Chapter 41—Ruby
“Run it again,” I blurt, so quick that I feel as if I’m out a breath. Or maybe that’s just because my heart stopped pumping, and the oxygen isn’t circulating.
I can’t be pregnant. I just can’t. I had sex… what? Once?
Technically, it was like nine times.
Shut up, brain. It was once. One night. Sure, we went at it all night, but that still counts as once. Right?
“I ran it three times to be sure.” General looks at me with kind eyes. Something I’m sure he does with all his patients who receive news like this.
Like… shit. Is this good news or bad? I don’t know.
“But I’m on birth control. I have the implant.” I move my arm a bit to show him the small lift in my skin.
“Funny thing about implants is they only work a few years before they expire.”
“Expire?” My eyes are as wide as saucers. I had no idea they expired. Did I? I don’t know.
“From what we can figure out, it would have expired right around the time your dad—I mean Law, ah….”
When Dad died, but didn’t die. I was too lost in my grief to do much then. If my doctor had called to set up a replacement, I would have missed it. Shit.
I look at Kooper, who’s still staring at General. Maybe he didn’t hear him. Maybe he’s doing the math, like I am, and trying to figure this out.
What math, girl? You’ve been with one guy.
“Wait.” Dread trickles into my mind. “Could it be…?” I close my eyes and shake out the shudder.
I feel Kooper squeeze my hand, but I can’t look at him when I say this.
I just can’t. “Do you know how long? Like, when it happened. I didn’t sleep much, but…
but… something could have happened. Something when I didn’t think it did. ”
God, to be pregnant by one of them, one of my captors. Just the thought has me hyperventilating.
“Breathe, Ruby. I need you to breathe,” General says.
I blink and, I swear, he’s by my side in a second, holding my shoulder and trying to calm me down. It’s not working.
“I’m going to be sick,” I say a second before I lean over and throw up the water I drank earlier. Thank God General is quick, because I would have hit his shoes if he hadn’t grabbed a kidney-shaped bowl for me to upchuck into.
I keep gagging, but there isn’t anything in my stomach. Eventually, I roll back over onto my back, exhausted from that small effort. A cool cloth touches my forehead and cheeks before Kooper wipes my mouth and then tosses it away.
“We did an initial check when you were out. There were no signs of rape. However, we can still do a paternity test, though we won’t be able to do so for a few more weeks.
You’re still in the early stages of the first trimester.
We’ll keep you on fluids and get you some actual food.
I’ll have one of our OB/GYN doctors come by, and you can go over things with them.
They can give you a better idea of what to expect now that you’re… well, expecting.”
General smiles, but I don’t.
Finding out I’m pregnant wasn’t the plan.
But they ran blood work on me. Checked and double-checked. They’re sure, they say.
And when General found out, he told me first. Well, me and Kooper.
Kooper. A minute ago, things were different. It was just him and me. Starting something. The possibilities were different. They were endless. Now? Shit, it looks like we started something weeks ago, and now we have to pay for it. Literally. Babies are expensive.
Oh God, what about school? Where am I going to live? I have no home. Dad doesn’t know me. I’ve got nothing. I’m not going to raise this kid in the clubhouse, and Nat’s and my place is too small. If we’re even still going to be living together. If I trust her enough to be around my kid.
Double shit.
“Right, well, I’m going to get a nurse in here to start you on some prenatal vitamins and set up a menu for lunch to start getting you where you need to be for that healthy little one inside.” General turns to leave with a pep in his step that I don’t seem to have in my heart.
“General.” He turns, and I watch his smile fade as he takes in my expression. Which I’m sure is full of panic. I glance at Kooper, who’s watching me but saying nothing. Just listening.
I look back at General. “Is it too late? Too late to… you know?” I tilt my head back and forth and gesture to my stomach.
He doesn’t frown. He doesn’t get angry. He just looks on with respect.
“No, sweetie. It’s not too late to terminate if that’s what you want.
If you’re thinking that because you don’t know whose it is, I suggest you wait till we get a paternity test done first. We can get that done and then make that call.
But the decision is yours. And I, and the club, will stand by your choice. ”
Tears fall down my cheeks as I nod. My voice is gone, floating away in fear of everything.
His smile is sad, but his eyes are those of someone who cares about my well-being and not the world’s opinion on what I should do.
Then he leaves. And the quietness in the room is deafening.
“We’ll get through this, Peaches.”
Kooper’s words draw my eye. I didn’t want to look at him when I asked.
I didn’t want to see what would be on his face.
But I should have known that he would have held his feelings, his thoughts to himself.
It’s what he does. He keeps a part of himself hidden from me, but only so I can shine a little bit more.
He’ll let me decide. I know he will. Any choice I make, I know not a single Hound will think less of me. They’ll support me through it all.
But what will I feel?
“Was I raped?” I ask him. General already said it doesn’t look like it, but I need to hear it from him. I need to know his thoughts.
He shakes his head.
“So… so it’s yours?” I’m not sure why I’m questioning it. It’s obvious when you do the math. Which is as simple as one plus one. But in this case, one woman plus one man makes three.
A small smile lifts his lips. “Unless you really weren’t a virgin.”
Even in this, after everything, he can pull a reaction from me without me thinking. I roll my eyes and push his chest. It’s weak, but the impact is there.
“You know I was.” No use in denying it now.
Before I can pull my hand back, he holds it close to his chest. Right over his heart.
“You want this?”
I don’t know if he’s asking about him or the kid.
I bite my lip and regret it. It’s only been a day at the most since I was saved. My lip still hasn’t healed enough for me to do anything but pout.
“Do you?” It’s a total cop-out to answer his question with one of my own. But I need to know what he’s thinking. He buries parts of himself for me, and while I appreciate being put first, in this I want to be second.
“I’ll take you however I can get you.”
My jaw drops at his open declaration. I know he said things when he got me out of there, but that was different. That was in the moment. In a battle when we didn’t know if we’d live or die. After not seeing each other for so long, it was a heat-of-the-moment thing. Or so I thought.
Even if my heart knew it was more. Hoped and begged for it to be more.
“You’re it for me, Peaches. I don’t want anyone else.
I want you. And I’ll take you however you want me to.
I’ll be your protector, your bodyguard. Your King Koopa to my Princess Peach.
Your friend. Your teammate. I’ll be your old man and the father of your kids.
Hell, I’ll even be the stay-at-home kind so you can go off and live your dream or whatever the hell you want. ”
A surprised laugh pulls from my lips at his words, and his grin widens. “You are not a stay-at-home kind of guy.”
His smile drops as he brings my fingertips to his lips and kisses each pad before looking at me with such intensity that it feels as if I’m about to be set on fire. “For you I would.”
“I don’t know what I want,” I whisper. It’s the truth.
What felt like five seconds ago, I thought I did. But now? There’s a kid inside me. A kid.
How can this be happening? I’m not ready to be a mom. I’m not ready for this. I’m a kid myself. Just ask my dad.
Dad.
He won’t know. He might never know he’s a grandpa. I could tell him, but would it be the same? Would he even care?
And does Kooper even want this? This is sudden. We had sex once. Once.
I guess they were speaking the truth when they said it only takes one time in Sex-Ed class. Of course it would be me who’s the statistic in all of this.
Kooper, for all his faults, is honorable. Loyal. He would stick by me. By the kid. I have zero thoughts that he would abandon him or her if we don’t last. And who knows if we will.
We fucked once.
Jesus, I’m not going to be able to get over that part.
He’ll tire of me. He’s used to experience. To a fast-paced life. Saying you’ll stay home is one thing compared to the reality of actually doing it.
Tell him he has to watch the kid and not go to the club because I’m in class or at my job? That’s laughable. Something that would never happen.
And me staying home? I know people do it.
Mom did. But that’s not me. I’ve worked hard for what I have.
Real hard. I didn’t know what I wanted before all this, but being locked up for days gave me time to think about everything.
To really see what matters most. And my own practice? Yeah, I want that.
I want the long hours. The grueling schedule. The complaining about paperwork and wondering if we’ll make rent.
Okay, not the last part, but I want all the rest. I want a boring job to do in the day.
And at night… I want Kooper.
I’ve wanted him for a while. He became my world, even before it turned to shit with Dad and everything else.
But I don’t know if I can give him what he wants.
“What if the kid isn’t yours?”
I’m 98 percent sure it is, but there’s still the unknown.
Till I get the test results, it’ll always be a what-if.
Even after, I’ve got no misconceptions that I won’t wake screaming to nightmares that could be memories or just my mind playing tricks on me, giving me details of what could have happened or did when I thought I was protected.
When I thought I was safe in that cell and things were happening next door to Ava.
I’m na?ve in a few things, but not enough to fully believe I came out of that place untouched. Mentally or physically.
“It would be yours. If you choose to have it, it would be your kid, Peaches. I can’t think of a better thing to watch over than something that belongs to you.”
“Do you… do you want it?” Another whisper. This time because the emotions are holding my voice hostage and not allowing me to speak louder without releasing a sob.
“Whatever you want.”
“No.” I shake my head and close my eyes before looking back at him. “No. You can’t do that. You can’t be the one putting me first in this. I need to know what you think. What you want.” His head tilts as he stares at me. “Please,” I beg.
“I do.”
I let out a breath at his words.
“Like I said, I’ll take you any way I can get you. If you don’t want a kid right now, I get that. Shit happened to you. Bringing in a life after that is not easy. But I’m not going anywhere. So if you choose not to have this one, I’ll still be here for the next one.”
He palms my face and rubs his fingers over my cheek. “And the next. And the next.”
“Jesus, how many are you expecting?”
“Kids are going to need friends.”
I shake my head, but it’s with a smile. He leans in and presses a kiss to my forehead and then a peck on my lips.
“I feel different now. I don’t feel like me, like Ruby,” I confess to him as we’re inches apart. A secret for his ears alone.
“Then don’t be. Be Peaches. Be my Peaches.”
“What… what are you saying?”
“I think you know.”
“Say it.” I glare at him, but he just leans back and shakes his head.
“No.”
“Why? Scared?” Calling him that puts my fear at bay a bit. I’d rather us both be scared than just me.
He shakes his head again. “Never. I can say it, scream it, tattoo it. It won’t change anything. All that matters is if you say it. If you feel it.”
I swallow, even if it’s hard to do. I don’t know why calling him something other than Kooper scares me more than thinking about having a kid, but it does.
Maybe because I know this is it. Once it’s said out loud, once I say it, there’s no going back.
It’ll be him and me forever. If I call him my old man, and he calls me his old lady.
Even if he tried to end it, I have too much of my mom and dad in me to let it go peacefully. I’d kill the bastard before I let him get away from me. If I’m willing to call it for what it is right now.
“Say it.”
“I… I—”
A nurse comes in at that moment, and Kooper backs up enough to give her room to check me over. She stays for a minute and then says she’ll be back in a second with the menu.
As soon as she leaves, I speak before Kooper can sit down and get close. When he’s close, I can’t think straight. And I need to. We both do.
“I need time to think. About this. About us. And you do too.”
“I just told you what I want.”
“But I want you to be sure. To know what it means. We both need to be sure that if we do this, that… that we do this. I don’t know what that will look like in a year or, hell, a month.
There could still be issues, complications with the…
with the baby.” Saying it doesn’t make it any easier.
It’s weird, all weird. “Please, Koop. Please.”
He looks me in the eye, seeing more than I know before he nods.
And then he walks away.
Was that my answer?