Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
Ariana cries in my arms for over an hour. When I asked her to tell me something that no one else knew, I didn’t expect it to be something so deeply personal.
It feels shitty to be upset with a dead guy, but I am.
She has been torn up about this for ten years. She’s trapped herself in her home to avoid the same fate, and no one could tell me that part of that didn’t stem from the fact that her brother asked her to kill him.
The words can be dressed up, but that’s what he asked of her.
Every state should allow death with dignity, but they don’t. What he was asking her to do could have gotten her prosecuted for murder. If he wanted to go out on his own terms, he should have talked to his doctors to see if there was anything else they could do.
Instead, he went to his sister, a sixteen-year-old, newly presented Omega, who was watching someone she loved face the worst fate possible for Omegas, and asked her to make it worse.
Asked her to carry the burden of his death with her for the rest of her life. How could he love her and do that to her?
It makes my being upset about Derrick having to leave the house look minuscule. It’s not like I’ll never see him again. It’ll only be a few days.
Sure, it feels like a few steps backward in our relationship with Ariana, but it’s not the end of the world.
When the tears dry and her shaking stops, she looks at me like I am her hero. Her face is red and splotchy, the deepened color making her pretty green eyes stand out like jewels.
She reaches out and cups my cheek in her hand.
“Thank you, Grant.”
“For what?”
“For listening. For being here for me.”
I take her hand in mine and kiss her palm. “I’ll always be here for you, Ariana, even when you don’t want me to be. You’re my Omega. I know we didn’t get off on the right foot, but fuck, I love you so much. I can’t imagine not having you in my life.”
“Why were you okay with Derrick’s relationship with me when you first met?”
It’s something I’ve asked myself a hundred times, so I’m not surprised she wants to know.
“Honestly? I’m not sure. I wish I could wax poetic about how the first time I heard your voice, it spoke to my soul, but that wasn’t it.
I hadn’t read any of your text messages or listened in on any phone calls when I told him he should continue his relationship with you.
But when my Alpha talked about you with stars in his eyes?
When he would pick up his phone twenty times at dinner, hoping for a message from you, even though he was the one who put the distance between you two? ”
I wiggle a bit and sit up more, propping my back on the headboard before I pull her closer, halfway on my lap.
“He needed you. I have always known that I’m polyamorous.
A lot of Betas are monogamous, but that never felt right for me.
So when I met Derrick and discovered he was my scent match, I knew I wanted to share him with an Omega at some point.
And the way he glowed when he talked about you?
God, anything other than encouraging him to explore things with you felt wrong.
I’d hoped that I would get the opportunity to know you, too, but the most important thing was seeing my Alpha smile like he did whenever he said your name. ”
Ariana traces her fingers up and down my arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake. “So what you’re saying is I need to give him a chance?”
“That’s what you took from that?” She chuckles as I ruffle her hair playfully. “That wasn’t my point, but I won’t say no to you giving him the opportunity to redeem himself. Derrick is a good man, and he loves you. You know all of us better than you think, but Derrick most of all.”
“How did you all… share me?” She wrinkles her nose and shakes her head. “No, that sounds wrong. How did it work, all of you talking to me?”
I purse my lips, trying to put into words exactly how our relationships with her evolved. It was never a simple delineation of roles, or anything like that.
“Sometimes, when you were struggling with something and needed advice or encouragement, the three of us would sit together and figure out how to handle it. And when Derrick was swamped with work or visiting family, Ivan and I would step in to pick up the slack and make sure you never felt abandoned. But really, it flowed naturally. I’m the one who talked you down from your fears and comforted you when you were sad.
It was Ivan who reminded you how brilliant you are, who encouraged you to strive for more, and made you laugh when things looked bleak.
And it was Derrick who embraced your fantasies and helped you feel like an Omega.
He was also the logical one. Most of the advice you hated?
Yeah, that was his. The arguments? Derrick. ”
She makes a soft huffing noise, no doubt about to argue with me about how she doesn’t argue with Derrick, but I talk over her.
“We’re a pack. You’re included in that, and you always have been.
We can’t all be everything for each other.
You got everything you needed from Sax, but that’s because he was all of us.
We can still be here for you in the same ways we have been from the beginning.
Only this time, you know who we are. I can hold you when you cry, or Ivan can make you laugh when you’ve locked yourself in the bathroom.
Derrick can argue with you about an old TV show, but I will never tell you whether I think it’s real or fake. ”
Her stomach growls before she reacts to what I’ve said, reminding me that she hasn’t eaten since breakfast yesterday. I push her shoulder, encouraging her to move toward the edge of the bed.
“Come on, you need to eat.” I slip out of bed and hold my hand out to her. “I’m sure Ivan has a whole spread waiting for you by now.”
She grasps my hand, stilling my movements. I’m taller than her, and from this position, me standing and her sitting, I feel like I’m leering over her. A soft, beautiful smile plays on her lips as she stares at me.
She looks at me as if she could love me one day.
“Thank you, Grant. For telling me everything and not hiding the truth. And for talking me off the ledge six years ago. That… that was you, right?”
I hate that memory.
There aren’t many moments in my relationship with Ariana that are bad, but that’s the worst of them all.
It was the anniversary of her brother’s death, and she was feeling particularly hopeless. I wanted to call her, but I couldn’t, and Derrick was at work, so he couldn’t talk to her, either. I had to do the best I could through text messages.
That day was the final straw. We decided to force her hand and get her to a psychiatrist and on medication, because she needed help that we couldn’t give, and her therapist couldn’t prescribe them.
“Yeah, that was me.”
She’s on her feet, throwing herself into my arms. If this is the only hug I ever get from her, I’ll die a happy man, because this is the type of hug that changes lives.
“Thank you.”
God, Ivan is a fantastic cook. While Ariana and I were having our heart-to-heart, he was pickling red onions and making blackened chicken tacos.
“I fucking love tacos,” Ariana says around a mouthful of food. “Seriously, these are so good.”
Ivan preens under her praise and pantomimes tossing his hair over his shoulder. “Why, thank you, sweetie. I thought you could use some comfort food.”
Ariana loves tacos of all kinds. She makes them at least once a week. Ivan is pulling out the big guns to cheer her up with this spread.
I’m tucking into my food, enjoying the litany of flavors that explode across my tongue, when Ivan grabs the seat of Ariana’s chair and pulls her closer to him.
“The producers delivered today’s challenge while you guys were resting. I didn’t open it. I thought we could read it together?”
She swallows thickly and wipes her mouth with a paper towel. “Yeah, sure.”
Ivan pulls an envelope from his pocket. He must have shoved it in there without care because it’s wrinkled and smushed.
“Do you want to do the honors?” He holds it out to our Omega.
She shakes her head and waves him on.
He rips open the envelope, almost tearing the paper that is inside, and clears his throat.
“‘Read this out loud.’” He looks up with a flush on the apples of his cheeks, sticking out from the top of his beard.
“Right, carrying on. ‘Today’s challenge is simple. We’ve hidden something from your lives inside the house.
Find it, and tell the others what it means to you.
Having to choose which Alpha to leave the house was yesterday’s challenge.
Since an award could not be given, your reward for this challenge will be doubled. ’”
Huh. That sounds easy. I have nothing to hide from Ariana, and Ivan knows basically everything there is to know about me.
My packmate shoves the paper at me and raises his eyebrows. I skim through the words my Alpha read outloud, my eyes stopping on what he didn’t say.
Do NOT read this out loud:
Derrick chose to leave the property. He will not be here when you leave the house. We need America to be shocked about this, but we did not want to catch any of you off guard.
Derrick left?
Why wouldn’t he wait for us?