Chapter 60
SIXTY
Jez
APPARENTLY, I WASN’T the only one panicking. Fifteen minutes after Tony left to share the news, he was back at my door, fidgeting awkwardly.
“They want to know if you feel well enough to come upstairs and talk about some things,” he said. “And it’s okay if you don’t! It’s only that—”
“I’ll come,” I said, even though the thought of leaving my nest looking like a tornado had torn through it spiked my anxiety to new heights.
“All right,” Tony said, sounding relieved.
I excused myself for a minute, heading back to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face. Straightening, I stared at my reflection in the mirror for a long moment, trying to convince myself that this wouldn’t be like last time. Or, god forbid, like the first time, way back when I was thirteen.
My pack was here. My mates were here. My closest friend was here... even if I’d just ruined the weekend trip to St. Louis that he’d been so excited about.
I’d known my heat would be coming. I’d even been excited about it. I just hadn’t known it was coming so soon.
Pushing away from the marble vanity, I took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and went to rejoin Tony. As we headed upstairs, I fiddled with the hem of my turtleneck, not looking at him.
“I’m really sorry about messing everything up for you,” I said, and then added, “Again,” under my breath.
He cut a sideways glance at me. “Didn’t realize you were a magic omega with special powers who gets to choose when you come into heat. In which case, yeah—total asshole move on your part. And here I thought we were friends.”
I shot him a glare, only to find him smirking at me.
“Dick,” I told him.
“It’s not like the restaurant won’t still be there a couple of weeks from now,” he said. “And there’s always a line out the door, so Shaniqua won’t have a problem finding someone else to take our table.”
“But your friends—” I began.
“My friends have two omegas in their pack, and they’re well aware of what an unexpected heat means,” he finished.
I deflated. “Okay. Well, I’m glad you’re not angry.”
“Angry? I’m about to get more smokin’ hot sex in the next few days than I’ve had collectively in the past several years.” He rolled his eyes. “Oh, no... poor me. How ever will I survive?”
Then he looked me up and down as we reached the top of the staircase. “What about you? Are you okay?”
“No,” I said. “Maybe? I don’t know!”
He hesitated. “Do you want a hug? Or would that make things worse??”
I wrapped my arms around my torso, rubbing my biceps as though I was chilled. I felt twitchy and wired; still feverish. “After we talk to the alphas, maybe?”
Tony nodded easily. “Only if you want me to. Come on, they’re in the library.”
Neutral territory. Much better than having them come to my nest before it—before I—was ready.
We walked through the east wing of the giant house. I timed my breathing, trying to quiet my racing heart. Gage and Heath looked up sharply as we entered the elegant, wood-paneled library. Knox, who’d been pacing, turned around to look at us so fast he nearly tripped over his own feet.
The scent of the alphas I was fated to mate hit me like a wall, nearly choking me.
“Jez!” Knox said. “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t prepared for this possibility. We don’t have a birth control shot on hand yet, but I can tell Bud to get us one; it shouldn’t take long.”
A strange sense of certainty settled over me, in direct opposition to Knox’s barely concealed panic. My right hand crept up to settle over my belly.
“Are you still going to mate me?” I asked, cutting off his torrent of words.
His jaw clicked shut in surprise. “Of course I am,” he said, after a slight pause.
I rubbed slow circles over my womb, which had already started to throb with a dull sort of ache.
“Then I don’t need birth control,” I said.
.. imagining my belly swelling with new life that would actually be loved and protected.
Children—pups—who would grow up knowing nothing but adoration from five adults.
I knew without having to ask that each of us would give up our own life without a second’s hesitation to stand between our babies and danger.
Four pairs of shocked eyeballs landed on me. That same shock echoed through the mate bond, blowing past the walls I’d put up after my meltdown this morning. Worry flooded me, chasing away my brief flash of confidence.
“I mean,” I stuttered, “maybe you don’t want pups? I’m sorry, I should have asked first... I didn’t mean to assume—”
“Stop,” Gage said, recovering first. “Jez, just hold up for a minute. We’re surprised is all. Yes, I want pups. Can’t speak for the others.”
“We’re going to have pups?” Tony asked in a young-sounding voice. I could practically see the same thoughts speeding through his brain that had rushed through mine a minute ago.
Family.
Safety.
Nurture.
All the things we never got from our own families.
“We should have pups,” Heath said with certainty, surprising me.
A sense of wonder filtered through my connection with him and Gage, blossoming into giddy happiness.
I looked to Knox, who’d been very quiet during the exchange.
“I am... not against making a family—even though I never expected to have one. At least, not in the sense of having children,” he said carefully. “But I want to make very sure that this is you talking, Jez, and not your heat hormones talking.”
I frowned at him, irrationally incensed even though the rest of me understood that it was a reasonable question. We hadn’t talked about children at all before now. I’d pulled this bombshell out of nowhere, and it made sense that Knox would have concerns.
Tony ducked in before I could put words to what I was feeling.
“Knox, she’s not in heat yet. It’s considered patronizing to assume that omegas can’t make decisions for themselves, simply on the basis of being hormonal.”
I blinked at Tony. Had I ever heard him directly chastise Knox like that before? He’d even stepped slightly in front of me, placing me behind his shoulder as though to shield me from Knox’s words.
I ducked past him—avoiding touch as I did so, because my nerves still itched and buzzed as though ants were marching over my skin.
“It’s okay, Tony,” I said. “He’s right to ask.
Knox, I got angry just now, when you said that.
But I can tell that the anger was caused by my hormones.
I’m on edge because my heat is close; yet I can still think for myself.
I can tell the difference between irrational feelings and rational thoughts.
If we’re all mated... if we’re a pack...
then I want to bring our pups into the world, so they can experience all the love we have to give them. ”
Knox’s breath caught. His hand lifted almost convulsively to his chest, and I had the briefest flash of worry that he was having some kind of heart issue that the doctors hadn’t caught when he was in the hospital. But a moment later, he seemed to realize what he was doing and let his hand fall.
“I...” He hesitated and swallowed hard. “You should all know something about me that I’ve kept quiet over the years. My twin sister was taken by omega traffickers when she was twelve.”
Several intakes of breath broke the silence. Puzzle pieces quietly clicked into place in my mind, revealing a clearer picture of the alpha in front of me. My heart ached in sympathy with his.
“Losing Maria when we were both so young has shaped my life in a number of different ways,” he went on quietly.
“That’s why you started hunting traffickers and saving omegas, isn’t it,” Gage said, not phrasing it as a question.
“It is, yes,” Knox confirmed. “But... if we bring pups into the world, I’m going to be feral about protecting them. And I do mean, completely batshit about it.”
“Join the club,” Heath said.
Knox shook his head in frustration. “No, I’m serious—if we’re going to do this, I’m chucking it all in. The business, the omega rescues, Chicago... all of it. We’re taking my money, and we’re moving somewhere safe. Somewhere no one’s ever heard of me, or of this pack.”
Heath and Gage exchanged a look.
“Might be safer that way for Jez, too,” Gage said. “I know you got her a shiny new identity an’ all. But she’s still someone with a body count. Not that they didn’t all deserve it,” he added quickly.
God, I hoped they’d all deserved it. The idea that I might have been wrong about any of my other targets the way I’d been wrong about Knox still haunted my nightmares.
Knox ran a hand over his scalp, rubbing at it. “We seem to be making all the life-changing decisions at once, today. So, is anyone against uprooting the pack and living quietly somewhere off the radar?”
“I’ve got no blood relatives that are worth a damn,” Tony said. “As long as I could still visit the Price pack in St. Louis occasionally, I’m okay with it.”
“I’d miss the hot dogs here,” Gage said. “That’s about it.”
“As long as it’s warm, I’m in,” Heath said. “The winters in Chicago fucking suck.”
Knox met my eyes, his whole face a question.
“There’s nothing to keep me here,” I said. “I’ve been a ghost since I was thirteen years old.”
Knox let out a huge breath, his shoulders dropping. “We’re doing this, then?”
Tony looked a bit shell-shocked, and I couldn’t really blame him.
“I think we’re doing this,” he said.
Unfortunately, even life-altering decisions didn’t do much to make the run-up to heat any less awful. By that evening, I’d reassembled my nest in a way that felt a little less wrong than before, although I was still fretfully moving cushions and beanbags around every few minutes.
I wavered back and forth wildly between wanting the alphas here and wanting to be left the fuck alone.
Tony came and went to suit my mood, giving platonic hugs when I wanted them, and avoiding physical contact when my nerves were too badly shot to handle it.
He also pushed food and sports drinks on me until I felt like I might burst, since I wouldn’t be eating or drinking for several days once things started.
“What if he changes his mind?” I bleated out of nowhere, shoving the latest plate of toasted cheese sandwiches aside.
“What if who changes his mind about what?” Tony asked patiently.
“What if Knox realizes that he’d have to be nuts to mate me after I tried to kill him?” I nearly wailed.
Tony calmly picked up the plate and nudged the bottle of blue sports drink closer to me. “I think we’re pretty far past that point, to be honest. He nearly put toothmarks in your neck that night we all had sex together, and you weren’t even in heat then.”
I pushed the blue drink back toward him. “I guess.”
“If you can’t eat or drink anything more, maybe you should try taking a warm bath,” he suggested. “I read that can help sometimes.”
“Help with what?” I asked sourly. “I already feel like I’m in a sauna.”
It was true. I knew, logically, that the nest was the same cozy, comfortable temperature as always. But my scalp was sticky with sweat, my stomach felt like someone had dropped hot coals in it, and my heart was beating double-time against my ribs.
Tony’s expression turned sheepish. “Right. Maybe a lukewarm bath, then?”
I drew breath to agree, figuring it couldn’t possibly be worse than sitting here in a puddle of my own sweat. Before I could, though, a vicious cramp nearly doubled me over.
I whimpered, clutching at my belly with clawed hands.
Tony shot bolt upright. “Was that a cramp? Is it time? Should I go get—”
Footsteps thundered toward the room—several pairs.
The most amazing mix of scents ever created teased my sense of smell, promising relief from the pain and delights beyond anything I’d ever imagined before.
Possessive lust slammed across the mating bond from all three directions—my own every bit as strong as Heath and Gage’s.
Three alphas skidded to a stop outside the door, poised there as if held back by the thinnest of fraying threads.
“You have to invite them in,” Tony whispered, hurrying to set the abandoned plate and bottle out of the way.
The soft, oversized T-shirt I’d been wearing abruptly felt like scratchy burlap pierced through with cactus spines. I tugged at it fitfully, trying to wriggle free without taking my eyes off the display of male flesh hovering outside my door.
“Please,” I begged, rubbing my thighs together to ease the ache... and three alphas descended on me like iron filings drawn to a magnet.