Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
The dinner they sent as our reward was amazing. It was clearly from a high-end steakhouse, because the filet melted on my tongue. And the creme brulee we got as a dessert?
Heavenly.
I’m not sure if I consider the silk pajamas “doubling” the reward, but they are the most comfortable ones I’ve ever worn.
And now the three of us match, which is cute.
I wonder if they’ll have a set for Derrick?
I’m cuddled up in a blanket on the couch with my e-reader when Bridgette’s face replaces Ivan’s video game. Grant looks up from his puzzle at the ping.
“Don’t you all look cozy! You look great in the pajamas.”
“Thanks for the compliment, but you totally made me lose that race. What’s up?” Ivan leans back on his hands and peers up at the screen.
“I need Ariana in the interview room right now.”
My back stiffens, and I brace my feet on the ground. “Why? We’ve kept the cameras on.”
“It’s nothing bad, hun, we just have some things we need to talk about privately.”
The churning in my gut makes me think it will be bad, but I can’t turn her down. I’m slow to stand, but I nod at Bridgette’s image.
“Yeah, okay, sure.”
As I pass Grant and Ivan, they each make sure to touch me in some way, helping ground me. I make the short walk to the interview room and pull the door open like I’m the final girl in a horror movie.
There’s no television in here where Bridgette can appear. There’s a camera for me to stare into awkwardly, and a speaker on the wall that Drew talked to me the last time I was in here.
“Okay, Ariana, patching you in now.” Bridgette’s voice is bright and cheery. They must be planning to keep her part in the episode, then.
I barely have time to adjust myself and get comfortable when I hear him.
“Hey, Ariana.”
Derrick’s voice is jarring in this situation because he sounds like Sax, sending me right back to all of those late-night conversations.
My talk with Grant helped me conceptualize Sax as three people, and it’s making the whole thing easier to swallow, but my heart is struggling to reconcile this voice with the man who lied to me all of those years.
“Uh. Derrick. Hi.”
“How are things in the house?”
“They gave us matching pajamas.”
Out of everything that happened today, the secrets I shared with Grant, Ivan’s confession about the ornament, the jokes we told each other, and the pajamas are what I mention?
“Oh, that’s fun. I’d ask you what they look like, but that veers really close to a ‘what are you wearing’ conversation.”
A conversation we’ve had several times over the years, and then pretended we didn’t.
“Yeah, maybe we can skip that for now. What are you up to?”
“I was tidying up before they called me, but now I’ve got some tea, and I’m taking a break.”
“Cleaning? At this hour? Where are you?”
“Virginia, so same time zone. I like cleaning at night, especially when I need to think. Idle hands make the devil’s playthings or whatever it is that they say.”
Virginia. That’s where he’s been all this time? It’s far from South Florida, that’s for sure.
“So you live in Virginia, then?”
“Yeah. Ivan is from here, so after college, we moved here. If I had known where you lived…” His words trail off, but I know what he didn’t say.
If he had known where I lived, they would have come to me.
We were teenagers when we met, and not only did we keep our names anonymous, we kept our locations secret, too. It was never a conscious decision. By the time either of us would’ve felt comfortable meeting up with someone from the internet, it had been so long that we just didn’t tell each other.
I never asked, and neither did he.
People watching the show are probably going to think we’re weird as fuck. Not knowing each other’s names or even the states we live in, and yet we claim to have fallen in love with one another?
“I’m from Hollywood, Florida.”
“Ew.”
“Like you have much room to talk. Virginia is not better than Florida. And our weather is nicer.”
“At least we don’t have iguanas falling from trees and people who get arrested for stealing fried chicken while pantsless and wearing flippers.”
I cross my arms over my chest and glare at the speaker, forgetting that the camera is there for a moment.
“Okay, look. People love to shit on the weird stories that come out of Florida, but it’s only because we have laws that make all arrest reports accessible to the press.
I’m sure you’ve got plenty of weird shit happening there, too. ”
“Mmmm, I don’t think so.”
As I open my mouth to argue back, my conversation with Grant plays through my mind.
Derrick was always the one I argued with.
A strange warmth fills me, and I pull my knees to my chest, resting my chin on them. “Maybe you’re right. Do you at least like it there?”
“Hate it with a passion.”
“I don’t think you do anything without passion.”
Derrick’s voice is soft when he answers me. “Life’s too short for half measures.”
We’re both quiet, but it’s not uncomfortable. In a way, this feels like we’re starting over. Like we’re back to before the lies.
It’s easier for me to accept the designation lie than I thought it would be. When I look at it objectively, his choice makes sense. I would have cut him out of my life and been alone if I knew he was an Alpha. Sure, I was friends with Marlie, but our friendship wasn’t like things were with Sax.
I won’t say I forgive him for it yet, but at least now I can understand why he did it.
“Grant told me about how y’all split responsibilities for me.”
His sharp exhale has me picturing him rubbing the back of his neck and squeezing his eyes shut. “You were not a responsibility.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I do. It wasn’t a conscious decision. It evolved over time, as pack dynamics tend to. It felt natural to us.”
Pack dynamics. When the guys speak about all of this, they talk as if we are already a pack. It’s not that I think it’s presumptuous, even though it is. It’s more that I never pictured myself in a pack.
But I never pictured myself with an Alpha either, and now I’m scent matched to two of them.
“For what it’s worth, I am sorry that we kept you in the dark, but I don’t regret it, nor do I regret lying to you about my designation. As we grew up, there were things I couldn’t, can’t, be for you. Even if I had never met Grant or Ivan, I’m not able to be everything you need.”
That assumption annoys the shit out of me. “Bold of you to presume you know what I need.”
“I know better than you do, honey. You’re the one who is so terrified of getting FOS that you haven’t done any other research into being an Omega beyond what you learn at school. You’re so focused on not getting sick that you’ve forgotten how to be an Omega. You don’t have a nest, for fuck’s sake.”
I wince. “I don’t need a nest.”
I’ve had one nest. Shortly after I presented, Calvin took me shopping for the things I’d need. Omegas do better with Alpha input on their nests, but I was a kid. I didn’t have an Alpha.
What I did have was my older brother, who took me and dealt with my teenage frustration and got me set up with the perfect little nest.
And then he died and I couldn’t look at that nest anymore. It held too many memories. It still smelled like his grassy green tea pheromones.
I’ve never built another.
“Just because you don’t want one doesn’t mean you don’t need one.
You’re suppressing your Omega tendencies.
Every time you called me, delirious with heat, you’d beg me to mail you shirts of mine.
You want to nest, but you’re burying that instinct down.
Just like I know that you want Ivan or Grant to hold you while you sleep tonight, but you won’t ask, because you’ve convinced yourself that if you don’t embrace being an Omega, you won’t get FOS. ”
“I don’t…” The words get stuck in my throat.
I do deny myself my Omega instincts. It’s so second nature to me that sometimes I forget this isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
“It’s easier this way.”
“Bullshit.”
I doubt an argument between us was what the producers had in mind when they set up the call, but tough shit. This is who Derrick and I are.
“How would you know, Derrick? You haven’t exactly embraced being an Alpha.”
“How do you know I haven’t?”
“You lied and convinced me you were a Beta.”
“Think hard on it, Ariana. Can you actually look at our relationship and tell me I’m not your Alpha?”
“That’s ridiculous.”
He’s not been my Alpha.
He hasn’t.
Except…
He eased me while I was in heat.
He supported me through everything, but challenged me when I needed it.
He formed a pack and didn’t let his jealousy keep me from developing relationships with them.
He’s been my safe space.
They all are.
“A Beta could have done those things.”
He grunts, dismissing my statement. “But it wasn’t a Beta doing those things.
It was an Alpha who knew from the beginning that you were his.
Every choice I have made as an adult was made with you in mind.
Our house has a nest, Ariana. An entire room filled with all the gifts I couldn’t send you because I had no idea where you lived.
We all took classes on how to care for an Omega because we wanted to make sure that when we finally got to meet you, that we would be the pack that you deserve. ”
I have no idea how to respond to any of that. I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to address how those things make me feel.
Instead, I lash out. I’m not typically so bullheaded, but it’s easier than examining how his admission makes me feel.
“I never asked you to do those things for me! I never asked you to be my Alpha.”
“You didn’t have to!” I can hear his panting breaths, recognize the tone he always takes when we argue.
Except this isn’t an argument over a ghost-hunting show.
This is my life.
“I never made a conscious decision made to put you above all else. I just did. It has been killing me not to ask where you live, knock on your door, and tell you everything these past few years, but I didn’t want to rush you.
I wanted you to come to me and say you were ready.
When we were told you applied for this show, I took that as you being ready to take the next step. ”
“I didn’t apply for this!”
“I know that now, but at the time, I didn’t.
It doesn’t change anything, though. I love you so much, and I knew that there was no other Omega out there for me.
I was so scared when I presented as an Alpha.
I didn’t want to lose you. I couldn’t lose you.
So I lied, knowing it might mean I would never be able to meet you in person.
But that was okay, as long as you were in my life.
I’ll take any part of you you’re willing to give me, Ariana.
You’re my Omega, and you always have been.
” He sounds choked up, like he’s crying, and I find myself aching to hold him in my arms. “And if you never love me back, that’s okay.
As long as you’re happy, I’ll deal with whatever the consequences of this lie are. ”
Sometimes, my brain and my heart are perfectly in sync.
This is not one of those times.
My heart bulldozes over my brain, taking the reins.
“I love you too, Derrick.”