Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
“Ready?” Ellie prompted.
Another cab had dropped them off at their destination, and the two of them now stood outside the house in Long Island that Karen and Geoff had bought and moved into after learning Karen was pregnant.
The other couple had told Ellie they wanted the children to grow up outside the rush and bustle of the city and also have a backyard where they could play outside when they were older.
Ellie had taken hold of one of Knox’s hands the moment she joined him on the sidewalk. She now gave that hand a reassuring squeeze.
Knox drew in a fortifying breath before nodding abruptly. “Ready.”
Seeing how pale his face now was, Ellie was glad that he had shared his past trauma with her.
“I’m pretty sure that if the babies are awake, Karen is going to want you to hold one of them.
Are you ready for that? If not, you could always claim to have a cold as a way of keeping your distance.
” She could see a nerve pulsing in Knox’s tightly clenched jaw, and his eyes had completely lost their mischievous sparkle.
It was heartbreaking to see such a strong man brought to his knees just at the thought of seeing, and possibly being asked to hold, one of Karen and Geoff’s babies.
Ellie waited for Knox to answer, knowing that only he could make this decision.
She was a little nervous about holding a very young baby herself, never having had reason to be this close to one before now. One thing she did know was that they had always looked very fragile to her.
“You really think Karen will want me to hold one of them?” Knox’s eyes were wide, like a stag caught in the headlights of a car coming straight toward him.
Ellie could lie and say no, but she knew her cousin-in-law too well to believe that. She nodded. “And if she does, it will be up to you to make the decision whether you want to or not.”
“Okay,” he bit out through gritted teeth.
She pressed her finger on the doorbell, knowing they couldn’t continue to just stand out here on the welcome mat.
Geoff was the one to open the door, her cousin tall, his hair as blond at her own: it was a family trait.
He grinned at the two of them as he stepped back to warmly invite, “Come on in. You have perfect timing.” He turned to walk in front of them for the short distance down the hallway to where the family room was at the back of the house overlooking the yard.
“Karen has just finished feeding the twins. And thank you for the pizza delivery last night, Ellie. It was a godsend.”
Knox’s fingers grew tighter and tighter about Ellie’s the closer they came to being in the same room as those babies, only to drop away completely once they stepped inside the family room.
It was a little more untidy than when Ellie had joined the couple last month for dinner, but that was to be expected when there were now two very young babies in the house.
Ellie’s gaze was instantly drawn to the wide awake and tiny four-day-old baby cradled in Karen’s arms. The second baby was asleep in a cot beside the sofa where Karen sat.
The awake baby was tiny and so beautiful. Ellie felt tears sting her eyes as she looked at— “Which is which…?”
“This is Aaran Knox,” Karen introduced the sleeping baby in the cot. “And this”—she glanced at the baby in her arms—“is Eleanor Millie Rose, to be known as Nora.”
Ellie had heard Knox gasp after hearing the name of Karen’s son. He staggered back a step, his face pale, when she introduced her daughter to them.
Ellie didn’t hesitate to once again grasp one of his hands firmly in her own.
“I’m okay,” he assured her after a couple of seconds. “The boy’s name was a surprise. And an honor, of course. The girl’s…” He glanced at Karen. “Is that a coincidence or… No, of course it isn’t,” he realized by the compassion in her expression. “How long have you known?”
Karen’s smile was gentle and caring. “I was Magnus’s PA before I was yours, which means I had full access to your personnel file when I knew you were going to take over the New York office from him.”
He swallowed. “Why didn’t you ever say anything…?”
Karen stood up. “If you had wanted me to know, you would have told me,” she accepted softly. “But I understand that some things are just too painful to be put into words.” She glanced at the baby in her arms. “Geoff and I wanted to honor your Millie Rose in the only way we can.”
Ellie was thankful for Knox having confided in her about his daughter as he made a choking sound, as if he had something stuck in his throat, or was attempting not to cry.
She stepped back as Karen quickly handed the baby she was holding to Geoff before stepping forward to put her arms about Knox’s waist, murmuring to him softly as he bent to rest his head against her shoulder.
Ellie turned away from the emotional scene, knowing Knox wouldn’t thank her later for having been a witness to his breakdown. A breakdown she had a feeling was long overdue for this usually self-contained man.
Who had been there for him after Millie Rose died?
Certainly not his ex-wife!
She looked at Geoff. “I can’t believe you named her after me too.” She frowned. “Unless, of course—”
“You’re my favorite member of our family. Besides, we don’t know another Eleanor,” Geoff assured her teasingly.
Tears blurred Ellie’s vision. “Thank you.”
“Would one of you like to hold your future goddaughter?” Geoff encouraged softly when Knox and Karen finally stood apart.
Ellie watched Knox as he drew in a long and shaky breath. His eyes were red-rimmed, his dark stubble very visible against the pallor of his cheeks.
As if sensing his nervousness, the baby in Geoff’s arms turned her head as if she was staring straight at him, silently asking, Why are you hesitating? Can’t you see how beautiful I am?
Because Nora Millie Rose was absolutely stunning.
Being premature, the babies weren’t in the least wrinkled, their skin smooth and unblemished.
Nora’s eyes were that generic blue of most newborns, but there was already a brown ring around the pale blue iris, perhaps an indication they were eventually going to be dark brown like those of her father.
“Goddaughter?” Knox repeated in a strangulated voice.
“And godson, if the two of you agree, yes,” Geoff encouraged, coming to stand next to his wife. “As we’re both only children, you two are the closest things to an aunt and uncle the babies will ever have.”
“I would be honored,” Ellie accepted, holding her breath as she waited for Knox’s response.
Ellie truly considered it an honor to be invited to be an official part of the twins’ lives, and to know that Nora was named for her. Just as she was sure Knox, once he had time to gather his thoughts, would be pleased that Aaran Knox had his name and Nora’s middle name was Millie Rose.
But right now, in the full immediacy of it, what had already been a traumatic situation for Knox had now become even more so.
Ellie had no idea how he was going to react.
* * *
Knox stared at baby Eleanor Millie Rose. In truth, he couldn’t look away. She was so tiny, the smallest baby he had ever seen: Millie Rose had weighed eight pounds when she was born.
Nora looked far too small and fragile for him to accept Geoff’s invitation to hold her. One of his hands was almost as long as her whole tiny body!
Which, they all knew, wasn’t the reason he was hesitating.
He hadn’t held a baby since Millie Rose, and since her death, he had deliberately avoided putting himself in the position of being near babies if he could avoid it.
I let Angel throw herself into my arms whenever the two of us meet, and she’s the same age as Millie Rose was when she died.
Yes, she was, and because of the unusual circumstances of their first meeting, he’d never had a problem with hugging Angel and spending time with her, making sure she knew she would always be safe.
But this was different. Holding baby Eleanor Millie Rose was different.
“Knox?” Karen prompted gently.
Nora was just a baby, he cajoled inwardly. An innocent baby who was as beautiful as her namesake.
Knox swallowed, his expression resolute as he bent one of his arms, ready to cradle the baby. “Come to your Uncle Knox, Nora Millie Rose,” he invited softly.
The first thing Knox thought after Geoff had placed the baby in his arms was how light she felt, no more than a medium bag of sugar from the supermarket. The second thing was how beautiful she was. Miniature perfection.
He felt a tightness in his chest when he realized Nora Millie Rose was still staring up at him with those trusting blue eyes. As if she was reassuring him, I’m here for you to love now.
It was ridiculous to think that way when he knew that Nora Millie Rose—God, that was going to take some getting used to—couldn’t even focus properly at such a young age, let alone convey silent messages of comfort to him with her eyes.
And yet, as he continued to hold her, to gaze into those trusting blue eyes, Knox felt a calm settle over him, the perpetual ache he had suffered in his chest for the last ten years no longer feeling quite so heavy.
Holding the baby girl was cathartic, as if all the holes he’d had inside him for so many years were slowly being filled.
It might seem strange, delusional on his part, but he had the feeling of having come full circle, from the death of his beloved Millie Rose to the birth of Nora Millie Rose.
“Okay?” Ellie prompted huskily as she appeared at his side, holding a now wide awake Aaran Knox in her arms.
She looked serene, as if the distress she had suffered earlier today had completely melted away simply from cradling the warmth of the baby in her arms.
As if the heartbreak of the past six months had faded away too.
If anything, Ellie looked more ethereally beautiful than ever. So much so that Knox found it difficult to stop himself from staring at her for the remainder of their visit.
A visit that went surprisingly well, considering how he had fallen apart at the start of it. Geoff had made them all a pot of tea, and Karen had taken delight in telling them stories of their initial fumbling incompetence with the babies.
Considering the circumstances, Knox considered it a successful visit. He had even accepted Karen and Geoff’s invitation to be a godparent to both babies, as had Ellie, before they left.
He waited until the two of them were in the cab, well on their way back to the city, before speaking again. “You and Day were together for almost ten years. Did you never consider having children together?”
She visibly tensed at the question, and her gaze remained fixed ahead. “Andrew didn’t want them.” Her mouth twisted. “I realized afterward that was probably because he was such a spoiled manchild himself, he wouldn’t have accepted a baby taking the attention away from him.”
Knox stared at her for several seconds, and then he began to laugh. “You really have had the blinkers removed, huh?”
The tension eased slightly from her shoulders. “Ripped off my eyes is probably a better description.”
“Enough to put you off all men or just any thought of reconciliation with Day…?”
“There will never be a reconciliation with him, ever.” She visibly shuddered. “As for being put off all men…” Her voice softened. “I really wouldn’t know, because since the breakup, I haven’t attempted to test that situation with another man.”
“Would you like to?”
She turned to look at him with those aqua eyes. “Are you offering?”
Was he?
Today had already been an…emotional one for him, to put it mildly. For both of them. Was this the right time for him to attempt to deepen his relationship with Ellie?
Much as it pained him, the answer to that was probably no. It was too soon after the emotional turmoil of meeting the twins to expect Ellie to make such a life-changing decision.
Which didn’t mean he was backing off in the slightest. No, he was just giving her the time to feel the same compulsive draw toward him as he felt toward her.
The last thing Knox wanted to do right now, or for Ellie to feel, was that he had taken advantage of an already emotional situation. “Maybe not today.” He smiled to take the sting out of his words. “Raincheck?”