Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Elizabeth
I stared at Kenny’s closed door for a solid hour. The glossy white surface became a canvas for my imagination in ways I hadn’t experienced since I was a girl.
Did I want to feel the way Kenny claimed he did? Like he belonged in Silverton and like he’d found his home?
It wasn’t as simple as listening to the distant voice declaring yesssss from the rooftops of my mind. I had a career I couldn’t give up on, and an entire life I’d established. I’d worked hard to rise in the ranks and get to where I was—to have the relative autonomy and reputation I did. Or the one I thought I’d had.
That was part of all of this mess—I’d felt so secure in my job, so certain my superiors saw what value I brought. Secure in what I offered, too. I was someone who got the job done in creative, efficient ways. I completed the mission, cultivated the asset, got the intel we needed in record time. I was part of the giant wheel ensuring the good guys took out the bad guys.
But the longer I was away from it all, the more doubt niggled. If I was so valuable, would they have put me on leave for this investigation? Part of me said yes, this was the process. Part of me said no, they must not trust me like I thought. And if that were true, what else about my life had fooled me into thinking it was more than reality proved it to be?
Granted, that life felt thinner than ever these days. It was watered down milk in a glass left out overnight. It was pale, sallow, and even in winter, the colors of Silverton beckoned me.
I hadn’t told Kenny, or anyone, why I’d come to Silverton for the break. I wasn’t sure I wanted to, since admitting it to them would mean admitting I’d messed up. But worse, there was a decent chance cracking open the seal on the issue would let loose a deluge of other feelings I wasn’t sure I was ready to handle.
I imagined myself pouring all of the emotional mess this subject dug up for me into a neat little jar. I screwed the lid on, tucked it in a box, tied a lovely little bow around said box, and shoved it in the back of my mental storage space.
There. Spick and span.
And the swirling sensation left on my skin where Kenny’s warm, rough fingers had gripped my wrist? Also tucked away. Somewhere, probably not as neatly. Basically just shoved in between other stuff right along with the way my heartbeat quickened and my throat went dry at the sight of his wet hair curling at his neck and ears.
He was so boyish in one second and so… not in the next. Honestly, he was unlike anyone I’d ever met.
My book recaptured my attention by which I meant I forced myself to read the same paragraph six times until it finally latched into my flittery little brain and the hours ticked by. I stretched, walked the room, and checked the door every half hour. It was likely overkill, but it helped me stay awake.
At three, Kenny emerged. He scrubbed at his eyes and stretched, his undershirt rising to reveal a few inches of that firm abdomen I’d glimpsed at the gym last night. I did not appreciate the stunning architecture of even this part of him and instead turned to pour him a cup of coffee.
“That for me?” he said, crowding into the kitchen and making the fairly spacious area feel, well, crowded. He didn’t seem like a large man, but that might’ve been because he was so often standing next to actual giants like Beast. Even Jack McKean had an inch on him, but Jack was known for being one of those people who was actually as tall as they said and not secretly five-foot-seven masquerading as a six-foot-three god.
I extended my hand to him, and he reached for it, taking it with the three fingers of his left.
“How did it happen?” I asked, instantly hoping it wasn’t the wrong thing.
His brow furrowed, and my stomach dropped. Crap. He hadn’t seemed all that sensitive about it, but his face…
“It was a gorgeous day. I didn’t see it coming. The deer took them right off.”
I jolted, rearing back to examine his face.
A hint of something… challenge? Mischief? glimmered in his eyes.
“A deer?”
He nodded, cupping the mug of steaming coffee with both hands, then shuddering dramatically. “I don’t like to think about it, but yes. Mistook my pinky and fourth finger for early spring rose buds and chomped them right off.” He fluttered his lashes.
I snapped my mouth shut and shook my head. “You are odd.”
He shrugged. “Fact.”
I laughed at that, the long day pulling at my shoulders and lower back. “Okay, then. I’ll see you at seven.”
“Sweet dreams.”
After a few hours of sleep, I readied myself and packed, eager to get on the road and make it to Silverton. Weather reports showed the snow should hold off until this evening, so we should be able to get Evie and Jack settled before it hit, barring any major issues.
Jack exited his room looking every inch the movie star he was with his dark hair swooping elegantly and yet somehow haphazardly and his clothes casual but overtly more expensive than anything I’d ever owned. Curiously, his wardrobe reminded me of Cookie’s, which was odd. Saint Security paid well, but surely not A-lister movie star well.
Evie was already sitting at the bar in the kitchen chatting with Kenny. She laughed in an open, broad way I never would’ve imagined coming from her when we met yesterday, and especially not with Kenny, whom she’d innately distrusted by virtue of his male status. She’d eased in last night, but now she seemed genuinely comfortable.
He really was a remarkable person.
“I told him he’s never going to get her attention that way,” Kenny said, beaming at Evie with an expression that held so much amusement and joy it was blinding.
“But… can’t he just talk to her?” Evie asked, clasping her hands like she was fully invested.
Kenny shook his head. “Right? Can’t he? But apparently no. For all his experience and advantages, he is an absolute chicken.”
Evie giggled. “Sounds like he just needs to take up eating donuts for a living.”
Kenny laughed. “I mean, he basically has. I’ll get you some tomorrow morning and then you’ll understand that part is not a hardship.”
Evie leaned back in her chair. “I will accept that offer.”
“Yeah? Does this mean we’re friends?”
Kenny’s voice was so full of hope, I could taste it.
She giggled again. “I’m not sure I can resist. You have that best friend energy coming out your pores.”
He gasped. “Are you saying I have big pores? Not all of us can have flawless skin like Jack.”
Jack’s low chuckle would make a lesser woman tremble. Not me, because I was currently and inexplicably jealous of an eight-months-pregnant woman.
“They literally call you Barbie because you’re so pretty. I don’t think there’s any comparison.”
Kenny tsked. “They call me Barbie because my name is Kenny and they decided Ken would be too on-the-nose.”
Jack was already shaking his head slowly. “Your very own Jess Korbel-Rawlins told me it was at least in part because you’re so cheery, and I quote, ‘perfect-looking like a Ken doll.’”
Kenny’s lips twitched and Evie hid a laugh behind her hand.
“Fine.” His gaze snagged on me as I approached them, and his eyes held mine as he said, “But I would like to add the caveat that I am very much unlike a Ken doll in certain places that shall not be named.”
Evie burst out laughing, and even Jack sounded truly amused. Kenny just winked at me like a little creep.
“This is the most fascinating conversation to come upon, I have to say.” I meant it. I wanted to know everything about Kenny and these little tidbits were absolute catnip to me.
“Too bad the mold was broken on the left hand.” He held up his hand complete with three fingers.
Evie’s mouth dropped open. “Oh, gosh. I’m sorry. Can I—is it okay to ask what happened?”
Kenny leaned his hands down on the counter. “Of course. It was a fireworks accident when I was a teenager showing off. So stupid.” He rolled his eyes and shrugged, then tossed back his coffee like a shot, and turned to me. “We ready to roll?”
Evie and Jack moved instantly, doubtless unsure what to say about the supposed firework incident and ready to get on the road. I’d have to ask Kenny about that story since it was markedly different from the one he’d told me about the deer last night. But for now, we moved toward the exit.
“Back exit is closed after an incident there with a K-pop group, so we’re stuck going out the front. How about you go get the car and bring it around and I’ll escort?” Kenny said.
Not ideal to use the front, but Jack had a hat pulled low on his head and Kenny now donned one, too, so they looked like college bros ready to bet on a horse race or something as long as you didn’t notice they were both extremely good-looking and well-dressed.
Well, at least Jack looked particularly stylish, but it was subtle enough hopefully people wouldn’t notice in the low lights of the casino floor.
I moved quickly downstairs, using the main elevators, and retrieved the car. In another few minutes, I was parking and exiting the vehicle, a bellman waiting to help with luggage despite my statements that I didn’t need any.
As I waited for the group to come into view, I realized they were already standing just inside the pneumatic doors. When the panels pulled wide again, I saw Kenny hugging a kid. What?
When he pulled back, his face was blank.
My entire existence went on alert. That was not Kenny.
The man standing in front of a small group of people with Jack and Evie to the side was a ghost of himself. I hadn’t known him long, but I knew enough to see something was very wrong, so I moved. Jogging inside, I joined the group.
“Everything okay?” I asked them quietly.
Both gave me concerned looks.
“Kenny, are you?—”
“This someone you work with? Introduce us!”
A petite blond woman with a weathered, tanned face extended a hand. “I’m Mandee Carmichael and this is my husband, Glen. This is my oldest son, Glen Junior, and his son, also Glen.” She beamed at me.
Kenny stood stock-still.
I extended my hand. “Elizabeth.” I couldn’t say it was nice to meet them because I had no idea what was going on.
“Can you stay and have breakfast with us, Uncle Kenny? This buffet is the best one and my mom knows the chef so we get?—”
“I’m sorry, G. I can’t.”
Kenny’s voice was ragged. His eyes were downcast, and he was an alternate universe version of himself.
“I’m sorry, honeybun. Kenny’s always been very focused on his work.”
“Yeah, Uncle Ken is working hard to compensate for all the failings in his personal life. It’s a him-problem, not a you-problem.” The tallest man, Glen Senior, patted his son’s shoulder.
“But who are you traveling with, Kenny? Is this an old friend?”
Mandee’s voice had a false ring to it as though we wouldn’t recognize she wanted to be introduced to Jack, whom her eyes had latched onto and she couldn’t look away from.
The muscles at Kenny’s jaw flexed and I’d had about enough of this. People had started milling around sizing up the group, likely because they were noticing that the tall baseball cap-wearing man who looked like a movie star was one, much like Kenny’s lovely family here.
“Sure you want to have this guy on your team? Pretty sure he’s the weakest link…” Glen Jr. said with a chuckle, all while Glen Sr. watched and never spoke a word.
“Sorry, folks. We’re on a tight timeline. Hope you have a nice day.” I set a hand on Kenny’s arm. “Ready?”
He nodded and I moved, ushering Evie and Jack out to the car. I’d left it unattended far longer than I would normally, but since there was no imminent threat and because I’d sensed something way off about the interaction, I’d abandoned it.
Right move, I couldn’t help think, as Evie and Jack’s doors shut and Kenny visibly exhaled and shook out his hands as he walked away from the group and toward the door. He entered the car and it snicked shut. I checked the rearview and found Evie and Jack looking at Kenny, concern etched into their faces.
“Just go.”
All he said, but all he needed to say.
I’d guessed that despite his optimism, there were things he couldn’t put a positive spin on. I hadn’t wanted that to be true so much as… needed it. I needed to know that someone with hardships could be like him.
But now, driving Eastbound out of Vegas, I’d never wished I was wrong about anything more.