Chapter Twelve #2
He nods, and as he draws closer I can smell aftershave, which is highly unusual on Artie.
I almost pass a jokey comment on how it reminds me of a teenage locker room, but then I bite my tongue because I suspect that he’s hoping to impress a certain kitchen maid.
He lopes away, pulling awkwardly at the bottom of his Star Wars T-shirt, and I catch Marina’s eye and know she’s sussed him too.
I think we both feel nervous for him; I hope for Hells Bells’s sake that she doesn’t turn out to be a heartbreaker because I fear that Marina might choke her with her pretty copper plaits.
I’d dearly love to grab Marina for a catch-up right about now, but I’m thwarted by the squawky arrival of Lois and Barty, closely followed by Leo and his entourage.
“Droppin’ by to bring happy news, my darlin’s!” Lois looks back in fine form now that she’s not terrified or knackered, back to her chirpy self as she and Barty breeze in, demanding our instant attention.
She’s top-to-toe in peach velour this morning, with a matching terry towel band sun visor and a face full of shiny makeup. Barty looks equally dapper in his anyone-for-tennis garb, although I’ve yet to see the man actually wield a racket.
“News?” Leo asks, draping himself carelessly over one of the armchairs.
The creepy twins, as fresh as daisies in lemon minidresses and huge Jackie O sunglasses, perch either side of him on the chair’s arms, their shiny knees crossed and their heads moving in jerky little movements to follow the conversation.
It totally wouldn’t surprise me if they had those flip-top battery panels on their backs like the dolls Marina and I had as kids.
Mine is probably still knocking around in the attic at Blithe Spirits somewhere, but Marina’s won’t have been saved as a memento.
I know this because she gave hers a crew cut within a week of owning her, and within six months, she’d lost a leg and had four fingers on one hand.
Lois is so jittery with excitement that she’s practically bouncing on the spot by the fireplace.
“We’re having ourselves a big ole party!”
As news goes, it wasn’t that shocking a revelation really. But given how shaky she was about the castle when we last saw her, I was half expecting her to say that they were selling the place rather than planning a bash. The wonders of uninterrupted sleep.
“Party?” I say with a small, inquiring, please-do-elaborate smile.
She nods and claps her hands, delighted. “A ball, actually.”
“In the ballroom?” I say, flicking a glance toward Leo, because he’s the only other person who’s seen the same macabre scenes as I’ve seen in the castle’s beautiful ballroom.
“Of course,” Lois says in the grand, offhand way that only people who own an actual ballroom can. “A masquerade ball, naturally.”
“Someone’s been watching Eyes Wide Shut,” Marina murmurs beside me, and I’m a little bit sick in my mouth at the thought of Barty in a snood and a Phantom of the Opera mask.
I go quickly from queasy to hot and bothered as someone far sexier strolls into my mind, head to toe in black with a black strip across his eyes that renders him a superhero.
He’s tall, he’s fit, and when he turns to look my way I see that he’s—
“Melody?”
I tune back in when Lois says my name loudly, annoyed at not discovering the identity of my sexy superhero. They’re all staring at me.
“This Saturday seems a bit soon for the ball, don’t you agree?” Marina says. She knows that progress has been slow to nonexistent so far on the case and is trying to buy me some time while I’m too busy daydreaming about being whisked off my feet to pay attention.
Lois bats Marina’s concerns away with a wave of her hand. “Saturday is perfect. The cast and crew arrive in town on Friday; it’s the only way to show them this place is ghost-free and good to go, which it will be, right?”
Today is Tuesday. Saturday is four days away.
There’s no way I can guarantee we’ll have uncovered the root of the problems here by then, but Lois has just morphed from kindly schoolteacher into the evil ice queen from Narnia in front of my eyes.
She’s smiling at me, but she’s emanating so much frost I fear my nipples are going to freeze and drop off.
I want to object, to say it might not be enough time, but when I look at Leo I notice that Britannia has put in an appearance on his lap.
Shit. She’s trouble with a capital T, and he’s completely distracted and unable to either disagree or reason with Lois because Britannia is whispering sweet nothings into his ear.
“Leo, what do you think?” I say, and they both look my way.
Britannia’s eyes dance with positive devilment, but his couldn’t be more serious, and that scares the bejeezus out of me, so I decide not to wait for his very compromised opinion.
This is going from bad to worse, so I may as well go for broke.
“You know what, Lois? I hear the weather is forecast to be a mini heatwave over the weekend,” I say, beaming at her.
“That sounds like pretty perfect party weather to me.” I throw her a cheesy double thumbs-up for good measure, and everyone else in the room besides Barty and Lois looks at me as if I’ve completely lost my mind.
I haven’t, but if I don’t do something fast, I fear that Leo might be about to.