Chapter 30
KNOX
Maren weighs nothing over my shoulder, and while it’s a pleasure to run my hand over her delectable ass, I’m worried about her.
Her father is a physical force to be reckoned with. He doesn’t scare me, but even I have to admit he’s a solid wall of oppression and control.
When I put Maren down in her open-plan apartment, she heads to the small kitchen and places her hands on a white marble island, head dropped between her shoulders.
“Hey,” I say quietly. “Come here.”
I tug her into my arms, the silence a contrast to Caldwell’s bellowed bluster. I’ve never been more struck by the difference between the Maren the rest of the world sees—the confident, capable businesswoman—and this one, the one whose childhood has left her vulnerable and lonely.
And I’ve never admired the fact she’s still standing, more.
She snuggles into me without resistance, like it’s everything she needs. She doesn’t hide the fact that she’s shaking from me. Or the fact I can feel the fast puffs of breath against my chest.
I slide my hand up her back, settling between her shoulder blades, and rub small circles. My other holds her around her waist, anchoring her to me, hoping that some of my strength seeps into her, reminding her she’s not alone right now.
“Has he been like that your whole life?” I ask.
“For as long as I can remember.” The words are muffled against my chest.
I shift and guide us to a pretty pale blue sofa. It’s adorned with soft cushions.
In fact, soft describes just about everything in this place. The artwork, the furnishings, even the flowers. There’s a whimsical vase of drooping buds on the small coffee table made from reclaimed wood.
Nothing matches perfectly, but somehow, it all works. Nothing is bright or harsh. As if the view of the water beyond the three windows is the only masterpiece the apartment needs.
That said, there are five paintings, messily hung in a style where one slightly overlaps the other, giving the abstract landscapes a three-dimensional effect.
I sit and pull Maren down onto my lap, settling her sideways across me like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
“Knox,” she protests, pushing against me. “I need to go and get showered so I can go back downstairs and—”
“Maren,” I say, cutting her off. “Shut up and take a minute.”
As if my instruction was just what she needed to shift from what she thinks she’s supposed to do to what she wants to do, she leans into me, snuggling her head against my neck.
My gaze drifts around the apartment as I give her nervous system a safe place to settle, for a second.
There’s art everywhere, but not all hung up. Some lean against walls; some pieces are half-finished. Books are stacked in piles, and there is a blanket thrown over a chair near the window, which suggests it’s well used.
“I like this,” I admit.
She tips her head back slightly and looks at me. “My apartment?”
“This side of you.”
Her brows pull together as if she can’t figure out what I’m telling her. “What side is that?”
I drag my fingers lazily up and down her arm. “The softness of all this. The softness of you when you’re in here. Down there, with the store, with the community, everyone thinks you’re this aloof, capable business owner.”
She chuckles at that. “They think I’m aloof?”
I shrug. “You know what I mean. I like that no one really sees or knows about this side of you.”
“Except you.”
I smile at that. “Yeah. Except me.”
I brush my lips over hers, just because they look so damn…soft. There’s that word again.
If you’d asked me six weeks ago whether I thought soft suited her, it would have been a definite no.
Maren places her hand over mine, and I grab hold of her fingers. “I’m still processing how much I like the other side of you.”
“And what side are we talking about?” I’m guessing she’s talking about what happened last night. Not what she saw, but what we did after. We didn’t really talk much because it was late. Maren showered while I talked to my men briefly, and then I tucked her into bed before showering myself.
Once I got to bed, she was already fast asleep wearing one of my T-shirts.
“I should be horrified,” she says. “I mean, I am, a little. That was a lot.”
“Yeah,” I mutter. No point in sugarcoating things, but my heart stutters a little as worry creeps into me that it was all too much for her.
“But.” She exhales. “There was something about it. You were so…” She shifts and her hand curls into my shirt. “In control. Decisive. Like nothing could touch you. And the way your men looked at you and respected you… It made me feel proud just to be connected to you.”
My jaw tightens at the compliment. Never thought I needed anyone’s approval, but I realize there was a hole in me waiting for Maren’s.
“And I hated it,” she adds with a soft huff of a laugh. “It feels like it goes against every feminist principle I’ve ever had.”
That pulls a smile out of me.
“Yeah? Because while I’m all for a woman having her own career and making her own choices about her body, I guess I’m looking for a woman who respects me and looks up at me, rather than down on me.”
She leans her head back a little farther so she’s looking straight at me.
“You made me feel safe, Knox. And I don’t remember the last time I felt that way around a man.
I knew you wouldn’t hurt me. I knew you’d keep me safe.
Even while facing down my father. You made me feel a kind of safety I didn’t know I was capable of feeling. ”
I pull her to me in a hug that’s probably squeezing the life out of her. Because I hate that’s her experience of life. “Maren.”
“I know how it sounds. I should probably be stronger than I am, but—”
“Stop. You’ve done a lot, here. Keeping the bait and marine store going. Expanding the business into airboat tours and all the other things. Functioning without any real support structure from family.”
She shrugs that away as if it were nothing.
“Hey,” I say, tilting her chin when she looks down. “You’re stronger than you realize. But I’ll be here to carry some of it with you, now. You’re not alone anymore.”
Tears sparkle in her eyes, but they don’t fall. She bites down on her lower lip. “I think there’s something else I should admit. For my own sake.”
“Yeah?” I prompt.
Her eyes search mine, and whatever she sees there makes her smile shyly. “I think I might be falling in love with you, Knox. Actually…no…I think I already am. And I know that’s probably really stupid, but…”
Suddenly, I don’t know why I didn’t say it to her when I thought it. Because it’s obvious she’s the woman I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with.
“Yeah,” I say. “I figured that might be happening.”
Her brows knit. “That’s all you’ve got to say when I just laid my heart—”
I grab the back of her neck, tightening my fingers in her hair, and kiss her like I’m going to every day for the rest of our lives.
A future I never imagined passes before me. Maren on the back of my bike. Maren saying I do. Maren giving birth to our kids. Maren with me at the very end, whenever it comes, hopefully a really long fucking time from now so I have the chance to experience a million days like this with her.
“I love you too,” I say finally.
That stops whatever she was about to say next.
Or maybe the kiss did.
But she’s silent.
Possibly shell-shocked.
I get the feeling, I am a bit too.
“You do?” she asks.
I nod. “Maren. I’m an acts-of-service kind of guy.
I don’t fix trucks for people who don’t matter to me.
I don’t post my men outside of businesses and offer protection for free.
I don’t follow people home to make sure they get there safe because I assume we’re all grown-ups and can take care of ourselves. ”
Her lips part at that.
“You matter, Maren. Your last name blinded me to who you really are.”
Her breath catches, and then, she smiles as if she can’t believe her luck. And I’m thinking I can’t believe mine either. “So, we love each other?” she asks.
I can’t help but laugh. “Yeah, sweetheart. I think we clarified this. I fucking love you. You made me feel like the luckiest man alive by saying you love me too.”
She looks pensive, for a second. “Do you think I need to worry about getting tested later?”
“If you’re asking me what the risks are, I’d say, on my end, they’d be low.
Always used a condom. Never had one split or break.
I know that’s not the only way you can catch shit.
Sure you don’t want to know this, but the club girls get tested every month, and they’re the only women I’ve fucked recently. ”
Maren sits up straight. “Oh my God. I skipped one important question.”
“Too late,” I say, squeezing her. “You already said you loved me.”
She slides off my lap but stays close. “Monogamy, Knox. I can’t share you, ever. If that’s a dealbreaker for you, I need to know. Because when we talked about it originally, when it was going to be a short-term thing, you said —”
“That I never thought I’d hand my balls to one woman.” I take her hand and open up her fingers so I can rub my thumb over her palm. “But here we are. You can trust me to not fuck anyone except you. Not sure I’d even want to, given how good your cunt feels when it’s squeezing my cock.”
Maren’s face screws up, but she’s smiling. “I hate that word. So, I’m not sure why that sentence felt so good.”
I laugh hard, at that, and playfully try to tug her back over me, but she buries her face in my chest.
“I’ll book the tests,” I say. “I’ll try for later on this afternoon so you can get on with cleaning up downstairs. I’ll leave some of the prospects here, watching the store, given we don’t know where those men ended up.”
“I appreciate that, but do they need to be quite so…biker-y?”
“Yeah, sweetheart. They’re bikers. Not going to ask them to be anything other than that. But if you’re worried they’re gonna put customers off, I’ll get them to be a bit more discrete. Watch from the road, that kind of thing.”
“Okay. That would be better. Thank you.”
I place my hand over her stomach as we talk and realize I’m wondering if she’s already pregnant. “When will you know if you’re pregnant or not?”
Maren tilts her head as she thinks. She mumbles things about last periods and dates and shit. “Probably two weeks. Why?”
“Was just thinking how much I want kids with you. Maybe we’re lucky and it happens now. Maybe we’ve got some more practicing to do before it happens.”
She sighs and lays her head on my shoulder. “Yeah, Knox. I really want that too.”