Chapter 42
Chapter Forty-Two
After my heat breaks, I take an hour-long shower while the guys strip all the linens and put them in the wash. There are parts of my heat that are blank, but I can remember chunks of it.
My guys took very good care of me.
I’m digging through the pile of clothes that Grant got me, searching for something comfortable to wear, when a throat clears behind me.
I look up to see my Beta leaning in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest, staring at me with a strange expression.
Before I have a chance to ask him what’s up, he’s on me, spinning me around and pinning me against the mirror.
“Just finished your heat and already needy again? You just can’t get enough of us, can you, greedy girl?
” He grinds his hard as a rock cock against my ass.
He rips off my towel, kicks my legs apart, and thrusts into me in one stroke.
“Since you’re so desperate, I’ll give you what you want. Don’t you dare move.”
My mind blanks for a moment, and my body goes completely limp. His grip is the only thing keeping me from collapsing onto the tile.
He’s helping me live out my fantasy, and oh my God, it’s as good as I thought it would be.
Grant rests a hand that is incongruously gentle with the current scene on my head and pushes me down so my ass sticks out even farther. He pounds into me with no care, just a hard, ruthless fucking.
He’s using me, punishing me, and I love it so fucking much.
“Is this what you wanted? You wanted to be our little doll? Our perfect cock sleeve to use whenever we want?”
I can’t form words, only whimpers and moans at the idea of being used by all of them. I just finished my heat, and I shouldn’t want to fuck right now, but this is what I needed. Grant is taking what he wants from me, and in doing so, giving me what I have fantasized about for ages.
My Beta bends and nibbles on my ear. Keeping his voice low to not break the scene, he asks, “Color?”
“Green.” I don’t even have to think about it.
That one word gives him the permission he needs to let go completely. “Fuck, you feel so good. So tight and perfect for me. The best little fuck toy.”
Yeah, that’s doing it for me. I dive my hand between my legs and strum my clit, knowing that Grant is the only one who will let me orgasm whenever and however I want, even in a scene like this.
My toes curl, and I rise up on the balls of my feet.
He grabs my hair and forces my eyes to meet his in the mirror.
He looks feral, that stunning, delicate face of his twisted in a snarl.
His pale purple and silver hair is pulled back at the base of his neck, but several pieces have fallen out and stick to his face.
I want to see him like this all the time.
I look wanton, aching for more as he uses me. When he reaches around me and grabs my chin, forcing me to lock eyes with him through the mirror, I lose control. I drench his cock with slick. His fingers tighten to almost the point of pain as he fills me.
It takes us a few minutes to come down from the high. When our breathing has leveled out, and my legs stop shaking, he picks me up and carries me back into the shower.
“How was that?” He turns on the water and lathers a washcloth. “Everything you wanted it to be?”
“And more.”
The guys have almost finished moving in with me in the two weeks since my heat ended.
The place feels more alive than ever, even if it is crowded in a way that I’m not used to.
I’ve never had to share my space so intimately, but I can’t say I mind it.
I’m getting the best sleep of my life now that we’re all piled up together in the nest.
There’s one dark spot in all of this, though.
Derrick has been acting shady.
I don’t want to accuse him of anything, but it’s hard to ignore. I’ve walked in on him on the phone a few times, and he hangs up as soon as he sees me. He doesn’t leave it lying around either. It’s always on his person, like he’s scared I’m going to grab it and go through it.
I don’t want to think he’s hiding something again, but there isn’t any other explanation. Everyone deserves privacy, even in relationships, but this isn’t the behavior of someone who wants privacy.
It’s someone who’s keeping a secret.
I scrub my face and pause my game. I cannot be a good raiding partner right now. My brain is too scattered. I need some coffee or something.
It’s second nature to pick up my phone and call Marlie while I wait for it to brew.
“Hey, lady! How are you?”
“Hey, Marlie. I’m kind of freaking out.”
Her voice fills with concern. “What’s going on?”
“A lot. Ivan and Grant are figuring stuff out with their jobs. Ivan is getting what he needs to set up an office here, and Grant’s visiting his company’s local branch to work out a transfer.
But Derrick is gone too, and I don’t know where he is.
I thought he was just going to the rental to grab the final load of stuff to move over, but it’s been a long time. ”
Rather than having the movers bring everything here, we had them drop the moving pod in the rental’s driveway so we could decide what needed to come and what they’d put up for sale. It’s been slow going.
There’s a long pause on the line. I have to check to make sure the call is still connected. With a heavy sigh, Marlie says something I didn’t want to hear. “I know where he is.”
Betrayal twists my gut. My best friend and my Alpha? How could they?
“Don’t spiral. There is nothing going on between us.”
Oh, thank God.
“Then what is going on, Marlie?”
“I shouldn’t be the one to tell you. It needs to come from him.”
“Bullshit. You’re my best friend.”
I can imagine her rubbing her temples as she ducks her head.
If we were together, there’s no way she’d be making eye contact with me.
“I really can’t. But I can help you get the answers you need.
I’ll give you the address. He should be there now.
But promise you’ll keep an open mind and let him explain before you freak out. ”
After assuring her I’ll give him a fair shot, even though I worry I can’t, she texts me the address, and I call an Omega-only rideshare to take me there.
As I stand on the curb, waiting for the blue SUV to pick me up, my breathing grows labored.
I haven’t left the house since we got back from the show, and now I’m getting in a car with a stranger.
Fuck, fuck. Can I do this? I can’t do this. I just got home. I don’t want to leave.
My old anxieties are twisted snakes writhing inside me, and I have to fight to keep my breath steady.
I talked to my therapist a few days ago about everything that has happened between the guys and me, and he said that my agoraphobia was less a fear of leaving the house and more of a fear of being exposed to an Alpha.
The world was never the problem. What lives in it was.
Now that I’m bonded, he warned me that it’s possible that my anxiety will manifest as a fear of being without my pack.
I think he was right. We’ve been in a happy little bubble. It’s easy to think you’re cured when you avoid the cause.
The idea of getting into a car with a stranger without one of them makes me feel like I need to curl into a ball and hide.
By the time the car stops at the curb, I’ve not calmed down even a little bit. One wrong move and I’m going to bolt into the house and lock the door. The only thing keeping me in place is the desire to know what Derrick is hiding from me.
The driver rolls down the passenger-side window and leans across the center console. “Are you Ariana? You okay?”
I clutch at my throat and shift from foot to foot. “Yeah. No. Yes, I’m Ariana, no, I’m not okay.”
He’s got to be about forty, with a few stripes of grey at the temples of his dark hair. His eyes are full of sympathy, and he’s got a kind smile. “First time without your Alphas?”
“How’d you know?”
“I had a panic attack in the middle of the mall. Got out of the house fine, but when there were a bunch of people around me, and not one of them was my Alpha? Yeah, one of them had to come and pick me up off the floor.” He puts the car in park and unbuckles his seatbelt.
As he passes around the front of the vehicle, I know I should run away, but something about him is calming my fears.
“I’m Jerome. Is your Alpha home?”
I wave at the house behind me. “No, my pack is out. I’m trying to go meet my Alpha.”
“I know this is hard. There’s no pressure to get in the car.
But you’re going to see your Alpha in a few minutes, so there’s something to look forward to.
Would you feel better sitting up front with me or in the back?
” His scent, a soothing limeade, combined with his tender, sweet voice, immediately relaxes me.
“Up front, I think.”
Like a gentleman, Jerome opens the passenger door, and I slide in.
On the twenty-minute drive, we tell each other all about our packs. He’s got four Alphas, which sounds like a lot to manage to me, and they’re not scent matched. None of them cares. They fell in love at school and have been together since.
By the time we pull up to the address Marlie gave me, my anxiety has quieted to only the worry about what Derrick is hiding from me.
I climb out of the SUV and wave goodbye to Jerome before I notice where the address Marlie gave me led. Derrick’s rental car is in the parking lot of a health clinic.
What is he doing here?