Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
LUNA
I don’t truly know the man who’s sitting as close as possible to me without actually being on my lap. When we first met and connected in such a spectacular way, there were no promises of a future, a relationship, anything, because neither of us were looking for one.
Plus, how do I tell him that despite our very best efforts, whether or not we become anything more than we already are, which is a step above casual acquaintances, we’ll be irrevocably tied together due to the unexpected and completely unplanned pregnancy.
I won’t say unwanted, because at some point, I did want to have children. However, I expected that would happen within a committed relationship, whether I was married or simply living with a long-time significant other. Not due to a one-night stand.
“Luna?” His voice is firm but the tone lets me know that my time has run out.
“Um, Marcum, I’m not really sure how to tell you something,” I say.
“Just spit it out, Moon,” he advises. “Best way to do it is just rip that bandage off.”
Taking a deep breath, I exhale and then spit out my admission as quickly as is humanly possible, “ImpregnantandIdontknowhowitspossible.”
Yeah, I smashed it all together; I like to think it’s the writer in me, but the truth is this is going to upend both of our lives.
“Can you repeat that where I can understand what you said?” he asks, his brow wrinkled as he attempts to puzzle through my words.
“Marcum,” I whine. “I don’t wanna.”
“Luna, are you two? Just fucking tell me!” he all but bellows.
“Fine, you asked for it. You’re going to be a daddy, Marcum. I don’t know how it happened, though.”
“Well, normally, when a man and a woman have sex, they have the potential to create a… what the fuck did you just say?”
“Despite me having an implant and you using a condom, we’re in that very tiny segment of society who still managed to get pregnant,” I whisper, afraid to look at him.
“Son of a fucking bitch!” he roars. When he stands up and starts pacing, I glance from underneath my lashes to see him pulling at the ends of his hair as he mumbles almost incoherently to himself.
“I’m sorry,” I say as the silence drags on.
“Why are you sorry? Did you poke holes in the condom? Magically remove your implant before I fucked you three ways from Sunday?”
“Of course not! But it’s not exactly something you were expecting, am I right?” I ask. “I was a safe bet, dammit.”
The irony of the situation is not lost on me at all. He slumps down onto the recliner opposite me, his hands dangling between his thick, muscular legs. Remembering how they felt sliding against my own has desire pooling… no, focus, Luna, focus!
“No, I never wanted kids,” he admits. “Not after how we grew up. My genetics predispose me to having big kids, and I couldn’t abide having a child of mine being used the way Xavier and I were.”
My heart sinks. I know I’m a strong, independent woman and can raise a child on my own, of course, but I was secretly hoping that he’d want to be intricately involved. If not with me, than with his child, but I guess that’s a moot point.
“I’m not asking for anything,” I quickly tell him. “I’m fully capable of doing this on my own, Marcum. But I wasn’t going to hide the fact that you were going to be a father, either. That would be wrong in my opinion. Plus, I have Demi to lean on.”
Okay, she probably won’t be much help when the pregnancy hormones kick in, if my libido goes into overdrive the way all my book research indicates, but I’m sure she’ll be down for a trip to a sex store. Blushing, I rethink that and decide maybe some discreet online purchases would be the better way to go.
“There’s no way I won’t help support a child who’s mine, Luna,” he replies. “Whether or not we’re together.”
Well, that doesn’t exactly fill me full of joy, but he hasn’t kicked me out of the house, so I’ll count it as a partial win, I guess. Still, I decide to caution him because a lot can happen, after all.
“Marcum, I haven’t even gone to the doctor yet. She needs to know that the implant failed, because I don’t know if it would hurt a baby or not.”
A brief flash of fear crosses his face before he shuts it down. “Make the appointment, what are you waiting for?” he asks.
“Um, maybe because I literally just peed on the damn stick earlier today?” I snark at him. “Right before we came to the clubhouse for the cookout, as a matter of fact!”
He smirks and I realize that my sassy attitude is something he likes. “Fine. Whatever. But make that call.”
“I will on Monday,” I reply. “Already have a note on my calendar.”
“Fucking technology,” he grumbles. “When you make that appointment, let me know.”
“You planning on tagging along?” I ask, thinking maybe, just maybe there’s a chance that he wants to be included in everything. Most men that live his lifestyle are standoffish when it comes to bringing new life into the world. I cross my fingers that this brings us closer together instead of tearing us apart.
“Let me make something perfectly clear,” he states, leaning in closer to me. I can feel his breath mingling with mine. “I may be a biker, it will always be in my blood, but when it comes to mine, I will fight tooth and nail to keep them with me. Does that clear things up for you?”
“Sorta,” I answer slowly.
“What are you having issues with here, Luna? Get out of your head and spit the words out.”
“Okay,” I drawl before asking, “does that mean you’ll only be here for our baby, or am I included in that, too?”
“Do you love me, Luna?” His question catches me off guard.
“Do I… do I what?” I ask, canting my head to the side to see if he’s serious or not. “I don’t know you enough to say that I do.”
“You just made my point for me, Moon.”
“What point? How the hell did I do that, Marcum? I’m so damn confused right now,” I state, burying my head between my hands.
“Listen. I care about you; I want the best for you no matter what. Are you with me so far?”
“Y-yeah,” I stumble out.
“Love may or may not happen for us. Only time can tell that. But I have mad respect for you, you mean something to me. And the fact that you’re going to be the mother of my child, that means you will forever be by my side no matter what happens between the two of us. I can’t predict the future, but what I can say with one hundred percent accuracy, is that wherever you and my baby are, is where I’ll be.”
“Okay,” I mumble.
While I understand what he’s telling me, there’s a tiny part that’s ticked off. I mean, we might not end up being a true couple, but I’m not stupid enough to think he’ll remain single the rest of his life. Do I want another woman around my child? I tamp down my rising irritation, which really has no place here at all. I already know a lot can happen before a safe, healthy birth occurs. While I don’t want to borrow trouble, I’m a bit pragmatic about things, especially given all the internet searches I do for my writing.
“Should we talk about our expectations where it comes to other people coming into our lives? I don’t know if everything I’ve read on the internet is accurate or not, I haven’t lived in a clubhouse setting before, so you may have to clue me in on some things,” I ask.
“Other people? You mean like you dating and shit?” He looks fit to be tied right now and I’m getting concerned with each second that passes because his face has gone taut and I’ve never seen that shade of red it’s turning on anyone before.
“Um… Marcum? Should I be worrying that you’re going to have a heart attack here?”
“No, what you should be worrying about is me turning you over my knee and blistering your ass! No other men, period, end of motherfucking story.”
“Does that go for women when it comes to you as well?” I ask, unintentionally waving the flag in front of the bull.
“I don’t date!” he roars.
“Yes you do,” I counter. “What do you call what we’ve been doing?”
“Not dating. We’ve been getting to know each other. Besides that, you’re the exception to the rule, Luna.”
“Sure,” I sass, crossing my arms across my chest. “And so is any bimbo Barbie that catches your eye.”
“Bimbo Barbies?” he asks, coming across as being amused by my comparison to the women I’ve seen prancing around in the backyard today.
“Yeah, you know the half-dressed girls you seem attracted to?”
“The club bitches? Luna, you’re joking right? Did you see me entertaining them in any way while you were judging them?”
“I don’t judge,” I snap. I wasn’t, I swear. But I won’t lie to myself and not admit that the green-eyed monster reared its ugly head. I’m not as sexy or as confident with my body as they are. It caused those insecurities from the past to come back and all but slap me in the face. I was a chunky kid compared to my classmates. I didn’t start slimming down until my junior year of high school and by then, I was a pariah.
“You kinda did when you placed them in a certain category, Luna. You don’t know a thing about them. You have no idea what kind of lives they’ve led, that they feel as if they need to be here so we can provide for them and protect them.”
“They live here at the clubhouse?” I ask, aghast. “I figured they just showed up for the parties or something.”
“Fuck,” he says, raking his hands through his hair. “How did we get on this topic?”
“I don’t know, Marcum. I’m just along for the ride, this is your rodeo,” I reply with more sass than I probably should.
“For fuck’s sake,” he mutters. “I need a breather. Maybe we need to pick this up another time when we have cooler heads. Let yourself out whenever you’re ready. I’ll call you later.” Without looking back or saying another word to me, he swivels on the balls of his feet and leaves me sitting here with my jaw hung open.
“Asshole!” I yell, picking up one of the empty beer cans on the side table and tossing it against the wall. I watch as what was left in the can splashes out of the tin and splatters on the drywall. “Whatever. I’m not cleaning that shit up.” I grab my crossbody purse and stomp out of the house.