his chest and stares at Derrick, daring him to say something. “And don’t think about getting on my case about it. She handed me my ass already.”
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that Derrick and Grant haven’t been together for their entire lives. They fight like an old married couple sometimes.
Being scent matched to a Beta isn’t what I thought it would be.
I assumed I’d fall in love with my scent matches, but it’s not like that between Grant and me.
Not that we haven’t tried. We’ve both left our hearts open to more, just in case.
Currently, our relationship is more like close friends with benefits.
We’ll hook up when we’re in the mood, and sometimes Derrick will join, sometimes he won’t.
Honestly, it’s one of the easiest relationships I’ve ever had in my life. Grant just gets me. He always has.
“She’s in the bathroom, crying. I couldn’t listen to it anymore. It was too painful.” Grant weaves his fingers through mine and Derrick’s. “We fucked up, guys. This was not the way to do this.”
“Well, we can’t take it back.” Derrick jostles Grant a bit, shuffling our Beta halfway onto his lap before continuing.
“We have to convince her to get to know us as individuals. So she can see that we’re not strangers.
She knows things about each of us. She needs to be able to attach memories of Sax to us as individuals. ”
“You act like it’s one of those charts from grade school, where you draw a line to the associated object.
What are those things called?” I wrack my brain, but come up empty.
“Not important. It’s not as simple as matching up traits to our faces.
She’s gonna feel vulnerable because we know so much about her, and she doesn’t know shit all about us. ”
I know that it’s me who got into a car wreck and don’t like driving anymore, but she doesn’t know that. She knows that happened to Sax, but she’s going to have a hard time connecting the things she learned about Sax to each of us.
The idea hits me all at once. “What if we start over?”
“Start over?” Derrick’s confusion is reflected on Grant’s face.
“Yeah. Let’s not try to remind her of all the things she knows about Sax, because Sax is gone.
The Sax she knew doesn’t exist anymore, now that she knows he’s not one dude or a Beta.
And everything she knows about Sax isn’t just you, Derrick.
It’s all of us. So rather than trying to convince her that she knows us, let’s date her.
Court her. Let her get to know us without the pressure of Sax and Onion weighing on us. ”
Derrick clicks his tongue as he thinks. Grant has calmed down after contact with both of us and has wiggled off the couch. He heads to the kitchen and grabs several beers from the fridge. When our packmate questions his choice with a raised eyebrow, our Beta shrugs and cracks open his can.
“We’re locked in a house for a week. I don’t think the time I start drinking matters, especially since I’m not getting my mimosa brunch.”
“So, what, we ask her on a date?” Derrick stares at the room where Onion has locked herself away. “Just go knock on the door, say ‘Let’s start over’?”
I shrug. “Why not? She’s literally in a bathroom, crying. It can’t get much worse.”
Before they can stop me, I slip out of the living room and into the one where Onion is. The sheets on the bed are slightly rumpled, but it’s the soft, hiccuping cries from the closed door on the left side of the room that catch my attention.
I rap on the door softly with my knuckle.
“Hi.” I slide to the floor and press my back against the door. “I’m Ivan. I was wondering if you’d be willing to let me take you on a date?”
Silence answers me, but I suppose it’s better than the crying.
“I know we don’t know each other, not really.
And all of this isn’t what you expected when deciding to come on this show.
I guess that’s why the show is called that, huh?
I bet this season is going to have great ratings, being as this is going to be the biggest reveal ever on it.
” I’m rambling, I know, but I struggle with the need to fill dead air constantly.
Especially considering she’s not yelling at me to leave or asking me to shut up.
I’ll talk until she asks me to stop.
“Anyway, I’m Ivan. I’m twenty-eight, and an Alpha, but you knew that already, and you hate it.
Sorry about that. If it makes you feel any better, I’m not too keen on being an Alpha myself.
It’s a hassle on the best of days. Not to be all TMI with you, but holy shit, do you know how annoying going into a rut is?
I guess you do, heat isn’t much different, but like you don’t want to murder people when you’re in heat, do you?
I mean, not that I’d blame you, that shit seems like it hurts. ”
A soft chuckle rewards my rambling, and I’m going to be insufferable about it.
I got her to laugh. She’s crying on the bathroom floor, and I, Ivan Miller, got her to laugh.
Yeah, I’m going to be riding this high for a long time.
“I once beat the shit out of Derrick while in a rut. I don’t know if you know that’s his name.
He’s the other Alpha. I don’t even remember what triggered the rut, but I felt so bad when I came to.
I mean, not too bad, because the dude can be a bit of a dick if I’m honest. It’s not that he’s an asshole or anything by nature, but he’s ‘pragmatic’, which on the surface seems like a good thing, but sometimes you need someone to listen to you, not to solve shit, you know? ”
“Yeah.” Her voice is soft and shaky, and if I weren’t on the floor, I’d have hit my knees at that single syllable. “Solutions are good, but there are times when it’s just nice to be heard.”
“Exactly! You get it. You know, I’m a great listener.
Heard it my entire life.” I raise my voice in an imitation of my mother’s, knowing she’s going to want to slap me upside the head when she watches this episode.
“‘He was such a sweet, observant child, my Ivan.’ I was always a pleasure to have in class because I did everything my teachers told me to do. So uh. Is there anything you’d like me to listen to?
We’ve just established that I’m excellent at it. May as well put me to good use.”
It takes a few minutes, but eventually, I see a shadow shift under the door. I picture her turning to her side, leaning her shoulder against the wood. I mirror the pose to feel closer to her.
“I didn’t sign up for this show. Marlie did it on my behalf.
” Marlie. Her best friend from school. I’ve seen pictures of them together.
She’s a pretty Omega, but does not hold a candle to mine.
“I didn’t want to do it. I almost backed out so many times.
But Sax accepted, and I let myself get excited about finally meeting him.
It was fucking terrifying getting here. I hated it.
I still hate it. This place is all wrong, and I feel like a ticking time bomb now.
And I don’t know what to do, Ivan. I love Sax.
Loved? I have no idea if I should talk about him in the present or past tense, because the Sax I know doesn’t exist. Not in the way I thought he did. ”
“I can see how that would get confusing. I would say past tense? Since the Sax you knew is never coming back?”
Oops, I offered a solution. I wasn’t supposed to do that.
She doesn’t seem to mind.
“Yeah, that makes sense. I loved him. I never told him that. I didn’t want to hold him back from finding his forever by putting the weight of my feelings on him, especially since we could never be together.
I’m not that selfish. But I figured since he wanted to meet me, maybe he felt the same way.
Sax was the only person I would do this for.
I don’t even go to my parents’ house anymore, did you know that? ”
I did, but I don’t interrupt her to say that.
“So I did this big, massive thing that has me feeling like the world is falling out from under my feet. I told myself that it would be worth it because I’d have Sax.
And now I don’t. I did this scary thing that has me feeling unsettled and terrified, like I’m going to crawl out of my skin, and I don’t even have my best friend to talk to about it. He’s gone, and he’s never coming back.”
Her voice cracks, and I know she’s crying again, but this is the kind of thing she needs to get out. She can’t bottle these emotions up and expect everything to be okay.
“Want to know the stupidest thing, Ivan?” It’s a rhetorical question that she doesn’t give me time to answer.
She barely takes a breath between words.
“I want to call Sax. I want to call him, tell him everything, and ask for his advice on how to handle this, but I can’t.
I can’t. Because he’s the one who did this to me.
I don’t know what to do. I’m so fucking scared.
I have spent my entire adult life worried I’d meet my scent match, and it happened, and I want to call Sax and ask for advice, but I can’t. ”
“Why can’t you?”
My stupid question flies out of my mouth before I can stop it.
“Are… what? You know why I can’t.”
“But what if you could? One last time? What if you talked to Sax one last time, got his advice, and told him goodbye? If you did that, if you got that closure, do you think you could maybe, possibly, want to meet my pack and me?”
She’s quiet for an excruciatingly long amount of time. I’m trying to figure out how, if she wants to do this, I’m going to pull it off. Whatever I need to do, I will, because she deserves closure. She deserves the ability to say goodbye to Sax for real and start anew with us.
“Can I? Do you think I really could talk to him one last time?”
I push my fingers under the crack in the door, gently brushing hers. She snatches her hand back, but that’s okay.
“Yeah, sweetie. I’ll figure it out. I promise.”