Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
Jez
CHRIST, WHAT WAS I DOING? And more importantly, why did I want so badly to keep doing it? I pushed away with a gasp, putting space between us.
“S-sorry,” I stammered, immediately missing the warmth of Gage’s body against mine.
“You don’t need to apologize for that, kitten,” he said, still in that delicious low rumble. “Think I might’ve rubbed on you while I was still half out of it, though. So, I guess we can both be sorry. Say the word, and none of it every happened.”
The sultry miasma of pheromones in the bedroom made it very clear that it had happened, though. So did the damp patch between my thighs. I was guessing there was a matching patch on the thigh of his trousers, too. The thought made heat rise to my cheeks.
I shook my head sharply. “It’s just... I don’t do this kind of thing.”
Enough gray light was filtering through the window that I could make out his frown.
“What, never?” he asked.
I scooted back to lean against the headboard, wrapping my arms around my knees.
“Never,” I confirmed. “I never wanted to.”
The frown deepened. “You mean because of what happened to you when you were young?” He shifted further away from me. “You want me to get off the bed? Give you some space?”
The harsh laugh that escaped me sounded halfway like a sob. “No.”
I wanted the opposite. I’d had a single, tiny taste of pretending my life was normal, and I was already turning into an addict.
He settled his weight back on the mattress. “Okay. Really, it’s fine, though. Lots of people aren’t interested in sex. Or, y’know, sex with other people. And I know this whole thing is really complicated already.”
It was complicated because I’d made it complicated. It was complicated because I’d believed another omega’s sob story and done something about it. It was complicated because I was walking wounded when it came to mental health.
“What if it wasn’t, though?” I asked, before clarifying, “Complicated, I mean.”
He paused, his big body very still. “You mean... what if we were living in that other world where we chose this?”
I nodded, not looking at him.
He seemed to think about that for a moment. “Then I’d want to show you how good your body can feel. If... that was what you wanted, I mean.”
My pussy gave a needy little throb. More honey slicked the inside of my thighs.
“That world sounds a lot nicer than this one,” I managed unsteadily.
Gage let out a heavy breath. Silence settled over the bedroom.
“Maybe they don’t have to be so far apart,” he said. “There’s one part of this that’s really simple, at least to my mind. You’re my mate. Our mate. And our mate should at least know what it feels like to be loved in that way.”
My eyes flew to him; my body drawn toward him like iron filings to a magnet.
“So... we could pretend for a bit longer?” My voice was a rasp.
But he shook his head. “No, Jez. You being our mate is reality. Everything that you and I do together is real. The fact that there’s some seriously fucked-up shit going on in the background doesn’t make it less real.”
My mind shied away from the words, not ready to hear them.
Before I could merge the real and pretend worlds, I had to know whether Adrian had been lying to me or not.
Until then, I was a cat in a box with some German-sounding name that I’d forgotten—neither murderer nor righteous avenger, hanging in limbo.
Unreal.
“I need to know what sex feels like when it’s something you want,” I said in a rush.
I bit my lip, waiting for Gage’s answer.
“Yeah,” he said after a pause. “Everyone deserves to have that. But, um... maybe don’t mention any of this to Heath.”
I couldn’t help my choked laughter.
“Right, probably not,” I agreed.
“Lie back,” he said, turning to face me fully on the bed.
“Unbutton that shirt far enough that you can get a hand on your breasts. You don’t have to undo it all the way unless you want to.
And this is real important—if something feels wrong, you’ve gotta say so right away.
” He let out an unhappy breath. “I know that can be hard when no one ever listened before. But I’m gonna listen, okay? ”
“Okay,” I whispered.
He hitched a leg up, his knee bent and one elbow resting on it casually. “Good. Go on, then.”
Defiantly, I undid all eight buttons with fumbling fingers. Gage’s shirt fell open, exposing me to his gaze. My nerves sang with anticipation, as though his eyes on me were something physical against my skin.
“You’re perfect,” Gage said, his tone a low purr.
I forced myself to hold his gaze defiantly. “I thought I was too skinny.”
He shook his head slowly. “Being skinny or fat or in between doesn’t have a thing to do with being perfect. I just want to make sure you have all the food you want, that’s all. I feel like maybe you don’t always.”
I shivered, breaking eye contact before he could see the wetness gathering on my eyelashes.
“Now, touch yourself,” he went on. “Run your hands over your skin. Pinch your nipples if that feels good to you. Look at me while you do it.”
My breath stuttered. I forced myself to look back at him, focusing on a point above his left collarbone as I lifted my hands and tentatively stroked them over my upper body.
It wasn’t accurate to say that I’d never explored myself. But living on the streets didn’t come with a whole lot of privacy... and it could be hard to keep my mind from slipping back to the past. Plus, it had never felt anything like this when I was alone.
I’d never had horny alpha hormones flowing around me like a cloud, smelling like the most perfect bakery in existence.
Under Gage’s approving gaze, the uninspiring slide of skin on skin transformed into bottled lightning rushing along my nerves.
My lips parted as I explored, teasing the tender flesh of my tits and stroking down my stomach.
“That’s it,” Gage murmured. “Touch between your legs. Get that slick all over your fingers and explore a bit.”
I moaned, more slick pulsing out as though he’d called it directly into existence with his words.
Tentatively, I stroked my wet folds; the whole area awake now after having been asleep for years.
My clit, a sullen and uninterested observer since I’d escaped my captivity eight years ago, lit up with electric pleasure.
“God,” I yelped, circling a finger around it faster and faster. “Gage! Please... touch me! I need you to touch me!”
Instinct surged, demanding that my mate stop teasing and get to work on me. Gage let out a low rumble of a growl, and then he was leaning over me, his big hands covering mine where they worked my breast and clit.
“You’re close already, kitten,” he said, the words heavy with satisfaction. “You want me to fill you up with my fingers while you come?”
My passage gave a warning flutter. I arched, my heart pounding furiously.
“Y-yes!” I cried, even though what I really wanted was the hard cock I’d felt nudging against me earlier.
The hand guiding mine slid away, further back. Blunt fingers teased my entrance, meeting no resistance thanks to the slick I was churning out. For a bare instant, the intrusion felt deeply strange—like there was a sense memory trying to fight its way to the fore.
It sunk beneath the wild waves of pleasure rocking me, though.
There was no similarity whatsoever between what was happening now, and the last time I’d been penetrated.
Gage’s fingers slid along the front wall of my passage, igniting new sparks as he rubbed at some magic spot inside me that made me see stars.
“That’s it,” he said, sounding faintly breathless. “Let go. Let me feel you, kitten. God, you’re so beautiful like this.”
Pleasure ricocheted between his fingers and mine, tangling up into a ball that got bigger and hotter and wilder until it burst, washing through my entire body in an explosion of pulsing warmth.
I let out a strangled shriek, nearly levitating off the bed as my pussy clenched convulsively, over and over. I could feel my muscles trying to clamp down on Gage’s thick knuckles, but he was already pulling his fingers free.
I whimpered, too far gone to be ashamed of the pitiful noise.
“Shh,” he soothed. “Do you want more? I can use my mouth on you. See if I can make you come again, only harder this time.”
Harder? Was he insane?
Only... I did want more. I wanted so much more. If his mouth was the thing on offer, then I would take it because I was a greedy bitch living firmly in denial until the sun came up.
“Yes,” I said. “Yes, I want your mouth.”
I want all of you.
“Good girl,” Gage murmured.
I shivered, gooseflesh breaking out across my arms.
He took me by the ankles and tugged me to the edge of the mattress, kneeling on the floor in his white undershirt and tailored suit trousers. I groaned as he slung my knees over his broad shoulders and hitched my hips right to the edge.
His nose tickled my pubic hair, and I heard him inhale greedily.
“Jesus Christ, you smell like heaven,” he muttered, before his broad tongue rasped along the length of my folds, lapping up the mess I was making.
Hard on the heels of my first-ever voluntary orgasm, I was essentially a puddle of goo on the bed.
The waves of pleasure as Gage devoured me greedily with lips and tongue were deep, rather than wild.
My muscles stayed utterly lax as the now-familiar feeling of a vessel being filled gradually to bursting gathered low in my belly.
Those thick fingers returned, stretching and stroking me open. This time, my climax dragged me down deep instead of blowing me open. All of my focus went internal, until I couldn’t have said where I was, or even who I was.
When I surfaced this time, it was with the same feeling of clenching emptiness. Gage’s fingers were gone. I knew, on some level, that they wouldn’t have been enough to fill me, anyway.
He was sitting next to me on the edge of the bed, looking down at me with a combination of satisfaction and naked longing.
“Good?” he asked mildly.