14. Bernice
Krash:
Good morning, beautiful. I hope you have the day you deserve, and if you don’t I’ll knock everybody out until you do.
As I read his morning text, I shook my head and laughed. For the last fourteen days, Keyshawn had been consistent with his approach to making me his lady. He’d texted me good morning and good night faithfully. He’d sent me flowers, chocolates, and paid for my lunch most days. I appreciated the sentiment, but part of me had reservations.
What if my ex found me? What if we realized we weren’t meant to be together and wasted time trying to get a second chance? What if he realized I was too damaged?
Before I could dive deeper into doubt, my phone buzzed. The text from Krash popped up.
Krash:
Tell me about your schedule for the weekend. Do you have time to go out with me?
I’d gone out with him since the sub sandwich date a couple of weeks ago. My weekend was free, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to take the next step.
“Who are you texting?” Mama asked as she sat down beside me and glanced at my phone screen.
I locked the phone and laughed. “Dang, nosy!”
“I am. Now answer the question. Who has you laughing and smiling at the phone screen?” she asked with a smirk.
“Bernice is texting a man?” Aunt Clarice asked.
“Nosy One and Nosy Two, can y’all get out my business, please?” I rebutted.
“We haven’t seen you with a man since Krash,” Mama reminded.
“It’s about time you let your family into your love life. We want you to find your person and live happily ever after,” Aunt Clarice added.
“Funny you mention Keyshawn…” I bit down on my bottom lip.
Mama’s grin spread across her face to show all her teeth. “Aww! Y’all are back together!”
“No!” I shouted immediately. I shook my head vehemently. “No. We’re just talking right now. It’s a funny story, actually. I did an install at his house, and the next day, he pulled up to the headquarters with my favorite chocolate and flowers.”
Mama placed her hands on her heart and tilted her head. “Aww!”
“So, he’s the one who has you smiling more.” Aunt Clarice giggled.
“He’s been very consistent with his approach. He asked me out on a date, but I’m not sure if I should accept or not.”
“Bernie, both of you are wiser and older now. You’re not a teenager anymore. You’ve lived life and have your career mapped out to the T. Now, where in your plan do you have time set aside to fall in love and create me some grandbabies?” Mama’s question floored me.
“Well… Um… I don’t have any time set aside to fall in love. I’ve only ever had my eye on being successful in my career.”
As the words left my mouth, a queasy feeling settled in my stomach. Putting my career in the forefront was how I was supposed to protect my heart. Even at my lowest, I never let my bad personal life interfere with my goals in the tech world.
Even when that man beat my ass until I was barely unconscious, I still pushed through. I couldn’t let the outside world know how damaged my mental was, or they might have used that as an excuse not to support my business. A battered and abused woman couldn’t possibly be the face of the number one security company in the country.
“Speaking from a woman who has had failed marriages,” Aunt Clarice began, “you should want to be with someone who can take every season of you. The sunny days, the stormy days, the gloomy days, and every day in between. A man who can’t see you through every day is not the man you should be with.”
Aunt Clarice didn’t understand just how true her words were. Visions of my ex played through my mind as I tried desperately to push them away.
It was a year after I’d graduated. I was a few weeks away from the soft launch. I’d been stress eating like crazy because the end was near, and I didn’t want to fail.
Rodney had been working extra shifts to pay my parts of the rent, and he’d become more irritable. I tried to give him his space, but lately, it felt as if he’d been searching for an argument.
Sprawled out on the couch, I ate a bag of Flamin’ Hot Popcorn while I watched the next episode of the anime I chose to binge. The main characters were in a battle in the woods and were throwing their best combinations at each other.
The front door swung open, and Rodney emerged. His tall, thick frame had been the first thing to attract me a year ago. He was light skinned with tattoos on his arms, chest, and calves. He had his hair in cornrows with a thick beard to connect the look.
“The fuck are you doing, Niecy?” he asked with an attitude in his tone.
I frowned. “What does it look like?”
He didn’t respond, so I popped a few pieces of the spicy kernels into my mouth and turned back to the show.
Smack!
The sting to my cheek made me drop the bag of popcorn and stand up with fear coursing through my veins. “What the fuck?”
“I come home from a long day of work to a dark house with my bitch watching cartoons. Where the fuck is dinner at? You sit around this fuckin’ apartment with your depressed ass mood swings, stuffing your fat ass face. I work hard to pay these bills while you play on computers all day.”
His words stung. “Dinner is in the microwave… I cooked when I finished playing on the computer .”
“Good.”
Rodney was a plague. He was the first person to show me kindness in the city. He’d walk me to class, spend lunch with me, and stay up late while I worked on things. Our bond was perfect while we were friends. When I finally gave him a chance to be my boyfriend… his true colors showed.
When people hypothesized about what they’d do in an abusive relationship, they always said how they’d leave immediately. They would never stay. They would never allow a man to put his hands on them. It all sounded so good in theory, but in reality…
Rodney made me feel like I had no one. Being thousands of miles away from my parents, I began to feel like I had no one to confide in. I allowed him to tear down my confidence, my willpower, and my spirit. I gave him too much power over my life, and for almost three years, I’d suffered in silence while putting on a facade. The more success my company got, the more he beat my ass. I’d finally put a restraining order on him, blocked him, and deleted my existence from his life one night. When I ran, I never looked back.
“Bernie?” Mama’s voice pulled me out of the darkness.
I blinked to clear my mind and vision. “Hmm?”
“Are you okay?” she asked as she placed her hands on top of mine.
“Yeah. I was just in my thoughts. I think I came to a decision.”
“You’re going out with Krash?” Aunt Clarice quizzed.
“Maybe. I’ll let y’all know next week.”
“Next week?” they repeated in unison.
“Yes!” I giggled.
I pulled out my phone and sent Krash a quick reply.
Me:
Hey. Sorry for the long wait. My schedule is free Saturday night.
Krash:
Say no more. I’ll have something planned for you, baby girl. I’ll send you the details tomorrow morning.
Instead of typing a response, I hearted his message.A date with Krash might be what I needed to truly get over Rodney. My heart wanted to reunite with the one man who truly understood me. My mind and spirit were on the fence, but my soul had hope. The light feeling in my core told me to proceed with caution.
“The bowling alley all to ourselves,” I commented as we entered the building to the speakers blasting music, with only one lane lit up. Usually, on Saturdays, the alleys were packed with families, couples, kids, and friends. Most places had forty-five minutes to an hour long wait between lanes.
“I didn’t want anybody in our business while we play. I want uninterrupted time with you. I told the employees to give us privacy, and I made them all sign NDAs… in case you decide to sit on this dick after you throw a strike or something.”
“Oh? That’s what you imagined happening tonight?” I asked with a smirk.
“I’ve always been honest with you. Since the day you pulled up to my house, you’ve been the star of all my late-night dreams. A nigga been down bad, thinking about you…”
My teeth scraped against my bottom lip, before I rubbed the glossy surfaces together. “Is that right?”
“Yeah. You’ve been driving a nigga crazy. No creep shit, but you’ve gotten thick in the last eight years. You were fine skinny, but the extra weight got me wondering what you taste like now.”
I pressed my thighs together to contain the wetness currently saturating the seat of my panties. “You’re a mess.”
“I want to make a mess sooner than later, or I might spontaneously combust.”
“Sir?” I laughed.
“Bern, baby, you were my favorite drug back in the day. Knowing what you used to do to me has had me heating up.”
I smirked. “You play your cards right, and maybe one of these days, I’ll let you do what you’ve apparently been fantasizing about lately.”
“You ain’t been thinking about the shit we used to do? You ain’t been thinking about how I used to fill you with dick and have you unraveling with each stroke?”
“We’re here to bowl!” I stood up and headed toward the rack of bowling balls.
“So? I can’t talk nasty to you while we play?”
I shrugged. “You can, but it would only be counterproductive. I was serious the other day. You’ve had a lot of scandals. The way the blogs make it seem, you’ll stick your dick in any woman with a fat ass. I can’t risk my health to scratch an itch.”
He rubbed his hands together before he placed them on my hips. He met my gaze and smiled. “My word has always been bond. I get tested regularly. My last checkup was the Thursday after you installed my cameras. For what it’s worth, everything came back clean, and I haven’t fucked on a bitch since we connected.”
“Good to know.”
I didn’t offer any information about my sexual health or history. The truth was, I’d only ever satisfied myself in the last two years since I left my other situation. When I came to Texas, I got a full workup to make sure Rodney hadn’t given me anything, since he always accused me of cheating.
“You’re up first.” Krash finally put his attention on the bowling lanes. I stepped up to the line and aimed the ball. I took a few steps back before I used quick strides to get me back to the line, before I threw the ball down the lane and watched as it curved along the long path.
We both watched nine of the pins fall. I cheered and waited for the machine to reset before I clutched a quick spare. I swayed my hips and cheered for myself as I turned to Keyshawn.
“You’ve been practicing since the last time we played.”
“Well, yes. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t straight trash juice.”
“This might be fun. How about we make a bet?”
I shook my head. “Aht! Why are you trying to manipulate me?”
He chuckled. “I’m not. I just want to make the game more interesting.”
“Tell me the bet, and I’ll consider it.”
“If I win, you spend the night with me.” He tilted his head and rubbed his hands together.
“And if I win?” I asked.
“You set the term.”
I tapped my chin and hummed. “If I win, you give me a quarter million dollars.”
“Done.”
My eyes widened. “You’ve got a quarter million to lose?”
“Yes,” he replied.
“I should have made it a whole million then.”
“You’ll find out before the year is over that what’s mine is yours. My money already has your name attached. I’m just patiently waiting for you to loosen up and accept the fact we’re going to get back together and get married.”
His words sent butterflies through my stomach to swarm around. I swallowed the lump in my throat, before I coughed and searched for a new topic.
“You know what being here alone reminded me of?” I asked.
“What’s that?” he asked as he sat on the seat and leaned back.
“It reminded me of the days when Gary—I think that was his name—used to have a part-time job here. He’d get us in for the free, and we’d have so much time to just act like complete fools until closing.”
“I remember.”
“How’s Gary doing these days?”
“He’s my manager. I gave all the homies jobs in my crew. As long as I’m up, they will be too.”
“You’ve always been so giving, one of the many aspects of your personality that made me love you,” I stated.
He smirked. “I won’t say too much, but if you’re ready, we can take a brief intermission to eat. I had them whip us up some buffalo wings and nachos. I know you don’t like all the extra shit on your nachos, so I made sure they only gave us cheese and jalapenos on it.”
“It’s crazy how much you remember about me,” I stated in awe as the servers came out with two trays of wings and nachos. They also replaced our waters and set down two mixed drinks of tequila and a fruity juice.
As we ate, we welcomed a comfortable silence and listened to the music. The pop, rap, and R&B mix kept us both in a nice vibe. I assumed he’d sent one of his playlists for them to play.
“Bern,” Krash said my name in a gentle tone.
“Hmm?”
“Be my girl.”
“Krash, it’ll take way more than one date to get back together. I’m having a lot of fun with you, but I don’t want to rush anything. I want to make sure our feelings are real and not just latched on to nostalgia and heartbreak.”
“Baby, I’ll give you the moon on a gold platter if I have to. I know what I feel is real. I know my connection to you isn’t solely based on the past chemistry we had. I know what I feel will never dissipate.”
“You’ve become so poetic.”
“I try.”
We finished eating and went back to the game we’d paused. Krash had a nice lead on me, but I kept up with spares. In the last three rounds, I’d knocked down three strikes in a row that gave me a slight lead on Krash. However, he finished with the higher score. After he knocked all the pins down, he turned to me with a triumphant grin.
“Congratulations,” I cheered.
“Thanks,” he replied as he bowed with grace.
“I guess this means I need to go pack my spend the night bag?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Nah. I don’t want to add any awkward tension between us. We don’t have to have the sleepover. We can set that up for another time when we’ve had more time to rekindle our flame. I want to do things organically with you. I don’t want to rush what’s going to be amazing no matter what.”
I smiled. “I appreciate that.”
“Fa sho. I do have one request, though.”
“What’s that?”
“Can I get a kiss as a replacement award?”
I laughed. “Come here.”
In two long strides, he closed the distance between us and placed his hands on the small of my back. Goosebumps rose on my skin as my heart thumped rapidly inside my chest. I placed my hands on his arms and bit down on my bottom lip as his eyes watched every move of my lips.
“I’ve imagined what this moment would feel like,” he confessed.
“Let’s see if it lives up to the anticipation…”
My eyes drifted closed as he leaned down. Our lips met for the first time in eight years. His lips… Oh, his lips were soft and warm and irresistible. Naturally, my lips parted, and he slid his tongue in the opening.
The kiss ignited a spark I hadn’t felt since I was a teenager. Krash’s hand, his lips, and his body felt like the missing piece to a puzzle I hadn’t even realized I put together. His lips were as desirable as the first sip of water after a deep sleep. I missed this feeling: contentment, solace, and comfort.
Krash was my peace, my passion, and my partner.
I missed him.
I needed him.
I craved him.
How long before I unraveled and succumbed to the call of his body to mine? If I had to guess, it would be sooner than I expected.