Chapter 15
Chapter fifteen
ASH
The coffee cup slams down right in front of me. I’m leaning on the counter on my elbows, and the force sloshes the coffee in the mug. Estelle grips it by the handle and swipes at the little spill with a bar mop before I can even react.
“Babe, the date must have been hella good if you’re walking around looking like a zombie.” She chuckles as she pushes the sugar toward me. I take five packets out and tear into them with my teeth.
I am wrecked. I got home and peeled off my wet panties and then stood in my tiny little shower until the water went cold.
Not to wash him off like I usually did after being fucked by an alpha.
I was just so cold. And then I lay in my nest with the curtains drawn, curled up as tight as possible, trying to figure out what the fuck happened.
My plan had been to seduce the hockey player and then… fuck, I don’t even know at this point. Ruin his pack somehow? I didn’t expect whatever the hell that was.
I stir the coffee, watching the ripples swirl on the surface. Estelle leans in, eyes wide and hungry for details. The diner is dead except for two old men in a booth, both pretending not to listen.
“Can I ask you something?” I say.
“Sure, babe.”
“But you can’t get all weird about it, okay?”
I take a sip of the coffee and then reach for the little creamers. Papa never let me have coffee, and I’m still not sure I like it. “I know you’re a beta and all, but it can’t be that different. Is…”
The bell to the front door jingles, and we both turn to see an alpha with a backpack hanging off his shoulder. He gives us a nod, his eyes raking over me, then moves to the far end of the counter. I get that gross pit in my tummy.
I lower my voice. “Is sex supposed to be that good?”
Estelle’s smile is blinding. “Ooh, girl, that hockey player did you right, huh?”
I shush her, like the customers in the diner are listening. Thank god this is the lull before the lunch rush starts.
Estelle’s face gets serious for a moment, like she’s figured something out about me.
“You’re an omega. I was under the general belief that all sex was good for omegas.”
“Well, you know,” I say. “When you’re in heat, it’s all… So…” I can’t quite get the words out. “It’s just a need, and it doesn’t have to be good to satisfy that need.” I lower my voice to a whisper. “Like, he went down on me. Alphas don’t do that.”
Estelle pauses. I can see her grinding her teeth for some reason.
I rush to fill the dead space between us. The air behind the register smells like burned coffee and cleaning spray, and I’m suddenly hyperaware of how loud the milk steamer is.
“Alphas don’t usually do that when they are—” I blurt, then stop, because where was I even going with that? I can’t say what I’m thinking, not to Estelle, not to anyone. I let it hang in the air, try to swallow it down with a sip of coffee. “You know, the alphas that p…”
Estelle watches me, her eyes narrowing just a little, the way they do when she’s about to call Kai out on his busboy bullshit. “Do what?”
“I don’t know. It was… good.” I say it so quietly, I’m not sure she hears, but of course she does.
“Yeah, sex is supposed to be that good. Especially with someone who isn’t a total douchebag.”
I snort. “I wouldn’t know.”
She shrugs and starts wiping down the counter, but she’s still watching me. “Some people—doesn’t matter their designation—don’t like giving oral. Frankly, that’s selfish and rude. It’s an immediate red flag,” she adds, eyebrow arched so high it’s practically in her hairline.
I glance over at the alpha with the backpack, studiously scrolling through his phone while he waits to be acknowledged. Estelle ignores him.
“What do you mean, red flag?” I ask.
She tosses the rag aside. “Oral is a good indicator of what someone wants out of sex, out of a relationship. It’s about getting pleasure from giving pleasure. If you can’t get off on your partner getting off, well…” She flicks her fingers, dismissive. “Not worth your time.”
“Oh,” I say, and it comes out dumb, but it’s all I’ve got. My phone dings, and I pull it out of my apron pocket. There’s a text.
Beckett:
Good morning
My stomach flips, and I hate that it does.
“He wants to see me again,” I say, not meaning to, but Estelle hears everything.
“Are you going to?”
“I don’t know.” I do know. I shouldn’t. But I want to, and that’s the problem.
I shove the phone back in my pocket, cross my arms over my chest.
Estelle pushes off the counter, grabs her receipt pad, and starts for the front. “You should,” she calls over her shoulder. “Good sex and a good partner are worth it.”
I pick up the damp rag and wipe down the counter with a little more energy than is called for. I rinse and hang it over the edge of the little sink, wiping my fingers on my butt.
My breath catches in my throat. I check the left pocket, the right, both the front pockets. I rip my bag out from under the counter and dive into it with both hands. It’s not here.
Reed’s knife.
It’s not here.
I cover my mouth. I’ve never let it out of my sight since Reed gave it to me. If I lose it…
My phone buzzes again.
Beckett:
Ash. Just checking in to make sure you’re good.
I put the phone down and shove my hands in my back pocket. I must not have taken the knife out of the tiny purse last night.
Right. I have a job to do. It doesn’t matter if the sex was good, or if Beckett tried to make me feel special.
This is about Reed.
I pick up my phone and stare at it. I can do this. Everything is fine. As long as he doesn’t fuck me again.
Ash:
Hi! I had a fantastic time what are you up to today