Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
Ikal
T he return to reality after our trip was harsh. It had been so peaceful in our little bubble in Cabo, but the second we got back to Cancun, it was almost like we never left. I’d been putting in early hours at the coffee shop, trying out different roasts in an attempt to replicate the espresso we had in La Paz, and Tor had gone back to work, slogging through his backlog of patient appointments and putting in extra hours at the hospital.
We’d only seen each other in the evenings, barely long enough to cook dinner together before we fell asleep.
But tonight, I was too tired to wait up for Tor to get home, and my appetite had been wonky all day, so I wasn’t in the mood to make dinner. I put on my sweats, tucked myself into bed, and was out almost before my head hit the pillow.
It was dark in our room when I jolted upright. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. My head was spinning, and my stomach was roiling. Oh god, I was going to puke. I slapped a hand over my mouth and tried to stand, but the blankets were tangled around my body, and I tugged them half off the bed as I lurched for the bathroom, barely making it before retching into the sink.
“Ikal?” Tor’s sleep-roughened voice came from behind me, but I barely heard it as I leaned over the toilet and vomited again.
“Maitea, are you all right?”
I tried to nod, but the motion made the nausea worse, and my stomach churned as more bile rose up my throat.
Tor’s hand rubbed over my back, and for a second, I felt better. He brushed the hair back from my face, and I heard water run in the sink as he cleaned it out and wet a washcloth that he used to wipe my face as I rested my head on my arm that was stretched over the toilet. He whispered sweet words and knelt next to me, staying with me until I felt well enough to stand.
“Do you want to go back to bed?”
My voice was hoarse, but I managed to respond. “Yes, please.”
He helped me up, then stood by my side as I washed my mouth out, gagging just a little when I brushed my teeth. My legs were shaky as Tor led me back to our bed and tucked me back under the covers, then he pulled me close and held me lightly until I fell back to sleep.
The next morning wasn’t much better. Tor was up before me, and the smell of his coffee brewing in the kitchen had me running for the bathroom again.
He found me slumped on the floor next to the toilet and pressed a hand to my forehead.
“You don’t feel feverish, my love. Do you think it was something you ate?”
The second he mentioned food, I retched again, but after I emptied everything from my stomach, I felt better.
Tor helped me back to our room, and I sat on the edge of the bed. He leaned in and sniffed at my neck.
“Tor, don’t. I smell terrible.” I tried to push him away, but my arms shook with the effort.
“You don’t smell terrible, but you do smell”—he leaned in again and breathed in deep—“different.” He stood and walked toward the bathroom. I heard him rummaging around, opening drawers and moving things around in cabinets, and when he finally returned, he was carrying a box I recognized, a box that had become one of the things I hated most, which was why I’d tucked it away where I wouldn’t see it every time I went for a Band-Aid.
“What are you doing with that?”
My mate held it out to me. “I think you need to take a pregnancy test, maitea.”
I shook my head, closing my eyes when the room tilted a little. “No, Tor. I’ve thrown up a handful of times. That doesn’t mean I’m pregnant.”
“But what if it does? Your scent is different. Something has changed.”
I ran my hand through my hair, my heart clenching at his words. We’d been here before, but he’d never said my scent was different. I wanted to believe that meant something, but I also didn’t want to hope. Hope was dangerous. If I had hope, I could be crushed, and as much as I tried to put on a happy face, I wasn’t sure I could handle the disappointment if I saw a minus sign on the test. Again. “But what if it doesn’t?”
Tor sat on the bed next to me, the box of pregnancy tests in his lap, and pulled me into his side, kissing the top of my head. “Then it doesn’t. But my love for you also doesn’t change. You are still mine, and I am still yours, and we continue to do this life together. Maybe you decide to do another round of fertility treatments. Maybe you don’t but, this”—he squeezed me to him tight and kissed my hair—“this, us, doesn’t change.”
Tears leaked from my eyes making the box in his lap blur, and I wished I was braver. “Will you stay with me?”
“Forever.”
My chin wobbled as I gingerly plucked the box of tests from his lap like it was a venomous snake about to strike. He helped me back to the bathroom and turned away while I peed on the stick and set it aside.
The waiting was the hardest part, but Tor held me to him and kissed my cheeks and told me over and over and over how much he loved me.
When the timer on his watch went off, I couldn’t look. My stomach flip-flopped making me feel like I was going to be sick again, and I took deep breaths, trying to calm my nerves “You do it. I don’t think I can handle it.”
“All right, maitea.” His words were confident, but I saw his hand shake when he flipped the test over. His eyes welled with tears and his other hand covered his mouth, and I had to see. I had to know if his tears were the happy kind or the sad kind.
A little plus sign sat, clear as day, in the middle of the window, and my knees went weak. Tor caught me before I hit the floor and held me to his chest as both of us cried.
Finally.
After all this time.
We were going to be parents.