Chapter 46
Chapter Forty-Six
The crowd is loud for being small. There are maybe only a hundred people in a semi-circle around the raised stage where Bridgette and Bradley stand, introducing the show and playing a recap of the season.
Grant fusses with his outfit, making sure his wide-sleeved shirt billows over the thick belt just perfectly. He’s wearing clothes from an up-and-coming designer and has struggled with nerves from the moment he got dressed.
“What if I sit weird and it lies awkwardly and people think the designer is terrible?”
I grab his shaking hands and squeeze them. “Stop worrying. People will be talking about your outfit for weeks. The designer is going to get so much free publicity over it. Bridgette is going to ask you who made it, so you can give him a shout-out. You look incredible.”
“Yeah, like a sexy swashbuckler.” Ivan claps our Beta on the back and swoops down to kiss his cheek. “I have no doubt you will spawn another round of thirst trap videos centered entirely around the outfit.”
Designers who want to work with Grant dressed us all tonight, but his outfit is the most “out there”. Ivan is wearing a well-tailored black shirt that clings to his thick arms and a pair of grey trousers with an interesting pattern sewn down the sides.
My peach trousers are so wide-legged they look almost like a skirt, and my white top is form-fitting with a sweetheart neckline but a back held together only by gold chains.
Normally, I’d never wear anything like this, but when the guys saw me and nearly tackled me to the ground to rip it off, it boosted my confidence.
Derrick stands off to the side, flexing his hands.
He’s nervous. Most of the negative reception to the show has been pointed at him, which we expected.
He knew going into the experience that he wouldn’t be the fan favorite, and he’s afraid of the questions the audience will ask tonight.
He wears a patterned Oxford like armor, but his eyes are worried behind his gold, wire-framed glasses.
“It’s going to be fine, Alpha.” I weave our fingers together.
“They love to have a little drama at these reunions. I’m the drama. Asking questions to bait me, to degrade me. That’s what’s going to give them that.”
“I won’t let them. Just squeeze my knee if you want me to answer instead of you.”
He doesn’t have a chance to agree before Bradley is crooning from the stage, “Welcome, Pack Sax!”
We chose to adopt the moniker for our official pack name. It felt right when I thought about it. My pack was always Sax. So we made it official.
The stage lights are blinding until we get settled on the navy velvet couch, and my eyes adjust. I sit between Ivan and Derrick, with Grant on Derrick’s other side, angled slightly toward where Bridgette and Bradley perch on a matching loveseat, but mostly facing the audience.
Bridgette looks incredible in a tight ivory dress as she reaches out and grabs my hand. “Ariana. Happiness looks good on you.”
“Thanks, Bridgette. I am happy.”
Her husband leans back and crosses his legs. “And you guys. America loves you.”
Grant comes alive under the studio lights, his prior nerves forgotten. He cocks his head with a flirty smile. “What’s not to love?”
Bradley laughs at his quip. “I think what everyone wants to know is how everything has been since you left the show? Give us the scoop!”
“Everything has been great. The guys moved in with me, and we’re getting used to being a pack and everything that comes with it.” I drop my hand to Derrick’s knee, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “It’s been really wonderful getting to explore our dynamic without cameras on us.”
Bridgette’s eyes brighten. “Does that mean you bonded with Derrick?”
Ivan wraps his arm behind me and squeezes the other Alpha’s shoulder. “Oh, that didn’t take too long.”
“Oh?” Bridgette looks like an excited child. “Do tell! When did it happen?”
Derrick blushes and pulls his shirt collar aside to show the silvery scar of my bonding mark. “On the plane home.”
The audience’s gasps and cheers at my eagerness have me blushing. “There was no reason to wait. I love Derrick, and I didn’t want to have a pack without him. We grew so close those last few days over the phone, and it felt right. Natural.”
“Do you want to talk about that phone call, Ariana?” Bradley’s suggestive tone clues me in to exactly what call he’s talking about.
My cheeks are on fire. “Not really. How about a question from the audience?”
The Beta man throws his head back with a laugh, right along with the audience. “Fine, fine. Let’s take our first question.”
Bridgette grabs a card from beside her on the couch.
“This one comes to us online, from user ‘maybe.beta.baby’. They want to know, ‘How did Derrick and Ivan react to the story Ariana told Grant about Calvin?’” Bridgette turns toward the audience.
“This is, of course, in reference to the emotional moment between Ariana and Grant, where she talked about her last moments with her brother. I know that was a hard conversation to have, and it has sparked a lot of debate online about the need for laws allowing death with dignity.”
That conversation with Grant has been used on social media as a jumping-off point for others to tell their stories.
Even some people with terminal illnesses have weighed in, advocating for more states to pass legislation allowing death with dignity.
Of course, plenty of people don’t agree with it, but that’s no surprise.
Ivan pulls me tight against his side. “She told us about it not long after we left the house. It’s a story filled with grief that America has already heard and discussed countless times. I don’t think anything else needs to be said on it.”
“It’s a shitty question to ask, especially right out of the gate.” Derrick sits up a little straighter. “It’s like saying, ‘Hey, Ariana, good to see you. Want to talk about your darkest memory?’ Let’s move on, please.”
“Fair, fair.” Bradley holds his hands up, not forcing the issue. “Let’s go to the live audience.”
A crew member hands a microphone to a cute woman with dark curly hair and rich, deep skin. Her simple red dress falls to her thighs. She looks terrified. “Hi, I’m Becca. My question is for Grant and Ivan. What was it like to meet Ariana as yourself for the first time?”
She sits down with an embarrassed swiftness and ducks her head.
“It was amazing and terrifying. When we first talked, and I realized that I was in love with someone who had no idea who I was, my heart broke a little.” Grant crosses one leg over his knee and plays with the string at his shirt collar.
“It felt like I had studied for a test, and when I sat down, it was on an entirely different subject. I wasn’t expecting her to fall into my arms right out the gate, but the fact that there was no recognition at all weighed heavier than I expected it to. ”
“I felt a bit like a stalker.” The crowd laughs at Ivan’s interjection. “She’s terrified of Alphas, and here I am popping up in front of her like, ‘Hi, I love you, and I know you don’t like cantaloupe.’ I’m honestly not sure why we thought the show would be a good idea.”
“There are still some things that I’ll say, and I’ll forget that they already know it. It’s hard to keep it straight.”
Ivan bumps his shoulder against me with a playful smile. “We humor her and pretend like it’s the first time we’ve heard it.”
Bradley and Bridgette gesture for another audience member to ask a question. The man takes the microphone and directs his question to Derrick.
“I wasn’t exactly rooting for you through the season, and when it was over, I still didn’t feel like you’d earned her forgiveness. Do you think you have?”
Derrick looks like a deer in the headlights. My normally confident, charming Alpha knew this was coming, but he’s freezing up in front of the camera. He’s so concerned that people will take their frustration at him out on me for choosing to bond him.
I don’t give him a chance to answer.
“I think he has, which is all that matters, right? I know there are a lot of people out there who say they could never, but you don’t really know that.
You won’t unless you live it. But Derrick didn’t assume I would forgive him.
In fact, he was convinced I wouldn’t, and he took steps to protect me if I didn’t want to be with him. ”
Bradley’s eyebrows would hit his forehead if he didn’t use so much Botox. “And what steps did you take, Derrick?”
Grant places a reassuring hand on our Alpha’s bicep. “Tell them.”
“After I left the house, I began working with a clinic to donate and store my pheromones. I wanted to create a stockpile for Ariana, so she didn’t have to worry about FOS if she didn’t want to be with me.”
“Oh my God.” Bridgette’s voice is breathy with emotion, and she clutches her chest. “That is so moving. How did you react when you found out, Ariana?”
“I, uh.” I stumble over my words. Ivan hands me a bottle of water that was resting on the table beside him, and I take a greedy gulp.
“No one wants to think about something happening to the people they love, but for years, it was all I thought about. Death terrified me, and I locked myself away so I didn’t risk it.
When I found out Derrick had been going through pheromone extraction to make sure that, even if the worst happened to him, I wouldn’t meet the same fate as my brother, I felt like he had faced death for me.
Like he bought me more time. I hope I never have to use them, because I made all three of them promise I could die first, but knowing that he wanted a way to take care of me, even after he’s gone?
” He pulls my hand to his mouth and places a sweet, reassuring kiss on the back of it.
“Knowing that he did that for me just reminded me of why I fell in love with Sax in the first place. It gave me a new lease on life.”
We get peppered with questions from the raunchy to the strange for the next hour. One guy wanted to know Grant’s skincare routine, and another asked Ivan if he ever considered voice acting.
“We have time for just a few more, so let’s check the live feed.” Bridgette accepts a piece of paper from a crew member and reads it outloud. “Okay, this one is from Wilson, a Beta from Wyoming. He wants to know what was in the letter from Calvin.”
I was waiting for that question. I’ve been practicing what I’m going to say, how much I’m comfortable sharing.
Derrick speaks before I can even open my mouth. “Next question.”
Bradley, quite used to Derrick refusing to answer questions at this point, rolls with the punches.
“I know everyone wants to know about the final challenge. Ariana, when you spoke directly to America in your room, our viewers said they felt like they were your friend in that moment. Tell me the truth. Are you pissed at us for giving you that challenge?”
“I mean. Kind of?” Nervous laughter from the audience wasn’t the reaction Bradley was expecting based on his expression. I’m not sure why, considering it was the most controversial thing that happened this season. They’ve gotten a lot of flak for even asking it of me.
“Look, it turned out well for us. I knew that I loved my pack, even then. The whole thing was confusing, the lies were overwhelming, but buried under all of that was true love. And it’s not just because we’re scent matches.
We had years of a foundation before that.
But I worry other people would have felt so pressured that they may not have thought through their decision.
I needed that kick in the pants, but it was a risky gamble on your part. ”
“About the scent matching. How has your anxiety been since the show concluded? Your biggest fear came true. Are you still stuck in your house?”
Bradley’s question rubs me the wrong way. I know that the level of anxiety I had was abnormal, but the way he phrased it felt like it came from a place of judgment, not understanding.
“Anxiety doesn’t go away overnight. It’s not always logical, either.
Of course, I know what I was hiding from has happened, but that doesn’t remove a decade of fear.
But I’m here, aren’t I? I don’t love being out in public, especially by myself.
When my pack is with me, it’s a lot easier.
I do spend a lot of time worrying that Derrick won’t make it back from work, that Ivan will get sick, or that Grant will get kidnapped, but I know those are irrational fears. ”
“I’ve started taking self-defense classes. Just in case someone decides to kidnap a grown man.” Grant delivers the line with such a straight face that the audience bursts into laughter. It’s a welcome distraction from putting my anxiety on display.
“Anyway, I’m healing. I have a wonderful support system.”
Bridgette scoots onto the edge of the loveseat and reaches for me like she did when I first sat down. “Was it worth it? All of the fear, the hurt from their lies, the show?”
My guys crowd me, squeezing in so close that I may as well be straddling Ivan and Derrick’s laps.
“Yeah, it was. It may not have been what I expected, but it was what I needed.”