12. Mathew
Mathew
The darkness that I’ve been trying to keep at bay for years started to creep back in when Caleb demanded to know how much danger I was in, not in general, but because he knew the significance of my crowned heart tattoo.
When the look in his eyes didn’t turn to pity or revulsion, but into a promise to protect me and a promise of revenge.
As he held me, I could feel the walls that I built around my heart and mind slide away, revealing something raw inside, a raw pain, a wound that never healed, still as raw as the day it was inflicted.
As long as we were all awake and kept up the teasing and banter and mixed it up with a couple more amazing orgasms, I could ignore the way it was starting to loom over me more and more.
But once everyone was asleep, once I’d watched Vera and then Caleb fall asleep, my heart filled with joy at having them in my bed, at having them so close. Once that was over, it engulfed me and I had to get out, get away from them, or it could somehow hurt them too.
When Vera found me, she was like a lifeline in the darkness, and when she offered me her hand, when she told me that if I needed to hold onto something I could hold her… That small offer of affection burned away some of the pain.
But I know I can’t fully accept her, I can’t fully accept them into my life, until they know what I’m really like. If they find out about the darkest parts of my past and still accept me, I’ll gladly give up my life for them. I’ll be theirs forever.
“What are you two doing out here?” Caleb’s voice is a soft rumble and as I slightly untangle myself from around Vera to look at him I notice the mixture of worry and amusement in his gaze.
I lick my lips, fully unwrapping myself from around Vera, but not letting go of her hand.
My heart beats in my throat as I know what I need to do next. If I don’t do this, I’ll never be able to move forward. And I want to let them in, I want to let them in so badly.
The sooner I tell them, the sooner I’ll find out how much of a monster they think I am.
“I need to show you two something.” I pull Vera along, out of the bedroom, down the stairs and into the office.
As I step inside, I notice that someone has put a piece of cloth over the blood stain in the carpet. Probably Derrick or Timothy, trying to help me in their own way.
I sit Caleb and Vera down on the couch that’s to one side of the office, looking out over the middle of the room. They’re both staring at me. Waiting, worried.
Here goes nothing.
“I’m twenty-six. I’ve been head of this organisation for ten years.” I try to keep my voice from shaking, which isn’t easy when worry floods from Vera and fury from Caleb.
My age was all he needed to put together the story of a large part of my past and the fact he responded with anger and not disgust makes me way more grateful than I should be.
Because the part he knows about is not the worst part, that part doesn’t compare to the other things that I’ve done.
Their reactions give me the strength and courage to keep going, to explain how I got here, how I took over this organisation at the age of sixteen.
“My parents were pair-bonded Betas. I have—” I clear my throat.
“I had three siblings, all older than me. When I was eight, everyone was killed because my dad had messed with the wrong jackass and while trying to flee from them had fatally wounded the pack’s Omega.
The only reason I survived was because they didn’t notice I was still breathing, that the blood on me wasn’t mine, but from my siblings as they tried to protect me.
” I swallow hard, trying to get rid of the bile in my throat.
Their screams, their fear, they still haunt me. The carnage in our kitchen still seared into my memories, even nearly two decades later.
“At first, I lived in the streets. I was tall for my age so everyone thought I was older than I was. I quickly picked up some important skills, like how to use a knife and how to make sure that nobody could tell anyone where I’d been.”
Those days are mostly a cloud of grey in my mind, too horrible to try too hard to remember, but not as horrible as what happened before or after.
I don’t notice I’ve closed my eyes until Vera entwines her fingers with mine, making me nearly jump out of my skin, and then hold onto her tightly. I slide us both to the floor and wrap my arms around her, like my body can protect her from the things I’m about to tell her.
“After a while, someone noticed me. They brought me food and clean clothes, until I trusted them enough to follow them when they offered me a place to sleep and take a shower.”
This time, when Caleb’s deep growl rumbles through the room, I don’t jump, expecting his response. I carefully let go of Vera’s hand and reach out to him. In moments, I’m wrapped in his embrace like I’m wrapped around Vera, protective.
Having them with me allows me to stay in the now, keep me grounded in the present while walking them through my past.
“They brought me to a building that was full of life, full of people. I shared a room with lots of other kids my age. They gave us three meals a day and we were even taught reading and writing. The only thing we had to do was to run errands for them, usually small things, a note here, a letter there, nothing that would seem suspicious to a bunch of excited kids.”
I play with Vera and my hair, winding our long strands together, until she takes my hand and calms the nervous movements.
“As I cleaned up and finally put on a bit of weight, some people started to notice me in a different way.”
Caleb starts to growl again and I smile as Vera does the same, though hers is much softer. But I still feel it against my chest where I’m pressed against her back.
I want to stop talking now, let them think this is all there is to me. But I know that’s not enough. That’s not enough to start our bond strong. If I want this to last, I can’t keep secrets from them.
“I was brought to a different part of the building. They put me in flashy clothes and made me bring drinks to the people in the bar. I was allowed to save some of the tips I’d get every night and even had my own little safe in a new room.
Now with kids older than me, others who worked at the bar or other parts of ‘this’ side of the building. ”
I close my eyes, remembering being awoken by people screaming in their sleep, terror rolling off them in waves, how I didn’t get a single night of uninterrupted sleep in that room. And I’m sure I’ve woken up the others with similar nightmares plenty of times…
“Mathew?” Vera’s voice is soft and she runs her thumb over my hand, soothing. I kiss her shoulder, letting out a long breath.
She’s so precious, so lovely, I don’t want to ruin her by telling her about my past, but I have to.
“I quickly became a favourite among the regulars. Innocent interactions would become less innocent over time. Part of that was because they were sure I was an Alpha. I was tall, strong and protective of the other kids, especially those younger than me. People would tease me, tell me how good I had it to be surrounded by so many pretty Omegas. I just wanted them to keep their filthy hands off them. I knew what was going on wasn’t right, but I was a kid, there wasn’t much I could do against them. ”
I growl and both Caleb and Vera’s growl sync with mine in reply.
“When my pheromones began to lean Omega, they had me tested. I’d hoped that with the results, the attention on me would fade.
Now I was just another Omega, nothing special.
I was just like the others. But people became even more interested in me, because I was unique.
An Omega who didn’t look like one, an Omega who could pass for an Alpha. They liked that even more.”
It’s why my heart tattoo has a crown. I wasn’t just any kid, I was the most desired one, the one bringing in most of the money.
My stomach rolls and I curl tighter around Vera, trying to soothe the bad memories with her scent, with her and Caleb’s scent.
I’m safe. I’m safe here. I’m safe with them.
“At some point, they had me meet clients outside of the building. Those were often much richer, which meant more money. That’s how I ended up here.”
My emotions slow down, anger and quiet settling in me. I’m skipping a lot now, but that doesn’t matter, none of that matters in comparison to what happened next.
I climb from between Vera and Caleb, my eyes on the room, until they land on the desk.
“The previous guy running this organisation was obsessed with the idea of me. I was a tall and fairly muscular teen, someone who could easily pass for an Alpha, but who was in fact an Omega. That duality turned him on.” That duality turned all the creeps on.
I grimace, staring at the wall behind the desk where he used to have a photo of his picture-perfect pack.
“My pheromones were always on the strong side. Possibly a side-effect of some of the drugs they’d given me, or maybe it was natural, but my heats were irregular.
They were sure I was nowhere near my next heat cycle, or they wouldn’t have sent me here.
They weren’t kind, but they weren’t that dumb either.
Their most profitable Omega getting pregnant was very bad for business. ”
I walk over to door to the garden, looking outside for a moment. It looks nothing like it was when I saw it for the very first time.
“I have no idea why, but, as I was standing in this room, my heat suddenly started and he was on me in moments. I had no time to get to my bag to take emergency suppressants.”
Vera gasps as Caleb jumps up, his angry pheromones rolling through the room. I ignore them, tugging on the corner where two pieces of carpet come together.
“Because I was used to my high levels of pheromones, I could keep a clear head and instantly went for the knife I had tucked into my clothes. Some clients weren’t very good with taking ‘no’ for an answer unless they thought their life was at risk.”
With a hard tug, I rip away part of the carpet, making Vera jump up too and quickly move to the side.
Then I tug at it again, and again, until a large dark stain is revealed in the middle of the room.
“I cut his throat and his spurting blood even hit the wall behind the desk.” His precious pack photo covered in droplets of his disgusting blood.
I look at Caleb and Vera, all angry and upset energy leaving me, their shocked expressions almost making me smile. “And that’s how I became me. A defective Omega who can’t perfume or go into heat, who runs an organisation of killers and rejects. And I’m apparently… yours .”