Chapter Ten
Janessa
T HANKSGIVING DAY IS here and I’m completely alone.
My brothers have all managed to find themselves girlfriends and are spending the day with their families so they won’t be home.
I’ve never shared a single holiday with my sister since the day we were old enough to have plans of our own.
Our parents are on a cruise or vacation of some sort.
I tend not to pay attention to them and where they are.
As long as they leave me alone, I don’t give a shit what they do or where they go.
Sadness fills me as I think of my brothers all being away and the fact that I’ll be spending the day alone.
Honestly, this is the first holiday I’ll ever spend by myself and I’m not liking the feelings I’m having.
Though, even when Seth and the others are around, I still feel completely alone in the world.
Three nights ago, I could have sworn Knuckles was in bed with me.
It was the day I was followed by those bikers once again.
Seth was with me in the cabin when I came in to fall asleep with Kaden.
I know that for a fact. He’s been the main one to keep me company and ensure I’m safe and comfortable.
I cried myself to sleep that night with the fear consuming me.
The fear wasn’t for myself, it was for my son.
I can only do so much to protect Kaden with my limited skills.
I’ve never taken a self-defense class or anything like that.
It’s something I should truly think about doing now that I’m not pregnant and have a child to ensure the safety of.
Anyway, I know I felt a body pressed up against mine when I was sleeping.
And my bed smelled vaguely of him when Kaden woke me up to nurse.
Things must have been bad if I never felt the bed dip or him lay close to me.
I’m typically a light sleeper and wake up for every sound and movement.
Roger forced me to sleep that way because he would always come to bed with anger and there were days he forced himself on me.
Those were the days I had to fight him and ensure he wouldn’t go through with his vile plans.
I know there was some kind of plan to entrap me with a baby because he needed an heir.
Since that night, I haven’t seen Knuckles at all.
He was gone by the time I woke up in the morning and has spent more time away from the compound than what he’s spent here.
Kurt and Eric have been keeping me up to date on whether or not Knuckles is around or not.
I’m not sure why the fuck they even think I want to know.
He’s the one who has made his feelings about me and having anything to do with me perfectly clear.
Still, no matter what I say or do, the Prospects let me know where Knuckles is and if he’s around.
Seth hasn’t been in the cabin with me since that night either.
Even when I’ve invited him in for dinner, he’s remained outside and away from me.
He won’t look me in the eyes when we talk either.
No one will tell me what happened or why things have changed, but I will find out one way or another.
And if this has something to do with Knuckles, then he’ll get a piece of my mind and I won’t hold back this time.
I’m done holding back when shit affects me and the way I live my life.
Men suck and I’m done letting them walk all over me.
Getting off the couch and laying Kaden down in his bassinet, I head for the kitchen to see what I can eat for Thanksgiving.
Since my attempt at going grocery shopping, I haven’t made another attempt to leave the house.
Eric did get me groceries that day, but I really wasn’t thinking of Thanksgiving and buying food to prepare for today.
Now, I really have nothing to eat for today.
Going through my refrigerator, I find some chicken.
That’s going to be the best I can do for today’s meal I guess.
Pulling out the chicken, I set it on the counter next to the stove.
I dig through the cupboards and find a bag of potatoes and some green beans.
There’s also a few cans of cream of mushroom soup I can use to make green bean casserole.
It’s not the best meal for Thanksgiving, but there’s not much I can do about it now.
I let my mind wander to what the Prospects have been talking about when they’ve been around the cabin with me.
They’ve been excited about everything Marie and the rest of the ol’ ladies were going to prepare.
Turkey, ham, potatoes, casserole, and everything else you could think of for the day.
I don’t even want to imagine the desserts they’ll prepare.
My mouth waters with the thought of all the amazing food the club is going to eat together.
Shaking my head to clear the thoughts, I get busy starting to prepare my dinner.
The silence of the kitchen is deafening as I grab what I need to put the chicken in the oven.
Grabbing my phone, I put on some music. I truly don’t really care what I’m listening to as long as it’s no longer silent in the cabin.
Instead of using the speaker like I typically would, I use the speakers of my phone.
Kaden didn’t have a good night last night and I want him to get some sleep today.
Even if that means I’m up all night with him again tonight.
Today there is no dancing around the kitchen as I cook and prepare my meal.
The only movements I make are the ones necessary to prepare my food.
My thoughts are too jumbled and confusing to dance or force myself to act as if I’m happy.
Instead, I make the minimum amount of movements to cook so I’m fed and not starving.
My days of starving are all over. Roger used to make me cook for him and then I wouldn’t be allowed to eat whatever I made him.
I was lucky if I got a glass of water and a piece of bread each day.
After leaving him, I kind of went off the deep end and gained more weight than I probably should have, but I don’t care.
It’d been far too long since I was able to simply eat what I want when I want and I’m not about to stop doing it now.
***
M y house smells really good. It’s really warm in here with the oven and stove being on for the last few hours.
The small table in the kitchen is laid out with the chicken, potatoes, casserole, and rolls I’ve prepared for my meal.
It’s definitely more food than I’ll ever be able to eat, but maybe the Prospects will be able to help me deal with the leftovers.
Eric is always down to eat good food and I’m a decent cook.
Hopefully I can convince Seth to eat something as well.
After checking on Kaden to ensure he’s still sleeping, I make my way back to the table and pull out my chair to sit down.
Before I can sit, there’s a knock on the door of the cabin.
Honestly, it sounds as if someone is pounding loud enough to wake the dead.
Rushing to the door so Kaden doesn’t get woken up, I pull it open and find Homicide and Melissa standing there with large smiles on their faces.
“You almost woke the baby,” I whisper shout, looking over my shoulder at Kaden’s bassinet. “What are you doing here?”
“We came to get you for dinner. Marie is insisting you eat at the club with the rest of us,” Melissa informs me, her voice really low.
“I’m not going to the clubhouse for dinner. I’ve prepared my meal for the day. Please tell Marie I appreciate the invitation, but I can’t accept it,” I say, pasting a fake smile on my face while looking past the couple at my door.
“Not gonna happen, Janessa. You know Marie will make her way over here personally if you don’t come over with us. She wants you there with us and won’t rest until you show up,” Homicide says, his voice louder than ours as he leans against the door frame of my cabin.
“I understand Marie is stubborn and gets her way, but I refuse to waste food. So, again, I’m sorry but I won’t be going to the clubhouse.
Plus, I don’t want to see Knuckles and I can’t leave the baby behind.
Kaden will never be a burden on his dad and I won’t force Knuckles into something he wants nothing to do with,” I state, folding my arms over my chest because I can be just as stubborn as Marie when it comes to certain things.
This is one of those times I’ll put my foot down and not show up because someone else wants me to.
“Don’t say we didn’t warn you,” Homicide says, pushing off the door frame and wrapping his large arm around Melissa’s shoulders as they turn and leave the cabin. “Marie will be here in less than five minutes. I suggest you get Little Man ready to go.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I say, closing the door behind them and heading for the table once again so I can finally get something to eat.
Sitting down, I pick up my fork and prepare to take a bite, but the door of the cabin is once again knocked on.
With a sigh, I drop my head, and stand from the chair to make my way over to answer Marie.
There isn’t a doubt in my mind it’s her here to drag me over to the clubhouse to eat with everyone else.
“Marie, as I told Melissa and Homicide, I appreciate the offer to join you for dinner, but I’ve prepared my own meal here. It’s getting cold and I’d really like to sit down so I can eat,” I say, looking at the fierce queen of the Dirty Slayers MC.