Chapter Fourteen #2
Going back to the living room, we sit on the couch and I turn my body to look at him. For several minutes I do nothing but look at him and watch all the emotions flash through his eyes. It happens so fast I can’t figure any of them out.
“What do you wanna talk about, Janessa?” he asks me, shaking his head to clear the thoughts.
“Where do we go from here, Knuckles? Because this isn’t a game where Kaden’s concerned.
He’s a child and if you choose to be in his life, then you have to be all in.
You can’t come and go from his life based on a whim.
Kaden deserves to have all of you or nothing at all,” I tell him, knowing this is something he already understands after the way he grew up.
“I know. I promise you right now that I’ll be there every fuckin’ day for him, Janessa.
Kaden is my son and I’m not gonna be the stupid fuck who doesn’t take his life seriously.
I want to be there for every single good and bad day the two of you have.
For all of his memories and to guide him into the man he needs to grow into,” Knuckles says, his voice holding more than just the words he’s saying to me.
He’s promising to be there for our son the way a father should be.
“Okay. Now, I need to get some sleep. I was up all night with Kaden and had just laid down when you knocked on the door. While he’s asleep now, I’m going to take a nap.
You can sleep out here on the couch or you can join me in the room.
I’m going to warn you now that Kaden gets up every two hours to eat.
So, if you were planning on getting sleep at all, I wouldn’t stay here.
I know you sleep light,” I tell him, not sure where this will go.
“I’ll sleep in your room. I told you I wanna be there for every aspect of Kaden’s life and that means gettin’ up in the middle of the night with him. Do you nurse or is he bottle fed?” he questions me, helping me off the couch and leading me by the hand into the bedroom.
“I nurse him. That’s what I plan on doing for now,” I inform him, my voice back to a whisper as I look at him and climb into bed closest to the crib.
“I’ll get up with you and help where I can,” Knuckles says as he strips down to his boxers and slides into bed next to me.
We’re not touching at all, but my body is more than aware of the man in my bed.
Every move he makes, each breath he inhales, and the scent of him filling the room I’ve only occupied since moving in here.
Closing my eyes, I try to relax enough so I can get a little bit of sleep before our son wakes up to eat once again.
Instead, my body is highly aware of everything going on in the room, especially the bed, around me. This wasn’t a good idea at all!
***
W aking up as the sun brightens the sky, I find Knuckles standing next to the bed with Kaden in his arms. I pumped last night after preparing a bottle for Kaden so he could feed him and start bonding with his child.
“Mornin’, Janessa. Kaden got up and I thought you could use some sleep. I’ve already changed his diaper and now he’s eatin’. He’s already burped once twice,” he informs me, his voice soft as he carefully sways back and forth with Kaden against his bare chest.
“Thank you, Knuckles. I appreciate you letting me sleep in for a little bit,” I tell him, pushing myself up in bed and watching the two of them. “Knuckles, what does this mean for the two of us?”
“I don’t know yet. All I know is I can’t stop thinkin’ about you.
I haven’t been able to fuck another woman since we spent that night together.
Everyone’s noticed and I’ve gotten more shit about it than I’ll ever admit.
Especially from Tease, the fucker. Why don’t we just take this a day at a time and see where it takes us.
I’ve got to get to the gym for a class. You gonna be okay here today?
” he asks me, shifting our son to his shoulder and burping him again.
“I’ll be okay. I’m gonna head to the store for groceries. I’m almost out of food and I need to eat and drink in order to produce milk to nurse our son,” I tell him, getting out of bed so I can get changed and ready for the day knowing Kaden just went back to sleep.
“I want guys on you, Janessa. I’d prefer you not to leave the compound at all, but I know that’s not a realistic expectation.
I know some of the guys are headin’ to your office to finish up the work needed to get it open again.
Take Tease, Seth, Eric, and Carbon with you.
I’ll let Carbon and Tease know they’re to go with you today.
Be careful, Janessa,” Knuckles says, stepping up and pulling me into his arms, pressing a kiss against my forehead before walking out of the cabin and leaving to head to work for the day.
After quickly showering, I get Kaden ready to head to the store.
My nerves are high as fuck because the last time I went to the store didn’t end so well.
However, this is something I need to do.
I refuse to become a prisoner here in this cabin or on the compound.
Roger and his parents controlled my life for so long and I let them.
I never fought back or did what I needed to do to keep my independence.
Hell, I never even told my family what was going on in my life for the longest time because I was ashamed and embarrassed.
I’m not the one who should be ashamed or embarrassed—that would be Roger and his parents for their atrocious behavior and every vicious word they’ve ever spewed at me.
Fuck them and the fear they’ve instilled in me.