Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
Grant comes back to the table, a manila envelope in his hand. I expected a lot more than a single envelope, given the buildup Bridgette did.
“What’s that?” Ivan leans over his shoulder, trying to see what Grant is holding.
“I haven’t opened it yet. Can’t be much.”
I reach over and put a hand on top of his. “Do you want to do the honors?”
Instead of answering, Grant opens the envelope. He pulls out a single piece of paper and places it in front of me. “You read it.”
READ THIS OUT LOUD:
Ariana, Grant, and Ivan,
Are you ready for your last challenge here in the expected house? We’re thrilled by the way you’ve bonded and shared so much of yourselves while here, despite the somewhat rocky start. Even with Derrick having to leave the house, you have still managed to make real connections.
Your challenge for today is to make sure they last. To win the grand prize, you will need to bite one of the men into your pack, Ariana.
Your choice. You have until midnight.
The letter weighs a hundred pounds in my hands.
“Can they do that? Have they done this before?” Ivan snatches the paper from me, as if it will say something different when it’s in his hands.
“No, they haven’t.” Grant’s voice is shaky and weak.
I don’t say anything.
I can’t.
The prize is huge, the biggest they’ve ever offered.
But I don’t need a trip to Vegas.
I don’t want a fancy trip.
Not when it comes with strings like this.
The prize is not enough to bind me to someone for life. They could reject the bond once I bite, but that’s almost guaranteed to be a one-way ticket to an FOS diagnosis.
Ivan and Grant are wonderful. Getting to know them has eased much of the heartache of discovering that Sax wasn’t real. But we’re not there yet.
Are we?
Some Omegas bond their scent matches immediately.
I have always thought that was a bad call.
We’re all human. Some matches could be awful people.
Being a scent match doesn’t mean that they’re going to be good to you.
And while the chance of meeting multiple scent matches isn’t high, it’s not impossible.
Especially when, like Grant, Derrick, and Ivan, they’re already tied to one another in some way.
No one actually knows what draws Alphas to packs. A lot of the time, packs form around Omegas. But so many Alphas give up their dream of having an Omega and pack up for companionship.
But the guys aren’t awful people. They lied and deceived me, sure, but it was never for malicious reasons.
In their own way, they were protecting me. I didn’t want to expose myself to Alphas, and they respected that, but they wanted to take care of me, be my emotional support, so they made it work.
My mind is reeling, my thoughts a jumbled mess, when Ivan’s hand claps down on my shoulder.
“Sweetie, you do not have to do this. The prize is not worth your discomfort. But you should know that, if you’re ready, so are we. We want this.”
I peer at him over my shoulder. “You do?”
Grant huffs a quiet laugh. “Yeah, baby. That’s why we did what we did. We’ve always wanted you. I have loved you since the first time I heard your laugh through a video call with Derrick.”
Ivan turns my chair gently until I’m facing him.
He cups my cheek in his large hand. “For me, it was a voice memo you sent. You were pissed, ranting and complaining about that game you play and how your raid partners fucked everything up. I had no idea what you were talking about, but I knew that kind of passion was something I needed in my life. I’ve always been told I’m a little too much.
Too loud, too touchy-feely, too much to handle.
And when I heard you so pissed over a video game?
I knew that you wouldn’t think I was too much. ”
I place my hand over his. “Of course you’re not too much! You’re wonderful.”
“Yeah, Alpha. You know we love you.” Grant reaches around me and feeds his fingers through Ivan’s empty hand.
Ivan grins and kisses the back of his Beta’s hand. “I know. But that’s how I knew she was the perfect fit for our pack. She’s got Derrick’s passion, my exuberance, and your kindness. She can argue with him, play with me, and find comfort in you.”
All of this has my mind reeling. They want me to bond them.
They’re okay with this.
I haven’t slept with them, haven’t even kissed Ivan, and he’s saying he wants my bite. That he wants to be tied to me forever. I suppose that he could get tired of me one day and wants to spend a lot of money getting the bond dissolved, but I can’t see him doing that.
“You could reject my bond. We’d still get the prize.” My voice is barely above a whisper.
“Why would we do something like that? We want you, sweetie.”
This challenge is forcing me to think about something I would have put off for as long as possible.
“I need a minute.”
I’m on my feet, rushing into the room that looks like mine but isn’t, before they can speak. I shove the door closed and lock it, needing to think about all of this without them staring at me.
I wear tracks in the carpet, my mind whirling.
Do I want to bond them?
If there was none of the Sax baggage, how would I feel about them?
I think I’d trust them.
Even though I carry so much-
“Ariana, could you process this out loud?” Drew’s voice through the television startles me into silence. “It gives us more to work with.”
“Ugh, Drew. Can’t I keep some things private?”
He rolls his eyes. “You had phone sex in front of a camera last night. I think privacy is out the window.”
My face turns red, and I fall face-first on the bed. The reminder that people were watching me get myself off makes me a little sick.
“Don’t worry, it’ll be censored and cut off before it gets too saucy. Can’t show that much on network television.”
A small consolation.
“But, please. We need this footage. This challenge was given so you can confront your fears and reservations about pack Sax. It doesn’t work if we can’t hear what you’re thinking.”
Pack Sax. I kind of like that.
“Fine!” I roll over onto my back and wave at the camera in the corner of my room.
“Hi, America. I don’t so much care about the prize on offer, even though it’s a massive one, but now that they’ve put the thought into my head, I can’t stop thinking about how the natural end to this, to meeting my scent matches, is bonding with them.
I feel like I’m on a time limit. The guys would never, ever, force me to bond with either of them, and I know the show can’t make me, but now I’m having to ask myself if I ever want to bond at all.
They deserve to know that before we leave and go our separate ways. ”
It’s the big question.
Will I ever feel comfortable enough to give someone my bite?
“My brother died because his bonded Alphas died. Worse, they were his scent matches. I’ve done extensive research on FOS, but it’s an underfunded area of medicine. So maybe some of the rich people watching this can make donations to a research foundation in Calvin’s honor, yeah?”
An Omega can develop FOS in a few ways.
Spending a long time on high-dose suppressants, which lock up their Omega pheromones.
Being exposed to scent matches and losing access to their pheromones.
Having a bonded Alpha die.
“Calvin never stood a chance. It wasn’t an if he got FOS, but rather a when.”
I stand and resume my pacing. The TV has replaced Drew’s face with the show’s logo, so there are no responses to my words. However, processing out loud is actually helping me.
“That’s why I stayed locked in my house for so long.
If I stepped out of those doors, I could meet my scent match.
If I never met my scent match, I never had to worry about something happening and not getting their pheromones.
If I didn’t take suppressants, I couldn’t get FOS, either.
And if I never fell in love with an Alpha, I’d never want to bond them, and that risk would be gone, too.
It wasn’t like I was scared of the world.
I was scared of the potential the world held for ruining my life. ”
I’m scared of death. It blows my mind that some people aren’t. Eventually, after so long locked in my house, I had convinced myself that the moment I was outside of those doors, an Alpha could come strolling past, and I would be trapped.
And as terrified I was getting here, as devastated I was when I realized who the guys were to me, I haven’t gotten that itchy feeling I used to get whenever I thought about leaving my house.
“I’m not cured of my anxiety by any means.
And I much prefer being in my home rather than anywhere else, but the worst has already happened.
I met my scent matches. What’s the point in keeping myself locked up anymore?
Maybe, when I’m no longer in this house with just them, I’ll lose my shit in a crowd.
But right now? I have to decide how I want them in my life long term, because they’re going to be.
Even if it’s just meeting up once a week for a pheromone infusion.
Fuck, that would be hard, though. Seeing them that often.
I’m already falling in love with them. I already love them, I think.
Seeing them, and not having them as mine, would probably kill me. ”
I stop pacing and look up at the camera again.
“Okay, listen to me, America. I’m falling in love with them.
I’m definitely in love with Derrick. It’s easier to admit that because I’ve seen his face and heard his voice so much.
Ivan and Grant, though? I didn’t even know they existed.
It doesn’t matter, though. Meeting them has been like having deja vu. I know they’re mine.”
My hair is still an unwashed mess, so my fingers get stuck while I drag them through it.
“Mistakes were made, but shit. My soul knows theirs. I can already feel them here.” I hammer my fist on my chest. “They’re here, and they’ll never go away.
It would kill me if they did. And that’s the problem, isn’t it? ”
I think back to the letter from Calvin, to all the conversations we had after his pack died.
“Even though I lost my Alphas, being their Omega for any amount of time was better than never knowing them. You’ll understand one day, when you find those people for you.”
“I don’t want your fear and anger to force you to forget all of the wonderful, beautiful things that have happened to me over my life because of my designation.”
I have let fear run my life since my brother took his last breath.
And honestly? Fear’s done a pretty shitty job.
Anger hasn’t done much better.
“Being their Omega for any amount of time was better than never knowing them.”
My heart aches at the thought of him. It always does.
But I think I’m finally realizing what he wanted me to know. What he hoped I would find.
With my hand over my heart, tears falling down my cheeks, I open the bedroom door.
“I’ve made my decision.”