37
I”m not going to apologize
Aleksa
I looked at the Russian discreetly. We had been at each other like cat and dog all day, and in the end, he opted for something that drove me crazy: indifference.
He was sitting in the passenger seat, frowning and with his arms crossed.
He had been angry since yesterday, and the atmosphere between us couldn”t be more hostile. I understood his level of anger; it must not have been pleasant for the guy you just slept with to treacherously inject you with a dose of pentothal, but it was part of my job, he of all people should understand that.
”Are you going to sulk forever?” I asked irritably. I got no response, he completely ignored me. ”Let me get this straight,” I sighed patiently, ”Are you mad at me for doing my job well?” He turned his face and threw a grenade with those huge, expressive eyes.
”You have no fucking clue about anything, so you better drop it.” I grimaced.
”Why?”
In a quick move, he grabbed me by the shirt, threateningly. I didn”t move an inch, maybe that was what he needed, to vent.
”You made me betray her. She picked me up at my lowest point, when I hit rock bottom, and you...” He looked at me with contempt.
”Me, what?” I prodded.
”You, nothing,” he spat irritably and turned to look out the window.
We were in the parking lot, standing guard. We weren”t supposed to go into the party because Arasagasti might recognize me, after having offered him money at the port to join our side.
Doing so had its pros and cons.
On the pro side, we ruled out money as bait, and on the con side, I was stuck with a Russian who really got under my skin and couldn”t stand my presence.
I turned on the radio. Andrey stretched out his arm and turned it off.
”What the hell are you doing?” I asked, annoyed. He didn”t flinch.
”And you? We”re on guard,” he scolded me as if I had done something wrong.
”So what? Does Koroleva not let you listen to music because it tames the beast?” I turned it on again, and he stopped it again.
”No distractions. We”re working.”
”Distractions? It”s music, for God”s sake!” Again, my finger twisting the knob.
”If the radio is on, we can”t hear,” he turned the knob again.
”Hear what? Our breathing? Or are you waiting to hear crickets mate? Because your conversation is notably absent.” His brow furrowed.
”What”s notably absent is your common sense. What you need to listen for isn”t crickets or breaths, but any noise that”s foreign to us and comes from outside. We don”t know what”s lurking out there.” I let out a sigh.
”This isn”t a Stephen King movie.”
”No, we agree there, especially since Koroleva was nearly killed today.” I leaned back in the seat, overwhelmed.
”Romeo didn”t do it,” I said by way of excuse.
”I”m sick of you defending him. I don”t care if he didn”t do that, he”s been busy doing other things.”
”You”re prejudging him, and you”re screwing it up. Both you and your boss.”
”I don”t care, that doesn”t excuse what you”ve done.” I shifted in my seat.
”Look, I”m not going to apologize for last night, because for me, it was the right thing to do.”
”We”re not going to agree, so you might as well drop it.”
”You would have done the same.”
”You have no fucking idea what I would or wouldn”t have done. You don”t know me,” he complained.
”Maybe not much, but enough to let you fuck me last night, and I want you to know that wasn”t planned. It wasn”t a distraction to lower your guard, I did it because I wanted to, because I desired you.” His perfectly angled face looked like polished granite.
”And you think I care?” He was no longer looking away but staring at me with hostility.
”Well, you should.”
”Why?”
”Because I still want you to fuck me.” My hand reached for his dick, which was as stiff as he was. He pushed it away violently, and I looked at him enticingly.
”Wow, so I”m not as indifferent to you as you pretend...”
”Just because you make me hard doesn”t mean anything.”
”To you maybe it doesn”t mean anything, but it does...”
”What happened, happened. End of story.”
”Your dick seems to disagree.”
”My dick doesn’t get a say in this matter.”
”It thinks otherwise.”
”It doesn’t think, because if it did...”
”What?”
”Nothing. I need some air, don”t move, you”re grounded.”
Andrey stormed out of the car, slamming the door. And I felt frustrated, because I couldn’t leave, I shouldn”t leave... I saw him walk off to the side, where plants and a very wide tree blocked my view.
Where had he gone?
Screw it!
I got out of the car and headed towards where he disappeared. He was leaning against the trunk, shielded from prying eyes. His head tilted back at an awkward angle. His eyes were closed.
He muttered a curse in Russian upon hearing my steps.
”I told you not to move.”
”I”ve never been good with orders, unless they”re from my boss, and as far as I know, you”re just the guy who fucked me.” Andrey huffed.
”You were supposed to be keeping watch.”
”Well, you should have stayed with me,” I murmured, placing my hands on the trunk, one on each side of his face. The Russian opened his eyes and pierced me with his gaze. How could he be so handsome! In a rugged, surly, sexy way.
”What are you doing?”
”Getting myself beaten up. Is that what you need to stop being an idiot with me? To hit me?”
”You”re asking for it...”
”Then go ahead. Hit me,” I whispered, moving closer to his mouth, ”and make sure you knock me out, or else...”
”Or what?” he questioned, not avoiding my approach.
”I”ll have to kiss you,” I said seriously, coveting his lips.
Our breaths, oblivious to everything, mated without permission, panting, hot, sinuous. The tree bark wrinkled from the uncontrollable desire pressing our zippers.
I rubbed mine against his and moaned at the feeling. Hard, tight, longing.
Andrey could say whatever he wanted, because what matters is never said, it”s felt, and I felt it too much. The layers of clothing, or the impregnable armor he raised between us, mattered little, because the lightness of that touch was enough for everything to come crashing down.
”Hit me,” I provoked him, brushing against him again. ”Hit me, damn it!” I spat, pounding on the rough surface.
The Russian grabbed my shirt as he had in the car and switched our positions, slamming me against him forcefully. Not enough to hurt me, but enough to press me against his body and unleash his rage with his fists against the tree.
Andrey was panting, and I drank in the turbulence of his gaze.
”You were supposed to hit me, not the trunk. Aim better, come on...” I egged him on.
His Adam”s apple bobbed abruptly. He still said nothing. He just looked at me with such intensity, such rage, that I felt it everywhere.
”Andrey...” I murmured hoarsely.
”Shut the fuck up already!” he barked uncomfortably.
”Make me shut up”I wanted to provoke him, push him to the edge, and I succeeded.
He cursed in Russian and plunged into my mouth.
I wanted to scream, push him to the ground and fuck him like never before, but I restrained myself to just raise my arms and feel the tingling of his short hair in my palms. A subtle, furtive caress meant to draw him closer.
His tongue was like him. Large, wide, intense. It made me gasp due to that torturous way it enveloped me.
Andrey was like one of those waves you don”t see coming that flips you over when you least expect it. You end up covered in sand, spitting salt water with burning lungs. Yet, you laugh, breathe, and realize how small and fragile we are at certain moments. How fleeting life is and how unprotected we are against situations that slip out of our hands and make us feel too much.
Andrey descended and unbuttoned the fastening of my slacks.
With a sharp tug, he pulled them down along with my underwear to my ankles.
My erection sprang out at the thought of entering that tormenting mouth.
He grabbed my dick and licked the tip, driving me wild.
”Fuck!” I growled. My body demanded he continue, but my mind told me no, not like this.”I can”t believe I”m going to say this,” I cursed myself, ”stop.” He looked at me puzzled.
”Do you want me to stop?” Yes, I couldn”t believe it either.
”I don”t have a condom, at least not on me, my wallet is in the car,” I explained. Andrey twisted a smile, opened his palm, and spit.
Could there be anything more twisted than getting turned on by seeing a guy spitting in his own hand?
Well, it did it for me, a lot, so much so that when he stood up, taking my dick in his hand, I was close to coming like a premature ejaculator.
He began to jerk me off, without kissing, without touching me otherwise, just looking into my eyes.
And I couldn”t stop gasping desperately. Melted against that splintered wood surface that dug into my skin as deeply as he did.
He rubbed like a savage, mixing fast strokes with slower, tighter ones, letting his saliva fall each time he felt my skin had absorbed it.
I was dying of pleasure, no one had ever jerked me off like that, as if he could touch my soul with each rise and fall of skin.
My breathing accelerated uncontrollably, my lung capacity diminished by the storm in his eyes, those caresses that struck like lightning and made me want to dance in the rain.
That was him, the wildest of storms, one you didn’t want to shelter from.
Every nerve in my body trembled, and Andrey knew it. It didn”t matter that I was only naked from the waist down because he saw much beyond the clothes, I was sure.
In an intense, deep, visceral way. Delving into each scar, each death behind us. Because men like us also needed to feel understood, cherished, even loved.
And he was offering me the relief I needed, of his skin against mine, of his fiery gaze, devoid of fear, full of feverish desire.
”I’m going to... I’m going to...”
”Shhh,” he silenced me, ”I know. Let me see it.”
Hearing him say that, I came, unloading into his palm while his gaze cradled me, without false promises, without tricks, just the consolation of an equal holding me in his gesture. He waited for me to finish and then stepped back.
He shook his hand and rubbed it against some bushes to rid himself of my essence. I didn”t know what to do or what to say after the intensity we”d shared.
”Do you want me to...?” I stammered.
”No,” he cut me off without looking back. ”I’ll wait for you in the car, don’t be long.”
”Andrey...” I mumbled.
He didn’t respond, I didn’t insist, and his silhouette vanished, camouflaged among the cars.