Chapter 115
Amelie
So just to clarify...
Baxter
It’s not that hard. Just stay away from Camilla until I can figure things out. And don’t mention anything to anyone.
Amelie
Oh chill out, I’m not a moron. It’s not like I posted it on Facebook or anything. Just Instagram. Selfies with my granny :)
Baxter
I know you’re lying.
Amelie
Because you follow me on Insta? Stalker alert!
Baxter
No, because if you called Camilla granny on a public forum you wouldn’t be breathing right now, blood or not.
Amelie
Touché. Or should I say touchy? Anyway, that wasn’t what I wanted to clarify.
Baxter
Is it important? I’m busy.
Amelie
Just checking...your name is Baxter Baudelaire Bojangles Branson. What the actual fuck, Batman?!
Baxter: What?
Amelie
Well first, that takes alliteration to a whole new level. And Baudelaire has to be the most pompous name known to man. It’s even more pretentious than Baxter Branson.
Baxter
Charles Baudelaire was a famous French poet I’ll have you know. Besides, it’s my father’s and my grandfather’s middle name too.
Amelie
I thought it sounded kinda girly. Besides, I just think of the Baudelaire orphans.
Baxter
***
Amelie
Do you live under a rock?! Honestly. Let’s move on.
Baxter
What now?
Amelie
One word: Bojangles?
Baxter
Do you have a point? I really am busy.
Amelie
You’re named after a fictional character in a song?
Baxter
Bojangles wasn’t fictional. He was a homeless guy that the singer met.
And I happen to like that part of my name.
It was the only part that my mother picked, and she secretly added it to my birth certificate without my father’s permission.
He was too busy to register my birth with her so she took advantage of that.
It’s the only thing of hers that I have left.
Amelie
Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise. You never talk about your family. Or yourself.
Don’t think this is going to stop me putting shit on you though...I mean, your damn initials are BJ for shit’s sake! Lol!