Chapter 30
Chapter thirty
ASH
I pause the video again and tap open what I think is the right menu. Intuitive my ass. There are so many different options in this dumb program.
I jump when Kai clatters a stack of clean dishes on the edge of the counter. I’m tempted to yank my tablet away like I have to protect it from his prying eyes.
“What are you trying to do?” He leans over my shoulder and nudges the iPad to get a better view.
“I don’t know how you’re supposed to find anything,” I mutter.
“Oh, check Beta Brushes. He’s got this whole beginner series for Procreate. Demo projects, step-by-step tutorials. Most of it’s line art for tattoos, but it’s good stuff. Read the comments. They’ll point you to other creators for more artsy stuff.”
“How do you know?”
Kai makes a disgusted sound. “You think busboy in a diner with great pie is my dream job? I’m building up a portfolio. Here, this is some of my flash.”
He bumps my shoulder as he leans his elbows on the counter next to me. We’re in that lull between breakfast and lunch, so there’s only one table in Estelle’s section right now. Kai flips through some pictures on his phone.
“Oh. Wow. That’s really nice.”
He stops on a drawing of the moon with a little spaceship orbiting around it.
“Yeah, I like that one. Getting shading right is a bitch.”
“And you did that all on your tablet?”
“Yeah. Do some Beta Brushes tutorials and get a couple of projects under your belt, and then I can show you a few tricks. It’s easier if you’ve got a piece going, ya know?”
“Really?”
Kai winks at me with his crooked smile and chipped front tooth. “Anytime, bruh.” He yanks a bin from under the counter and heads to clear Estelle’s four-top.
The bell on the door jingles, and I stuff the tablet back into its case, storing it safely under the counter. I smile despite myself as Tia sweeps in and makes a beeline for me.
“Miss Thang. You been keeping secrets!”
“No, I haven’t.” My face freezes with a smile.
“Tia, don’t be a bitch.” Estelle steps behind the counter, pulling out three mugs and splashing coffee into them. There’s only one table right now with an alpha totally dedicated to his chicken and waffles.
“Dream doll omega here,” she points an accusatory finger at me, “has been traipsing all over the city with a hockey stud and keeping all the juicy details to herself.”
She taps on her phone with the pad of her finger and holds it up to Estelle. I have no idea how she uses a touchscreen with nails that long.
“Is that Ash?” Estelle pinches the phone to make the image bigger.
“You don’t recognize the haircut you gave her?” Tia tears open two Equal packets and dumps them in her mug.
“Babe! Deets. Right now, girl.” Estelle gasps.
“Look, it’s not what you think!” I hiss, looking over the alpha in Estelle’s section, not wanting him to over hear.
I step away from the counter, fighting the childish urge to wrap my arms around my stomach.
I can already feel the heat in my cheeks, the way this kind of conversation always makes my skin prickle.
Tia leans over the counter, her elbows planted, cupping her coffee in both hands. Her nails tap-tap-tap against the mug. “Oh, so you are not banging a hot pro athlete,” she says, grinning like a cat who just found the cream.
“No. I mean, yes. I mean, no.” I fumble the words and immediately regret every life decision that led me to this moment.
“And his pack too?”
“Babe, I can’t believe you’ve been holding out on me.” Estelle lets out a low whistle, her eyes wide and delighted.
“No, seriously, it’s not what you think,” I say again, more desperate this time. “It’s all just very… confusing.”
“Confusing? What part of it’s confusing? Are you dating or are you not?” Estelle cocks her head.
Tia gasps. “Maybe they’re not dating, maybe they’re just…”
“Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” Estelle swats her shoulder.
“Well, we went out, and then his pack, they just smell so good…” I trail off, realizing how ridiculous it sounds, but there it is. Truth in all its embarrassing glory. Well, half the truth. I can’t exactly blurt out that I’m only seeing them to get revenge.
Tia laughs and collapses into her seat, her coffee sloshing dangerously. “Oh, that omega thing. I wish my nose could tell me who I should and should not be dating.”
“I shouldn’t be dating them,” I mumble into my sleeve, but Tia is already spinning her phone around, the screen bright with a photo of Beckett. She zooms in on his stupidly handsome face, and I want to crawl into the display case and live among the croissants.
“Ooh, I am gonna need all the details,” Tia says. “Every single one from your next heat.”
Heat
Oh god.
I’m never going to have heat with Beckett.
Papa would never allow it. He has Rex lined up.
The first time, he sent me to a pack. The omega was pregnant with twins and couldn’t properly “take care of the pack,” he said.
He didn’t know when I’d be ready, so I stayed with them for a month.
They let me make my first nest under a desk.
The alpha would check me every day, sit me on the counter and put his fingers in me.
When it finally happened, I was so scared the omega had to hold me down.
By the third time, Papa knew the signs and had a pack ready.
But then I started to argue, and Papa would lock me in my room until the need and desperation got so bad I would beg. It was awful but better, because I’d be so caught up in need, I wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t remember.
Twice a year. Always a different pack.
“Babe? Are you alright?”
“Oh fuck, sit down, Ash.”
“Kai, get some ice.”
I hear their voices, but I can’t tell who says what. My rising panic disorients me.
“Good girl. Put your head between your knees.”
“Just breathe. You’re okay.”
“Don’t be an ass, she’s not in heat. It’s a panic attack.”
“I’m going to put ice on the back of your neck. It might be cold, okay?”
“Go finish your waffles. We don’t need your help.”
“Babe, take some breaths with me. Slow in and out. You got this.”
“I swear, if you don’t step off, you’ll be a knotless wonder. We don’t need an alpha.”
“That’s good. Take another breath for me.”
“Fucking alphas.”
“Nope. Don’t move yet. We don’t want you passing out.”
“Should we call Bella?”
“I don’t think this is an omega thing. I think this is a trauma thing.”
“I have Xannies.”
“Yeah, let’s try that.”
“Oh. Okay. We’re sitting up. Let’s go slow. Easy. There you are.”
“Here, take this, then a sip of water. Good girl.”
The colors and the shapes in the room are sloshing around like being in a snow globe someone shook up. Blinking a billion times doesn’t help, so I just keep my eyes shut.
“Okay. We’re back now, this is good.”
Estelle is smoothing my hair back, and I never want her to stop. Tia holds a straw for me. My mouth is gross and gummy.
“Better?”
I nod and take another sip of water.
“I’m sorry.”
“Babe, this was a long time coming. I’m glad we were here to catch you.”
I don’t know what that means, so I just nod again. At least the room has stopped spinning.
“If I let you stand up, will you pass out?”
“I think I’m okay.”
“Good. We’re going to have a little time-out in the office.”
“But I have to finish my shift.”
Both Estelle and Tia laugh.
“Yo, Kai! You’re promoted to waitress for the day.”
“Nice, bruh.”
Finally, I sink into the armchair in the back office. It’s cramped and smells like burned coffee. There’s a duct tape patch on the arm, but it’s big enough to curl up in.
“Oh. I got something,” Tia says and dashes out of the room.
I lean my head on the arm, suddenly exhausted. Estelle is still stroking my hair. “That feels nice.”
“When Bella has meltdowns, she likes it too.”
“Who’s Bella?” I close my eyes. I’m so tired.
“My cousin. She’s dying to meet you.”
“Really?”
“You want to talk about it?”
I shake my head, and Estelle doesn’t push. My eyes are so heavy now it feels like work to keep them open.
There’s a soft thud. Tia drops a square bundle on the floor. She pokes her long nails into the clear plastic and struggles to free a fuzzy pink blanket.
“Just picked up my laundry,” she says.
They work together to tuck it in around me. My body feels so heavy I can’t even help them by lifting my head.
Estelle tugs on a corner of the blanket, bringing it around my face and over my head.
“Bella likes to burrow when she doesn’t have her nest.”
I nuzzle the soft fabric and take a soft breath.
Everything smells like… Pierce.