Chapter 44
FOURTY-FOUR
Jez
WHAT HAD CHANGED INSIDE me, these past weeks? What switch had been flipped? Although maybe it was obvious. I was mated now.
I still flinched away and panicked at the prospect of an unfamiliar alpha touching me when I wasn’t braced for it, like the orderly in Gage’s treatment room. But I’d lasted all of fifteen seconds naked in the shower with Heath before I’d ended up wrapped in his arms again, trembling with reaction.
And the thing was, he was shaking, too. His presence inside me, a sharp light that I’d come to recognize as Heath’s unfiltered self, felt as though it might break apart at any moment.
“Are you worried about Tony and Gage?” I asked, because they were all I could think about.
His arms tightened convulsively for a moment. I felt him wrestle his emotions back under control. Instead of answering immediately, he very deliberately loosened his hold, turning me so the shower spray hit more of my body. Nasty, clay-colored muck flowed across the shower floor and down the drain.
“Of course I am,” he said. His voice still held that gravelly hoarseness from earlier, but I was less convinced now that it was because of the dust. “I think I’m more worried about myself, though,” he added in a mutter.
I turned my head to look at him. “What do you mean?”
An ugly, heavy sense of self-loathing inside my head spiked. I was pretty sure it wasn’t coming from me.
Heath hesitated for long enough that I wasn’t sure he would answer at all. Then he stepped forward, easing me to one side so he could get his head under the spray. Gray mud sluiced out of his hair and beard, revealing its dark copper color when wet.
He put a hand out and braced it against the plastic shower wall, staying hunched over as he finally spoke.
“If I’d been alone, back at the hotel... if you hadn’t been there with me when the bomb went off, Tony and Gage would both be dead. Maybe Knox, too, since he’d have snapped his own spine in half trying to save them.”
I frowned, not sure what he was trying to say.
“What kind of packmate does that make me?” he asked.
I still didn’t understand where he was going with this.
“One who’s not psychic?” I suggested. “You’d never have been able to find them in the debris if I hadn’t been mated to Gage. None of them would have wanted you putting yourself at risk like that. Not when there was no chance.”
He made a sound that was probably a laugh, although it had a suspiciously choked quality. Straightening, he swept his soaked hair back and scrubbed a hand down his face to clear the water from his eyes.
“That’s my point.” Once again, he urged me under the spray.
This time, he grabbed the shampoo and squirted some into his hands, rubbing them together before digging his lathered fingers into my hair.
“At the silos, I’d have done something terrible if you hadn’t broken out of your cell and saved me.
At the hotel, I’d have stood around like a useless piece of shit while my packmates were crushed to death, if you hadn’t been there and physically dragged me back inside to save them. ”
The gentle scratch of his fingertips along my scalp sent tingles rushing down my body, making it hard to think. This was important, though. I grabbed his wrists, bringing his hands down to curl between us.
“In the silos, I had to get to you,” I told him.
“It wasn’t a conscious choice. I just knew that it didn’t matter what was standing in my way.
I had to climb over it or dig under it or smash through it, because it was stopping me from being where I needed to be.
It was the same with Gage in the hotel. I didn’t choose to drag us back into danger.
I needed to be with him, and it didn’t matter what was separating us. ”
Heath’s head bowed again, over our joined hands.
“We can choose now, though,” he said, not looking at me.
“I ought to hate you for what you did to Knox. You ought to hate me for holding you prisoner in the attic... for biting you without your consent. But... Jez. You being here makes me a better person than I would be otherwise. We could choose... to be better together.”
My heart stuttered, because this was something more than tolerating an unwanted mate-bond so that I wouldn’t have to get my mating gland removed. Just like Heath had said, this... was a choice.
I swallowed, even though it felt like gargling broken glass.
“I think... I’d like that,” I managed. “If you would.”
He drew breath, but we were interrupted by sounds coming from the hospital room outside.
“Heath? Jez?” Knox’s muffled voice filtered past the closed door and the sound of running water.
“We’re cleaning up! Out in a minute!” Heath called back, color rising to his cheeks above his beard. The flush of pink highlighted the scars on his face and neck where he’d clawed his own skin to shreds while he was in rut, in an attempt to maintain control.
He briskly soaped himself, avoiding my eyes.
“Rinse your hair,” he muttered.
We emerged wearing our underwear, covered up with stupid-looking hospital gowns. Mine was too big for me; Heath’s was too small for him.
Despite feeling ridiculous, I couldn’t help a twinge of sympathy for Knox—still limping and covered in dust. If he had opinions about coming back to the room to find us in the shower together, he kept them to himself. I suspected Heath and I were equally thankful for that fact.
“Did you get any news on the others?” Heath asked, once more vibrating with tension.
Knox looked longingly at one of the chairs.
Seeming to realize that if he sat down in it, he’d make the chair as filthy as he was, he sighed heavily and remained standing.
“Gage is in surgery for several broken bones. Tony has a mild concussion, but he’s surprisingly not in bad shape, all things considered.
They should be bringing him up here to join us before long. ”
Heath sagged with relief in response to the news about Tony. The way it transmitted through the bond made me feel lightheaded.
“Will Gage be okay?” I asked.
“His prognosis is guarded, but positive,” Knox said. At my blank look, he added, “In other words, he’s badly hurt, but they think he’ll recover.”
I closed my eyes.
Alive. They’re both alive. Focus on that.
“Is there anything else we have to know right now?” Heath asked. “Because if not, you need to take a shower and sit down for a bit.”
Knox shook his head tiredly. “That’s all for now. We’ll all have plenty to talk about later, though.”
His tone went hard on the last sentence, and I shivered. Even now, it was hard to remember that the granite in his voice probably wasn’t because of me.
“Paolo?” Heath said.
I looked at him sharply.
“Sorry,” he went on, addressing me directly. “There’s too much going on; I didn’t think to tell you. After you left, Knox and I pulled Paolo free of the rubble. We kept him from bleeding to death until the medics got to him.”
“It’s just possible he’s learned a valuable life lesson about how much value he holds in Lorenzo Vozzina’s eyes,” Knox added. “Which is to say, none.”
I put two and two together. “You believe Vozzina planted the bomb, and he made sure Adrian—Paolo—was going to be right there at ground zero when it went off. You think Paolo will be pissed off enough to rat him out?”
If so, this was huge. Game-changing, even. As much as I hated the idea of having any further contact with the omega who’d lied to me and betrayed me, he was one of the few people who might be in a position to bring the Vozzina pack down for good.
“We’ll see,” was all Knox would say.
After that, he disappeared into the bathroom, giving in to the lure of the shower. The sound of running water followed a minute later. Heath and I waited in awkward silence, both of us too tightly strung to rest as we waited for whatever happened next.
The first person to show up at our hospital room wasn’t Tony, but rather Knox’s driver.
“Bud,” Heath greeted, meeting him at the door.
I hung back, feeling uncomfortable in my shapeless hospital smock in front of a man I barely knew.
“Heath,” Bud said, sounding harried. “I got a call from the boss saying to bring clothes and toiletries. Was anyone badly hurt?”
Heath quickly filled him in on what we knew about the others, before taking the bags he was holding and thanking him. “We appreciate the quick turnaround. I don’t know about the others, but I really don’t think hospital chic suits me. What’s the news coverage look like so far?”
“Yeah, you’re right. It really doesn’t suit you,” Bud agreed, sneaking a look downward at the comically short hospital gown. “Law enforcement is playing things close to their chest so far, but the FBI is involved. They’re reporting it as an explosion of unknown origin, last I heard.”
“Right,” Heath replied dryly. “Because the roof blowing off like that could’ve been anything. Happens all the time.”
Bud shrugged. “It’s early days yet. Give ’em time. I’ll check in a bit later in case you need food that doesn’t come from a hospital cafeteria.” He turned, only to pause. “Oh, look! It’s the kid. Hello, Tony.”
I rushed forward to peer out the door past Heath, my discomfort forgotten. Sure enough, a nurse was wheeling Tony toward us in a wheelchair.
Bud stood aside and patted Tony on the shoulder as he rolled past. “Guess I’ll leave you folks to it. Tell the boss there’s been no word yet about which hospital that little asshole Paolo ended up at.”
“Right...” Heath said absently. “I’ll tell him.”
All his attention was on Tony, who looked pale and exhausted. Then again, didn’t we all?
“You’re both okay,” Tony said with relief. “Thank god. They wouldn’t tell me anything.”
“Gage is in surgery for broken bones,” I told him. “Knox is in the shower. We were so scared for you, Tony.”
My voice wobbled, and I swallowed hard against tears.
“Here, Mr. Scalise. Let’s get you settled in,” the nurse said briskly, wheeling Tony over to the large bed at the center of the room.
He cast a glance at Heath. “He should be fine with plenty of rest and some time to heal. We’re short-staffed tonight, as you might imagine, but someone will be by to talk to all of you in a few hours.
In the meantime, just keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn’t become unresponsive. Otherwise, let him sleep. He needs it.”
I hugged myself as Heath and the nurse got Tony settled on the bed. My hands and feet still throbbed unhappily, even after Heath had covered the worst of the scrapes with bandages while we were in the bathroom.
The moment the nurse left, so did the last shreds of my self-control. Not sure where the impulse had come from, I climbed onto the bed and wrapped my body around Tony, holding him close. He caught his breath, going still with surprise.
I knew I was supposed to ask him first if this was okay, but all I could do was cling. After a moment, Heath’s weight dipped the mattress on Tony’s other side. His long arm snaked around both of us, and Tony’s tension broke. He relaxed between us with a small noise, like a whimper of surrender.
“She’s right, you know,” Heath murmured. “We were so worried.”
“Gage saved my life,” Tony said in a tiny voice.
“And Jez saved his,” Heath said. “I’ve got you, Tony. Both of you. It’s going to be all right.”
I curled into them, Tony’s steady heartbeat thudding against one ear, and the muted sound of the shower running in the other.