Chapter 20—Ruby
“It’s just a normal day. Completely normal.”
But it’s not. How can it be? I still feel Kooper against my lips. The ghost of his hands is still imprinted on me. Everything about this morning is on repeat in my head.
And I hate it. Hate it all.
How dare he kiss me! How dare I let him? And no, I didn’t moan. I didn’t respond. I just… I just…
Fuck. I bang my head against the steering wheel.
I did kiss him. I responded.
And fucking hell, I enjoyed it.
But I shouldn’t. I can’t. Not just because of Dad, but because of everything else. He’s club. I don’t mess with club. Sure, Dad’s dead, but I should honor his wishes. Right?
“Ugh.” Stupid Kooper. Had to go and make things complicated.
Him getting a boner when I worked on his hip?
Shocking. Totally unexpected. That first day, I ran out like I’ve never seen a dick before.
A freaking schoolgirl action. But the more I thought on it, the more it made sense.
The guy’s a biker. A freaking Hound. They have vamps at their place all the time.
He’s probably still either suffering from morning wood or just used to getting hard when a woman gets close to his dick.
Just a physical response, not the want or desire.
No way he wanted me. No way did he see me as anything but a female who was so close to his dick that he’d get a hand job from her.
Or that’s what I thought.
But that was before he kissed me. Before he made little sparks flash behind my eyes and my always-active brain stop thinking. It took a second, maybe more than that, but then it all clicked. I stopped fighting and started feeling. And fuck if I didn’t feel everything.
He made me wet. And not just with his mouth. Him being pressed against me like that? His hands holding me possessively? It’s how every girl dreams of being kissed.
I did.
Just never thought it would be with him.
Which is why I came to the club after my appointments.
I should be home studying. Got a test in two days.
But I’m here. I need to clear the air. Need him to explain it to me, that he was just horny, and he’d do it with anyone.
That I’m not special. That he didn’t think and just reacted.
Anything that I can actually handle. Because if Kooper likes me? Wants me?
I just don’t know. But I don’t think I can handle it. Hell, it’s been five hours since then, and I’ve done nothing but think of him. I can’t have that. I have to focus on school. To make Mom and Dad proud as they watch over me.
I might not know what direction my life is going, but I know I want to finish school.
It’s paid for, after all. Part of Dad’s will.
Domino has it. I told him not to tell me all of it, just what I needed to know right now, which is that the house is paid for and so is school.
Once I’m done with that, I can figure everything else out.
One step at a time. Or in my case, one deep breath at a time, and minimize the issues.
Like Kooper kissing me.
It can’t happen again.
With new resolve, I get out of the car and head inside the club.
I don’t see my girls here, but that doesn’t stop me from making myself known.
The boys have kept to themselves these past few weeks.
I get it. I’m a reminder of the man who used to lead them.
I don’t begrudge them for keeping me at arm’s length.
Well, everyone but Kooper. There was nothing arm’s length about this morning.
I clear my throat, push the thoughts away, and smile wide. “Hey, losers, what’d I miss?”
I don’t miss the boys looking at everyone but me. Except for Kooper. He has eyes on me, but I refuse to be held captive by him. At least not till I get him alone to talk.
“Don’t.”
My head turns at Bulldog’s voice. He isn’t looking at me, but at Casper.
It’s Kooper who looks between the two and asks, “What? Don’t what?” But then he looks at me again and shakes his head. There’s a plea in his voice as he looks down at the table he’s sitting at. “No. Don’t do this. Casper… shit, man, don’t.”
“Don’t what?” I ask, clueless, but not one to be left out. If it was secret club stuff, it would be done in Church. With it out in the open like this, that means it’s fair game to ask.
“Don’t tell me what to do, Koop,” Casper grits out. “I’m in charge of this club.”
“Come on, man,” Kooper begs as his eyes shift to me and then back to the new president. He almost seems desperate to keep whatever the hell it is from my ears. “You’re hung up on your old lady walking out. This has nothing to do with her.”
“Whoa, big man got hitched? So soon? Who’s the lucky bitch?” I grin as I pull out the seat between them and sit. I even make myself comfortable by grabbing the whiskey and taking a deep pull. I need a hard burn after this morning. Being close to Kooper is doing weird things to my libido.
“No one,” Casper barks before taking the bottle away. “I ain’t chained up. Not now, not going to be.”
“Well, with that attitude, you won’t. Might try loosening up a bit. Maybe you should call that vet girly, the badass one, and see if she’s still interested.”
“Billy’s dead to me.” He seems lost in his head, and his words are a complete lie based on the heartbreak written clearly on his face.
And instead of giving him the easy way out, I push. It’s what I’m good at.
“Why? Y’all seemed good together. Even when I saw she pulled that gun on you. Pretty hot.”
“She left.”
“Oh, was it something you said?” I lean back in the chair, kicking my feet up on the table, undeterred by Casper’s foul mood. I’m used to bikers being grumpy. It’s when they’re sweet and kissing me that I get flustered and can’t think straight. “You guys sure know how to fuck up a good thing.”
“It was what she did.”
“Can’t be that bad.”
“She lied,” Casper spits out.
“So?” The guy’s stupid to think a lie would be enough to keep me away from someone I love. Which is clearly how he feels about Billy.
“So?” he scoffs. “Lying isn’t a deal-breaker for you?”
I think about it for a second. I’ve never had anyone lie to me.
Well, Abigail did, but I’m not in love with her.
She’s a friend. And it hurts. Maybe I’ll get over it, maybe I won’t.
But if I really loved someone? Like how Mom and Dad loved?
I heard them fight a few times. They weren’t the perfect couple, but they were a real one.
Things were said often, actions done. No one ever cheated, which I think would be the deal-breaker for them.
But lying? I think they would have worked through it.
And I hope to be as good as them one day.
“If it was to help in a roundabout way, nah.”
He tilts his head at me and just stares.
“Don’t, man.” Kooper’s jaw is so tight, his mouth hardly moves when he makes his demand.
“Jesus, what has you in such a panty-twisting mood, Koop? Just relax for a fucking sec. Hell, go get your dick sucked if you think it’ll help.” I give him a side-eye.
He’s acting weird. I don’t want anyone to know what happened this morning. Because it won’t be happening again. And if he keeps acting like this, the brothers are bound to ask him what’s going on. Them knowing is the last thing I want.
“Your dad’s alive.”
Those words. Words I never thought would be said. Words I never gave myself hope to think.
They sink in, and I blink. Once, twice. My feet drop, and I lean close, eyeing everything and everyone. No one is laughing. Everyone is looking at me. No one even seems to be breathing.
“Wh-what?”
“He’s at St. James Hospital. In a coma.” Casper says it like that explains everything.
“What? Why?”
I look at someone I consider my friend and new president of the club, then at Kooper.
He doesn’t look at me, like a coward. They’re all cowards.
My hands ball into fists under the table as I look at everyone.
They’re people I’ve called family. Friends.
Hell, some even helped raise me. But how can family do this to me?
As if reading my thoughts, Bulldog speaks. “Club thought it best to keep it under wraps.”
“With him dead, the threat goes with it,” Domino offers.
“Without him, the club—” Kooper takes a second to look at me with a nod to include me without saying it. “—everything and everyone would be fine. The threats already high on him would be limited, or even gone.”
“Once it was gone, we were going to tell you. After some time,” Casper says.
“We don’t even know when he’ll wake up. We’re keeping it quiet for his protection,” Chains says as he puts a hand on my shoulder. He probably meant it to be in support, but it just feels like a brick hitting me.
Like everything they just said. A ton of bricks hitting me over and over. Each time I think it can’t get worse, it does.
“Ruby.” Kooper nudges my knee with his hand, and the feel of him on my skin has me swatting it away and then pushing Chains away as well.
“Get your hands off me.” I can’t be here. I can’t. This isn’t a safe haven for me. It’s a torture chamber. Every time I’m here, something bad happens. I have to get out of here.
I turn and head for the door. No one stops me, but I feel their eyes on me till I hear Kooper speak up.
“We don’t even know if he’ll wake up,” he says.
The plea in his voice. The desperation. I hear it. Not sure if it’s because of what happened this morning between us or because of what all this means for the club. But I don’t care. He doesn’t get to make me see it from his point of view. I can never forgive him, or any of them, for this.
I guess I’m a liar. A foolish girl who said a lie wouldn’t change anything if it really mattered. A big fucking liar. Because this changes everything.
“Yeah, but there’s a chance, right?” I look back, catching Kooper’s eye first, then Chains’ and Casper’s. “Right?”
They all nod.
Swallowing hard, I walk out. But not before giving them my parting words that I hope they take for the truth they are, ’cause I’m not coming back. “So, why the fuck should I waste my time with you all when I can be with him?”
I get to the hospital on autopilot. Once I’m inside, I realize I won’t have to play games trying to figure out what name they stashed my dad under. Because General is here, waiting for me. The club probably called him. I should be grateful, but I don’t care.
“Where is he?”
“Ruby, sweetie, you have to listen.”
“Where. Is. He!” I yell in his face, and everyone on the floor turns to look at me.
To his credit, General doesn’t even flinch. I’m sure he’s heard worse.
“This way.” He turns on his heel, and I follow.
We take turns, go up some stairs and down others. I’m not even paying attention. How can I? Twenty minutes ago, I was trying to live a life without Dad, and now I’ve found out he’s alive. In a coma, but alive.
General finally stops at a closed door, opens it, and then steps aside. I take a second, but then I walk through. First thing I notice is Mad Max. He’s here. Which means this is real. It’s all real. Dad’s really here, and he’s alive.
Mad Max was his personal enforcer. A man who did everything for my dad. Who saw him as the reason to get up in the morning, before he met his Fairy. And he’s here. Watching a man who’s lying in a bed with tubes coming out of his mouth and arms.
Dad seems so fragile. A man who was always larger than life is just a shell of what he was. But the beeping? That beautiful noise? Some might find it annoying, but I find it holy.
I bring my hand to my mouth, but I refuse to break. He might not know I’m here, but he can hear me. I have to believe he hears me. So while I hold in my sobs of relief and grief, I move to his bedside.
Mad Max rises but says nothing. The silent watchdog as always. He doesn’t even try to apologize like General did. He just moves aside, and I grab my dad’s hand, tracing the veins along the top of his hand as I let the tears fall.
“Hi, Daddy. I’m here. Your little girl is here. And I’m not going anywhere.” I lean forward and kiss his forehead, then sit on the bed.
I stay there for hours, just watching him breathe through his tubes. I take in everything. And when my stomach protests and my eyelids begin to droop, I rise and look at Mad Max. He never left.
“You can have tonight, but starting tomorrow, you’re out of this room. Only family is allowed in here, and I’m the only one he has. You and the others can go. We don’t need you anymore. We don’t want you. So get lost and stay there.”
I turn to leave, reaching the door before he speaks.
“You can be mad. It’s your right. You can disagree with what happened, but it happened.
The Hounds won’t be leaving. We’ll give you space, but we ain’t leaving.
” He pauses long enough that I look over my shoulder and see him watching Dad. “And he is family. Just like you.”
He turns back to me and holds my stare under his heavy demeanor. The guy has always been scary, but I’ve never felt his full intensity before. It sends a shiver down my spine.
I don’t answer, just turn and walk out, taking my time and memorizing the way out so I can come back in the morning. I find my car and get in, driving home in silence.
And all but ignoring the sound of a motorcycle following me all the way.