Chapter 8
eight
Tessa
O h my stars. I’ve seen grey sweatpants videos on social media but certainly never expected to experience the phenomenon in my own kitchen. Without subtle cutaways or angles to prevent the video from being banned, the movement is mesmerizing. Heat blazes up my neck into my cheeks. Fascinated by the ridge growing under the soft material I know I need to get away. I can’t stay or I’ll do something I’m not sure I’m ready for.
I drag my gaze to his face. The smirk there tells me he knows the effect on my senses with what he’s doing. Stupid cat seems to be enjoying it, too.
Reaching behind me, I fumble to return the large spoon to the soup. Then rush from the kitchen, speaking as I go. “I won’t be long. Please feel free to search the cupboards for anything else you want. I—uh—bye.”
Bye? How lame is that? I mentally slap my forehead as I close the bathroom door and stare at my bright red face. Now he’s sure to know how inexperienced I am with men.
Not much I can do about it now.
Other than a pair of towels draped over the side of the tub and the trail of water droplets on the shower glass, there’s no indication there’s been anyone here. I can almost pretend he’s not here or that he’s seen me at my embarrassed worst.
Once I pull off my socks and unbutton my jeans, I realize I didn’t bring any fresh clothing in here with me. All I need to do is slip across the hall but when I open I door and hear Ethan talking to the cat while he moves around the kitchen, I create a better plan. If he’s teasing me with grey sweatpants, maybe I can return the favor by wearing just the robe hanging on the door hook. The soft terrycloth is oversized so I won’t really expose anything if I’m careful. I’ll just let him imagine what’s beneath.
Standing under the shower I change my mind about the robe at least six times. Yes, he said he wanted to kiss me earlier but hasn’t said or done anything since then to show a continued interest. Or perhaps I haven’t shown enough returned interest. Maybe he’s waiting for me to do something.
If that’s the situation then whatever we could be isn’t going anywhere. I’m not ready to take the lead in a relationship. Not with someone like Ethan. I’ve done too many foolish things in my life and pressing for something he doesn’t want would be the worst. I’m not sure I’d be able to recover from the rejection.
I’m warm and the hot water is running out so I rapidly finish my shower. After putting my towel dried hair into a messy bun with a claw clip, I take a fortifying breath and slip into my favorite robe. And if I spritz a little vanilla body spray over my skin before tying the belt it’s only because I like the smell.
After a deep breath I retie the robe sash, grab my clothes to put in the dryer once Ethan’s are done, and tip toe back to the kitchen.
Sam is nowhere in sight and Ethan sits at the table arranging soda crackers and slices of cheese on a small plate. Thin curls of steam rise from large soup mugs waiting in the center of the table. He speaks without looking up. “I dished up the soup when I heard the shower turn off. Hopefully it’s cooled enough to enjoy. I hope cheese and crackers are an okay side dish.”
“Perfect.” I sit and allow the front vee of the robe to gap open exposing more of my breasts than I’d consider proper. I’m done being proper. At least for tonight. I bite the corner off a cracker and smile at Ethan’s expression and how his gaze is fixed on my cleavage.
There’s no need for a spoon with the creamy tomato soup so I lift my mug, blow across the surface, and take a careful sip. The temperature is, “Perfect.”
“Yes, they, uh, I mean, you are perfect.” Ethan straightens and blinks away his heavy-lidded expression. There’d been promises I didn’t understand glittering in his eyes and I silently mourn the loss of something I may never know or experience.
He lifts his mug in salute. “Tomato soup is my all-time favorite. I couldn’t find any bread, otherwise I would have made grilled cheese. I can make those without burning them.” He takes another sip. “Usually.”
“I’ve been so busy with the festival I haven’t taken time to go to the store. I didn’t plan on the weather being this bad either.”
Punctuating my statement, a blast of wind makes the old kitchen windows shudder. Cold oozes into the room and I clutch the front of my robe together and shiver.
Ethan stands and takes my soup. “Come on. Let’s go somewhere warmer.”
With another chill skating down my spine, I ask, “Is there such a place?”
He grins. “I hope you’ll like what I’ve done.”
The firm, taut muscles of his ass in the grey sweats are almost as drool-worthy as the front view. Like he’s the pied piper, I follow him into the living room.
A small fire crackles in the fireplace sending soft light flickering over the walls. Sam is curled on a cushion to one side of the hearth. His amber eyes open when we enter, then close before he turns his back to us. That’s the cat I’m accustomed to.
Ethan chuckles. “Couldn’t get him to leave me alone until I started the fire.”
“Makes sense. He and Granddad spent most winter evenings in here. The fire for warmth and a movie on the television.”
“It’s still early. How about a little…” He pauses for a long moment then clears his throat. “Some Netflix and chill?”
I could use some relaxation after today. “Sounds great except I don’t have any streaming platforms. There are a lot of DVDs though.”
His lowered brows confuse me. No, it’s more like he’s the one who’s confused. Then his expression clears and his easy smile returns. “Sounds great.”
I poke his chest right above the Lynx logo and heated awareness spreads up my arm. Is there any way I can touch him without getting turned on? A fingertip to a cotton shirt shouldn’t make my lady bits tingle. Stars, what’s going to happen when I caress his skin. Because planned or not, that’s going to happen tonight.
“Why don’t you get settled and I’ll start a movie. What are you in the mood for? Something Christmasy?”
“Do you have one of the best Christmas movies ever? Die Hard?” His tone says he’s unsure about his request.
So I surprise him. “Granddad and I used to watch it every year. He felt the same way about the movie as you obviously do.”
“Is it okay for us? I mean for us to watch it together?”
His concern delights me. “It’ll be nice to share the experience with someone who understands. Granddad would be delighted I’m carrying on the tradition.”
Before long our soup mugs are empty and we’re snuggled shoulder to shoulder under a quilt, reciting lines along with the actors. And laughing. I haven’t had so much fun in a long time.
I don’t want this moment to end when the final credits roll. Ethan wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls the quilt up under my chin. “Warm enough?”
Warm and getting pleasantly warmer, I’m not sure my voice will work. I nod.
“Tessa, I have a confession.”
Every cell in my body stutters with a mixture of dread and anticipation. I turn my face toward him and wait.
“This is kind of embarrassing.” He lowers his head then looks at me through his long, thick eyelashes. “I had a huge crush on you in high school.”
A crush? Wait. What? On me? I must not have heard right. “Me?”
His fingers toy with the collar of my robe. “Yeah, but you always avoided me. By ignoring me you made my life miserable.”
I did often turn the other way if I saw him coming toward me. I had watched him from behind a book, or an open locker door. I’ll own up to that. But miserable? “How?”
“By ignoring me. Because of my teenage hormones I couldn’t think of anything but you.”
“You’re teasing me. I doubt you ever thought about me. You were dating the head cheerleader.”
He shifts to scrub both hands over his face. “Fucking peer pressure that I didn’t know how to escape or deal with. You know, the traditional star jock and head cheerleader thing.”
“You were a star jock? Think pretty highly of yourself, huh?”
He looks startled for a moment then a laugh chases some of the seriousness from his expression. “So they told me. And that was the only reason I dated Cynthia. Lost track of her when I went to college and sometimes I wonder if she reached her lofty goals without me.”
This information I can fill in for him, with a great deal of personal satisfaction. “You dodged a bullet. After you left she latched on to the quarterback. She dated him through college finally trapping him by getting pregnant. Then when he wasn’t ambitious enough for her, she left him and their daughter and got a divorce. Now he owns two auto dealerships and just built a huge house for his family.”
“Good for him. What about her?”
“Last I heard from the town gossip mill is that she’s had two more kids with different guys. Moved to Washington state with the last one. They live in a trailer park.”
“Just what the bitch deserves.”
Even though I agree, I say, “Don’t be mean.”
“You remember that time you got a note supposedly from me? About meeting under the bleachers?”
My face heats. I do but I remain silent. It’s one of my worst memories.
“I got a note, too. From you, or so I thought. I couldn’t figure out how you knew I was interested. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t wait to see you and tell you. You looked so pretty standing in the shadows waiting for me. I couldn’t wait to hold your hand.”
“Then everyone jumped out of hiding. You’d tricked me, wanted to embarrass me. So I ran away.” I want to run away now, the memory is too painful. I shove at the quilt.
Ethan grabs my hand. “No. No, it wasn’t like that, Tessa. I promise I had nothing to do with it. Cynthia and her friends planned the whole thing. Just to be mean and show her superiority. And probably to get back at me for not having sex with her after the homecoming dance.”
That memory, no matter the explanation, had been a defining moment in my life. I’d made a personal vow to never allow my emotions to create relationships that weren’t possible. So what in the world am I doing now? My mouth opens and out pops the first question in my mind. “Why didn’t you have sex with her?”
A shrug lifts his shoulders. “You probably won’t believe this about a teenage boy, but even when she stripped off all her clothes, I wasn’t interested in her skinny body. There was only one way for me to even stand making out with her. I imagined she was someone else. I imagined you.”
I can’t tell if he’s teasing me or feeding me some line. These words can’t be true. “Me? I was… I am chubby on a good day. Not the kind of body a boy jerks off to.”
“You are so wrong, honey. I dreamed about your curves then. So many wet dreams. I’m sorry, Tessa. I was such a dick back then.”
Cupping the stubble on his cheek with my palm I lock gazes with him. “Why are you telling me this now?”
There’s no hesitation in his reply. “I was surprised to see you this morning. Once that wore off, I remembered how you appealed to me then. Those feelings have returned. No, I’m not a seventeen year old kid. What I feel for you now, the desire and longing, these are a man’s emotions. A man who knows what he wants.
“And I think you want the same thing. Do you, Tessa. Do you want me?”
Slowly he pulls the quilt away and traces the opening of my robe down to the sash and back up. “Do you feel it, honey? Fuck, Tessa, you are even more beautiful now. I want to know how it feels to touch you. The real you.”
Goose bumps dance over my skin and I lean slightly into his caress. This is what I wanted then. What I’ve needed since the moment he walked into my office. “Are you saying… Ethan, are you asking me… to make out with you?”