Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
Elizabeth
K enny’s energy halted in a way that meant he’d stopped breathing.
Maybe I had, too? Despite the cacophony coming from inside the pub, out here in the chill of the Utah winter, the air fell deadly silent—a bit eerie.
And there it came again—more than a little unearthly. Surreal. Soon, everything would shift into a smear of color and light and mouths would stretch into facsimiles of Edvard Munch’s The Scream.
Or, you know, it’d just keep feeling a little odd.
“Any questions for now? Kenny can get you two outfitted with whatever you need, plus I believe Cookie was planning to help load you up. Car should be ready to go, and we’ll be here on the receiving end Monday.” Bruce glanced between us with a pleasant expression.
“Sounds good,” I said, hoping I was right .
“Mmhhm. Yep. All good. We’re golden, bossman. Just call us the golden egg and the, uh, you know, the other golden thing from the?—”
“Goose?” Bruce offered.
“Harp?” I tried.
Kenny’s mouth flattened. “Whatever. We’re good. Be free and go smolder at your fiancée.”
Bruce clapped Kenny on the shoulder, then shuffled back inside.
The bite of wintry air nipped at my bare arms and hands, but it had nothing on the chill of Northern Germany or even DC. The dry Utah climate helped it not feel like a bone-deep cold, and I greatly appreciated that. Wearing a coat was enough of a barrier here, whereas in much of Europe and the Eastern US, winter was brutal and unrelenting in its quest to burrow down to your marrow and chill you.
Silverton’s cold felt lighter—more manageable even. So I’d enjoy it while it lasted.
When we’d stood there alone for a few seconds, I turned to him with narrowed eyes. He’d been a bit squirrely in terms of his energy and overall dialogue. Plus, he’d asked me out and I’d said no. Some men couldn’t handle closeness with a woman who’d turned them down, though so far that hadn’t seemed to bother him, but I’d rather ask now than have it blow up in my face halfway to LA.
“Are you okay partnering with me?”
His big blue eyes blinked in what had to be slow motion. I shouldn’t have even been able to tell his eyes were blue, but even out here in the dark, I could see they weren’t dark and stormy, but all kinds of clear and light.
He was just so dang handsome. And it was so annoying to be noticing that right after we’d gotten a work briefing. I didn’t think about people’s physical appearance all that much unless it was to describe them for a report—height, build, guess on weight, skin color, hair color, eye color maybe , affect, accent, guess at origins… sometimes these things factored into evaluating a potential asset or tracking someone.
Noticing how a man’s blue eyes sparkled was nonsense and not my norm.
“Of course. I’m happy to work with you. It’ll be fun.” He stood straighter and shifted on his feet. “The real question is whether you’re comfortable working with me.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
He huffed, a billow of frozen breath emerging from his lips. “Well, I asked you out a while back, which you maybe don’t even remember, but?—”
“Of course I remember. But that doesn’t make working with you a problem, especially since we never did go out.”
I didn’t miss the small wince he quickly covered. So he did have a little bruised ego about it. I wasn’t convinced he’d noticed at all, let alone cared when I said no, but here he was worried I wouldn’t work with him because of it?
Maybe I’d missed something, but from my perspective, it had all been casual and relatively inconsequential.
Hadn’t it been?
“Right. Perfect.” His eyes met mine and then he glanced toward the pub door. “We should head back in before we both end up with frostbite. I can’t exactly afford to lose any more fingers.”
My small gasp made him chuckle.
“Sorry. I forget you don’t know me well enough to not be offended on my behalf.”
I quirked a brow at him.
He shrugged. “I can’t change what happened, nor would I, really. I lost a few fingers, but in the end, it could’ve been worse.” His expression darkened before he clucked. “So! Let’s get back inside before your sister comes to hunt me down.”
I followed him in, wondering at his ability to make light of something that seemed like it might be heavy. Was he delusional? Or was the wisdom I’d seen a flash of earlier actually what guided him, and he just couldn’t suppress his sense of humor for anything? Or wouldn’t would be more accurate.
Once we’d settled back at the table, Kenny joined the conversation already mid-step about someone I didn’t know, and I decided now was as good a time as any to make my way to obligation number two of the night.
Jo saw me coming and hauled me to her with arms wide open before I reached the table where she and her friends had set up. “I’m so, so happy you came! I know you came for work, too, but I’m so glad to have you here.”
Dove, the petite blond woman with what I thought might be white owls on a cherry red dress, raised her glass. “We all are!”
“Hear, hear!” Elise echoed. She had darker features than Jo or Dove, and her hair had been pulled back away from her face.
Nikki, Winnie, and Catherine all did the same and raised their glasses, so I joined them, clinking in the middle and glad I’d had the foresight to bring my drink along with me.
“Seriously, it’s so good to see you again. I just love seeing you two side by side.” Dove grinned, eyes ticking back and forth between me and Jo, who still had an arm around my shoulders.
Something had shifted between us this past summer when I visited. I’d showed up on a whim just in time to assist with her rescue operation and discover that my own sister was a fairly well-known romance author. More significantly, I’d found out she’d kept this truth from me and the rest of our family because she’d worried we thought it wasn’t weighty enough—that compared to my work or even my father’s in the bookstore or my mother’s as a real estate agent, we wouldn’t understand.
It had gutted me on one level, and yet I’d understood her impulse to hide. I still did. If Jo’s default was to hide, mine was, much to my dismay, to run.
Not that I’d run here. I’d been forced to take a break and of course I’d come back stateside. Why would I have waited it out there when I’d been told to leave?
Entering what felt like a different planet and timeline had me a little shaky and getting that odd sense one might call the “we’re not in Kansas anymore” effect, but it wasn’t running.
Keep telling yourself that, Malcom.
For Jo, I’d done what I could to make clear how much I esteemed her for doing something she loved that brought joy to others. I’d instantly purchased all her books and blazed through them, then ventured on to other escapes.
Formerly, I’d been primarily a non-fiction reader, with an occasional dip into a thriller on a rare vacation. Now I could easily call myself a romance girly, much to the teenage version of me’s dismay.
“I’m glad to see you all again,” I said, meaning it. These women took care of Jo—they’d become her extended family.
It was beautiful, and yet it gave me this gnawing sense I was still standing outside in that chilly winter air, watching it all play out.
“Please tell me you’re coming to book club next weekend,” Jo asked, and Winnie nodded eagerly. Dove clapped and said, “Yessss” while everyone else assented in her own way.
“Oh, no. I don’t—I haven’t read the book.” I stumbled over the words enough that Jo would absolutely notice.
She did instantly, leaning away from me to eye my face.
Nikki leaned in, her red-brown hair looking surprisingly glamorous considering what I knew about her as a math genius and game developer and how Jo had spoken about her. “You don’t have to read the book. We’d be glad for you to come.”
“Absolutely,” Elise confirmed.
“Sometimes, people are too busy even when they have advanced notice, but they still come. You might not even be the only one who hasn’t read it,” Dove said.
An invisible hand pressed against my sternum, but I exhaled sharply to banish the sensations. “Not sure yet. I’m working on an assignment starting tomorrow, so I’m not sure how the rest of the week will go. I’ll keep it in mind, though.”
There. That was good enough to avoid refusing outright, but leave me room to not attend if… I needed to.
They seemed accepting of my delay tactic and encouraged me to read the book but to come even if I hadn’t. I drank the rest of my beer and set it down on a coaster, an itch to head home begging to be scratched.
“It was great to see you all, but I need to head out and get prepped.”
I took a step, but Jo’s arm shot out and wrapped around my waist.
“Thanks for coming. I know this wasn’t your favorite,” she said low enough so only I could hear.
“Love you,” I returned before releasing her .
I thanked them all, wished them a good evening, and swung by the Saint table to do the same. No one seemed surprised or upset I was leaving, nor did they make me feel bad I was slipping out less than an hour after arriving.
“See you bright and early,” Kenny said, raising the remaining fingers of his left hand, then turning back to the table.
As I hunched against the cold and made my way down the street to the tiny apartment provided by my new, temporary workplace, an ache settled heavy in my chest.
Oddly, it wasn’t one of longing to be back at my usual job or even to be walking the familiar streets of Budapest toward my own apartment. And even though the sting of bitterness had crept into the way I’d been thinking about work and even the city, I did love it. I loved how capable I felt doing the job, the difference I made, and the respect I had there—or, used to have, pending the outcome of this investigation.
But tonight, something else entirely had taken up root behind my ribs and I had no explanation for it.
Once I nestled down into the surprisingly cozy reading chair with my computer, a fire in the gas fireplace, sweatpants and fuzzy socks on my legs, and a facemask coating my cheeks, I waited for the relief of solitude to settle in.
Funny enough, I waited all night, and it never did come.